How to even start?

Find something simple and focus on that. Mine was just walking. I couldn't run for 5 minutes when I started without feeling like I was going to die. You aren't going to change yourself overnight or even over a few months. Just take one positive step every day. Then, as you make progress, start adding new things. Walk longer, find another way to improve your diet, etc.

Also learn how to accept yourself and your mistakes, problems and weaknesses. We all have them.

Im glad you feel a little better after having said how you feel. I so totally understand. I dont like to look at my picture, either. What I did was put a picture of myself (with a loved one) on my wallpaper so I have to look at it whenever I open my computer. Over time, the image wasnt so horrible. I faced the fact that it was just me, and I HAD to accept it. I just started too, and would love it if we could be friends.

Knowledge is power !

Try baby steps. Small but important things! Try cutting out some unhealthy foods that are regular visitors in your diet, like pop or fries or chips, etc...

But there is one other thing thats super important. I'm gonna try and walk you through getting some important calorie numbers. This stuff is basically swiped from "in place of a road map"
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12

But to be honest I find reading that overwhelming, and slightly confusing at first, so I picked out the most important aspects from it. By the end you will get an upper and lower calorie limit. Which I am finding super helpful! SO bear with me....

If you go to this website: http://www.fat2fitradio.com/tools/bmr Enter your info and put your goal weight the same as your current weight. (you can also figure out your % body fat on this site as well, which is best but you could guess it if you want... keep in mind over 30% is overweight, so I guessed about 40% for myself)

Once it calculates your info you will get a couple numbers...

The first one to look at is the bolded number under the Katch-McArdle heading. This number tells you what the lowest calorie intake should be, so its your lower limit, and should keep you from going too much in the direction of under eating.

The next important number is the "lightly active" number in the table. This will tell you the amount of calories you need to stay exactly the same. This is super helpful because now you know anything below this number will have you lose weight eventually, and anything above this number will make you gain.

So from all this you will get a range, an upper and lower limit that you can hang out with in. So hopefully it will help you from going too far in either direction

If I confused you or overwhelmed you in any way feel free to message me, or try reading the "in place of a road map" thread

Also feel free to add me in you like:) I'm on here as much as possible and I try to be a source of motivation and support!

Good luck! And remember to be nice to your self

Well, first you have to be in the right mind set. You made the comment that in the past you've had problems tracking your food because you've had problems controling your intact. That's the first thing you need to change. You have to tell yourself that you can make the changes to eat better. You have to tell yourself that you are worth the effort to make the changes and carry through. If you aren't happy the way you are, you have to change.

You also have to come to terms with the fact that, as you said, it's not going to happen over night. Ignore what other people are doing. We all loose weight at different rates. Don't be hard on yourself. You need to celebrate the small victories. I HATE exercise but I am consciously making myself workout as it has finally hit me that that's the only way I'm going to get success and I can still eat. I started doing just 5min of walking up and down my stairs and when you start to see the extra calories come back from working out it's a shot in the arm to work out more so you can eat a little more.

To start out, just make some small adjustments. If you are a soda drinker, as I was, cut it in half for the first week. When I get some extra calories from working out that is one of my treats now. Make healthier choices at lunch so you can have a piece of candy, or some chips or whatever you consider a treat that in the past people always said you need to give up completely if you want to loose weight. Tracking everything is a must and many of us even track a day ahead. It really helps you stay the course and lets you see where you may be able to have a treat. Treats are important. If you are craving something for more then a day, have it. Then, either adjust the rest of your intake for the day or do some exercise to give you those extra calories.

Positive thoughts on everything around you will really help you. Keep your eye on your goal and don't freak out and give up just because you have a couple bad days or have a week where you don't loose any weight. I got upset last Tuesday because I had gone up 1/2 a lb from over the weekend and thought...what the hell, I didn't eat anything in extremes. Well, even with Thanksgiving I'm now down that 1/2 lb plus a lb. So, you see the way it looks one day can flip around in an instant. This is not a sprint it's a marathon.

Good luck, you are worth the effort and friend me if you'd like.

First, like you said, it takes time and can't be fixed overnight. (Oh how I wish it could!!)

FIrst order of business is one step at a time. Tracking your intake is a must, and it isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle. You have to do things now that will make things better tomorrow. Notice I said now....not "today". It's a moment by moment exercise. Whatever you do, it has to be liveable for you. Start by logging, then make sure you're drinking all your water. Once that's mastered, increase your protein intake, then your fiber intake.

If you have a real craving for something, don't bring it in the house - go out to lunch and have it and get it over with, then leave any extras there....but DON'T take home any leftovers.

Choose your doom when you go out too...if you really want fries, have the fries, but don't have a bun with your sandwich, or have the waiter NOT bring the bread to your table.

Just keep repeating to yourself, "I can do this."

I hear ya with "battling the demon." My family wanted me to get the lap-band, and I keep telling them the lap-band is just a tool - it doesn't help me deal with my demons that got me here.

One other thing: seeing a therapist has helped me immensely!! Highly recommend it!!

Good luck!

Love your advice about going out to tackle your craving rather than bring that pesky demon into the house. That is a good point for me...I love to have the cheat food around for those cravings, but if I have to go out to get it I will be less likely to do it.

And the diary more about seeing your intake rather than tracking numbers (calories, fats, etc.) great point also.

thanks and keep up the good work!!