I'm worried, I'm stuck at my weight!

Okay so I know there is already posts about this topic probably, but I'm new to this. Kind comments only please!!!
So the first 2 wks I lost a lot of weight, & I decided to eat less to see if I would lose more but FAILED. I can only have 1,200 calories a day but the last couple of days I've been only eating 400-500 because I'm just not hungry anymore. I know you aren't supposed to weigh yourself everyday but it motivates me, but I stopped losing weight... so I increased my eating & today I ate almost 800 cals & I gained about 3 pounds. Can someone just tell me how I should do this? I need some motivation... I really really want to lose weight, & some advice would be great. All of you inspire me!

We are all human. We have good days and bad days, all of our lives. The tools you find and use to get out of a funk will serve you the rest of your life, and you will always need them. I call it sharpening your sword for battle and you will always need to keep your blade sharp for the rest of your life. We may get to relax at times for a few moments, but life is a bit of work until the end.

There is nothing easy about this journey. Don't give up. Keep your eye on the prize. You do not have to be perfect to do this. You just have to have more good days than not. A bad day is not the end of the world. Tomorrow is a new day. Just pick it right up again. Be kind to yourself at all times and never beat yourself up.

Being on a calorie deficit is hard. You can't do this journey on will power alone. You must set up your environment for success. Have a team around you in your real life, not just online. Get trigger foods out of the house. It will take some sacrifice and it's not easy.

There is no mystery to weight loss, everyone thinks something is wrong, their metabolism is broken, they have low thyroid, they have menopause or whatever issue, they are as unique as a snowflake, whatever. I thought a lot of these things once too but once the doctor helped resolve the health issues for me I learned there is still no magic pill. Most people eat more than they need to and are not at good at estimating calories as they think they are. Most people have a lower BMR than they think they do. The only way to know for sure is to go to a lab and have it tested. It doesn't seem fair to have to eat less and feel a little hunger. It's hard to face the truth of it, very hard. It's not fun. It's drudgery at times. But if you learn to enjoy your smaller amounts of food (necessary to lose weight, since the reason we got fat in the first place was eating too much whether we knew it or not), and rejoice in your victories it can be done.

Your body loses weight in chunks, not linear. I have found that you can do everything right and your weight loss seems to plateau but if you are patient and keep exercising and eating at a deficit (however slight) you will lose it, it will suddenly "whoosh". There are so many variables for the scale; water retention, digestion, hormones, allergies, sodium, carbs, water intake, DOMS, inflammation, the list goes on. People mistakenly think they lose or gain weight when they eat more or less because of these fluctuations.

Losing weight requires tremendous patience. You will not lose it when you want it or where you want it. The body does its thing. Some apparent plateaus can last a month or so. You cannot make it happen faster. You must focus on two things; calories and exercise. Nothing else matters. Scales and metrics don't matter. The day in and day out grind of exercise and calories are all that matters. It is not very exciting until things fall into place. You get your victories and you ride one victory to the next.

The scale is a trend tool. The scale is good but put it away and only check once a week and only use it as a trend tool. It will fluctuate, it does not matter. Take front side and back progress pictures at least once a month. You will see differences that the metrics won't tell you and it's that little bit of NSV that will keep you going until the next victory.

As far as calories…

To say eat more is wrong.

To say eat less is wrong.

If you plug in all your info into a calculators what you get is the average metabolic rate of a group of people who share your age, sex, height and weight. What you do not get is your exact calorie needs. It's a place to start.

To find the exact calories needed for YOU to be in a healthy sustainable calorie deficit is the right answer. Wait, if you need to adjust by 100 do it, wait, adjust, wait, adjust, wait. The tortoise wins this race.

if you are gaining weight or not maintaining your desirable weight at your current activity level, then you are overeating.

In the simplest of terms your body fat is just a storage container for extra calories you were not able to use (burn). So when you lower your calorie intake below the amount of calories your body requires to fuel your metabolism it simply takes those calories from your body fat to make up the difference.
This is why you are never ACTUALLY ‘starving your body’.
As an example:
Let’s say your total daily Calorie needs is 2,500 Calories per day. Let’s also assume the amount of calories you ate was only 2,000 calories. Your body simply makes up the difference with the calories from your body fat (and a few from some minor sources like your glycogen stores).

