Self-Image (Struggling today)

lina1131
lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
edited September 20 in Health and Weight Loss
Crap. I hate days like this. I get to the point where I am starting to feel good about myself and then BAM, I see a picture of myself and everything gets torn down again. I hate it. I have worked hard for the past 7 months trying to lose this weight. It's coming off slow, and I guess i'm okay with that because really I want this to be a lifestyle once and for all. I'm sick to death of struggling with my weight. So yesterday I was having a pretty good self-image day. I could feel my body getting thinner. It felt good. And then, someone posts a picture of me on facebook from 6 years ago. I know 6 years ago I weighed less than I do now, but yet, I still looked fat. WTF? Will I ever have the body I want? Seeing that picture totally freakin' messed with my head. TOTALLY. Especially when my head was in such a good place lately with all of this! It's like if I still looked like that when I weighed less, what's the point? I know what the point is technically, because I really DO want to be healthy. But freakin' hell, I want to look good and feel good and all of the above.



(P.S. The pictures (excluding my avatar - that one is recent - is from the LAST time I lost weight *where is the roll eye smiley when you need him?* So, I definitely don't have THAT body right now.)

Someone slap me.

Replies

  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    :sad: :sad: :sad:
  • AllisonMS
    AllisonMS Posts: 104
    Sorry, lady, but I won't slap you.

    I get that you're feeling crappy today -- I had a similar experience yesterday. My husband took a video of me and the kids and I was kind of excited to see what I looked like, 12 pounds thinner. But still same round face -- the video did not reflect how much better I'm feeling. And then I remembered how cameras just can't do all this hard work justice. And then I tried to let it go.

    So it made me sad to hear you beating up on yourself so much. Certainly, you are not the same woman with the same body as 6 years ago, and you need to try to recognize that. Watch the messages you tell yourself -- like all your siblings are supermodel beautiful inside and out. Because, from the looks of your photo here, you are too.
  • suejonestx
    suejonestx Posts: 256 Member
    Focus on the present and how you feel now about your body. If you are working hard and counting calories, the weight will come off, although slowly. I look at awesome pictures of myself from 6 years ago and even though I wish I were that thin now, I remember thinking then that I still had a long way to go! Plus, I'm 6 years older now, so even if I weighed the same, I would still look and feel different! Too bad there's not a diet for taking off years! :) Basically, you have to be realistic about the present and try to be kind to yourself. You're working hard and have made good progress, don't forget that!
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    It's just really hard when everyone around me can wear whatever they want and I have to struggle to find something that fits my body right. It's hard when everyone around me is excited about taking pictures at special events and I'm like crap, am I going to look like a horse when they post these on Facebook for everyone to see? I know I sound silly, but I'm just being honest.

    I'm seriously just having a day.
  • dolphin7
    dolphin7 Posts: 192 Member
    It's hard for me to see old pics of myself, when I was skinny, (before kids-I have 5), and I feel the same way you do, when will I get down to my goal weight, will it ever happen. But I do know, because I've been working out regularly for almost 2 years now, I'm in great shape, even if I'm overweight, I CAN keep up with my kids now, I CAN take them skiing/snowboarding, hiking and I feel great, I just don't look HOT, like I want. One thing that helps me, keeps me grounded, lets me know I am making progress even if its slow, is I have a picture of myself at my brother's wedding 2 1/2 years ago, on my fridge, at my heaviest, and I look at that when I'm feeling down, and it makes me feel so much better. When that pic was taken, I couldn't do 10 min. on the elliptical, I couldn't snowboard, going for a walk with the stroller with the kids was torture, I couldn't do 5 squats or lunges. That pic keeps me going, but I do know there are bad days and good days, I saw your pics and you are beautiful! Just keep doing what your doing, enjoy life, realize that you've finally made a lifestyle change, and you know you will make it, that day will come for us all when we've finally made it. I wish you luck on your journey!!!!
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    Temper tantrum party of one. :indifferent:
  • molissep
    molissep Posts: 452 Member
    oh the joy's of facebook and friends! this happened to me recently too - a friend of mine posted a picture (the one she calls her favorite picture) of a group of us and of course it's at my HIGHEST weight. i look ridiculous and everyone else looks fantastic - she's one of those types of friends if you know what i mean. i was so frustrated that i wanted to untag myself so no one would ever know it was me, but instead i said forget it - that was me then and this is me now, i'm a healthier person and no one would ever know that was me if they just looked at the picture at a glance. just keep in mind that you're doing the right thing for yourself in the here and now and you're doing it the right way - just think of all of the future pictures you're going to have looking great and healthy!
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    Thank you for the support. I really need it today.
  • kltobin2010
    kltobin2010 Posts: 80 Member
    It can be difficult at times and thats ok. I believe its part of the process, epsecially when it's a lifestyle change like you mentioned. Hang in there, you are not alone. We all go through those days and we all make it through, just like you have and you will. I had a really rough day myself yesterday, so I just worker out even harder. I put that emotion into my workout and felt a lot better afterwards. So keep pushing through, before you know it, you will be where you want to be! :smile:
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    Thank you, I hope so. My sister's wedding is in 3.5 months overseas and I really wanted to be 150 pounds by then, but it doesn't look like i'll reach that with how slow the weight is coming off. I'll be happy at 160. I really hope I can make it.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    I know exactly how you feel!!! I've only lost 15 lbs but all the weight is in my middle so any kind of picture of me sitting, I can't stand looking at. I get frustrated because I like to take pictures and my bf likes to take pictures of me but when I see them, I end up deleting them all and he gets upset. :\ Last week, we went for a walk to try out my new SLR and he took a TON of pictures of me and I deleted probably 75% of them because I looked huge. What I saw in the mirror was different than in the pictures (the camera adds 10 lbs right? ha) and the confidence I felt looking in the mirror was completely gone when I saw those pictures. I was going to wear that "cute outfit" for our date night, but once I saw the pictures, I changed 'cause I felt so bad about myself.

