To Tell Him or Not to Tell Him

XoXoLJFitness
XoXoLJFitness Posts: 48
edited January 4 in Fitness and Exercise
When I first started dating my husband I weighed 140lbs. I am now at 163lbs. My husband is supportive of my fitness goals I want for myself but is curious and at many times he nags me to tell him how much I weigh now. I am embarrassed to tell him my current weight as I don't want his to be disappointed in me or find me less attractive. Because I am only 5'2" weighing as much as I do, according to my BMI, I am labeled as being obese. I know I deserve better for myself as well as my husband but I don't want my number to be hovering over our marriage. Advice?

Replies

  • IronSmasher
    IronSmasher Posts: 3,908 Member
    Need to understand his motive to answer.
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    Just tell him! What's he going to do?
  • sweettoothfairy
    sweettoothfairy Posts: 212 Member
    When I first started dating my husband I weighed 140lbs. I am now at 163lbs. My husband is supportive of my fitness goals I want for myself but is curious and at many times he nags me to tell him how much I weigh now. I am embarrassed to tell him my current weight as I don't want his to be disappointed in me or find me less attractive. Because I am only 5'2" weighing as much as I do, according to my BMI, I am labeled as being obese. I know I deserve better for myself as well as my husband but I don't want my number to be hovering over our marriage. Advice?

    Lady, If he really loves you then your weight is just another number..
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
    is he otherwise loving and supportive?

    has he ever used info against you in an argument that is quite hurtful? if you think he may throw it back in your face at some point, i wouldnt say the number.

    however that said, since he is already supportive of you, he may help to motivate you.

    :flowerforyou:
  • annas3911
    annas3911 Posts: 46
    I think you should be as honest as you can as it will help you to share your progress with him and this way he can be part of your journey. I tell my husband and although he says I don't need to lose weight, ultimately he is supportive! Ic ame home the other day and he had made fish and green veg - and he never cooks fish!
    His way of helping ????
    I think you should tell him x
  • cheddle
    cheddle Posts: 102 Member
    When I first started dating my husband I weighed 140lbs. I am now at 163lbs. My husband is supportive of my fitness goals I want for myself but is curious and at many times he nags me to tell him how much I weigh now. I am embarrassed to tell him my current weight as I don't want his to be disappointed in me or find me less attractive. Because I am only 5'2" weighing as much as I do, according to my BMI, I am labeled as being obese. I know I deserve better for myself as well as my husband but I don't want my number to be hovering over our marriage. Advice?

    If he is supportive of your goals I am certain that he is only trying to be assitive in asking you how you are going... I can relate to that, I regularly ask my partner what food she has eaten today and its only in an effort to either encourage her, either by congratulating her on a great day, or by recommending changes that might help her achieve her goals... I couldn't help her if she didnt tell me what she had eaten and I really want to help ^.^

    you have to accept and reaslise that stating the number to him does not change anything, it dosnt change how you weigh. Sure it could change how he feels about you but your just causing him to either provide bad advice or to make decisions like to offer you desert, when he may not otherwise...

    BMI is a load of crap!!!! im 15% body fat and labeled as obese ^.^

    You need to put that number over your marriage, and your life!! if you have a goal, and its a number, then you need to know where you stand!!! it might be uncomfortable but the more you let it escape you and the more you push it aside the further you yourself will become from acheiving your goals...

    there's no point in earning money, if you don't check your bank balance...

    good luck!
  • XoXoLJFitness
    XoXoLJFitness Posts: 48
    I agree with everything everyone has said. I think consciously telling him my number makes me vulnerable and makes my weight REAL...something that is scary to face. He is supportive and wants me to be happy with my body and go all sexy Shakira on his butt. Haha. I think he is curious to know so he knows how far I have to go to reach my goal and how to encourage me.
  • Ainar
    Ainar Posts: 858 Member
    I'm sorry and no offence but I find this very silly. Why? Because it seems silly for me that number told out loud could change something. I mean, your husband is with you, he sees you, he sees how overweight you are. It just doesn't make sense to me that telling it loud would make him see you fatter or less attractive. It's like getting a big tattoo on your upper neck (or face... or any other place where it's seen by everybody) what you don't like and pretend nobody is noticing it. And if you will tell them it's there they will freak out! EVERYBODY SEES IT ANYWAYS! ^^

