Mother sabotaging my healthy eating

prettyxpetite
prettyxpetite Posts: 14 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
This is going to sound pretty paranoid but it feels like my mum has always been out to sabotage me when I start eating healthy. She pushes things, like if I put my foot down when we’re shopping and pick out a healthy lunch, she will buy us each a cupcake for later. When we’ve dieted together when I was younger, she would start bending the ‘rules’ with stuff like “well sugar should be allowed for tea” etc. and then I would follow suit and the diet would disintegrate.She has never needed to properly diet herself, she is at most 10lbs overweight whereas I'm currently about 55lbs overweight.

I know that I’m 22 and my own person but she’s my mother and instead of helping me she has just constantly placed temptation in my way when ever I want to loose weight, it’s really tough, I’ve only started seeing real progress now that I no longer live at home.

I only say this now because despite this vow to do better and loose more weight, I’m heading home in two weeks for christmas and my eating habits will be even more under her control as she does the shopping…

I can’t place the blame wholly on my mother but every time I visit her or she visits me for a few days my healthy eating just struggles and then I get out of good habits for at least a week after.


Help appreciated!

Replies

  • foodie178
    foodie178 Posts: 47 Member
    obviously you need to make it clear to your mom that you're really striving to make drastic diet changes and although you appreciate her desire to feed you and give you unhealthy treats, it's really making it difficult for you to accomplish your goals. let her know that you recognize that she isnt deliberately trying to sabotage you, but by tempting you she is doing so. if it helps, you should share your goals and plan with her so that if all goes well, best case scenario she could even help you out over the holidays by providing healthy options. parents by nature want whats in their children's best interest, so by clarifying what you want she will most likely want to support you! good luck (:
  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,068 Member
    my eating habits will be even more under her control

    Fix this part.
  • Cranktastic
    Cranktastic Posts: 1,517 Member
    Only you decide what goes in your mouth.
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
    She isn't actually putting the cupcake in your mouth, so just tell her you don't want it. Be firm. If she starts to freak out, explain that you don't want to derail your progress and you're trying to develop better habits. If she refuses to accept that and respect it, then you need to have a serious chat.

    As far as Christmas is concerned, could you bring some stuff to put in the fridge? Also, if she decides to have donuts for breakfast one morning, there's nothing stopping you from scrambling some eggs. It might hurt her feelings, but if you've addressed the issue already and she refuses to accept it, then it's her problem, not yours.
  • cedarghost
    cedarghost Posts: 621 Member
    Are those pictures of you in your profile? If so, where do you have weight to lose?
  • themeaningofthemorning
    themeaningofthemorning Posts: 320 Member
    I totally get this sentiment, I do. But here's some tough love - at a certain point, you have to stop letting yourself follow your mother's suit. YOU are responsible for your weight loss. She clearly has very different needs to you, considering the discrepancies in how much weight each of you are carrying, so it's actually a bit unfair to expect her to follow the same diet as you. If you want to make a commitment to losing weight, you need to make the commitment on your own and you need to follow through on your own. You can't blame what other's put in front of you; you can only blame yourself for picking it up and putting it in your mouth.

    At the end of the day, yes, your mother could definitely be more helpful. But does she HAVE to be? No. The only person who has a responsibility here is you! And if she doesn't want to be a weight loss ally, stuff her! You're strong and capable and you can do this on your own!

    Here's something that might help you out with portioning the dangerous food over Christmas: http://www.foodnetwork.com/healthy-eating/10-tips-perfect-portion-sizes/pictures/index.html
  • CarmenLynn75
    CarmenLynn75 Posts: 118 Member
    Stand up for you. Period. Tactfully. But if tact doesn't work- then be blunt. It's YOUR body. Yes you're her daughter and she'll try to control or guide (depending on her person) you forever- it's up to you to make it clear!
  • Auzziedoggie
    Auzziedoggie Posts: 66 Member
    Is your mom competitive? Is she competitive with you in other areas? My mother is a total narcissist and would love it if I was fatter/looked older than her. Some moms don't always have their kids' best interests at heart, as much as that goes against what society expects.

