What would you say?

JuniperT
JuniperT Posts: 394 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I have a friend that is trying to lose some weight, she's like me, a big girl and so we both have a lot we want to get rid of. She started eating healthier but doesn't want to do the work. She won't work out or really do any kind of excercise. I have tried to tell her that you can't just eat better and expect it to disappear, it doesn't work that way (unfortunately). She is getting discouraged because she hasn't really seen any results. I have asked her to come for walks with me, if she wants to borrow my Jillian disks, even yoga and she can't be bothered. What would you say to her...I'd hate to see her give up because she never really gave herself a chance.

Replies

  • tdbad1
    tdbad1 Posts: 87 Member
    Have you asked her to be your "diet buddy"? Perhaps asking her to help you keep to your weight loss. tell her its hard to keep yourself motivated, and you want her to come with you . You're not lieing. Perhaps "bending the truth" but not lieing. Some ppl when "pressured" cause you want them to "do better" will fight you all the way. However, some ppl, if they think they are helping you, are more than willing to jump in with two feet.
    Besides, doing stuff like this together is so much nicer and easier than doing it simply at the same time. You've got right there, in your face support. And a live body to share a shoulder, or kick you in the butt,lol. take advantage of that part.
  • Stenobun
    Stenobun Posts: 166 Member
    I'd say you're already doing it and now you have to let her come to that decision on her own. You've told her she should exercise and you've offered her assistance in many ways. Now it's her turn. If she doesn't get there on her own, she probably won't stick to it anyway. You're a very good friend, though.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    She's gotta wanna do it. And you can't make her want to. All you can do is keep being an example. Maybe when she sees your success she will change her mind. She probably will lose some if she is faithful with the diet, but no doubt the exercise helps for more than one reason.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    You can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink. The best thing you can do is keep doing what you're doing - stay on track, keep losing weight, and be a cheerleader when she's ready to take it on. Sometimes it takes longer for some people to "jump on board."
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
    I wouldn't say anything else. If she doesn't want to exercise, she can't truly be surprised that she isn't seeing results. At most, I would tell her that when she is ready, let me know, and we could work out together.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
    If she's dieting carefully enough, she can get weight off. I assume she does some activities of daily living.

    I've lost weight in the past without particularly exercising, although I did enjoy some activities like riding my bicycle and going roller skating, which I am sure probably helped.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Find a way to talk to her one night quietly over coffee or drugs and let her know that the reason she may be digging her heels into the ground about this might be because she doesnt think she is worth the results, or if she succeeds - she may not be able to live up to it. Reassure her that she is indeed worth it, that she is loved and its ok to love herself too. Love yourself by doing things that are good for you and do it just out of curiosity, to see what happens. Not out of shame or obligation. Just see what you can accomplish.

    because every one of us is amazing and deserves the life we know we are supposed to have.

    :heart:
  • JuniperT
    JuniperT Posts: 394 Member
    Thanks ladies :smile: I guess I kind of needed to hear I was doing all I could do for her without being pushy. She's just a good friend and like I said, I don't want her to give up on herself, but I also know I can't make her want to do it, she has to want it for herself. She knows what an amazing person I think she is and I will continue to let her know until she can see it in herself.
  • JuniperT
    JuniperT Posts: 394 Member
    Find a way to talk to her one night quietly over coffee or drugs and let her know that the reason she may be digging her heels into the ground about this might be because she doesnt think she is worth the results, or if she succeeds - she may not be able to live up to it. Reassure her that she is indeed worth it, that she is loved and its ok to love herself too. Love yourself by doing things that are good for you and do it just out of curiosity, to see what happens. Not out of shame or obligation. Just see what you can accomplish.

    because every one of us is amazing and deserves the life we know we are supposed to have.

    :heart:

    This is great :smile: the world could use more people like you.
  • CkepiJinx
    CkepiJinx Posts: 613 Member
    Umm you absolutely can lose weight by just changing your diet I lost my first 35 lbs by changing my diet, I did not exercise or change my activity level. Yes exercise is healthy and has many benefits including weight loss and we should all try to do more it isn't necessary to exercise to lose weight, beneficial yes.

    Also for many people change is difficult and maybe changing her diet is all she can handle right now, that's how it was for me. I started exercisizing regularly last week because I was ready.

    If you keep telling her what she is doing isn't good enough she may just shut down, be supportive with what she is doing now. Let her see you exercisizing but let her get there in her own time.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    I'd say "Although I am happy to see you taking on healthy eating habits, I understand that your choices about your own body are ultimately not my business. Whether you decide to focus on weight loss, health, or neither, I will be here for you to support you. "
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    Find a way to talk to her one night quietly over coffee or drugs
    :heart:

    I couldn't resist but to point out the 'drugs' part :):):)

    Everyone is right, you can't make someone do something they aren't ready to do. I have been there, I had yo-yo'd for so many years, but this time something clicked inside of me. Keep on doing what you are for yourself and hopefully she will follow suit.
    You can lose alot of weight with no exercise, but I do believe it helps you get to your goals quicker and helps with your body shape (for lack of a better word)

    Keep up the good work yourself.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    You have planted the seeds of truth. Not much you really can say beyond that here; maybe if you could find a FUN activity both of you can get into, that would help; everybody has to come to terms with a new lifestyle on their own. I have had bosses in the past criticize my eating choices (all in good faith)... Their words fell on deaf ears... But when "I" was ready, I did something about it. Everybody has to come to terms with this on their own timing. Perhaps when you are losing and she isn't maybe she will begin to realize she has to pay the price for the prize. Yes you can lose by diet alone but it is harder and less rewarding... and quite frankly, I like the fact I can eat more with exercise.
  • MysticRealm
    MysticRealm Posts: 1,264 Member
    You certainly CAN lose weight without exercise.
  • Christine1110
    Christine1110 Posts: 1,786 Member
    I guess she's not ready....She can lose weight without exercise, but it's much slower. She would be much better off to do both. At least she is eating healthy....it's a start. Maybe she will feel better about herself if she loses some weight.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    I'd say you're already doing it and now you have to let her come to that decision on her own. You've told her she should exercise and you've offered her assistance in many ways. Now it's her turn. If she doesn't get there on her own, she probably won't stick to it anyway. You're a very good friend, though.

    if you push her it will probably damage the friendship. she has to be ready. I originally started my diet because my good friend asked me to do it with her, but I soon realized she wasn't that into it. She lasted maybe 2 weeks tops. I've been at it since June and lost nearly 50 lbs. I'm glad she inspired me to start, but I understand that we aren't going to have the same needs, drive, or determination. Maybe when she sees your results she'll find some new motivation.

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