2,000 Calories from food + 500 Calories from Body fat = 2,500 Calories being used to fuel your metabolism.

So you just ‘make up the deficit’ with the calories being stored in your body fat. (Hence the saying ‘creating calorie deficit’)

So if eating less food than you need means you will use your body fat as a fuel source, it becomes easy to see why and how you lose body fat by eating less.

-From Brad Pilon in the Body Centric Eating Manual from John Barbans Venus Index and Adonis Index manuals

You want to eat as healthy as you can because it makes you feel better and perform better, and makes you healthier. There are a bunch of tricks and clean eating; reducing sugar (especially HFCS), fiber, white flour vs whole grain, low carb, low fat, on and on. All that matters is calories for weight loss. If you need to eat a certain way for health reasons or to feel better do it, but extensive good food and bad food lists will drive you insane at some point, it’s a constantly moving target. Just eat what you like, mostly healthy, mostly balanced, within a calorie budget. We all know what healthy is by now, just do it.

Also people play mental accounting games with calories just like with finances. Make steps to make sure you are making accurate measurements. Packaged foods can have MORE than they say but not less (they get in trouble if less so they would rather error with MORE).

If you typically intake sodium at a certain rate your body adjusts, but if you make a sudden change then you will see a spike.

Exercise is for making your lean body mass pretty (especially lifting weights) for when the fat is gone. Losing fat with no muscle is ugly and cardio alone will not make you pretty. You cannot out exercise too many calories.

Everyone needs resistance training to improve their health and bone density and this will especially improve your quality of life when you get older. But you will not gain all that much lean body mass as fast as everyone thinks. Guys of course will gain more. A DXA scan will prove the point. There are lots of stories about changing size but no one REALLY knows unless they do a DXA scan. Here's more about that --> http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/intermittent-fasting-and-bulking/ this is true whether you IF or not. My DXA scans proved that I really didn't gain that much lean body mass yet I look very muscular for a female. I have very high bone density from over 30 years of lifting yet my lean body mass is still only 104 lbs and my RMR is still only 1380.

I recently had my DXA scan done and at 51.5 years of age I have the bone density of a super athletic 30 year old. That is a direct result of lifting for over 30 years. Now if that is not scientific proof that lifting weights keeps you younger I don't know what is! Also I believe it is why most people think I look much younger than I really am. Because of this I don't have to worry about osteoporosis. If you wait until you are older and your bones start to deteriorate it's a bit too late, you can't get back what you lost, and you can only start a resistance routine that will prevent further damage.

Cardio is good for you but it is optional. I love cardio, but you can't out exercise too many calories. Of course you burn calories, but not near what all the HRM's say. I learned the hard way, running marathon after marathon (yes even multiple runs during the day), as well as hitting the gym hard, martial arts, staying active all the time, not eating while watching TV, not binging, not mindlessly eating, not pigging out, not having emotional eating issues, yet I gained weight year after year, each decade putting on the pounds. I worked harder and harder, not able to figure out what was wrong. It didn't seem like I ate too much, but for my small size I did and didn't realize it until just a few years ago when I finally started losing weight by eating less.


Everyone is different, but it's very easy to do a lot of cardio and think you can eat more than you really need, especially when you need to lose weight. It is also easy to think that you are burning more fat than you really are. Just do cardio if you enjoy it and because it's good for you.

Too many changes at once can be hard on some people. I've always eaten healthy so it easy for me to simply eat less. Eating at a calorie deficit is hard on people; even a small deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones and such. Everyone is different. Some people can handle a deeper calorie deficit than others, this is not right or wrong, it just is. Stress in your life affects your hunger hormones; lack of sleep, fatigue, job stress, family stress, financial stress, etc. Add in emotional eating issues and it gets even more complicated. Most people can only handle so much change/stress at once, they try to do too much and fail. Sometimes it might be a better strategy to eat at maintenance and make some small changes first, it really depends on how much stress you are taking in at the moment.

What is the exact number of calories for you?

