Lower confidence now than when I was +50lbs. Anyone else?

ashlielinn
ashlielinn Posts: 920
in Motivation and Support
Would love all of your insights! Last night while unpacking (I just moved into a new place this past weekend), I tried on my favorite pair of jeans from college that I wore during my lowest adult weight up until now - a time I truly felt I looked great! They were HUGE (just about fell right off), which is wonderful, of course, and I threw them straight into my "donate" pile (which is now about 5 trash bags big - crazy!)

Here's the part with which I'm struggling - I know I'm the lowest weight I've been since I can even remember when. I see it on the scale. I feel it and see it when my clothes are constantly too big. I feel it when I run farther and faster than I ever have and I'm drenched in sweat. I see it when I look at old pictures of myself. One place I don't see it - in the mirror. I still feel like I'm fat and disgusting, and I don't know how to convince myself to really believe I'm not. I honestly had more confidence when I was heavier than I do now. Has anyone else experienced this? Any ideas on how to get past the mental block and be happy with the progress I've made so far and continue to make every day? Will I EVER be happy with my body?

Thanks for your two cents and all your support! I love, love, love mfps!!!

Replies

  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    I think we all struggle when we weigh in to much and stare at ourselves constantly in the morror. we cant see it, but others can. My husband has the same problem right now. Its very irritating actually. hes more obsessed than I ever was. The only time I worry is when I feel bloated and yuk. other wise I weigh in almost never. as far as the mirror goes, I have my moments as well but not as often since the scale isnt much help but the clothing size tells the story, Im more worried about inches that weight at this point. And the fact that your not fat shows in the clothing. Your obsessing to much. Your fine!:flowerforyou:
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    BUMP
  • ashlielinn
    ashlielinn Posts: 920
    I actually don't weigh myself regularly. Maybe once every three or four months. I purposely don't do that because I know I'd be obsessed if I did. It's not a progress thing. I know I'm making progress and I'm happy about that, it's a mental thing about the way I'm seeing my body. Doesn't make sense!
  • healthyKYgirl
    healthyKYgirl Posts: 272 Member
    I know if I look in the mirror and pick apart what I still need to "fix" or change or am unhappy with, then I don't like myself. But when I am heavier, I try to find one thing I like about myself so I don't feel so bad about the overall picture. Maybe, when you look at yourself instead of being critical which you've probably been because of your weight loss journey in trying to motivate yourself to continue, maybe you could find one thing that you really like and work on recognizing the really nice and good things about yourself.

    For example, look at the mirror and find how the shape of your calves look or the bicep muscles you see now and just think about how much you love those little things about yourself. Try to keep finding more things that you like over time. Does that make sense? I think that might make you appreciate your body and like it how it is now.
  • vickieross
    vickieross Posts: 53 Member
    I can tell you, your mind set is what will make you gain back the weight you've lost or that's what has always happened to me. Every time I've ever gotten to the weight I wanted to be, I would start gaining again. It's as if my mind doesn't think I should be happy with my success.
  • ashlielinn
    ashlielinn Posts: 920
    I know if I look in the mirror and pick apart what I still need to "fix" or change or am unhappy with, then I don't like myself. But when I am heavier, I try to find one thing I like about myself so I don't feel so bad about the overall picture. Maybe, when you look at yourself instead of being critical which you've probably been because of your weight loss journey in trying to motivate yourself to continue, maybe you could find one thing that you really like and work on recognizing the really nice and good things about yourself.

    For example, look at the mirror and find how the shape of your calves look or the bicep muscles you see now and just think about how much you love those little things about yourself. Try to keep finding more things that you like over time. Does that make sense? I think that might make you appreciate your body and like it how it is now.

    Great advice :) Thank you!
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    Sometimes you need to train your mind consciously to make the right connections because it doesn't do so unconsciously.

    There's a raft of self help books and programmes to do so based on things like NLP or visualisation techniques. One of my favourites is "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz which, whilst many years old now, is still as relevant today as it ever was.

    I think that it is often easy to overlook that "slimmer" does not always equate with "easier." There's a whole new kind of pressure that comes with being slim in comparison to be overweight, a whole new set of expectations and demands to deal with. Whilst overweight people complain sometimes about being "invisible" sometimes being "visible" isn't all that great either...
  • EdTheGinge
    EdTheGinge Posts: 1,616 Member
    I still see myself as I was when 60lbs heavier when I look in the mirror, doesn't matter how many times people say otherwise or the loosening of clothes. Advice I don't have any but sometimes it's nice to know that you're not the only one to think like that.
  • ashlielinn
    ashlielinn Posts: 920
    I still see myself as I was when 60lbs heavier when I look in the mirror, doesn't matter how many times people say otherwise or the loosening of clothes. Advice I don't have any but sometimes it's nice to know that you're not the only one to think like that.

