Help me [rant alert]

InnerFatGirl
InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
in Motivation and Support
I can't seem to stop overeating :( I've gained 5lbs in two weeks. From a hardly won 154 to 159lbs.

Worringly, my self image is getting worse than I thought. I keep thinking of myself as 'huge' and 'fat', looking at pictures of myself before my weight loss, I can't always see a difference, or indeed, that much of one.

My stomach hurts. Because, despite resolving two days ago to jump back on the wagon and stick to my goal, I decided to gorge myself on two cakes and a croissant and two yogurts. Yesterday it was all going well, until I decided to eat chocolate and cookies offered to me, despite already eating a big dinner at college, then later on I still ate.

I'm so scared that I am slipping back into the bad habits that made me obese in the first place. My anxiety is sky high and my depression is a daily struggle, so I am constantly craving the foods that make me feel safe, happy and entertained. I am making stupid excuses to myself about why I should eat this or that, and being reckless. I am not depriving myself from anything, rather, lacking in self moderation. I feel like I need to eat all the time, either out of hunger or a want to 'fill myself up'.

I don't need advice, honestly, I don't. I've been doing this for over 8 months now. 270 days logged in and this isn't the first time I have struggled. All I need to do is buck up my ideas and continue with what has helped me lose weight in the first place - sticking to my calories most of the time. I've been lucky enough to not hit a plateau despite being close to my goal. When I stick to my calories, I lose the weight. It's me sabotaging me.

It makes me so annoyed to think that, since I've moved out (I moved out in late June), I've only managed to get down to 154 from 170, and that took me ages, then I've gained 5lbs back already. I am so ANGRY at myself.

In TWO weeks, look what I done to my stomach;

18786_10200115889280403_235609252_n.jpg

Can anybody offer me a hug or some understanding? I just need some support. This sucks, and it's scary. I'm losing control.

23874_10200117981012695_267552371_n.jpg

Replies

  • zoukeira
    zoukeira Posts: 313 Member
    So in two weeks you managed to eat 17500 calories above MAINTENANCE? Even eating badly that's quite an acheivment.

    Are you sure it isn't bloating? It looks suspiciously like bloating to me. Heck a 5lb change from bloating is super normal, most women will go up 5lbs just before or during their TOM or even (like me) over the course of a normal day.

    Don't panic, don't beat yourself up, you can't change how you've eaten the last 2 weeks you can change how you eat from today onwards. Just keep logging and making better food choices.

    ETA - you're gorgeous btw
  • TKRV
    TKRV Posts: 165 Member
    We all have our days. Just tell yourself that, right at this moment, you are jumping back on. If you say, well tomorrows another day, you give yourself the rest of today to eat unhealthy and build bad habits. Don't do that to yourself.

    The first thing I would do it honestly log what you ate today. Look at the calories you went over and look how much you will weigh if you keep doing that to yourself. That is usually enough to motivate me. One day of bad eating, repeated over 5 week will give me an additional 5lbs? no thanks. No beat yourself up. Just commit to doing better right now and log. When you see the next day that your will weight what you want in five weeks, let that motivate you to continue on that healthy route.
  • StephRenae32
    StephRenae32 Posts: 8
    I started to rant myself, but your rant actually summarized what I have been experiencing all of my life.

    This journey (and this is what we are on) will take hard-work, and perseverance. Its ok, you are not alone in this situation. Do you know what the biggest weight is? Our minds...when we begin to love ourselves from the inner vs. outer, then we will make better choices, NOT because we want to be skinnier, but because we love ourselves inner-outer, and we choose to take care of our bodies.

    Foods does not control us (notice how I am using "we" and "us" because you are not alone...I feel the exact way you feel at this exact moment). Take it one day at a time, don't give up, if you mess up...don't give up, keep going...You are not where you want to be, but take a look back....pause...you're not where you use to be either, so you have made forward progress...keep moving.

    Hope this helps :-)
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    Okay - the negative self talk and whining stop now. What's past is past, and there's nothing good to come of revisiting what you did, and beating yourself up about it. That's destructive behavior.

    You know what you did and how to fix it, so go forth and conquer.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    So in two weeks you managed to eat 17500 calories above MAINTENANCE? Even eating badly that's quite an acheivment.

    Are you sure it isn't bloating? It looks suspiciously like bloating to me. Heck a 5lb change from bloating is super normal, most women will go up 5lbs just before or during their TOM or even (like me) over the course of a normal day.

    Don't panic, don't beat yourself up, you can't change how you've eaten the last 2 weeks you can change how you eat from today onwards. Just keep logging and making better food choices.