We’ve been trying to figure out an exact NUMBER of calories that everyone should be eating, without recognizing that everyone is slightly different. In truth, the calories aren’t the end game. Your body is. So the EXACT amount of Calories that are right for you is the EXACT amount that will allow you to maintain your ideal bodyweight no matter what some calculator or chart says.

In other words, an online calculator might tell you that you need to eat 2,500 calories
per day to maintain your ideal bodyweight. But the only way to know for sure if this is
the right amount for you is to test it out. If you gain weight or can’t lose weight eating
that much, then you know you need to eat less to lose weight no matter how many
calculators and text books say otherwise.

This doesn’t mean your metabolism is broken, it just means the estimate of your needs
was just a bit off.

-John Barban (The Body Centric Calorie Guide from the Venus Index and Adonis Index Manuals)

The good thing is you don't have to worry about the starvation mode myth if you are fat. Only skinny people have to worry about starvation mode. It does not mean you have the capability to eat at a large calorie deficit if you have emotional eating disorders or other issues going on, but at least you don't have to be afraid of it anymore.

I am short, petite, small; my RMR is low compared to others. With my doctors approval I had to eat less than or right around 1000 calories to lose weight. We are all different. There is no one size fits all. Even people my height and gender are different and some need more calories than I do. My doctor checked my hormone levels throughout my 60 lb weight loss journey (from obese down to 10% body fat) and everything was fine. I got stronger and stronger at the gym, my running and weight lifting strength improved even while eating on a significant calorie deficit. My DXA scan proved I did not lose lean body mass or go into starvation mode.

Also you do not have to eat the same amount of calories every day. You can think of it as a weekly calorie budget. You can eat low some days and high some days. You can be flexible. You can find what is sustainable for you.
While you don’t have to worry about starvation mode when you have significant fat on your body, as you get closer to your goal you do need to increase your calories slightly as you get leaner as here’s why:

The Theory of Fat Availability:
•There is a set amount of fat that can be released from a fat cell.
•The more fat you have, the more fat can be used as a fuel when dieting.
•The less fat you have, the less fat can be used as a fuel when dieting.
•Towards the end of a transformation, when body fat is extremely low you
may not have enough fat to handle a large caloric deficit anymore.

At the extreme low end, when your body fat cannot ‘keep up’ with the energy deficit
you've imposed on your body, the energy MUST come from SOMEWHERE. This is
when you are at risk of losing lean body mass during dieting (commonly referred to
as ‘starvation mode’). This happens at extremely low levels of body fat, under 6% in
men and 12% in women [Friedl K.E. J Appl Phsiol, 1994].

-Brad Pilon and John Barban (from The Reverse Taper Diet in The Adonis Index and Venus Index manuals)

For me it's all about a calorie budget. I had less of a budget available when I was losing weight, more to spend now that I'm maintaining and all the tools I used for weight loss come into play for the rest of my life maintaining.

When you have accumulated excess fat, you have accumulated a debt. It is hard to pay off the debt (you have less calories to spend). If you are sitting next to someone your same gender and height and they are not overweight and you are, they get to eat more than you (have more calories to spend) because they are debt free. You have less calories to spend because you are paying off your debt.

Wishing you the best! -Bobbie

Okay, there was a super long post above and I didn't read it cause I was daunted by the length, so I might be repeating - sorry if so. However, no matter what size you are, if you eat too few calories, your body does go into a starvation mode. Your body requires a certain amount of calories to function daily and any deficit of that causes weight loss. HOWEVER, too much of a deficit can panic your body into trying to hold onto everything that its got. I find if I eat too little, my weight loss stabilizes, because my body wants to avoid losing weight when it isn't getting enough nutrition to function. Also, you NEED healthy calories to fuel your body! Food is fuel and your body needs it to function properly. Without the sufficient calories, you are actually harming body functions and can do damage if you ate like that regularly. 500 calories is not even close to enough!!

Don't focus on speed of loss. A slow, but steady weight loss is more likely to be long lasting. Rapid weight loss has a tendency to be temporary. Work towards permanent change and sustainability. Focus on nutrition density (high nutritional value foods) and exercise. You want a healthy, strong body, not just a skinny body.