    I am not saying your mom is a narcissist but with some people, you cannot expect them to be supportive. It's a good lesson to not expect things from people generally. This is sad but you'll be happier in the long run.
  • onyxgirl17
    onyxgirl17 Posts: 1,722 Member
    I think you need to be stronger and stand up to your mom. If losing weight is important to you, and getting healthier, you will make better food choices no matter the situation. I turn down junk food regularly and I don't feel bad at all for doing it.
  • Maryloucoleman7
    Maryloucoleman7 Posts: 5
    I think you should eat your healthy diet before you go and just say---NO THANK YOU.......I am full.
  • shirleygirl910
    shirleygirl910 Posts: 503 Member
    My mother always had to do what I was doing, then it turned into a competition. I could imagine her buying us cupcakes and saying, "We've worked so hard, we deserve one little treat:. She always did things to sabotage, and deep down it was destroying, and not encouraging. But she would try to make it sound encouraging.

    It's hard and all I can say is I know where you are at. You aren't going to change her so you sort of have to get a thick skin towards it. I like the portion size tips (from themeaningofthemorgning), just make it a game within yourself. Only eat a portion and log everything. Take a walk after dinner if you can. Stay as active as you can along with eating less. If she has yams on the table, you don't have to eat everything.

    This time is for you. Don't let her ruin it for you, but understand you will not change her. So keep a good mind set. Concentrate on what you are doing with your life and how you have changed for the better. Be proud of yourself and try not to let her get to you. (easier said than done)
  • bradwwood
    bradwwood Posts: 371 Member
    Are those pictures of you in your profile? If so, where do you have weight to lose?

    Seriously - while I agree with what everyone else said, if those are pics of you, you don't have 55lbs to lose.

    Please verify
  • Ashleyr91
    Ashleyr91 Posts: 12
    My mom does the same thing and has my entire life. But, not in the way of competition. She just hates that I'm losing weight and thinks I shouldn't and that I should eat junk like everyone else in my family does every day.

    When we go out to eat lunch together, and I order, say, a salad.. she'll make disgusted faces while she watches me eat it as if it's the most disgusting thing in the world. She rolls her eyes at achievements I'm proud of. She makes every effort she can to make sure I know she doesn't want me to lose any weight. DEmotivation at it's finest.

    I say.. enjoy the holidays. Don't let anyone ruin it for you. Do what ever YOU want to do and don't let anyone get in the way. Mothers can be a diet's worst nightmare, but only if you let them be.
  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
    Are those pictures of you in your profile? If so, where do you have weight to lose?

    Was thinking the same thing.
  • firelle
    firelle Posts: 118 Member
    Are those pictures of you in your profile? If so, where do you have weight to lose?

    Was thinking the same thing.

    Unless she's crazy tall and fit starting at ~176 must mean they're stock. Lots of people do that. /offtopic
  • prairiewalker
    prairiewalker Posts: 184 Member
    my eating habits will be even more under her control

    Fix this part.

    Side Steel has it pinpointed exactly!!!!!
    I suggest you:
    1. Pack all your snacks (14 raw almonds per snack baggie, an apple, a protein bar, EAS carb control liquid shake, etc.)
    2. Make your own plate at meals and limit quantity and selections..just because it's served..doesn't mean you have to "try" it...stick to veggies and meat
    3. Calmly tell your mother the facts: it's your life, your choice and you would appreciate support but if support can't be given, then it's still your choice, your life..no hard feelings, but no means no when it comes to food intake.

    Good Luck!

    PS
    I am also in agreement with the others regarding the picture of the very long, lean legs...if you are in fact trying to be too lean..then I understand why your mother would try to counterbalance your deprivation of food by sneaking fun memories and food into your day...which isn't necessarily a good choice either but the pendulum will swing wide when one choice is extreme..so be careful and remember that in the long run it's all about balance.
  • Firefox7275
    Firefox7275 Posts: 2,040 Member
    Firstly sorry but I don't see healthy eating in your diary, you are eating processed diet junk and a ton of sugar, there are no vegetables, fruit or fish in sight. If you fill up on protein fibre and healthy fats and retrain your tastebuds to appreciate real food you will find it much easier to resist temptation.