    Definitely nice to know I'm not the only one! Makes me feel a little more sane! Thanks so much! :)
  • petechiae
    petechiae Posts: 147 Member
    Truth is, if you're not happy with yourself right now, you will not be happy even at your goal weight. You work your body, but you've got some psychological homework to do as well. I think it is very important to find the cause of that low confidence in order to cure it. Have you ever been a victim of bullying, or excessive emphasis on aesthetic appearance by close relatives? Are you recovering from an eating disorder, or trying to? Any trauma that can be linked to this at all?

    Body dysmorphia is a real thing. I am not saying that you have it, I am in no way qualified to make this diagnosis. However, if you ever feel like you're never going to see the end of it, consider seeing a therapist or a mental health counselor. Talk about it to someone you can trust and that is able to see from outside the box, to figure out the roots of that self-deprecation.

    I wish you the best of luck, cutie pie. Congrats on that incredible weight loss, and you look absolutely gorgeous. xx
  • shelleyspots
    shelleyspots Posts: 89
    It's funny how our self image can sabotage us. When other people started noticing my weight loss, I said that I couldn't see it. I really couldn't and was frustrated. I knew I was wearing smaller clothes, but all I could see was my stomach was still big and my thighs were still jiggly! What I did was start collecting photos! I got some before pics and had my daughter take some pictures of me every 10 pounds or so. Now when I feel dissatisfied, I take the before pictures out and line them up and look at the most recent pictures. It really helps me to nail in my mind what I look like now. I also spend time thinking about how I define myself. I'm a size 14 now, not a 22. I am average. I am no longer obese. People don't see me as a fat person any more. You have to tell yourself who you are and redefine yourself to yourself! The pictures really helped me, try it!
  • leolin6
    leolin6 Posts: 57
    I think that it is a emotional picture we see in the mirror. We have to say positive things when we see ourselves. Force ourselves to see the reflection and say the positive changes that have happen in our lives each time. Overweight people sometimes are the worst critics, be nice to yourself emotionally. No matter what the scales said when I was smalle,r I wasn't very happy with that weight. Gaining a lot of weight, now I think I would be happy with those past weights. I'm working towards those past weights and each time I hit a goal I'm not happy that I'm at that level but happy because it is going down. Ironic huh?
  • ashlielinn
    ashlielinn Posts: 920
    Truth is, if you're not happy with yourself right now, you will not be happy even at your goal weight. You work your body, but you've got some psychological homework to do as well. I think it is very important to find the cause of that low confidence in order to cure it. Have you ever been a victim of bullying, or excessive emphasis on aesthetic appearance by close relatives? Are you recovering from an eating disorder, or trying to? Any trauma that can be linked to this at all?

    Body dysmorphia is a real thing. I am not saying that you have it, I am in no way qualified to make this diagnosis. However, if you ever feel like you're never going to see the end of it, consider seeing a therapist or a mental health counselor. Talk about it to someone you can trust and that is able to see from outside the box, to figure out the roots of that self-deprecation.

    I wish you the best of luck, cutie pie. Congrats on that incredible weight loss, and you look absolutely gorgeous. xx


    There are definitely some things from my childhood that caused some issues. I had been through counseling when I was a child to help try to resolve some, and did make a lot of progress, but they never really touched on this side of it. Maybe they're somehow related?
  • UhOhItsKylie
    UhOhItsKylie Posts: 92 Member
    One of my biggest struggles was learning to be kind to myself. If a friend or loved one told you that they've lost X amount of weight or inches, you would likely NEVER respond with, "yeah, but you're still fat" or "you still have disgusting thighs/huge hips/flabby arms/ect"...so why is it okay to say such things to yourself?

    Once I stopped striving for perfection was when I was truly happiest and started enjoying my results for what they were. Is my body exactly where I want it to be? Nope. Do I love myself and my body anyway? Absolutely.
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    I've gotten a lot better now but around the time I first hit my goal, I would often feel bad about how hard I worked and how I'd hit my goal but still looked fat in the mirror. But every now and then, like, getting dressed for work, I would see a glimpse of myself from a slightly different angle. It would just catch my eye and I would say to myself "wow, he has a nice shape" for the split second before I realized I was looking at myself. Once my brain caught up, then the perception would morph into "oh not good enough because of this this and that".

    But after four or five months, I realize I how I look now, to everyone else, to me, and I'm okay with it. I'm happy and proud, and I look forward to getting better.
  • _lizzie_
    _lizzie_ Posts: 130
    I still see myself as I was when 60lbs heavier when I look in the mirror, doesn't matter how many times people say otherwise or the loosening of clothes. Advice I don't have any but sometimes it's nice to know that you're not the only one to think like that.