Don’t go under 1,200 calories, and when you exercise, you need to eat more as well. Again, if food is your fuel, then the more you push your body, the more fuel it needs to maintain good health. Realize too that plateaus and slow weight loss will happen! But as long as overall you are going down in weight, that is all you should focus on. You will also fluctuate – if you are on your period your weight may change, if you ate a salty meal you may retain water the next day and weigh more, if you just worked out your weight is often a bit different…so many factors! Don’t let a short-term discouragement ruin your long-term success!!!

1) 1200-1500 works for me personally.

2) Eat a consistent number most of the time to avoid bouncing weights.

3) If you gain one day, don't panic - sometimes it's water, heavy food, PMT, etc.

4) Weight isn't a good goal to have. At 133lb I had a bigger waist than I do now at 145lb - and I'm not even 'working out' (bar walking). Back then I was all flab and was eating under 1000 calories every day. Was I thinner? Yes. Was I bigger in size and couldn't get below a UK 12? Yes.

Maybe you need to poo.

Okay so I know there is already posts about this topic probably, but I'm new to this. Kind comments only please!!!
So the first 2 wks I lost a lot of weight, & I decided to eat less to see if I would lose more but FAILED. I can only have 1,200 calories a day but the last couple of days I've been only eating 400-500 because I'm just not hungry anymore. I know you aren't supposed to weigh yourself everyday but it motivates me, but I stopped losing weight... so I increased my eating & today I ate almost 800 cals & I gained about 3 pounds. Can someone just tell me how I should do this? I need some motivation... I really really want to lose weight, & some advice would be great. All of you inspire me!

We are all human. We have good days and bad days, all of our lives. The tools you find and use to get out of a funk will serve you the rest of your life, and you will always need them. I call it sharpening your sword for battle and you will always need to keep your blade sharp for the rest of your life. We may get to relax at times for a few moments, but life is a bit of work until the end.

There is nothing easy about this journey. Don't give up. Keep your eye on the prize. You do not have to be perfect to do this. You just have to have more good days than not. A bad day is not the end of the world. Tomorrow is a new day. Just pick it right up again. Be kind to yourself at all times and never beat yourself up.

Being on a calorie deficit is hard. You can't do this journey on will power alone. You must set up your environment for success. Have a team around you in your real life, not just online. Get trigger foods out of the house. It will take some sacrifice and it's not easy.

There is no mystery to weight loss, everyone thinks something is wrong, their metabolism is broken, they have low thyroid, they have menopause or whatever issue, they are as unique as a snowflake, whatever. I thought a lot of these things once too but once the doctor helped resolve the health issues for me I learned there is still no magic pill. Most people eat more than they need to and are not at good at estimating calories as they think they are. Most people have a lower BMR than they think they do. The only way to know for sure is to go to a lab and have it tested. It doesn't seem fair to have to eat less and feel a little hunger. It's hard to face the truth of it, very hard. It's not fun. It's drudgery at times. But if you learn to enjoy your smaller amounts of food (necessary to lose weight, since the reason we got fat in the first place was eating too much whether we knew it or not), and rejoice in your victories it can be done.

Your body loses weight in chunks, not linear. I have found that you can do everything right and your weight loss seems to plateau but if you are patient and keep exercising and eating at a deficit (however slight) you will lose it, it will suddenly "whoosh". There are so many variables for the scale; water retention, digestion, hormones, allergies, sodium, carbs, water intake, DOMS, inflammation, the list goes on. People mistakenly think they lose or gain weight when they eat more or less because of these fluctuations.

Losing weight requires tremendous patience. You will not lose it when you want it or where you want it. The body does its thing. Some apparent plateaus can last a month or so. You cannot make it happen faster. You must focus on two things; calories and exercise. Nothing else matters. Scales and metrics don't matter. The day in and day out grind of exercise and calories are all that matters. It is not very exciting until things fall into place. You get your victories and you ride one victory to the next.

The scale is a trend tool. The scale is good but put it away and only check once a week and only use it as a trend tool. It will fluctuate, it does not matter. Take front side and back progress pictures at least once a month. You will see differences that the metrics won't tell you and it's that little bit of NSV that will keep you going until the next victory.

As far as calories…

To say eat more is wrong.