    I suspect you are in the UK if so research our healthy eating guidelines: should be a maximum of 10% of daily calories as sugary/ fatty/ processed/ snacky food, a minimum of five portions of fruits and veggies (preferably seven to nine), oily fish a couple of times a week, minimum half of all carbs as wholegrains, at least 18g of fibre a day.

    Secondly practice the 'broken record technique' - plan some stock phrases that you repeat over and over and over again until your mother gets the message. No debating, explaining or bargaining - "no thank you" or "I'm full right now" or "I'd prefer X, thank you".

    Then take healthy food with you to your mothers - any dried fruit, nuts, seeds, high quality low sugar cereal bars, low sugar protein bars, real cheese portions, small cans of fish, flavoured oat cakes or Ryvita, longer life fresh fruit like apples.
  • gooellie
    gooellie Posts: 39
    My mom does this to every time I do good she wants to stop it I know it sounds weird but I don't think she can stand the idea of me being smaller then her it sounds horrible but it is true now that I'm getting close she is starting to diet to and then she gets so mad at me when they go out to eat and I skip because I know there is nothing for me to eat there. I think once I'm a lot smaller then her she will except it and be happy for me. But it takes me being strong and saying no. Yesterday I had to say no to mc Donald's for lunch then cinnamon rolls then cookies. Its hard but always remember how much you want this
  • MaggieSporleder
    MaggieSporleder Posts: 428 Member
    If she's anything like my mother she's not trying to sabotage you, but simply has poor will power of her own. Mine constantly "forgets" that I am dieting, and simply trying to get my family healthier. She fills my kids with processed sugar, and caffiene. I really don't believe she has ill will, but just thinks everyone needs, what she eats.
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
    Take the cupcake and throw it on the ground. She will only buy you so many cupcakes before she decides the ground has had enough.
  • Freidon
    Freidon Posts: 169 Member
    I have a similiar issue with my mom. I've overheard her talk about how worried she is about me "because she's lost a lot of weight recently and do you think it might be an eating disorder I think it might be an eating disorder she didn't even have any cake it's Thanksgiving she can have one piece of cake....." , etc.

    I'm eating 1300-1500 calories a day. I just now got out of the overweight category. When you cook calorie dense foods, I'm not going to eat very much of them. No, Mother, that does not mean I have an eating disorder.
  • prettyxpetite
    prettyxpetite Posts: 14 Member
    Thanks for all the advice, I'll try the less extreme stuff first, like explaining over and over and trying to be strong. When I'm home it's because it's christmas break (I'm a university student) and I'm utterly broke so I can't afford my own food but I'll try and convince her that I must have the things that I'm asking for

    No that's not me in my picture ^^ don't worry, I just find it inspiring.
  • cyberletat
    cyberletat Posts: 8 Member
    I totally get this sentiment, I do. But here's some tough love - at a certain point, you have to stop letting yourself follow your mother's suit. YOU are responsible for your weight loss. She clearly has very different needs to you, considering the discrepancies in how much weight each of you are carrying, so it's actually a bit unfair to expect her to follow the same diet as you. If you want to make a commitment to losing weight, you need to make the commitment on your own and you need to follow through on your own. You can't blame what other's put in front of you; you can only blame yourself for picking it up and putting it in your mouth.

    At the end of the day, yes, your mother could definitely be more helpful. But does she HAVE to be? No. The only person who has a responsibility here is you! And if she doesn't want to be a weight loss ally, stuff her! You're strong and capable and you can do this on your own!

    <<<This. Gone through this myself and everytime I go home it is a struggle. Think about how far you have come to summon the strengthh to just say "No" or "latter" and discretely chuck it out.

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