    Anyways, if it makes you feel uncomfortable then I guess don't tell it. BUT... your husband is with you and finds you attractive, right? I don't believe that he is that dumb that he actually needs to hear how overweight you are to actually notice it. I'm pretty sure he sees it but still likes you. I don't understand you logic... maybe it's just too deep for me anyways....
  • cheddle
    cheddle Posts: 102 Member
    I agree with everything everyone has said. I think consciously telling him my number makes me vulnerable and makes my weight REAL...something that is scary to face. He is supportive and wants me to be happy with my body and go all sexy Shakira on his butt. Haha. I think he is curious to know so he knows how far I have to go to reach my goal and how to encourage me.

    Im sure hes super keen to see you succeed haha! maybe if you can just blurt it out to him, and not hesitate you will start to feel more comfortable in general with your weight, your progress and your goal and this can only help you along the path, its hard enough without feeling funny about saying it!! ^.^

    Heck if your going to lose the weight any way you might as well say "I weigh 163 pounds today" because that is something you WONT be able to say in three months time :-)
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
    When I first started dating my husband I weighed 140lbs. I am now at 163lbs. My husband is supportive of my fitness goals I want for myself but is curious and at many times he nags me to tell him how much I weigh now. I am embarrassed to tell him my current weight as I don't want his to be disappointed in me or find me less attractive. Because I am only 5'2" weighing as much as I do, according to my BMI, I am labeled as being obese. I know I deserve better for myself as well as my husband but I don't want my number to be hovering over our marriage. Advice?

    Surely if he finds you attractive at your current weight then knowing the number shouldn't make a difference? I found I couldn't take this seriously until I'd labelled the weight and accepted that I was going to change it - maybe saying it out loud could really help?

    If he's supportive then you don't need to worry, he'll love you either way. But if it makes you uncomfortable don't tell him until you are comfortable!

    Good luck :)
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
    Honestly, this (coupled with your anxiety around it) sounds like a pressuring tactic, like he thinks checking up on you will get you there faster. Don't tell him any damn numbers - tell him to back off instead.

    Only positive reinforcement from him from now on, if he can do that, or he should stfu.

    Obviously express this in a marriage-friendly way, idk, "you know honey, I appreciate your support, but it doesn't help me when you ask about the number. It's distracting and shifts my focus to the wrong kinds of things. If you want to work out or cook with me, though, great!"

    This is your thing, not his.

    edit: I also say this because even guys who work out can be under the impression every women should weigh 120 lbs. Lots of lousy information out there. You can educate him, or not bother and just do what you do. Personally I'd find this sort of questioning incredibly invasive & unhelpful.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    a number will make you less attractive?
  • butterflygurl89
    butterflygurl89 Posts: 45
    I agree with everything everyone has said. I think consciously telling him my number makes me vulnerable and makes my weight REAL...something that is scary to face. He is supportive and wants me to be happy with my body and go all sexy Shakira on his butt. Haha. I think he is curious to know so he knows how far I have to go to reach my goal and how to encourage me.

    I think you're probably right. As a devoted fan of the show "the biggest loser", it's always that "once the number is out there, it's real. I can't hide it anymore." kind of thing. Certainly it's scary. It's ok to be scared. But once you face it and overcome that fear, you can use the anger at that number as motivation to change it. Make it not real anymore. Make it better.
    I started at 158 and I told my bf. A couple weeks ago I told him my current weight, and he went "Wow, so you lost 15 pounds? That's even more than I thought. Congrats, babe." And something about the fact that he did the math himself to figure out my loss just made me smile. I think your husband will wind up encouraging you even more than you think, if you just tell him. :)
  • nsdjogger
    nsdjogger Posts: 39
    Obviously express this in a marriage-friendly way, idk, "you know honey, I appreciate your support, but it doesn't help me when you ask about the number. It's distracting and shifts my focus to the wrong kinds of things. If you want to work out or cook with me, though, great!"

    This is your thing, not his.


    ^^^I like this.^^^

    I don't tell anyone my weight and I would never ask someone how much they weigh. There are folks that have no problem with letting others know how much they weigh and others who like to keep it personal. If you prefer to keep it personal, I think hubs should respect that.
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