Feeling a lack of support

latchington
latchington Posts: 12
in Motivation and Support
I find that talking about my progress is somewhat disheartening to all but a couple of people. The friend who recommended this to me, and my husband I feel are the only people who are supportive.

When I said to some of my family 'Next year I'll fit in that coat!' and the response was laughter. They think that I'm 'all talk' and I won't get anywhere because I'll get bored. I've been doing this since September!! I've already lost 12lbs and that's just not enough, and I'm just feeling disheartened and miserable, but I'm also determined to do this for myself. It just makes me so angry.

When I'd lost 10lbs I said I was proud of myself, and instead of 'well done' I got 'well your brother has lost 13' - good for him. I've come to terms with the fact that I can't do anything better than him, and anything I try, he will do, and do it better, but it made me feel low, and it meant that I was no longer proud of myself.

How have you overcome bumps in the road? I have so much more to lose and sometimes I really feel like giving up :(
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Replies

  • lollycrlk
    lollycrlk Posts: 5
    you are not on your own, you are just like me and many other people on here, we have to do this together to make it work :smile:
    you have to focus on you, there will always be someone who can do somethings better than you but your main focus is you and your own journey.
    feel free to add me for some support
  • petechiae
    petechiae Posts: 147 Member
    Those persons that laughed it out should become a boost of motivation! Next year, you will show them how you rock that nice coat. Show them that you're not that "all talk" they're talking about. Honestly, let the talkers talk. They have no idea what they are talking about and that is just a way for them to show their own insecurity. Prove them wrong.

    "Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher." ~Oprah Winfrey

    I'd also suggest adding people from here! We're all a big bunch of supporters, after all. :) We're all in the same boat. Feel free to add me!

    Congratulations for your fantastic weight loss of 12 pounds. There is no small victory. xx
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    This has nothing to do with anyone but you. Do it for you, and you won't need a ton of support. I didn't tell anyone that I was even wanting to lose weight, I just started doing it. Now, I have people telling me they can tell I've lost weight, or ask if I've lost weight because they notice it.

    It's all about doing it, you'll get more support as you go along. The most important thing isn't about seeing how many people can cheer you along, it's about how far you can cheer yourself along, because in the end, it's all about your health and your mental well-being.
  • Debby0904
    Debby0904 Posts: 151 Member
    I agree, that should motivate you to prove them wrong. There is a lot of support on here to keep you going if you need it. Don't give up! You can do and be whatever you set your mind to!
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
    That's why a lot of us are here. My family tries to be supportive...they just don't know how. And I've always been the forgotten one in my family....I'm the emotionally independent one who's not a basket case, which leaves my family to focus on the less than emotionally stable peeps in my family lol. So I get my support here. Shame we didn't have internet when I lost my weight in 1987 lol. I had my diary then...that diary was my ear that year! I still have it b/c that's when I lost my weight!
  • algebravoodoo
    algebravoodoo Posts: 776 Member
    I take it you do not hold "Most Favored Child" status in your family. It is so sad that the only apparent way your brother can feel good about himself is to belittle you. It is sadder still that your mother is complicit in his ego-boosting methods. You have let them steal your happiness for the last time!

    Twelve pounds since September is nothing to sneeze at! That is 4 cans of Crisco off your hiney that are never coming back univited! 1200 thigh dimples GONE!!! You ARE doing this for YOU!! Not for your mother, and certainly not for your brother. As good as it might seem to just let them have it with both barrels, that would do nothing but 1) bring you down to their level and 2) make you feel guilty.

