Is it me?

ZiezieO
ZiezieO Posts: 228 Member
in Motivation and Support
I think I just need some reassurance.

I thought I was doing great, I've been feeling good about me and the way I've been shedding off my weight in a timely healthy matter. I was pretty out of sorts when I started, it was a wake up call from my Dr wondering why my weight and health had spiked to 165 lbs (I'm 5'6") My guy had been telling me that I was getting chubby and I thought he was just being insensitive to the "little" weight I had put on.

I am now 141 lbs... less than when we met. And he still asks me when did we get so chubby?

I don't feel chubby anymore. I have 10 more lbs to get to my goal, and I don't even really care if I make it the full ten... I fit back in my old clothes, my clothes I had bought are too big on me... How do I keep going if the person that matters the most to me doesn't think I've changed at all?

Replies

  • tigtigs
    tigtigs Posts: 52
    The answer is easy...Time to get a new guy!!
  • Sophieabq
    Sophieabq Posts: 2
    Ew this guy of yours sucks!
  • mygrl4meee
    mygrl4meee Posts: 943 Member
    No. Its not you. It sounds like he is being a jerk. Maybe he isn't noticing the change cause he probably see's you everyday. Still its very mean to talk to you that way. Continue to work on your goal or maintain but do it for you and your health.
  • Tracey0013
    Tracey0013 Posts: 154 Member
    I know this might seem mean but maybe he is jealous? or maybe you need to look at who is really the best people to be around. You don't need someone that is always putting you down in life.
  • ndearing0501
    ndearing0501 Posts: 145 Member
    Dump his *kitten*. Maybe ask him when he got to be such an @ss hole.
  • SomeoneSomeplace
    SomeoneSomeplace Posts: 1,094 Member
    He sounds like a d***

    And if you are comfortable with your body that's what matters.

    My ex told me I look liked a concentration cam victim and it as disgusting when I was 115 pounds at barely 5'3. Hardly too thin. I was comfortable with my body at that weight (still am) and it didn't matter what he thought. The relationship didn't last much longer after that. Not just because of that comment but just because of the fact that he was an @sshole.

    It sounds to me like you're a healthy weight and you've worked hard to lose what you have. Maybe his own lack of confidence is showing. But he doesn't sound like he's being very nice
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
    How much does he weigh? Pretty sure that's how much more weight you need to lose...

    All kidding aside, tell him you're down to where you were when you met and his comments aren't helping. Most people say dumb stuff because they don't know it's dumb until we tell them.
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
    I am a lot older than you. However, I experienced the same thing from someone I loved.
    I have been doing a lot of thinking about it. I do not think you should "dump the jerk" right now (unless there are
    other issues).
    I think change is hard for everyone. Humans are creatures of habit.
    You made a "major" change. (Congratulations).
    Now, you have to give your loved ones time to get use to your change and the new person you have become.
    You said, that you are smaller than when you met.
    You might be more confident, as well.
    That is fantastic and you should change that, but maybe give someone you love a little time to get use to it.
    He will have to make a choice. He will either support you in your change or go the other way.

    Just my 2 cents worth.
  • cindl24
    cindl24 Posts: 178
    I would ask him why he got so chubby. My sister's ex said to her one time that she was getting fat. She is 5'4, weighs 105 pounds and compete on a cycling race team.

    Turns out he was just expressing his own insecurities.

