Self-Loathing Right Now...Why?

Smokey19
Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Why do I see the old me when I look in the mirror? I hate the way I look. Why can't I see how I have changed over the yr. My husband says I look much better, but in my eyes I haven't changed at all. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes, I guess that I am right now. I have to see past what I see and think about who I am and not what I look like. Do other people feel that way sometimes? I am not sure. I've had a lot of surgeries to help me stay alive these past 4 1/2 yrs. and have 11 huge scars on my sternum and abdomen. I feel like I look like Frankenstein. How could anyone ever accept someone that looks like that? If anything ever happened to my husband, would anyone ever accept someone that had all those scars or would they freak out and take off running? I have a major self-image problem. Please help me! I want to learn to love myself. My name is Kimberlee, 49.

Replies

  • katlist
    katlist Posts: 1 Member
    Losing over 100 lbs. is incredible! Way to go! We all get down sometimes. One of the things that I've heard to do is to keep a simple notebook journal of the good things that happen during your day... or the good things that you do. That way, the focus is living and enjoying the present moment and learning how to feel your best. Keep up the good work and learn ways to let go of your fears. Best wishes to you : )
  • preservation666
    preservation666 Posts: 33 Member
    hi i suffer from manic depression and well self loathing so i know how you are feeling. from what i.can see you are doing fantastic on your weight loss, well done for that you must feel positive that you are a strong person to stick to it. as for your scars there isnt a single person without a scar or spot or any mark on their body, it is what defines us and makes us unique. im 27 and as i.say i have the body of an 80 year old. im saggy, covered in stretch marks, my boobs dont sit where they should and i have huge bingo wings lol butmy partner loves me and i know thats all that should matter. no matter where you go people will judge you for the way you look but screw them. keep ur chin up and be very proud of yourself.

    carrie
  • mamaward64
    mamaward64 Posts: 143 Member
    Wish I can give you experience of weight loss changes to the body but I don't have that yet. You are an amazing accomplished lady. Yes you may have scars but they are your battle wounds from all you endured. YOu have a story to tell and one you are continuing to write day by day. Keep the faith and keep up the hard work you already do.:flowerforyou:
  • Vailara
    Vailara Posts: 2,472 Member
    You've clearly changed a LOT, looking at your profile picture :). It's a shame that you can't see it. I think it can take us a while to adjust to changes. When I was putting on weight, I was the other way around - I always thought of myself as looking slimmer (and younger!) than I actually did! So sometimes it would be a shock to see myself in a photo.

    Scars are often something to proud of - signs of what you've survived. I don't think scars are ugly.
  • joapple11
    joapple11 Posts: 25 Member
    I often loathe who I am and what I look like. Life can be very hard and some times we get weary of the battle. Some things that help lift my spirits when I get into a funky mood:

    1. Count my blessings. we have so MANY things to be thankful for! I always start with indoor plumbing. The idea of hitting the outhouse in the middle of the night gives me the creeps.

    2. Think of all the people I love and who love me. It can be pretty amazing when you start to seriously think about it.

    3. Consider where you have been and how hard you have worked to get here. Like I said, life is hard, and it takes a lot of courage and strength to push forward every day.

    4. Watch a funny movie. There is nothing like laughter to lift your spirits!

    5. Reach out to someone in need. Do what you can for someone else. Even if it's just helping someone do a simple task, it will make you feel better.

    6. Have a cup of coffee or tea or whatever with a friend. Talk about them, their family, what's going on in your life, etc. Sometimes talking it out to someone and sharing their life helps a lot.

    Anyway, just a few things that work for me. I've been battling depression for over 20 years, and these things are what I do when I am down or just don't like me.

    Prayers and hugs,

    Jo-Ann
  • miracle4me
    miracle4me Posts: 522 Member
    I identify with your words but I am working to change the words to show myself more mercy and love. We are more than a number on the scale, our weight and health should not define who we are.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    I can relate to a lot of what you say. Individual therapy with someone who has experience treating eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorders might really help you. I got tremendous benefit from watching episodes of How to Look Good Naked (especially the BBC version) so if you can find any of those online or on cable TV, check them out! It is possible to retrain yourself to focus on your good aspects and not see your "flaws" so much, but it can take hard work to get to that. Your body is beautiful because it has carried you this far in life through all the struggles and with all the demands that have been placed on it. You wouldn't think less of a war hero because they had scars or lost limbs from fighting honorably for their country, would you? Your body deserves respect for all it has brought you through, just as you deserve respect for your personal accomplishments.
  • mff3
    mff3 Posts: 2 Member
    First, congrats on the weight loss so far! Even if you may not feel pretty or beautiful, you are making progress! Believe in yourself! You have already accomplished much! Do some things you love- like hang out with friends, or even try some fun outdoor activities- walking in the park, etc. I learned the best way to feel great is to do things that make me happy!!
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    Kimberlee - Listen to your husband and look at those scars as the reason you're alive. I look at the ones my wife carries as a reminder of her struggle to survive and her victory over cancer. I love them because without them I wouldn't have her!
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    Wow! You've accomplished so much! Congratulations on what you've achieved so far.