    Me too. Sometimes I still think I weigh150lbs and am a size 14! I put my size 4's on and am like WOW! I cant believe it!...all the time. Honestly, sounds weird but I try to memorize pictures of myself now...Trying to get used to who am now and what I look like today. It seems to really put people off when they make a comment about how tiny I am and I go "Who me?"....but its getting better. Im sure it will get better for you. Just keep on keeping on.
  • itgeekwoman
    itgeekwoman Posts: 804 Member
    I think it can depend on the day and our moods. Personally, I have a challenge with my self image. I have lost a lot of weight and gone from a 24 to an 8/10 (it depends on the day). My weight fluctuates regularly and I'm ok with that because my clothes still fit. What I have a challenge with is looking in the mirror at the gym, knowing that I work out hard and often. I eat well and I am committed to this long term.. and yet still seeing back boobs, underarm flab and all the other sins of my past.

    Yes they will go away. Yes I am doing all of the right things to get there. and YES I will get there. My path is not easy, but it's mine. My success is worth it. I am worth it.

    When I get really down I look at my kids and realize that I have influenced them and they are healthier for it. I will have to figure out my own self image "stuff", but in the meantime, I know that I'm doing all that I can to achieve my goals without going full out crazy.

    Good luck. You aren't alone!
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
    I have heard others say this and I can honestly say I haven't experienced this.... but then again I was so big and had so many medical problems that how I look is important to me but how I feel is more important. I can do things I have never been able to do, I love the freedom being in shape gives me, and I worked hard to get where I am and I'm really proud of thatl. I have saggy skin, boobs down to the knees, and I'll never have a 6 pack but I don't care.. I've always had a healthy ego before, now I know how truly awesome I am. Try to focus on the stuff you have accomplished beyond how you look and maybe it will help you to realize you are damn good and you have done something that a lot people can't do.
  • MissJanet55
    MissJanet55 Posts: 457 Member
    I try looking at myself the same way I look at my friends. When I see a picture of myself and think "ughfatuglydisgusting" I try to remember that when I look at pictures of friends I always think about how their essential self shines through in their smile or the look in their eyes. I see *them*, not their weight, and I try to apply this to myself as well.

    Which is not to say it is easy. I sure wish I appreciated what I looked like when I was 25 years old. I was 60 lbs less than I weigh now, a bit underweight but very strong and fit, and all I ever thought about my body was that it was huge. It's a constant struggle, and the struggle is with our minds more than our bodies.
  • Jpinpoint
    Jpinpoint Posts: 219 Member
    I'm not sure how appropriate this statement is, but I have always looked at myself in the mirror with "Fat Goggles" on. No matter my weight, 120 pounds, 250 pounds, always with a bright shiny pair of fat goggles on.

    My mom was an RN for 20+ yrs and she went into nutrition for diabetics, geriatric mostly. I lived with her for awhile as an adult when she was sick, she would admonish my eating habits because she said I looked at everything through "Fat Goggles".

    The premise is the same as "Beer Goggles".

    We spend our lives looking in the mirror and attempting to SEE ourselves. The mirror rarely gives us back what we are looking for. The self esteem/confidence is from inside versus in a mirror.

    My assumption is that when we make an attempt and successfully navigate our new healthy lifestyles we forget to bring our self esteem and confidence with us.

    It is always much easier to lose weight than gain confidence in the end result.

    I hope you can find your self esteem and confidence. To lose weight healthily is a great achievement. I hope you can see yourself one day. :)
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    I've lost 11.5 pounds so far (in four months). Doesn't sound like much compared to most people here but on a 5 foot 0 inches frame, I know it's a good chunk. I look at myself in the mirror, measure and weigh a lot. I like my reflection most in the morning and least right after a workout. Some days I actually feel smaller, like this morning. MOST days, I look at myself and think "yeah, I've lost weight, I can kinda see it but I look like a miniature of the fatter me. I can't pinpoint where the weight has been lost from. I still have 32 pounds to go and it'll likely come off the places I hate the most LAST. So, I'm hanging in here, trudging away, a half pound at a time. I hope my mind and my body can arrive at my goal close to the same time. I hear the mind is usually the last to arrive.
  • ashlielinn
    ashlielinn Posts: 920
    One of my biggest struggles was learning to be kind to myself. If a friend or loved one told you that they've lost X amount of weight or inches, you would likely NEVER respond with, "yeah, but you're still fat" or "you still have disgusting thighs/huge hips/flabby arms/ect"...so why is it okay to say such things to yourself?

    Once I stopped striving for perfection was when I was truly happiest and started enjoying my results for what they were. Is my body exactly where I want it to be? Nope. Do I love myself and my body anyway? Absolutely.

    SO glad you could get past it! <3
  • plynn54
    plynn54 Posts: 912 Member
    when i lost 80 lbs before i still felt fat...now that ive gained it all back i look at those pics and think holy crap i was small. Maybe if you take a picture of yourself and you will be able to see your progress better. Better yet go get some great pics taken :)

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