    It also pointed out the fact that he was clueless.
  • skcardiog
    skcardiog Posts: 316 Member
    Welcome to dumpsville - population 1 - HIM ! - get rId of him, move on to better .
  • ZiezieO
    ZiezieO Posts: 228 Member
    I think he is jealous, because he has gotten a belly since I've been losing. (weird how that happens). But I think he's too afraid to admit it... so now he says "we" instead of just himself.
  • waronmyfat
    waronmyfat Posts: 322 Member
    I'll tell it you plain and simle hunny "TIME TO GET A NEW MAN"
  • jemjemsh
    jemjemsh Posts: 35 Member
    Jerk. He should think you're beautiful no matter what! Maybe the "when did we get so chubby" is really aimed at himself, and you've dropped the weight while he hasn't. Show him before and after pics as proof
  • ZiezieO
    ZiezieO Posts: 228 Member
    Thanks ya'll. :ohwell: I was feeling down about it. That's why I love it here so much. great community.
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
    He's saying "we"? It's not you, it's his own insecurities about his weight gain and his inability to deal with it. It also might be that he has noticed you've lost weight and he's scared you'll move on - by ignoring your weight loss, he can deny reality. Tell him he's being insensitive to you and it hurts, and then drag his sorry *kitten* to the gym with you. Or dump him, that works too.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    Have you talked to him? Maybe he doesn't mean it to be hurtful. I used to tell my ex husband all the time we got chubby when we got married. I meant nothing mean by it at all. If he ever told me it bothered him, I would have been shocked, but I would have stopped teasing. You said your guy said "we" not "you" so maybe he is just teasing too? Not that it's okay if it hurts your feelings, but does he know it hurts your feelings? Men don't just know... like we expect them to... we have to tell them.
  • kingscrown
    kingscrown Posts: 615 Member
    Yep new guy. My DH saw me put on 100 pounds over the last 25 years and never said a peep. Looking back I think he should have, but how the heck does one do that and not hurt someone's feelings. Honestly, anyone telling me I was fat like mom and dad did when I was a kid never made me wanted to lose weight and I resent them for it now. So, DH did good keeping his lips zipped.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
    I know love is love, but simply put, he sounds like a jerk. if you can look past that, then do so, but a jerk he is. maybe explain your feelings to him better. IDK.
  • bullisnn82
    bullisnn82 Posts: 110
    you have to decide who you're losing the weight for. Are you doing this to be healthier, or to be attractive to him? In the end your ability to maintain will depend on your commitment, so you gotta decide now, or risk putting it all back on in the long run. (side note - dudes usually aren't super smart... just sayin')
  • ZiezieO
    ZiezieO Posts: 228 Member
    I usually reply with, I lost my lbs! I think he is just insecure with himself. This has really cleared that up for me. He hasn't been super excited as me about my health and fitness... He did mention his Christmas wish was for a couples membership to the gym. He's a good fella... just an idiot when it comes to the things that comes out of his mouth.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    So.. you have told him it bothers you when he says that?
  • artickb22
    artickb22 Posts: 411 Member
    Ask him if he's feeling insecure or something because you feel and look great so obvioulsy the problem must lie within him...
  • love22step
    love22step Posts: 1,103 Member
    If he's great in other ways, maybe you can ignore his insecurities. No one is perfect. Consider the whole package. My husband smokes and gets grumpy, at times, from his chronic back pain. Otherwise, he loves me, and I know I can count on him to look out for me. After 20 years, I'm still crazy about him.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    If he's great in other ways, maybe you can ignore his insecurities. No one is perfect. Consider the whole package. My husband smokes and gets grumpy, at times, from his chronic back pain. Otherwise, he loves me, and I know I can count on him to look out for me. After 20 years, I'm still crazy about him.

    ^ well said! congrats on 20 years!
  • faceoff4
    faceoff4 Posts: 1,599 Member
    No guy should ever talk to a woman like that...I agree with the others. Ditch him...you are doing a great job and too beautiful for him...be proud of yourself...you are doing great!
  • ropermom
    ropermom Posts: 52 Member
    Listen to Ladytinker and Missfit---
    Forgive the poor guy. He probably doesn't realize how he sounds to you.
    Maybe he is a tad insecure because of your success. Maybe he has seen you getting some new " looks" from other men.
    That's sweet that he wants a couple gym membership for Christmas.
    Just give him some time and let him know that he is still THE MAN!!

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