To say eat less is wrong.

If you plug in all your info into a calculators what you get is the average metabolic rate of a group of people who share your age, sex, height and weight. What you do not get is your exact calorie needs. It's a place to start.

To find the exact calories needed for YOU to be in a healthy sustainable calorie deficit is the right answer. Wait, if you need to adjust by 100 do it, wait, adjust, wait, adjust, wait. The tortoise wins this race.

if you are gaining weight or not maintaining your desirable weight at your current activity level, then you are overeating.

In the simplest of terms your body fat is just a storage container for extra calories you were not able to use (burn). So when you lower your calorie intake below the amount of calories your body requires to fuel your metabolism it simply takes those calories from your body fat to make up the difference.
This is why you are never ACTUALLY ‘starving your body’.
As an example:
Let’s say your total daily Calorie needs is 2,500 Calories per day. Let’s also assume the amount of calories you ate was only 2,000 calories. Your body simply makes up the difference with the calories from your body fat (and a few from some minor sources like your glycogen stores).

2,000 Calories from food + 500 Calories from Body fat = 2,500 Calories being used to fuel your metabolism.

So you just ‘make up the deficit’ with the calories being stored in your body fat. (Hence the saying ‘creating calorie deficit’)

So if eating less food than you need means you will use your body fat as a fuel source, it becomes easy to see why and how you lose body fat by eating less.

-From Brad Pilon in the Body Centric Eating Manual from John Barbans Venus Index and Adonis Index manuals

You want to eat as healthy as you can because it makes you feel better and perform better, and makes you healthier. There are a bunch of tricks and clean eating; reducing sugar (especially HFCS), fiber, white flour vs whole grain, low carb, low fat, on and on. All that matters is calories for weight loss. If you need to eat a certain way for health reasons or to feel better do it, but extensive good food and bad food lists will drive you insane at some point, it’s a constantly moving target. Just eat what you like, mostly healthy, mostly balanced, within a calorie budget. We all know what healthy is by now, just do it.

Also people play mental accounting games with calories just like with finances. Make steps to make sure you are making accurate measurements. Packaged foods can have MORE than they say but not less (they get in trouble if less so they would rather error with MORE).

If you typically intake sodium at a certain rate your body adjusts, but if you make a sudden change then you will see a spike.

Exercise is for making your lean body mass pretty (especially lifting weights) for when the fat is gone. Losing fat with no muscle is ugly and cardio alone will not make you pretty. You cannot out exercise too many calories.

Everyone needs resistance training to improve their health and bone density and this will especially improve your quality of life when you get older. But you will not gain all that much lean body mass as fast as everyone thinks. Guys of course will gain more. A DXA scan will prove the point. There are lots of stories about changing size but no one REALLY knows unless they do a DXA scan. Here's more about that --> http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/intermittent-fasting-and-bulking/ this is true whether you IF or not. My DXA scans proved that I really didn't gain that much lean body mass yet I look very muscular for a female. I have very high bone density from over 30 years of lifting yet my lean body mass is still only 104 lbs and my RMR is still only 1380.

I recently had my DXA scan done and at 51.5 years of age I have the bone density of a super athletic 30 year old. That is a direct result of lifting for over 30 years. Now if that is not scientific proof that lifting weights keeps you younger I don't know what is! Also I believe it is why most people think I look much younger than I really am. Because of this I don't have to worry about osteoporosis. If you wait until you are older and your bones start to deteriorate it's a bit too late, you can't get back what you lost, and you can only start a resistance routine that will prevent further damage.

Cardio is good for you but it is optional. I love cardio, but you can't out exercise too many calories. Of course you burn calories, but not near what all the HRM's say. I learned the hard way, running marathon after marathon (yes even multiple runs during the day), as well as hitting the gym hard, martial arts, staying active all the time, not eating while watching TV, not binging, not mindlessly eating, not pigging out, not having emotional eating issues, yet I gained weight year after year, each decade putting on the pounds. I worked harder and harder, not able to figure out what was wrong. It didn't seem like I ate too much, but for my small size I did and didn't realize it until just a few years ago when I finally started losing weight by eating less.


