my shameful secret: full story no pix!

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  • recee96
    recee96 Posts: 224 Member
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    bump to read later...
  • TahliaHarveysMummy
    TahliaHarveysMummy Posts: 59
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    These words from a complete stranger may offer little or no comfort to you but i have to tell you that many words went through my mind to how i felt for you and your family and pathetic was NOT one of them! just writing this down and admitting to yourself you needed help makes you stronger than most people and i wish you a speedy recovery on your journey to a more settled and happier you! :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    There is no need to apologize or feel shame for expressing your feelings. Your being here is testament to your amazing strength, that through such a terrible loss you are still here. You've faced your demons and you will succeed.
  • Francesca3162
    Francesca3162 Posts: 520 Member
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    Your journey to this place gave me cold chills. How truly blessed your sister is to have you feeling so deeply for her....
    It is a special bond that siblings share.. and you were both blessed to have each other.
    I hope you find peace and joy in knowing that.
    Good luck with the rest of your journey, and please know that you are never alone.
  • determined136
    determined136 Posts: 332
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    You should not be ashamed at all. You were forced to deal with the tragic loss of your sister....I have no idea how I would react. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are a brave woman who is worth this fight!
  • sandylion
    sandylion Posts: 451 Member
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    After reading this, and crying as I was reading, I wish so badly I could just give you a hug. I don't know you and I know it wouldn't mean much to you, but that is what I would love to do. I am a bit lost though. What are you ashamed of? You loved your sister and you are grieving for her. Why would you be ashamed of that? Nothing in this posting should make you feel ashamed. When something happens to you that is so traumatic and you were completely unprepared to deal with it, you can be washed away with the strength of your feelings. I am glad that you are seeking some professional help, not because there is anything wrong with you, or that you are doing anything wrong, just that I myself can attest to how helpful they can be in helping you deal with emotions that seem to be sweeping you away beyond your control. I wish you all the best.
  • jerbear1962
    jerbear1962 Posts: 1,157 Member
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    I say lose this weight in honor of your sister, make each goal a blessing to her. So sorry it was too late for her, but it's not for you. We're here for you and will assist with what we can. Good luck!!!
  • Whammers2902
    Whammers2902 Posts: 12
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    I am so very sure that your sister would want you to live your life to the full on behalf of her not being here and whatever makes you happy is what you should be doing. Don't think too hard and certainly don't punish yourself, she wouldn ot want that! You have two lives to live now - yours and your sisters and it goes without saying, life carries on through others, such as your children. Please don'[t punish yourself anymore than you already have, your job is to now embrace what you have, she would have wanted that for you. x
  • Neda1178
    Neda1178 Posts: 42
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    I have no words for what you've went through other than I am so sorry.. Sisters are our best friends and are there for us no matter what.. I know you were there for her as much as you possibly could have been and I know that she is still there for you. We are all here for you too.. Welcome to MFP and a newer, healthier you...
  • dnish53
    dnish53 Posts: 162 Member
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    Do not feel ashamed. Your sister would not want you to be anything but happy. Telling your story and hers may help safe another life. Women have a tendency to bury illnesses and just keep going.
  • jan_birdie
    jan_birdie Posts: 3
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    Thank you for sharing. I lost my brother years ago and I think it triggered some self-sabotage behaviours. You're right: we have to be strong for our children. I wish you well.
  • glahlstedt
    glahlstedt Posts: 308 Member
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    thanks for sharing your story. i can't even imagine. my sisters are my best friends, and losing them would mean losing a part of me. anyways, being honest is key! you must feel a little bit better that you have opened up, even if it is to strangers....

    i'm glad that you are going to get help. i will pray for you!
  • PatsyFitzpatrick
    PatsyFitzpatrick Posts: 335 Member
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    Samm today is the anniversary of our beloved father who also died from cancer. He too had only a few months from the time he was diagnosed. It is hard even 11yrs later I miss him so much. But you are her voice to speak to her children of her strength. To remind them of her love for them and for life. To always know she would have loved to stay but it was not meant to be. Amanda would want them to carry on and be healthy. Our first wealth is our health. Remember to take care of you. Eat well, drink for life. Do not create demons from the loss of your angel. Let the anger go. Live so Amanda will be proud of who you have chosen to become. Lose the anger it will only hurt you. Our doctors made mistakes but as my father said. "Doctors only practice medicine"

    You are here on MFP and you will get healthier. God Bless you Samm and may you always honor your sister Amanda with healthy choices and happy memories. I have to remind myself I had papa for many decades he was only really ill a few months. Choose the years of joy when remembering Amanda. Her illness does not define her unless you allow it to.

    <hug>
  • stephanj
    stephanj Posts: 898 Member
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    Please please forgive yourself for any 'imperfect' thoughts or reactions you had to your sister's illness. You were and are having a very sane reaction to a very brutal experience.
    If anything this is instructive of how we should all be kinder and gentler with ourselves. Hugs to you.
  • zozie73
    zozie73 Posts: 26
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    My dearest Sammi,
    I have known you online for many many years and yet never met you despite the fact that you live fairly close, but soon we are going ice-skating and to climb that wall (maybe the skywalk too) with our children.
    This is the first time that I have know you to open up to the full story of your darling sister Amanda (in the sky), and although I managed not to cry, I have thought long and hard about what to say in reply.
    You are so very very strong and all your children and family love you deeply, they follow in their mothers footsteps and are using the strength that they have got from you to be successful. I know that you are very proud of them and that they are of you (I've seen the photos and read the comments). But for me more importantly, and very selfishly I have drawn strength from you and from reading what you have written today and that you are now facing the demons that have haunted you for too long. That strength will help me in the months to come as I face horrors of my own and it may have stopped me from going down a destructive path, as today I feel stronger (I've not cried today).
    Amanda would be proud of you and the way that you are facing your own demons just as she faced hers.
    Love ya Hun
    Zozie xxx
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    There aren't many of us who could handle such a tragedy one bit better than you have. Hell - I wanted to die when my doberman died after a long illness two years ago. I couldn't do much of anything productive for weeks.

    Hugs and best wishes. Grief will have its way with you, but brighter days are coming. Take your memories of your sister into life with you; share it with her.
  • romach79
    romach79 Posts: 277 Member
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    This kind of makes my problems and challenges seem to small and petty compared to someone who has had real hardship and adversity. I admire your courage, and offer condolences for your loss. Perhaps you can use your dear departed sister as motivation to achieve your goals - do it for her. Good luck, and God bless.
  • jenluvsushi
    jenluvsushi Posts: 933 Member
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    Thank you so much for sharing your extremely touching story. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this. Please do not feel ashamed by how you coped or anything else. Today is a new day and the best thing you can do is to live your life to the fullest in honor of your sister. I am sure she would want you to be the healthiest you can be and to be happy. You deserve it. God bless you!!!
  • enigmachik
    enigmachik Posts: 150
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    hugs <3
  • TJbubbles23
    TJbubbles23 Posts: 22 Member
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    I just want to give you hugs! Grief impacts people in different ways. Be healthy and live for your sister xx

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