    No one can make you love yourself. Just like no one could make you love someone else.
    My best advice would be when you look in the mirror, try to change your thinking. You are WORTH being loved, you're worth being healthy and confident. There is a reason that you're here, and a reason that you've survived. Realize your worth, your talents, and your abilities and focus on them.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    I don't think anyone's immune from that - we live in a society that just loves to focus on imperfections.

    Those scars are "victory badges" - the fact that they're there and you're here means you won!!

    I've lost 106 pounds, but still have another 100 to go. I'm not happy that the belly remains, BUT, like someone told me yesterday, I look like a totally different person now. I do look BETTER than I did a year ago, and even healthier - so that's what I'm choosing to focus on.

    The negative self talk needs to go away and never be heard from again. That can be more destructive than whatever food you were eating before you lost the 100 pounds. Also, be cautious of your input. That means being around negative stinking thinking people, watching shows or movies that aren't conducive to lifting your spirits/mood, etc..

    When my oldest daughter was about 4 years old, I remember every night before she went to bed, I would find 3 things to tell her that she did that were awesome that day, or 3 wonderful things about her that I loved. She LOVED it.

    I challenge you to do that every day for three weeks - find three things about yourself that are positive things about you or something you did that you're proud of. If you have trouble finding three things, ask your husband for help until you can get into the swing of it. Add to that: "I am awesome."

    Good luck!
  • farmwife3815
    farmwife3815 Posts: 326 Member
    I hear you loud and clear! I still see the old me when I look in the mirror. That's why I take pictures!!! When I look at the pictures I can really see the difference!
  • grinner30
    grinner30 Posts: 122 Member
    You are doing great things! I wish I could impart some wisdom for you to see yourself as your husband does and the people replying on this forum. You look great and you can still accomplish much more. We are made from our experiences, good and bad. Keep going and look back at what you have accomplished with pride!
  • GluttonousGirl
    GluttonousGirl Posts: 384 Member
    Totally with ya. I liked me momentarily. But now I feel like a big slob. I even look in the mirror and say nasty things out loud to myself.don't even get me started on seeing photos of me.they make me want to starve.but I know better. Do something nice for yourself and find the positive in you!
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    Kimberlee - Listen to your husband and look at those scars as the reason you're alive. I look at the ones my wife carries as a reminder of her struggle to survive and her victory over cancer. I love them because without them I wouldn't have her!

    ^THIS...is aaaaaaawesome. :drinker:
  • pamcuster
    pamcuster Posts: 770 Member
    Kimberlee - Listen to your husband and look at those scars as the reason you're alive. I look at the ones my wife carries as a reminder of her struggle to survive and her victory over cancer. I love them because without them I wouldn't have her!

    ^THIS...is aaaaaaawesome. :drinker:

    Totally agree!!!
    And there are so many great responses in this thread. So many of us need to hear these things (at least sometimes)...
    Thank you all...
  • Prossimo7
    Prossimo7 Posts: 4 Member
    ... for three weeks - find three things about yourself that are positive things about you or something you did that you're proud of. .... Add to that: "I am awesome."

    Great advice for everyone. Thank you for posting this!
  • mary659497
    mary659497 Posts: 484 Member
    Be thankful you are alive and well. Losing over 100 pounds is a MAJOR accomplishment. Be proud of that. Not many people have been succesful to lose 20 pounds let alone 100. Be happy for a husband who loves you just the way you are. Start loving yourself.
  • Prossimo7
    Prossimo7 Posts: 4 Member
    From my perspective, you are amazing!
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    I was a thin young person and a fat older person, and lemme tell ya....I was the MOST insecure, pathetic, self-loathing person when I was THIN, even though I had won a beauty pageant back then! See, being OVERweight has nothing to do with it. Even skinny folk can hate their bodies.

    Now that I am older and, hopefully, wiser....I am more capable of accepting myself for who I am on the INside. Bottom line: I like me: the person I am and the woman I have become. It took a lot of heartache and pain sometimes to get where I am today, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Weight is only a fraction of the total person and should never be a gauge of who you really are. When you heal yourself from the inside out, you start to embrace your authentic self...and when you accomplish that, then you will learn to love whatever body you have.

    Just remember: You are worthy. God loves you, and since He is the King of Kings, that makes you royalty!! xoxox
  • roselinville
    roselinville Posts: 8
    I have the same feeling. i have lost just about 20 pounds but I hate looking in the mirror. I dont see the weight loss at all but have went down in pant size. just keep going. I know 1 day i will see the difference i how i look and feel. add me if you want or need more support

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