Fear of failure.... doubts......

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jigglebox
jigglebox Posts: 10
in Motivation and Support
I just had this horrible thought. What if I weigh in Monday, after doing so well and staying within my calorie range, and I don't lose anything. I know how my body weight fluctuates. I am afraid that if I don't see any results, I will get discourage. More than discouraged --- I will feel hopeless.
I actually weighed myself the other morning, and was happily surprised to see the scale numbers down a few pounds. But now I'm feeling like TOM is coming, and I know that makes me heavier. I shouldn't have weighed in before. Now, if I weigh in Monday, and it's the same, or not even a couple of pounds down, then I will be depressed.
I know the human body does what it does, but all I will be able to think about is that my hard work and control over my eating was for no good.
I know it's silly to worry about something that hasn't even happened. I have been doing well and staying positive, and I'm afraid if it's not good news Monday morning, my weigh in day, then I will lose focus.
I think I'm just trying to prepare myself, so I'm not disappointed if it doesn't show that I've lost a few pounds. I really need some success though. I just wish it always made sense, but I know it doesn't. So I have to keep telling myself that. And maybe I'll have a great result on Monday's weigh in. But I still know that sometimes I won't. Sometime, it will happen, that I will be doing everything I need to be doing, and the scale won't budge. I just hope I have some success first! I need to build some confidence that this WILL work.
Thanks for listening.

Replies

  • sharoncasey60
    sharoncasey60 Posts: 60 Member
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    I have given up the scale altogether. I think it's too hard. I don't weight myself at all. I have started measuring myself only. It is little by little but it is changing in the right direction. What does the scale matter anyway IF YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS FOR YOURSELF?
  • G__Force
    G__Force Posts: 280 Member
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    Dont fear failure, everyone has ups and downs, every one platues and they stick with and they start loosing again. keep positive and let the rest come as it may!!
  • Dreamcatcher49
    Dreamcatcher49 Posts: 15
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    It took me almost a month and a half before I saw any weight loss. My main problem was that my health isn't that great and I'm 62 years old. If you gained a couple of pounds don't worry, you will lose it before you know it.
  • katejkelley
    katejkelley Posts: 841 Member
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    What are you really afraid of? What's the worst that could happen? Will you die? No. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." If the scale doesn't show success, just be more determined to eat right and exercise. Don't let the scale be in charge. You are the only one that can make you either lose weight, maintain or gain. It's all you.
  • stargalsal
    stargalsal Posts: 10 Member
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    most of us have been there. For years i used it as an excuse to give up...cause its hard to want something so bad and not see the results immediately. I was also pretty sure that no matter what i did, that somehow my body was going to be that original enough, that different, that it wouldn't be able to lose any weight at all. That somehow i was destined to remain fat and miserable. Here's what's working for me right now: I have some health issues that are preventing me from seeing some results as fast as i would like. But i am being kind to myself. I actually get up and talk to myself every day and tell my body how proud i am of it, and how grateful i am for all that it does for me every day. I have hated my body for its failings...and that has only created a deeper hole for myself. It sounds kooky, i know, but it really is helping. Because where you are at now, is listening to that fear in your head that says if you don't lose anything you are a failure. And that is a lie. You are not failing! Not even close. Sometimes, good things take a little more perseverance. You just keep at it. Do the work, and it will pay off. We get caught up in wanting it 'now.' Short term results often don't pan out to long term gains. So stick with it, know that the scale is just one small portion of your journey and it's by no means the whole story :)
  • nogoldilocs
    nogoldilocs Posts: 87 Member
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    I totally understand your fear. But I think it helps if you set other goals for yourself besides the number on the scale. Come up with some NSV (non-scale victories) that can make you feel good about what you are doing for yourself, even during those weeks when the numbers don't go down (and there will definitely be weeks like that, it happens to everyone). Here are some things that have helped me track my progress:

    1) Take photos of yourself now. You may not notice changes day to day, but over time you will see your progress
    2) Measure everything you can wrap a tape measure around. Sometimes it may be that you notice your clothes are looser or other subtle changes but taking these measurements now will help you to know that you're heading in the right direction
    3) Set a fitness goal for yourself. When I started, I could barely do a pushup, even a modified one. Now I can do several sets, no problem and I definitely know that I am stronger

    I think it also helps if you think about this as a long term process to improve your health, and not a short term diet to decrease your weight. So instead of looking towards what you want weigh on Monday, think about how you want to feel 6 months from now, or a year from now.
  • mareeee1234
    mareeee1234 Posts: 674 Member
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    I always put off weighing myself for this exact fear as well !!

