I said I'd never be here again...

And yet here I am. I could sit here and make up excuses why I gained back 23 pounds, but the sad truth of it is that after getting myself into shape I just slipped back into old habits.

I often hear people say, "The _______ diet never worked for me, I gained all the weight back.". The fact is, if you lost the weight, the diet worked. I don't care how you do it. If your weight came back, it's because YOU didn't work for YOU.

This is my story. I stopped working for me.

At my absolute best about 5 years ago I was 165 pounds. I felt comfortable there, more comfortable than I had felt about myself in my entire adult life. Before that my max. weight was 210 pounds. I was inactive and ate whatever I wanted. I decided to try the Atkins diet with my girlfriend at the time and lost 45 pounds and she lost around the same.

So what happened? I went back to my old ways. Eating sugar, candy, high fat and carb takeout meals.

I tell people I don't have an addictive personality. I quit smoking after 15 years just by throwing the cigarettes away. I drink socially, but sometimes go months without having a drop. I don't do any drugs.

So why is food so different? What keeps me coming back to this?

I stepped on the scale this morning (Which happens to be my birthday) to see 198.8 pounds staring back at me from the digital display. So once again I start looking for solutions. I started by eating a healthy low carb breakfast and pondering my return to the gym tomorrow. I took photos of myself (which I'm posting here, much to my horror) as s reminder of where I really can't afford to be again at 46 years old.

I've come to understand that apparently, food is my addiction. I have found myself at night snacking while thinking to myself, "Why am I eating this?" but I continue anyway. I've put up signs on my refrigerator which I ignore. I eat when I'm not hungry, just because I like the taste.

I need to reprogram myself. This is why I'm here.

My goal is to get down to 165 again. This past year I ran two obstacle races, one of them being the Spartan Race. I finished, but as I stood at the finish line beaten and winded, I realized that I had no business running such a race in the shape I was in.

So, here's my birthday present to myself. I'm back again, hopefully for the last time. Wish me luck.