    ETA - you're gorgeous btw

    You're right. I probably haven't. I do suspect some of it is water weight, but even then, probably only one or two lbs. I can see the extra fat when I sit down and my arms are getting huge again :(

    I am bloated right now, though. I always am unless I am eating well. I bloat really easily with the bad foods I like to gorge on. But it's like I need to feel bloated to feel full and satisfied. I'm a mess.

    You're right, I need to stop panicking .. I just need to be in control of my body and I am so not. I don't want to go back to my old habits, I really don't, but I can see myself doing it.

    And thank you, thank you so much. I have tears in my eyes from that last little bit you added on :heart:
    I started to rant myself, but your rant actually summarized what I have been experiencing all of my life.

    This journey (and this is what we are on) will take hard-work, and perseverance. Its ok, you are not alone in this situation. Do you know what the biggest weight is? Our minds...when we begin to love ourselves from the inner vs. outer, then we will make better choices, NOT because we want to be skinnier, but because we love ourselves inner-outer, and we choose to take care of our bodies.

    Foods does not control us (notice how I am using "we" and "us" because you are not alone...I feel the exact way you feel at this exact moment). Take it one day at a time, don't give up, if you mess up...don't give up, keep going...You are not where you want to be, but take a look back....pause...you're not where you use to be either, so you have made forward progress...keep moving.

    Hope this helps :-)

    Oh sweetie, you are so right. And therein is my problem. I don't love myself. I hate myself. I punish myself for childhood mistakes and experiences. I don't feel like I deserve good things. A nice body is a good thing, and I don't deserve it. I am sabotaging myself because whenever I have anything I value, I mess it up and lose it, or it gets taken from me. So, subconsciously, I am ruining it for myself. I need to love myself.

    You're right. Food does not control us. I am letting my cravings control me right now. I feel so weak :( I am in a weak state of mind lately ..

    Thank you so much, apologies if my reply seems more self-reflective/absorbed than conversational x
    We all have our days. Just tell yourself that, right at this moment, you are jumping back on. If you say, well tomorrows another day, you give yourself the rest of today to eat unhealthy and build bad habits. Don't do that to yourself.

    The first thing I would do it honestly log what you ate today. Look at the calories you went over and look how much you will weigh if you keep doing that to yourself. That is usually enough to motivate me. One day of bad eating, repeated over 5 week will give me an additional 5lbs? no thanks. No beat yourself up. Just commit to doing better right now and log. When you see the next day that your will weight what you want in five weeks, let that motivate you to continue on that healthy route.

    I keep telling myself that :( and still I keep doing it.

    This is what I done when I first moved out. Every time I have a life change I self sabotage. I have just started college (in September) on an intense science based course, and have had money and work worries. Just recently switched jobs twice, and am generally under so much stress. I am not coping well at all and, as usual, am using food as a buffer against the unpleasent feelings I have on a daily basis.

    I just need to get over it :( just keep on trying ..

    Thank you x
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    Okay - the negative self talk and whining stop now. What's past is past, and there's nothing good to come of revisiting what you did, and beating yourself up about it. That's destructive behavior.

    You know what you did and how to fix it, so go forth and conquer.

    I have been.

    But I need some support, hence my posting in the 'Motivation and Support' section of the forum.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    So in two weeks you managed to eat 17500 calories above MAINTENANCE? Even eating badly that's quite an acheivment.

    Are you sure it isn't bloating? It looks suspiciously like bloating to me. Heck a 5lb change from bloating is super normal, most women will go up 5lbs just before or during their TOM or even (like me) over the course of a normal day.

    Don't panic, don't beat yourself up, you can't change how you've eaten the last 2 weeks you can change how you eat from today onwards. Just keep logging and making better food choices.

    ETA - you're gorgeous btw

    Not really as hard as you might think, to eat 5000 calories or so a day. Add in a pint of ben and jerry's and some cheesecake or fast food and you're there, do that for a week and you could potentially gain 5 Ibs in a week. I had a month + of overeating by that much, but luckily did not gain a Ib a day, totalled out at perhaps 12Ibs over the 5 weeks I binged.
  • ALEXISGETSRIGHT
    ALEXISGETSRIGHT Posts: 39
    IF YOUR WORKING OUT ON THE TREADMILL & ONLY BURNING 400-500 CAL IN AN HOUR OR MORE, I KNOW A CLEVER WAY TO BURN MORE CAL, IN THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME!