Everyone is different, but it's very easy to do a lot of cardio and think you can eat more than you really need, especially when you need to lose weight. It is also easy to think that you are burning more fat than you really are. Just do cardio if you enjoy it and because it's good for you.

Too many changes at once can be hard on some people. I've always eaten healthy so it easy for me to simply eat less. Eating at a calorie deficit is hard on people; even a small deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones and such. Everyone is different. Some people can handle a deeper calorie deficit than others, this is not right or wrong, it just is. Stress in your life affects your hunger hormones; lack of sleep, fatigue, job stress, family stress, financial stress, etc. Add in emotional eating issues and it gets even more complicated. Most people can only handle so much change/stress at once, they try to do too much and fail. Sometimes it might be a better strategy to eat at maintenance and make some small changes first, it really depends on how much stress you are taking in at the moment.

What is the exact number of calories for you?

We’ve been trying to figure out an exact NUMBER of calories that everyone should be eating, without recognizing that everyone is slightly different. In truth, the calories aren’t the end game. Your body is. So the EXACT amount of Calories that are right for you is the EXACT amount that will allow you to maintain your ideal bodyweight no matter what some calculator or chart says.

In other words, an online calculator might tell you that you need to eat 2,500 calories
per day to maintain your ideal bodyweight. But the only way to know for sure if this is
the right amount for you is to test it out. If you gain weight or can’t lose weight eating
that much, then you know you need to eat less to lose weight no matter how many
calculators and text books say otherwise.

This doesn’t mean your metabolism is broken, it just means the estimate of your needs
was just a bit off.

-John Barban (The Body Centric Calorie Guide from the Venus Index and Adonis Index Manuals)

The good thing is you don't have to worry about the starvation mode myth if you are fat. Only skinny people have to worry about starvation mode. It does not mean you have the capability to eat at a large calorie deficit if you have emotional eating disorders or other issues going on, but at least you don't have to be afraid of it anymore.

I am short, petite, small; my RMR is low compared to others. With my doctors approval I had to eat less than or right around 1000 calories to lose weight. We are all different. There is no one size fits all. Even people my height and gender are different and some need more calories than I do. My doctor checked my hormone levels throughout my 60 lb weight loss journey (from obese down to 10% body fat) and everything was fine. I got stronger and stronger at the gym, my running and weight lifting strength improved even while eating on a significant calorie deficit. My DXA scan proved I did not lose lean body mass or go into starvation mode.

Also you do not have to eat the same amount of calories every day. You can think of it as a weekly calorie budget. You can eat low some days and high some days. You can be flexible. You can find what is sustainable for you.
While you don’t have to worry about starvation mode when you have significant fat on your body, as you get closer to your goal you do need to increase your calories slightly as you get leaner as here’s why:

The Theory of Fat Availability:
•There is a set amount of fat that can be released from a fat cell.
•The more fat you have, the more fat can be used as a fuel when dieting.
•The less fat you have, the less fat can be used as a fuel when dieting.
•Towards the end of a transformation, when body fat is extremely low you
may not have enough fat to handle a large caloric deficit anymore.

At the extreme low end, when your body fat cannot ‘keep up’ with the energy deficit
you've imposed on your body, the energy MUST come from SOMEWHERE. This is
when you are at risk of losing lean body mass during dieting (commonly referred to
as ‘starvation mode’). This happens at extremely low levels of body fat, under 6% in
men and 12% in women [Friedl K.E. J Appl Phsiol, 1994].

-Brad Pilon and John Barban (from The Reverse Taper Diet in The Adonis Index and Venus Index manuals)

For me it's all about a calorie budget. I had less of a budget available when I was losing weight, more to spend now that I'm maintaining and all the tools I used for weight loss come into play for the rest of my life maintaining.

When you have accumulated excess fat, you have accumulated a debt. It is hard to pay off the debt (you have less calories to spend). If you are sitting next to someone your same gender and height and they are not overweight and you are, they get to eat more than you (have more calories to spend) because they are debt free. You have less calories to spend because you are paying off your debt.

Wishing you the best! -Bobbie

WOW ! This is such an amazing post to keep for when we feel "under-the-weather". Thank you so much for posting this Bobbie. You are really inspirational.