    Hang in there. You'll have good days and bad days!! Good days will come, sweetie. :)
  • TropicalKitty
    TropicalKitty Posts: 2,298 Member
    As much as I'd love to slap you out of this, only you can really do that.

    I have similar days; I'll feel awesome, then look and the mirror and bawl. But, what I'm coming to realize, is that as much as I wish I looked like I did when I was 18 or 19, I hated myself then too. Did you really love yourself 6 years ago? Could you be attaching your self esteem to the picture because that was a happy time? We are constantly taught that if we aren't the skinniest then we are horrible people. When that is no where near true!

    You said that you want this time to stick, but yet you want the weight to jump off for the wedding. Slow and steady wins the race. Fast weight loss is not what is going to work. Remind yourself of how far you've come, not how far you have to go.

    If all else fails, I just remind myself that the skinny chick over there has no boobs and a flat butt. I have boobs and an awesome tuckas that my man loves. ;) Real women have curves!
  • mvl1014
    mvl1014 Posts: 531
    ...But, what I'm coming to realize, is that as much as I wish I looked like I did when I was 18 or 19, I hated myself then too. Did you really love yourself 6 years ago?...

    I have to agree here. Right before I went to college, for some reason (or probably many reasons), I was in the target range for my weight/BMI. Looking back at pictures, "wow I was kinda skinny!" But what do I remember about that? That even when finding out I was not "overweight" I still had a gut and felt just as unattractive as ever.

    Now when I stand in front of the mirror, I don't see so much as what's left to lose, rather more of what I have lost.
  • sonjavon
    sonjavon Posts: 1,019 Member
    Awwww... I know what you're feeling. I have that same feeling when I looking the mirror nowadays.... I FEEL so good and I KNOW I'm healthier - but when I look in the mirror it's like I'm surprised that the "outside" me doesn't match the "inside" me. Remember a photograph is just a snapshot of a moment in time. That's all. Were you as healthy THEN at that weight as you will be THIS time when you reach that weight? Were you active with lean muscle tone? It makes a HUGE difference!

    You just have to decide that you're going to be the BEST YOU that you can be TODAY. And as crazy as it sounds... make some extra time to work out today -the endorphins will help!
  • lulabellewoowoo
    lulabellewoowoo Posts: 3,125 Member

    I looked through your pics and was reminded of times when you have posted about how excited you were in your progress, displaying it by your pics. Which means, this feeling right now is only momentary. You are beautiful physically. Don't negate that.

    Also, you said that your whole family is "super model looking", "absolutely gorgeous", and you are the only one that is fat. Could it possibly be that the eyes you are looking at yourself through today might also be the eyes you are looking at them with. You have a good heart and thus see the good in them (as I'm sure they feel they have flaws). You need to look in the mirror and see the same thing in yourself.

    You are doing awesome and will continue to do so. 26 lb is a lot of weight to lose, and you are going to keep going. No worries.

    Not really in a slapping mood, so consider yourself [HUGGED]
    smiley_hug.gif This too shall pass
  • suziblues2000
    suziblues2000 Posts: 515 Member
    All I can say is that the pic I see of you now, your avatar pic, is GORGEOUSLY CUTE!
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    As much as I'd love to slap you out of this, only you can really do that.

    I have similar days; I'll feel awesome, then look and the mirror and bawl. But, what I'm coming to realize, is that as much as I wish I looked like I did when I was 18 or 19, I hated myself then too. Did you really love yourself 6 years ago? Could you be attaching your self esteem to the picture because that was a happy time? We are constantly taught that if we aren't the skinniest then we are horrible people. When that is no where near true!

    You said that you want this time to stick, but yet you want the weight to jump off for the wedding. Slow and steady wins the race. Fast weight loss is not what is going to work. Remind yourself of how far you've come, not how far you have to go.

