My husband is not on board

snykim2005
snykim2005 Posts: 26 Member
in Motivation and Support
I had a new baby in june, and he is the last baby i plan to have. After he was born, at my next check up my doctor talked to me about my weight, and for some reason it actually stuck. So since July I have been working my butt off to lose the weight. The day my son was born I wieghed 307 lbs. I now wiegh 253 ! The problem is , My husband Is also a big guy, he weighs 330 lbs right now. I have been trying so hard to get him to change with me. I make him all healthy meals, like mine, and he wont eat any of it. He is constantly encouraging me to eat badly with him!
He isnt excited when I tell him how much weight im losing, so now I dont even talk to him about it. YOu would think he would be the person i wanted to tell first when I have a loss, but he isnt. He just doesnt seem to care about his wieght, and he always says he doesnt care if I lose any either and says I look great already. Im just afraid for him, He already has some health problems from his wieght ( although he is in denial) . What can I do to fix this situation ? anyone else have an unsupportive significant other?

Replies

  • castell5
    castell5 Posts: 234 Member
    Careful, careful, careful! The husband issue is not uncommon. He is unhappy ( I am sure) at the weight he is, having you heavy with him, was a security so to speak. If you lose all the weight you want to lose and start looking super sexy, he is going to be very "worried" that you will leave him, or other men are looking at you.
    His insecurities in himself will be projected onto you. When and if he says anything negative to you in regard to weight loss, take a few minutes to analyze it in your own head before you snap back at him. Try to figure out why he might have said that (really) and then if you can't continue the conversation without getting into a fight.. redirect the conversation to safer ground.
    He may, in his own time decide to start caring about his own body but he wont do it, if he thinks that you are trying to force him to do it.
    When he talks, listen.. really listen to what he is saying, even if he isn't saying it. And let him pick his own foods if he doesn't want to eat what you cook. My husband eats what I give him, then a bag of Doritos, right in front of me.
    That's his decision. Mine is to not eat the Doritos that are right in front of me. I know where I want to be and Doritos aren't going to stop me from obtaining my goals.
    Good luck.
  • runner7hike
    runner7hike Posts: 1
    I am in same situation, congrats on what you have accomplished! Remember you are doing this because it is for you and it shows love for your family as you will still be there for them because you took care of your health. Keep it up and don't let others lack of support stop you, maybe your good example will motivate them in the future. Find a friend you can share your good news with that will be an outlet, you are an encouragement to me.
  • snykim2005
    snykim2005 Posts: 26 Member
    ^^^^^^ that is exactly what I am worried about :( I dont want to make him feel bad or make him worry . I just wish he would get on board. This would be so much easier for both of us if we were in it together
  • LetsTryThisAgain54
    LetsTryThisAgain54 Posts: 381 Member
    He may not want you to lose because then other guys will be hitting on you. I only say this because I had a friend that tried to discourage his wife NOT to lose weight because he was afraid guys would start giving her attention and hitting on her.
  • amurphy198
    amurphy198 Posts: 45
    Mine is just "whatever". He does not care either way, whether I lose it or keep it on. He is a big guy too, and he complains about the new healthy food in the house. I'm hoping with time, and with the changes he sees in me, he will come around. Maybe that will happen for you?? I'm sure your husband is feeling insecure with your weight loss Bc he has not found the motivation to change his own health yet.
  • jonchew
    jonchew Posts: 239 Member
    Yeah, the more you push - the more likely he'll resist (if he's anything like myself).

    Do what you need to do with your weight/health, but keep a lower profile about it, as it will come-off as bragging and looking down on him because he's not on the same path as yourself. Your slimmer body & healthier, happier attitude will speak volumes for itself.

    He'll lose weight if-and-when he's ready to lose weight, you're certainly not going to coax him into it thru words.

    I can certainly understand how you want to share in your new passion, but to him, I have the feeling that you're threatening him, and in a way calling him lazy and unmotivated... even if you have best of intentions.
  • vmekash
    vmekash Posts: 422 Member
    Do what you need to do for yourself. If/when your hubby wants to, and is ready, he will quietly tag along in the shadows. Sometimes the spouse fears failing at the very thing in which you're finding success. So, they first don't even try. Then, when/if ready, they do it w/o drawing any attention to it. THEN, if they're successful, they start sharing and encouraging.