    Simply do not share your accomplishments with them. Set your goals and celebrate with those who will celebrate with you.
  • FarmGirl69
    FarmGirl69 Posts: 211
    I feel that way some days too...I've sent you a friend request and will do my best to cheer you on!! Hang in there :flowerforyou:
  • latchington
    latchington Posts: 12
    I guess so guys! I'm just moping because it gets me down! I'm proud of myself, but it does feel like a setback when someone basically mocks what I'm trying to do. I think it's a good idea just to not tell them, and then they can't say anything!
  • mmancini73
    mmancini73 Posts: 89
    All the more reason to keep going and really shut them up when you reach your goal! Feel free to add me if you'd like. You can totally do this....do it for you and surround yourself with those who will cheer you on, not pull you down...even if it's strangers on MFP who are on the same journey. Good luck!
  • agoofynut
    agoofynut Posts: 101 Member
    Honestly? I treat weight loss like a one person fight club. First rule is don't talk about it. Too many people are negative and others just don't get why I'm so "strict" with what I eat. Now that I'm down this much, I do talk about it some because people approach me and ask questions, but I pretty much never bring it up. I know that I'd get about the same reaction as you did from a lot of my family and a couple of friends and it's better for my mental health to just do what I do and take the compliments when they finally feel like giving them.
  • mrsfincham
    mrsfincham Posts: 11
    You are not alone and even tho i dont know you , i support you .
    Losing weight is and can be some people toughest challenge in life , and i too have family that are all large and look down on me cause i am what they call the anorexic of the family .
    Anorexic far from it , but they mock me becasue i am mush smaller then them and i am constantly doing what i can to lose weight .
    Both my brother who is only 32 and dad who is 60 have had heart attacks in recent months and both have not changed their lifestyles .
    This fuels me more to know i am doing the right thing for my health .
    Let the mockery and laughs fuel your energy to power through it and achieve your goal for you . YOUR doing this for YOU not them . so dont let their judgement cloud the bigger picture .

    Good luck hun and you will do great .
  • petstorekitty
    petstorekitty Posts: 592 Member
    My family is super unsupportive and when I was younger and lived at home they were even mean.
    Now they are sort of resentful. It sucks.

    But we are doing this for ourselves. I just stopped discussing anything with them. Now I love out of state and I NEVER bring up weight.

    It's crazy how judgmental people can be of others who are working towards weight loss.

    I only discuss weight loos with other people who have similar goals. Even my understanding friends that are not trying to lose any weight - I don't talk about it. It's too awkward.
  • Katbody10
    Katbody10 Posts: 369 Member
    Bah Humbug on the Nay - sayers!! Add me and I'll be your cheerleader!! xoxo

    You CAN do this despite what "they" may think .. it's not about them anyway .. this is about YOU! :wink:

    Ignore their snide and snarky remarks .. you got this .. and it's gonna be at your own pace! :heart: :flowerforyou: We're all here together!
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    I wouldn't hang out with those people sounds like you need a more supportive group you can do anything you set your mind to and this is something that you can definatly do :)
  • ABetterJayme
    ABetterJayme Posts: 29 Member
    I know exactly how you feel! I basically kept myself sequestered while I worked on my weight loss, I went to Thanksgiving dinner with my family having lost 20 lbs. When I mentioned it to a family member, I got "So have I. I can eat whatever I want and I'm losing weight..." Great, thank you for that. Then my aunt tells me that she has lost 35 lbs from doing nothing... That doesn't exactly make me feel like all the work I was doing and watching everything I ate to lose a measly 20 lbs was worth it =/

    On this site, however, there are people who understand what I am going through, which is nice. Everyone's journey is different! :) Just ignore them, I'm losing weight for myself, not for anyone else!
  • willowdancer
    willowdancer Posts: 95
    I think I can relate! The main reaction I get from my family is a look and a lecture that boils down to "you're fat and pathetic and its your own fault you are this way, If you had any self control at all you wouldn't have been a cow to start with"

    So thats why I avoid my family! And MFP has been such a great resource to help me along. That and I've been blessed with some of the best co-workers and friends a person could ask for! The only thing you can do is prove it to yourself and to anyone bearing witness to your awesome transformation that you can do it.
  • willowdancer
    willowdancer Posts: 95
    Honestly? I treat weight loss like a one person fight club. First rule is don't talk about it. Too many people are negative and others just don't get why I'm so "strict" with what I eat. Now that I'm down this much, I do talk about it some because people approach me and ask questions, but I pretty much never bring it up. I know that I'd get about the same reaction as you did from a lot of my family and a couple of friends and it's better for my mental health to just do what I do and take the compliments when they finally feel like giving them.

