I haven't told my family I am trying to lose weight

pjnsydsmoma
pjnsydsmoma Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
In the past my family has ridiculed me when I fail at trying to lose weight. I've tried multiple times before but give up.If I am doing good they are happy but if I am doing bad, They point out all my imperfections. Its obvious I need to lose weight but I'd rather not be judged by those I consider close to me.They are the reason I chose not to start a weight loss plan. But my health issues are starting to worry me. This, I have mentioned to my family. I havent seen a DR in about 5 years. but have been trying to make an appt. with the free health clinic for 2 weeks now. I want to lose weight and I want my family's support but is it ok to leave them out until I know I am fully committed? I want them to celebrate my success not my failure.
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Replies

  • plaidasparagus
    plaidasparagus Posts: 1
    What kind of support would you like? I got the same thing from my family before when I tried to lose weight. They had their opinions and weren't shy about sharing them. I had to decide for myself what I was going to do and why. Why was I punishing myself just to stave off their comments. After I lost 60 pounds, their negative comments turned into positive compliments and they even came to me for support in their own weight-loss. That was almost 4 years ago, and I have kept it off. Look who got the last word. :) I believe you can do it, even if you don't believe it yourself yet. Just take one step at a time and be consistent and you will persevere.
  • TooMuchMe88
    TooMuchMe88 Posts: 7
    I'm sorry to hear you're not getting the support you would like from your family. Don't feel bad about not telling them. You need to do what is right for you, and if their negative comments discourage you - you don't need that. It's not at all a sign of disrespect, it's just you doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.
    That's what's great about MFP, we are all here for the same reason and we can all offer each other the support we need. :) Keep up the great work!
  • TooMuchMe88
    TooMuchMe88 Posts: 7
    congratulations on the weight loss and maintenance Plaidasparagus!!
  • pjnsydsmoma
    pjnsydsmoma Posts: 10 Member
    Thank you. I look at each day as a step in the right direction.
  • kayduro
    kayduro Posts: 249 Member
    I didn't tell my family right away because I didn't want to make a big announcement only to yet again fail. My family now knows but I haven't told many of my friends. Do what works for you! It's ok not to tell. Good luck!
  • pjnsydsmoma
    pjnsydsmoma Posts: 10 Member
    I'm sorry to hear you're not getting the support you would like from your family. Don't feel bad about not telling them. You need to do what is right for you, and if their negative comments discourage you - you don't need that. It's not at all a sign of disrespect, it's just you doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.
    That's what's great about MFP, we are all here for the same reason and we can all offer each other the support we need. :) Keep up the great work!

    Thats why I'm HERE.. I need support outside of my family!
  • AggieFan2011
    AggieFan2011 Posts: 551 Member
    While I don't really have that problem with my immediate family, I do know what you mean about not wanting to fail. It's why I haven't really said anything to most of my friends or really any of my extended family, at least not until I refused a second dessert at Thanksgiving and they all got suspicious. :laugh: I think that starting on your weight loss journey is a personal choice and is something that you should feel more than ok with keeping to yourself if that's what you want to do. Don't feel like you have to inform them about it if it's not something you are comfortable with. Once they begin to notice the change in your weight they might even be the ones to bring it up and how awesome would that feel? Good luck in your weight loss journey! There's tons of awesome support here on MFP which is a great plus! I don't think I would keep trying so hard if it wasn't for all of my friends on this site. Feel free to add me if you need some extra support. I try my best to be motivational to my friends on here! :smile:
  • Pheeia666
    Pheeia666 Posts: 25
    I have a family like that, but in a way it makes me more determined to lose the weight and plus success isn't success unless you have a few hick ups on the way. And you have mistakes so you learn from them. Go to your G.P because he may be able to give you medication to get the the ball rolling with the weight loss good luck :)
  • mz_asher
    mz_asher Posts: 87 Member
    I haven't told my family either! that is why I am on here for the support from other members. Its not that my family wouldn't be supportive but I just dont want to included them right now. My parents know but anyone outside of that does not. recently I had aunt visit whom i haven't seen in over a year tell me that i needed to lose weight and take care of myself. I was pretty upset because I had just lost 15lbs. I used her words to fuel my motivitation :)
  • pjnsydsmoma
    pjnsydsmoma Posts: 10 Member
    I haven't told my family either! that is why I am on here for the support from other members. Its not that my family wouldn't be supportive but I just dont want to included them right now. My parents know but anyone outside of that does not. recently I had aunt visit whom i haven't seen in over a year tell me that i needed to lose weight and take care of myself. I was pretty upset because I had just lost 15lbs. I used her words to fuel my motivitation :)
    I had a coworker whom I have not seen in quite some time tell me " I don't know if you've noticed, but I've lost quite a bit of weight recently.. Looks like you put on everything I've lost.. Would u like my old clothes?" Lmao.. That sticks with me everyday ! She's in her 70's..
  • mz_asher
    mz_asher Posts: 87 Member
    That is horrible! Make her words your motivation :) you got this :)
  • RachelSRoach1
    RachelSRoach1 Posts: 435 Member
    I experience something similar. Or at least my father in law makes comments on how attractive certain slender people are, then makes repeated comments about how fat and disgusting others are. Being around, knowing that I look like the person he is making a joke out of, makes me want to keep this to myself too.

