How do you deal with negative family?

It's interesting how there is a definite change in attitudes with people. I used to be the "skinny" one in the family, now I'm the heavy one. My family, for the most part, seems to be supportive.

Very few of my friends know that I'm on this path to health. In the far past, with other friends, when I slimmed down, I seemed to be outcast. It was like I was supposed to be the comforting, fat friend that nobody had to compete with, you know? This time I'm keeping this journey to myself and you guys, of course. I find that the less I talk about it publicly, the less people really notice. It's weird lol.

Feel free to add me. It's tough when you feel unsupported by the people who are most important in your life. xo

I don't talk about it either. My husband knows...and one friend. That's it.

It is an unfortunate fact of life that people feel free and easy to announce their opinions on women's bodies in a way they wouldn't consider doing with others.

It is also a sad fact of life that when you go back to your family of origin, it is really hard to have everyone remain the well-adjusted, capable, polite, successful adults they are and not fall into the weird and often-dysfunctional roles they were used to playing with each other so long (or not so long) ago.

So, with that jaded but true view of reality, what do you do with the unfortunate result, which is what you experienced?

Like all stupid opinions, you have to make sure they are, in fact, stupid and groundless. So look at what was said about whether you are too skinny, whether you weigh too little, whether you do not eat enough, whether you exercise too much. And take each of those and examine them in the light of day. Are they true? Could you do anything about it if they were true? Is it helping you to think about/look at the issue with the perspective you are being offered? Does this opinion free you to pursue your goals or does it insult your soul?

Answer those questions about the opinions you are offered. Do it regularly and it will become natural and automatic. Then, when someone freely and easily offers you an untrue, uneducated opinion that insults your soul you can just as freely and easily offer them the opportunity to **** off.

The tone and language used in your invitation can be determined by the tone and language and level of insult in the original opinion. You will never be judged by me based on the strength of your invitation in response to stupid, douchey, ill-informed opinions on subjects that are none of the other person's business.

Good luck.

Make this your computer background or replace your mirror with it or send it to your family:

ugh I am sorry that happened to you.I had a similar expereince today where I texted my oolder sister saying I lost 30 pounds. Her response was I did not know you gained 30 pounds beforl je that. She is the skinny one in the family and she has always said comments like that that feel like she wants me to feel ugly and fat. Because she lives across the country I will just now ignore her.

I am also 5 4 and weigh 152 now. I thinnk you should be proud of yourself. Let them talk but you know you are being healthy!

My sister is the same way with me. She told me that she was proud of me but that if she had to listen to me talk about losing weight over Thanksgiving, she would get up and leave. I let it bother me for a while, and then when the day came, I put on a cute outfit and walked in with my head held high and was soooo proud of myself!

Be proud of yourself! I agree that they are just jealous.

Her response was I did not know you gained 30 pounds

Without the context, and not knowing your situation, this sounds like a statement of acceptance of you just the way you are. She says in this, essentially, that she didn't realize that you had 30 pounds to lose. Not that you are too anything. Sometimes we get stuck in ruts in life, including ruts in how we perceive others' actions and motives.

"For the record, I am 5’4”, small boned, 123 lbs"

My wife has ALWAYS been 5'4" 110 pounds so she understands. I was surprised that I got the same crap when I saw relatives I hadn't seen in a while. I just flatly pointed out the BMI charts that say that at 5'11" 165 pounds, I'm a healthy weight.

As others have pointed out, jealousy is one possible explanation. Here is another: Obesity and overweight is such a common problem now, people like us who are normal weights actually DO appear skinny to them. Let them adjust, you and I are fine.

Ugggh..family. So, on Thanksgiving I had to deal with my family talking about me! After dinner, the guys went to watch football and the girls were just sitting together talking. The conversation turned to be about how skinny I am, how I need to eat more, etc. Then my Mom just flat out told everyone how much I weigh! Of course they didn’t believe her and went on about how I must be at least 10+ lbs less. My sister piped in and said I never eat and I exercise for hours every day, which is completely not true! I eat 1400 calories and exercise for 1 hr every day! Now I know I am the smallest by probably close to 20 lbs, but this was ridiculous! I normally take the whole “You look so skinny now” as a compliment, but after this I just feel self-conscious. For the record, I am 5’4”, small boned, 123 lbs, but my BF% is 26% as of 3 months ago! I would love to lose about 5 more pounds and get more toned and less jiggly. When I started this weight loss journey, I couldn’t do a pushup, run without stopping every 50 ft, and I feel so much healthier now! I guess the whole point of this is: how do you deal with family or friends that do stuff like this? I didn’t really know what to say, so I just excused myself and left!

Keep in mind that the American standard for "thin" and "skinny" is out of whack because we're so used to seeing very large human beings all around us.

Get to what your healthy BMI needs to be and as long as you're eating, working out and generally attentive to what you feed yourself, I'd say disengage from these types of discussions when you are around these family members. Go take a short walk instead!

Congrats on getting healthier! Wow....that is tough! Jealous is a terrible thing.......surround yourself with ones that lift you and put a smile on your face! You can't change family....but just plow through it.