How is that support?

spm2010
spm2010 Posts: 197 Member
in Motivation and Support
I like watching X-weighted and I notice how some spouses/family members are so unsupportive. This one guys new wife is saying how she wants him to lose weight and she will support him 110%. Than the next minute shes grabbing candy from a huge bowl and stuffing them in her mouth right in front of him. How is that support? At least do it when hes not there.

Personally I find I need support to lose weight, Its easier than doing it on my own. But eating my fav foods a foot away from me is not supportive.

Replies

  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    I agree a spouse should be supportive, but the fact is they usually are not in the same place as you.

    If you make this journey about you, and only you, it will continue to move forward.

    I turned each time I chose not to eat what my 3 kids and husband were eating as a victory for me. They could care less if I ate pizza, more for them. I would go for a walk if the smell tried to pull me in (see cartoon ~~~~ coming towards nose ;)

    The honest truth is you are in this alone and have MFP for support! MFP helped me lose the first 30 and will continue to help me lose the last!

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • Rachlmale
    Rachlmale Posts: 640 Member
    It's not very supportive I agree, but at the same time if I chose to diet and my partner did not I do not think that they should have to change their eating habits if they do not want to.
  • Izzwoz
    Izzwoz Posts: 348 Member
    Is obvious: She is sacrificing herself by eating all the candy, so he can't have any :-)

    I know it is tough when your OH is not with you on the journey. We started this together but I am sticking with it, while my OH has given up (too much stress at work, bla bla bla), now I am stuck between feeling great for how much I lost and feeling bad that she hasn't ... Similarly, trying not to preach to her but gently motivate her to rejoin me is really difficult. But at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our own health and wellbeing, so even though the support we get from family and friends is lacking or not what we'd wish for, we cannot use it as an excuse to give up.
  • Yogi261288
    Yogi261288 Posts: 13
    There will always be someone a foot away eating something that I want....

    My partner eats like a beast and for years I have managed to match what he eats, neglecting that he goes to the gym and works out 6 times a week and I sit at home eating cookies.... Truth is, just got to crack on and get the job done for you!
  • mrseelmerfudd
    mrseelmerfudd Posts: 506 Member
    my husband is supportive, but not supportive in the fact he eats what he wants, and brings chocolate into the house. the way i see it, hes not trying to lose the weight, why should i make him have to give up what he wants to eat when he doesnt need to lose weight.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    When I run a race, I like to make everyone around me run it too. Otherwise, I quit. Same for going to work; brushing my teeth, and reading a book. My entire family must synchronize around my lifestyle, or I give up.

    Put that way, it doesn't sound sensible does it? Nice if they join in, but not necessary.
  • spm2010
    spm2010 Posts: 197 Member
    I would be nice if they join, my bfs always complaining about his gut, as hes eating a mcdonalds large smarties mcflurry lol. I probably should have also mentioned he is morbidly obese and they even recommended she lose some weight (looked preggers, but not preggers). I think if someone told me mf bf was morbidly obese and would die if they didn't lose weight I'd go on the journey with him, if its a matter of life and death things should change.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    some people just suck and it is really up to u in the end. My family is completely unsupportive so this is all on me. That's okay though, I can do this.......
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    I think being supportive, being right there with you, and being downright cruel are all different things.

    My boyfriend is supportive. He helps me tally up calorie counts, doesn't push food on me, and congratulates me when I tell him about my victories. He does not 1) count his own calories 2) exercise or 3) make daily decisions to be healthier. So he is supportive, but he's not there with me.

    IF he were to say something negative about my body, or tease me about how much weight I've yet to go, or stuff chocolate in his mouth while smirking at me, that'd be downright cruel - and I wouldn't stand for it.

    These are all different things.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    my husband is supportive, but not supportive in the fact he eats what he wants, and brings chocolate into the house. the way i see it, hes not trying to lose the weight, why should i make him have to give up what he wants to eat when he doesnt need to lose weight.

    Agreed.
  • Erienneb
    Erienneb Posts: 592 Member
    It's a completely unrealistic expectation to think that just because someone supports you, they can never eat anything you want in front of you ever again. That's not what support is. People do that to me all the time, you man up and deal with it. I'm not expecting anyone else to change their eating habits just because I have changed mine. I don't want my boyfriend or family to have to walk around on tiptoes around me because I have so little will power that someone eating a chocolate in my eyesight is construed as unsupportive and throws me off my game.
    Unsupportive would be telling you that you don't need to lose weight, a partner food pushing constantly, making fun of logging, making comments, etc. Them living their lives? Doesn't have anything to do with their feelings on you.
  • 165ordietrying
    165ordietrying Posts: 31 Member
    I would like to lose weight with a group of supportive people around me but unfortunately that didn't happen for me. Initially people were very excited to hear about the changes that I've made and I am sure that even now that I've lost the weight they are proud...some even motivated to lose weight as well (I've lost about 75lbs)...but I had to do this for myself and mostly by myself. I got used to having to watch others eat things that I just couldn't eat (spouse included). Good luck.
  • BCSMama
    BCSMama Posts: 348
    I'm in the same boat as a lot of the others. I would love it if my husband would do this with me and get fit, but I absolutely respect that it's his choice and he wouldn't stick with it anyway unless it was a choice he freely made. He is supportive of me in many ways including taking the kids to their after school activities so I can exercise after work, picking up cute work out clothes for me, happily eating the healthy dinners I prepare, and giving me lots of real compliments. However, he does eat lots of foods that I don't eat anymore including sugary cereal, oreos, chips, soda, candy, doughnuts, etc. Occasionally I'll get a passing craving for what he's eating, but always feel good that I passed it up instead. Now, if it truly bothered me and I asked him not to eat certain things in my presence, I know, being the sweetie that he is, that he wouldn't.

    The reality is I'm doing this for me and I don't need to be handled with kid gloves by people around me for fear that I'll slip up. I absolutely agree with the person who said that support and doing it with you are completely different things.

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