    If all else fails, I just remind myself that the skinny chick over there has no boobs and a flat butt. I have boobs and an awesome tuckas that my man loves. ;) Real women have curves!

    I definitely don't expect the weight to jump off. It has taken me 7 months to lose 27 pounds. I could have starved myself or whatever to lose faster, but this time I have chosen to take it nice and slow because I NEVER EVER EVER (EVER do you hear me EVER) want to do this again. :laugh:

    I was just saying that I wanted to be 150 by my sister's wedding (which would mean I would have lost an average of 5 pounds per month) but it doesn't look like it's going to happen because the weight is coming off slower. I will be happy at 160.

    But either way, I do understand what you are saying. I swear I do. It's just one of them days!
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member

    I looked through your pics and was reminded of times when you have posted about how excited you were in your progress, displaying it by your pics. Which means, this feeling right now is only momentary. You are beautiful physically. Don't negate that.

    Also, you said that your whole family is "super model looking", "absolutely gorgeous", and you are the only one that is fat. Could it possibly be that the eyes you are looking at yourself through today might also be the eyes you are looking at them with. You have a good heart and thus see the good in them (as I'm sure they feel they have flaws). You need to look in the mirror and see the same thing in yourself.

    You are doing awesome and will continue to do so. 26 lb is a lot of weight to lose, and you are going to keep going. No worries.

    Not really in a slapping mood, so consider yourself [HUGGED]
    smiley_hug.gif This too shall pass

    I do look at them through my loving eyes BUT :bigsmile: they really are gorgeous! I mean like drop dead gorgeous! I am happy for them, I want them to always be gorgeous! I am actually surrounded by beauty. My family has some good genes. I'm just FREAKIN' FAT! :sad:
  • TropicalKitty
    TropicalKitty Posts: 2,298 Member
    Can you maybe go for a short walk to get some natural happy hormones flowing?
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    Yeah, I'll go do my workout during lunch. It's only a couple of hours away. I am also wearing jeans today that need to be stretched (if you know what I'm sayin') so that's not helping with the gut check.
  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
    I try to use the "fat" pictures of myself as motivation. My school ID shows me as looking very puffy and unhealthy looking. I stood in front of the mirror and compared how I looked then to how I look now and I feel so much better. I look younger and healthier. When I am totally where I want to be, I'll "lose" this ID and pay for a new one. Cameras do add pounds so try not to focus so much on that. When you reach your goal, you'll have a new photo to post on facebook.
    Yes, it's hard to struggle with your weight. But, it's worth it. You keep going and think how good you'll feel when you have the new beautiful pictures to post.
  • jojoworks
    jojoworks Posts: 315 Member
    I hear ya Lina. Pictures can be so hard to deal with. I deliberately put a picture of myself in my profile here from when I was my heaviest. It hurts me every time I look at it, but even if it seems negative, it provides motivation and determination form me to continue to work at losing weight.

    A long time ago I read an article about what men find to be the sexiest quality in a woman. And the answer was sooooo surprising to me. It was: confidence. Yes, CONFIDENCE! Confidence IS sexy!

    Those of us struggling with our self-esteem due to how we look most likely also have a deficit in the confidence column. Finding that confidence and building up self-esteem is an incredible process. I listen to self-esteem building self-hypnosis CD's at night. I usually fall asleep listening to them, I figure my sub-conscious brain can absorb when I'm asleep and my mind isn't all full of my conscious noise. Re-writing the little messages we tell ourselves is of huge importance. What ever your path to achieving self-confidence is, engage with it and don't ever give up!

    I read a blog in here not too long ago that made me think these thoughts that I wrote in my private blog. I'll leave you with these thoughts because somehow they seem relevant to this discussion:

    ruminating on a blog I read earlier

    the psychology of fat

    remembering myself as a teenager, believing I was fat at 5'5" and 120 lbs

    realizing I've never been comfortable with my weight

    thinking of a saying I heard recently: YOU DON'T REALIZE YOU WERE HAPPY UNTIL YOU'RE NOT ANYMORE

    pondering my life of mostly living alone, connecting that reality with thinking "it doesn't matter what I look like....it's just me here"

    finding a reason within myself to improve FOR MYSELF, and making sure I believe I'm worth it!
  • rvkirk
    rvkirk Posts: 37
    I hate pics of myself, when I look in the mirror I think I look ok, good even. However every picture I seem to have a double chin, a big belly and am slightly bucked teeth. I think it's the way I stand or some thing, I don't know. But concentrate that people always look better (and thinner) in person and let the nasty pics slide.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    You could be PMSing :flowerforyou: That always makes me feel ugly. :laugh:

    I was at your exact place more than once during this journey. Remember how you feel right now... imagine how you would feel if you gave up and gained what you've lost. Slow and Steady :flowerforyou:

    BTW,

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/73005-1-year-at-mfp-then-now

    This is a Buddy of mine.... What a difference 1 single year can make :)
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    I'm so on my period.

    :laugh:
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