    I personally love the treadmill and I found a way to burn more calories in the same amount of time. It is all in your INCLINE. Trust me, the point I am at now, in 77 min I burn 1200 calories. I increase my incline to 15.0 and my mph varies between 2.1-3.5 (lowest mph is for a brief cool down). If your interested in starting the increased incline, inbox me and ill let u know how to start increasing your incline safely. Spread the word so everyone can burn double or even triple that amount. :)

    ADD ME! I LOVE MEETING NEW PEOPLE. THE INSPIRATION & ENCOURAGEMENT IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING! IT WAS TRULY A BLESSING TO HAVE FOUND THIS SITE!

    GODBLESS YOU ALL ON YOUR JOURNEY!
  • weightloss12345678
    weightloss12345678 Posts: 377 Member
    hell we all eat bad at times, I just came off a month long binge.... just get it back off the same way you put it on
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    IF YOUR WORKING OUT ON THE TREADMILL & ONLY BURNING 400-500 CAL IN AN HOUR OR MORE, I KNOW A CLEVER WAY TO BURN MORE CAL, IN THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME!

    I personally love the treadmill and I found a way to burn more calories in the same amount of time. It is all in your INCLINE. Trust me, the point I am at now, in 77 min I burn 1200 calories. I increase my incline to 15.0 and my mph varies between 2.1-3.5 (lowest mph is for a brief cool down). If your interested in starting the increased incline, inbox me and ill let u know how to start increasing your incline safely. Spread the word so everyone can burn double or even triple that amount. :)

    ADD ME! I LOVE MEETING NEW PEOPLE. THE INSPIRATION & ENCOURAGEMENT IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING! IT WAS TRULY A BLESSING TO HAVE FOUND THIS SITE! ALSO CHECK OUT MY YOUTUBE FOR MY DOCUMENTARY OF MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY (ALEXIS GETS RIGHT) AND ADD MY FACEBOOK (ALEXIS GETS RIGHT) OR (ALEXIS BELLAPANAMA GRAY) I STARTED OFF AT 262LBS ON SEPTEMBER 9TH AND I AM NOW AT 218.4 TODAY! I CURRENTLY DO TURBOFIRE & THE GYM 7 DAYS A WEEK.

    GODBLESS YOU ALL ON YOUR JOURNEY!

    I don't exercise for weight loss.

    But when I want to burn off excess calories, I use the treadmill on incline. I don't run on it. I just walk on the highest incline.

    Thanks though. I must add, you're not allowed to advertise on here.
  • tinytasha7
    tinytasha7 Posts: 86 Member
    Re: bloating:

    I have been known to gain as much as 30 + lbs overnight (almost) in bloating. There's a good chance that more is bloating than you think. Of course, 2 or 3 pounds out of 5 makes your gain 2-3 lbs, right, and that's not so bad. Even a 5 lb gain isn't bad considering you haven't been eating the best lately.

    I know what it feels like. I did the same thing over the last few days. I didn't weigh myself last weekend as a result, but my clothes are still way looser on me so maybe it's not as bad as I thought. Waiting for Saturday to do my weigh in again. Maybe I can offset some of the damage I did.

    I figure that a good binge is needed every so often (though binging for me now, is like a small snack from a couple of months ago...my appetite has decreased that much). I have learned a lot about myself and my eating and thought patterns and have learned a few things that I need to watch for. Try to take lessons out of your setbacks. It helps in the future when you come across the situations again.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    hell we all eat bad at times, I just came off a month long binge.... just get it back off the same way you put it on

    I am in good company then, lol.
    Though bar a few bad days, I have been back on track for over 2 weeks now, but wow, I did about 5 weeks of severe binge eating and no exercise. Taken this long to get my tummy flat again.


    To the Op, exercise really helps. If you can get some sort of intense workout in early on in the day, I find that seriously restrains the urge to binge. As soon as I have a day off exercise, the urge to binge tends to take over.
    Can also identify with the lack of love for yourself, it is perhaps the hardest part of the journey, learning to love yourself and to want to put mainly good and beneficial foods into your body.
    Even if you do eat badly, try to continue putting good things in as well, like some healthy fish and vegetables.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    Re: bloating:

    I have been known to gain as much as 30 + lbs overnight (almost) in bloating. There's a good chance that more is bloating than you think. Of course, 2 or 3 pounds out of 5 makes your gain 2-3 lbs, right, and that's not so bad. Even a 5 lb gain isn't bad considering you haven't been eating the best lately.

    I know what it feels like. I did the same thing over the last few days. I didn't weigh myself last weekend as a result, but my clothes are still way looser on me so maybe it's not as bad as I thought. Waiting for Saturday to do my weigh in again. Maybe I can offset some of the damage I did.