    The fight club mentality is brilliant!
  • jennfranklin
    jennfranklin Posts: 434 Member
    We are all in this together.. and anyone that disregards your weight loss is a jerk! Any weight loss is a great feat! You should be proud!
  • susanschollroth
    susanschollroth Posts: 1
    You don't have to ever let someone else define who you are. This is your journey and you will succeed. You have already started to succeed. Keep it up. You can do it. And you get to define who you are.
  • marooned
    marooned Posts: 106 Member
    Don't let peoples negativity sabotage your efforts. 10 pounds is great!!!... It a marathon not a sprint... We are all with you!!
  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member
    I bet your family is all overweight. For some reason it's tough for family to believe that you can succeed where they have all failed. My mom instead of being supportive that I lost 25 lbs told me I'd be emaciated if I make it to my goal. Your not doing it for them, you have to do it for you. Don't let where you are today determine where you'll be tomorrow.
  • josachi
    josachi Posts: 79
    I think it's a good idea just to not tell them, and then they can't say anything!

    YES! As others have said, you need to just do this for you. You deserve to be happy and proud of what you have accomplished. That being said, I totally understand what it's like to have others mock you, especially family. We all want support and encouragement from our family members and loved ones; when they are patronizing or mocking instead, it hurts and can get into our heads even when we know it shouldn't matter. All the more reason just to stay quiet and go about your business. Come here for support! This is where I get encouragement...no matter what, MFPers are here to pick me up, cheer me on, celebrate every ounce of success and NSV with me. Makes it easier to just do what I need to do and ignore the rest.

    Twelve pounds? WOO HOO! WAY TO GO! You are solidly on your way to goal and will no doubt get there. Keep up the great work!
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    when I first started no one wanted to hear it. I stopped talking about it. I did it with out any ones help or support. when it comes down to it, you are the only one you can truly count on. Don't get discouraged.
  • latchington
    latchington Posts: 12
    I take it you do not hold "Most Favored Child" status in your family.

    I'm the stupid one out of the two haha, ah it doesn't bother me too much - my mum and dad are great, just not very helpful motivation-wise sometimes:)
  • rwhawkes
    rwhawkes Posts: 117 Member
    Some of these sound like the family in "Million Dollar Baby." Prevail like she did in spite of them.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    It sounds like no matter what you say, they're going to have something hurtful to say back. So don't seek validation-instead, seek to prove them wrong by visibly shedding the pounds! You can do it :)
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
    Keep in mind that you are doing this for you, not them! Just keep doing what you are doing. You're doing awesome. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. Good luck!
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
    Honestly? I treat weight loss like a one person fight club. First rule is don't talk about it. Too many people are negative and others just don't get why I'm so "strict" with what I eat. Now that I'm down this much, I do talk about it some because people approach me and ask questions, but I pretty much never bring it up. I know that I'd get about the same reaction as you did from a lot of my family and a couple of friends and it's better for my mental health to just do what I do and take the compliments when they finally feel like giving them.

    I like this!

    I don't tell people that I'm trying to lose weight because most people don't care about that kind of stuff. Also aside from my boyfriend's family, most people I know met me after I was already down to only being slightly overweight. I got a "where do you need to lose weight from?" comment just because I prefer diet soda.
  • arlenem1974
    arlenem1974 Posts: 437 Member
    I know how you feel I am 1/3 to my goal and not one person has mentioned my weight lose. :(
  • eatyourselffitter
    eatyourselffitter Posts: 42 Member
    I'm new here and would love to offer support (and could use some myself). I'll send you a add. :)

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