Let's remember our true goals

Hey everyone--
This is actually a blog post from my own blog http://freedomhunger.blogspot.com, but I thought I would share on here. Also, this is about recovery from an eating disorder, but I realized honestly...it applies to everyone on here. The jist...our long-term goal isn't weight loss, gain, or maintenance really, but achieving "normal" eating and lifestyle. I think sometimes (and know from reading some post on here) we get so caught up in the numbers and weights, we lose site of our goal. So without further ado...the post (adapted for MFP):

One of my lovely friends in recovery said something nonchalantly to me today that honestly has begun to revolutionize my thoughts. These past few days of thinking I honestly think are preparing me for that next step into true recovery. And this piece added today...it just pushes me more.

Basically I was struggling with a food ritual I do that has led to restriction. I was texting her about it because I was trying not to do it and needed support. She then told me that " 'normal' eaters wouldn't do it." Woah...what? Brakes on...why are we talking about normal eating?

You see these past few months of fighting weight gain and struggling with that and fighting to switch over to exchange based system and just being so focused on not being anorexic...well it has me purely focused on anorexia and weight gain, nothing else. Somehow my end goal had become solely gaining weight...no wonder I struggle. The whole reason I developed this disorder was to control weight gain so fighting for a goal I don't want is well....pointless. And weight isn't something that is at all stable or normal in progression (we all know the lovely water weight struggle). But normal eating....why that's something I want.

In fact I realized that's always been the point of treatment and for many of us the point of using MFP. When I am inpatient or residential the reasons they have so many rules about how you eat the food is to avoid doing behaviors that aren't normal. If the goal was just to gain weight....they wouldn't care how we ate they would just care that we ate. And here on MFP people say not to ban any particular food and not to get caught up on a cheat day. Why? Because though one day or one "bad" food choice may cause a momentary gain of weight....it's part of normal eating. Are you forever going to ask for fruit instead of cake at your b-day...I don't think so.

If the end goal of nutritional therapy was to gain weight...I would never have to see an outpatient nutritionist when I left inpatient treatment and was at my goal weight, but treatment centers always made me. And if the end goal for many on MFP was to lose weight, we would all leave once we met our weight goals instead of staying during maintenance. Why? Because I still wasn't normal with food and some of us on MFP are still learning how we can eat at restaraunts, go on trips, be with family and eat "normally." For me it means getting rid of distrust and distorted behaviors around food. For others it may be learning how to listen to their bodies cues instead of calorie counting. Or eating at restaraunts. Or learning how to have your cake and not worry about your weight loss goal while eating it.

This may seem trivial...realizing I am in treatment not to gain weight, but to become a normal eater. But it's far from trivial. You see I can accept the task of learning how to eat much more than learning that it's okay to gain weight. And for those here to lose weight, isn't it easier to accept that water weight when you realize that week you did "normal" eating so the one week of water weight gain can be accepted. We can look at our calorie goals, food choices, or meal plans as classes we are doing is learning how to eat again. So I have to stop the minor non-normal behaviors I have because they stand in the way of my "learning."

Another groundbreaking thing from this....I have lost the excuse I have with some of my behaviors. You see whenever I am using some of my ED behaviors like skimping portions I rationalize it because I say it doesn't matter if I am gaining weight anyway. If I am gaining weight doing it and my end goal is to gain weight....then I have met the goal and don't have to get rid of it. But if my end goal is "normal" eating and I take prepackaged items and leave some behind "just in case" it's too big....well that's not normal and it stands in the way of my goal. Weight gain, loss, or maintenance plays no factor...it's just the "normalcy" of the behavior that matters.

Same thing with people on here for weight loss. I know sometimes people avoid certain foods or restaraunts because they are afraid of how it will impeded their weight loss. But eating occasional treats and going out to restaraunts is part of normal eating. Having a day off from your 5 day a week workout routine because you are sore is part of being normal. There may be a fear of an uptick in the scale because of it, but if your goal is being "normal" again this isn't such a point of panic.

Same thing with eating the same foods or with meal timing...pretty much everything I still do that I justify as okay because I don't think it will stand in the way of my gaining weight. If it is not part of the "normal" eating I am supposed to be practicing...then it can't be a part of my life.

There is also a positive side to all this. It also means that the weeks I don't gain because my body decides to rev its metabolism...that weight isn't a sign of my success or failure. It means those weeks when people on weight loss don't lose because of water weight or stress or whatever, it doesn't mean they failed. How we do in practicing "normal" eating is what is a measure of success. Actually, come to think about it, if my goal of treatment isn't reaching some ideal weight, but is normal eating, then I have no reason to think of weight whatsoever. Now, my team's goal may be weight gain, but if that's not my goal, then weight is only something my team has to focus on. All I have to do throughout the week is focus on whether my behaviors are normal, not whether they are making me gain weight (which leads to an obsession about how fast that is or is no happening).

So if the scale is frustrating you, then perhaps use another measure of success and let your doctors or trainer or whoever monitor your weight. Keep your focus on the true goal...on living a normal, healthy lifestyle. Being free of weight and food struggles. Overcoming the health complication weight struggles may bring.

So for this week I am going to try and look at my actions with a new perspective/goal in mind: I want to be a "normal" eater. My meal plan is the practice I need at normal amounts of intake and frequency. My meals and snacks are chances to practice normal eating techniques.

Anyone else want to join the fight to normalcy? Found this quote below, just to remind us this fight for freedom and normalcy won't be easy, but WE ARE COURAGEOUS!