    The bottom line is that you need to do this w/o support. You have to be able to do it w/o support just in case you find yourself, at times, w/o support, so that you don't go back to any bad practices.

    Best of luck on your journey. :happy:
  • leeanneowens
    leeanneowens Posts: 319 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss. My advice would be to keep doing what you are doing and don't push your husband. As I am sure you know from your own experience, having someone telling you that you need to lose weight or eat better is not going to make it happen. He has to come to the decision to do it for himself. Just keep up your hard work and lead by example. That will probably go fruther than making suggestions to him.
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    Lead by example.
  • IvaRai
    IvaRai Posts: 46 Member
    First of all congrats on the weight loss! 2nd... You said that you cook food for yourself and him. Well if he doesn't eat it put it in a food container and you can eat it at your next meal. Don't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. It would be like telling a baby to change their own diaper. It WON'T happen :) .. I think once you start getting skinner he is going to realize that you are happier. He will then decide (on his own) that he needs to do something new.
  • eandrsmom
    eandrsmom Posts: 119
    He's got to want it, just like you do. And one day, he will. Or....maybe he won't. If your husband is anything like mine, he isn't going to do the first thing about changing himself until he feels like it is his idea, not yours. Kinda like getting one of the kids to go off the diving board.....you push him off the edge, it is tears and terror at the pool for the rest of the season. But if you let him dive in when he's ready, he'll probably be glad he tried. Congrats on the little one, and congrats on your progress!!!!
  • Tina2Cats
    Tina2Cats Posts: 493 Member
    He may not want you to lose because then other guys will be hitting on you. I only say this because I had a friend that tried to discourage his wife NOT to lose weight because he was afraid guys would start giving her attention and hitting on her.

    I'm up against the same thing with my husband. He tells me I am fine the way I am and does not support my weight loss. He is obese himself, but is not motivated or does not care to do anything about it and eats unhealthy foods and wants me to do the same. I choose not to, hard as that is. He has said himself that he does not want other guys looking at me and/or other guys trying to hit on me. So he is insecure about my losing weight, but I am doing it for me, not to attract other guys. yes, I want to look better, but I want to feel better about myself, too and be healthier.

    I do hope that my hubby will eventually get on board with me and we can do this together.
  • onyxgirl17
    onyxgirl17 Posts: 1,722 Member
    I would be worried for his health. Too many people in my family have died young as an indirect cause of maintaining an obese weight.
  • Tina2Cats
    Tina2Cats Posts: 493 Member
    Lead by example.

    I think this is the only way to reach my dear hubby. I will do this.
  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
    Lead by example.

    Don't try to get him to lose weight. It won't work. Lead by example and you might even find he will jump on board when you lose and bit more and start looking hot.
  • Tina2Cats
    Tina2Cats Posts: 493 Member
    I would be worried for his health. Too many people in my family have died young as an indirect cause of maintaining an obese weight.

    I am worried for his health and want him to lose weight with me, but he has to want this ,too. He is very stubborn and set in his ways. At this point, I think the only way I can reach him is by example. Hopefully, when I lose enough weight for him to notice, he will want do something about his and get on board with me.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    It is usually those whom you are closest that have the biggest issues with lifestyle changes. After 15 years of marriage, I've learned that no matter what you set in front of him, if he simply doesn't like it, he won't eat it.

    When we first met, the only vegetable he would eat was onion rings. Now he will request broccoli as a side dish with his dinner. It took a while, but now he is eating much more balanced meals and enjoys making his own protein smoothies to get extra fruit in his diet.

    I had to come at it from a manly perspective to get him interested in eating better. I started getting ideas from places like bodybuilding.com and Men's Health magazine as to how to "sell" a healthier diet to a macho guy (my husband is a construction worker, it doesn't get much more macho than that).
  • SilverLotusGirl
    SilverLotusGirl Posts: 537 Member
    Focus on what you can do for yourself and your health and the heath of you kids. You can't get someone to change to doesn't want to. Just stay committed to your plan and hopefully he's join you.
  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
    Mine didn't get on board till the doctor gave him 3 choices. 1. Go on a diet and lose weight 2. Have stomach surgery 3. Go on insulin. He's on MFP and has the bigger weight loss but he's more active and younger too. He's looking great!

Categories