    I figure that a good binge is needed every so often (though binging for me now, is like a small snack from a couple of months ago...my appetite has decreased that much). I have learned a lot about myself and my eating and thought patterns and have learned a few things that I need to watch for. Try to take lessons out of your setbacks. It helps in the future when you come across the situations again.

    Thank you for this!
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    hell we all eat bad at times, I just came off a month long binge.... just get it back off the same way you put it on

    I am in good company then, lol.
    Though bar a few bad days, I have been back on track for over 2 weeks now, but wow, I did about 5 weeks of severe binge eating and no exercise. Taken this long to get my tummy flat again.


    To the Op, exercise really helps. If you can get some sort of intense workout in early on in the day, I find that seriously restrains the urge to binge. As soon as I have a day off exercise, the urge to binge tends to take over.
    Can also identify with the lack of love for yourself, it is perhaps the hardest part of the journey, learning to love yourself and to want to put mainly good and beneficial foods into your body.
    Even if you do eat badly, try to continue putting good things in as well, like some healthy fish and vegetables.

    Urgh, I am too tired to exercise :( work is exercise enough for me, LOL.

    I find that, now it's so damn cold, I want to stay in bed a lot more. Also, when I go to the gym, I do a little bit of exercise then wander around aimlessly, then get annoyed at myself for being so lazy.

    I gave up with exercise. I'll revisit it later. I just need to be more positive.

    Thanks sweetie x
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    hell we all eat bad at times, I just came off a month long binge.... just get it back off the same way you put it on

    I am in good company then, lol.
    Though bar a few bad days, I have been back on track for over 2 weeks now, but wow, I did about 5 weeks of severe binge eating and no exercise. Taken this long to get my tummy flat again.


    To the Op, exercise really helps. If you can get some sort of intense workout in early on in the day, I find that seriously restrains the urge to binge. As soon as I have a day off exercise, the urge to binge tends to take over.
    Can also identify with the lack of love for yourself, it is perhaps the hardest part of the journey, learning to love yourself and to want to put mainly good and beneficial foods into your body.
    Even if you do eat badly, try to continue putting good things in as well, like some healthy fish and vegetables.

    Urgh, I am too tired to exercise :( work is exercise enough for me, LOL.

    I find that, now it's so damn cold, I want to stay in bed a lot more. Also, when I go to the gym, I do a little bit of exercise then wander around aimlessly, then get annoyed at myself for being so lazy.

    I gave up with exercise. I'll revisit it later. I just need to be more positive.

    Thanks sweetie x

    You will get there,
    Just relax about it, view it in a more light hearted way, if you can, and put your focus on your studies and off the scale for now.
    I find relaxing about it, and casually thinking of it as just part of life, rather than as a disaster, can help too.
    I binged before bed this morning ( one of my bad habits is staying up too late, past being tired and then I end up mindlessly eating), but I got up, went cycling, had my usual foods and carried on. It isn't easy, especially with xmas coming up, which is sort of the time when it is almost impossible for many to avoid gaining some weight(so naturally you want to reach xmas with some space so it won't seem so bad, lol). You know why you are doing this, you know you need to resolve your past issues and your inner issues for the rest to fall in place, just take your time and try to remember that everyone has a place in this world, everyone has a purpose, and everyone has beauty, even if they cannot see it themselves.
  • CrystalGetFitJackson26
    CrystalGetFitJackson26 Posts: 28 Member
    OMGOSH this was me a few months ago I defiantly understand how you feel!!! I to use to comfort eat, because like you said it makes you feel safe and happy all warm on the inside. I also was beating myself up like that, my Inner thoughts: "why would you lose all that weight and then gain it back" or "you'll never get to your goal" there was just so many negative thoughts running through my mind. I got through by thinking about my weight loss as a whole; the big picture. At the beginning of this year I was a 196 lbs, then I lost 15 lbs by March and gained back 10 lbs by May, got back focused in June and lost a total of 54 lbs to date, that is an accomplishment now if I focused on the day to day mess ups (like Thanksgiving) then yea that kinda makes me a little depressed but when I think of it overall it keeps me pushing forward. Some time when our body makes a drastic change it takes our mind some getting use to. Food is addictive and when I took the food away, it was like my body was craving it so bad like I was withdrawing from drugs or something lol. Sometimes we look for excuses to go back to what we left because that is what we know, you have to retrain you thoughts and this is the time to do it, it is hard, TRUST ME when I tell you I know I had to go to consoling I was so depressed for a while, I just slept and cried all the time, I didn't realize until this weight loss journey how much food had a hold on me. YOU CAN DO IT!!! I don't know you, but hey if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here... :-)

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