    My advice is to weigh yourself very rarely, and go by clothes and how you feel more

    Remember: people have gone down 3 dress sizes, yet haven't lost "weight". This is cause they've lost body "fat" instead!
    So, you really don't need to even weigh yourself, but if you do, don't do it often.
  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
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    Look, you already know you were down at your intermediate weigh in. I don't limit myself to logging on one day per week. Sometimes it's daily, sometimes not, but I do find it helpful to weigh myself every day. That way, I KNOW there are ups and downs. I face them, "write" them down, celebrate the good days and acknowledge the bad ones. Then move on... Don't let it rule your life, ruin your day or sink your motivation. If you're even at TOM, you probably actually lost, because you'd show a gain otherwise. So whatever happens, just deal with it and move on. As long as you know you're doing the right things, you will see progress!
  • anifani4
    anifani4 Posts: 457 Member
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    Sorry you are feeling this way. For me I had to take my focus off the scale which only tells me how many pounds my body weighs at a specific time and place. Now my focus is on losing body fat. That's what I always wanted but called it "weight" Well, there is more to weight than just body fat and it is not static....it fluctuates all the time. Our body will hold onto water for various reasons and that will make us weigh more. At any moment in time we have food going through out digestive tract. Some days there is more than others....it weighs something. For the long term, which is the rest of our lives, do we want to be a slave to what the scale tells us? It's up one day and down the next and dictates our mood and how we feel about ourselves. I don't want that anymore.

    I know that some people are totally ok with the ups and downs and it doesn't affect them emotionally because they understand what it means. And there are other people who are not ok with it, even when they understand it's water weight fluctuating. They see the number go higher and panic....think they got fatter overnight. If you can't change this thinking then stay away from the scale completely or limit using it to once a month. Meanwhile stick to your food and exercise plan to the best you are able and know that it will take time and effort to reduce your body fat to a healthy level. You can do it.
  • boatsie77
    boatsie77 Posts: 480 Member
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    Try making peace with the voice inside your head...a good start might be to check out the book 'Women, Food and God' by Geneen Roth. Once you understand why you mentality beat yourself up, and work at treating yourself with the love and respect you deserve, the journey will be smoother...you'll see. Best wishes--don't let a scale, or anything/anybody, hold the power to dictate your happiness.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    If failure means having a bad weigh in, I've failed about 3 billion times in the last 2 years.

    Don't worry about it, it doesn't mean anything.
  • jigglebox
    jigglebox Posts: 10
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    Thanks to everyone for such kind, thoughtful, and helpful responses. This is something I have to make peace with, because as we all know, the scale does not always reflect our efforts.
    So I will just keep doing what I know I need to keep doing, and i know I will feel better and be healthier for it.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    This is so much more a mental struggle than it is a physical one. Losing weight isn't so hard. Sticking with it is the hard part.

    One thing I would recommend is not using Monday as your weigh in day. I know some people like Mondays because it keeps them on track over the weekend, but if you're anything like me, you're most likely to go out to eat on a weekend. Pretty much any restaurant food is going to be LOADED with sodium. That sodium can cause fluid retention that can cause the scale to go up a few pounds, which can mask weight loss.

    I once went up 8 pounds overnight after going out and having shrimp pesto alfredo and garlic bread. If I really gained 8 pounds, I would have had to consume an extra 28,000 calories. That weight was gone within 3 days.

    Also, make goals that have nothing to do with the scale. Set some fitness goals. Being able to go from a total non-runner to running 5k in two months was a much more amazing accomplishment than the 10 pounds I lost in that same time frame.

    Take progress photos, too. And measurements and how clothes fit.

    When the scale messes with your head, fall back on the other ways of tracking progress. If your clothes fit better, if you look better in photos, if you're stronger or more fit... who CARES what the scale says that week?!
  • anrev42
    anrev42 Posts: 331
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    The numbers on scale can be brutal if the number is not what you expected....rather than focus on that, focus on how you feel after each workout and making healthy choices. Everyday is an accomplishment. You fall back, get up! Tell yourself...I'll do better tomorrow. Don't feel sad...just keep logging, keep moving! This isn't anyone's race but yours! It's not a diet it's a lifestyle you're changing. Continue to find something that will inspire you!

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