    Anyway, it makes me feel good imagining myself walking in with a sexy slim body all over my husband and stuff :P Like that guy before me I want to "have the last word" even if those comments are never made directly to me. Maybe you can find strength in doing the same? Although I would never suggest hanging onto bad feelings. That just makes bad feelings worse.
  • Celeigh12
    Celeigh12 Posts: 763 Member
    I didn't say anything for a while either. My family and friends are supportive, but I was so afraid of failing publicly again, I just needed to prove to myself that I could do it and make some progress before I said something. Show them. You don't have to tell them. Good luck to you! You're welcome to friend me if you want!
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    I told my family. Some are supportive, some are indifferent, my sister is waiting for me to fail. It kinda upsets me but I know it's just because shes a little chunky whereas I am obese but if I get thin and fit she will be the fat twin. Of course she doesnt want that!

    Do what you need to do! Good luck!
  • glitteredgrave
    glitteredgrave Posts: 194 Member
    My family and friends are like that. So, I really don't tell anyone. I wear my fat clothes and if they notice, they notice. If they don't, they don't. I'm doing this for me, and not them. I don't need their opinions or permission. :)
  • lisabinco
    lisabinco Posts: 1,016 Member
    We all have to do what is best for us. I completely understand and support your decision not to tell your family. Your life is in your hands, not theirs. Your health is up to you to control. Be the adult you want to be, and make decisions based on what is best for you, not bending to self-imposed pressure to do "the right thing" -- even if it's not right for you.
    I find that, like the alcoholic who decides to stop drinking and finds his drinking friends threatened by that rather than supportive of him, losing weight (or even just striving to eat right) tends to make people defensive, especially if they are overweight themselves. When you make a major change in yourself, it causes others close to you to make changes in reaction to you, good or bad. The fact that you are doing something about your weight propels others think about something they don't want to think about, namely that they should be eating right as well. That causes resentment. The best thing I've found to counter that is to be open and frank about what I've done to lose the weight, once it is obvious that my weight loss is successful. I answer their questions, share what I've learned freely, and offer my help if they want to embark on the same journey. I quietly let my success speak for itself. If they choose not to journey with me, I accept that. I keep my focus on me and my journey.
    Good for you for not giving up. It shows a strength and determination that will serve you well on your weight loss journey.
  • HeatherBriggs1970
    HeatherBriggs1970 Posts: 59
    I experience something similar. Or at least my father in law makes comments on how attractive certain slender people are, then makes repeated comments about how fat and disgusting others are. Being around, knowing that I look like the person he is making a joke out of, makes me want to keep this to myself too.

    Anyway, it makes me feel good imagining myself walking in with a sexy slim body all over my husband and stuff :P Like that guy before me I want to "have the last word" even if those comments are never made directly to me. Maybe you can find strength in doing the same? Although I would never suggest hanging onto bad feelings. That just makes bad feelings worse.

    I know who you are referring to ...the father in law...and his comments are only a reflection of his inability to take care of himself!
  • thanich2006
    thanich2006 Posts: 14 Member
    My family is like that. I have asked for their support because I know that it is going to be harder doing it myself, but they are so not on board. My room mates and family say nothing, and at thanksgiving I saw my brother for the first time in a year my sister laughed when he did not notice that I had lost weight. They even bring home pizza, ice cream and fast food and think nothing of putting it in front of me and offering me some. They say oh its okay to cheat every once in a while...I am thinking really I am making a lifestyle change here. Usually I just walk away and go work out. I have lost 45 ponds since July and feel so much better about myself. They still are not much of a support thats why I have found friends on here who will be support when I need it. I can be a friend on here if you like. It is a challenge when your family is like that but my friends who are supportive make it alot easier for me to do this. You can do this and it will be so worth it in the end.
  • pjnsydsmoma
    pjnsydsmoma Posts: 10 Member
    My nephew had an accident at school today which had my mom, sister and me all at the ER. After 4 hrs in the ER my mom asks if we all want to go to a local fast food fish place to eat. we went and I was looking up calories online from my phone( no nutritional info posted in the restaurant). My mom noticed and asked if I was on a diet. and I said NO I was just Trying NOT to eat 4,000 calories in one day. When I sat down at the table( they were all eating fried fish and hushpuppies) with my grilled salmon, side salad and steamed brocolli, my sister asked when did I start a diet? I think she was shocked that I have been logging my meals for over 5 days now. Longest commitment to MFP ever! My sister informed me that she had her cholesterol tested and it came back high and she may be joining me. I'm still weary that they will turn on me if I show signs of failing. so I am happy that I have semi-informed them and I want to prove them wrong.
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,202 Member
    Don't call it a diet. It is not. It is a healthy lifestyle change that will change you forever. Take baby steps and you will get there. I did. If ayone asks, just say you are not on a diet, just trying to eat healthier.

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