"Stop Losing Weight"

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paxbfl
paxbfl Posts: 391 Member
in Motivation and Support
Today at the gym a guy I frequently see commented on my weight-loss. He congratulated me on my loss but questioned why I'd want to lose any more. He said I look good as I am and should stop here.

I'm 45 years old, 6' 2", 223 pounds on a muscular frame. I've lost 27 pounds so far. My goal is to no longer be overweight, which I define as being in the healthy body fat range for my age, which is about 15-20%. My current body fat % is around 25%, down from well over 30%. I estimate I need to lose another 13 pounds to get close to that 20% number. My plan is to have my body fat professionally measured when I hit 210 pounds and then make adjustments from there. Whether I end up at 15% or 20% is open to debate - we'll see how I feel when I get there. The priority is to be healthy.

In the past when I've lost weight I didn't respond well to comments like this. I used it as an excuse to fall away from my program. But today I'm focused on the numbers. The numbers are objective and not skewed by perceptions. In our society today, obesity is not unusual... overweight is considered average and healthy is "skinny". Plus people are used to seeing me overweight (at least) or obese and consider me "skinny" now in comparison, which I guess I am.

I know his comments are well-meaning and I thanked him for it (telling him also that I'm striving for my ideal body fat % and will continue until I get there). But it also pissed me off a bit. He is the first but will not be the last.

I reject it. I will continue until I reach my goal (and then I will continue to stay in that healthy range forever).

Replies

  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
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    Good for you. I'm getting a few comments like this as well. The worst thing is just feeling self-conscious by the constant comments on my slimmer body even though I'm only about half way to goal. Just keep on doing what's right for you!
  • splitdog79
    splitdog79 Posts: 106 Member
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    I hear you. People keep asking me if I'm sick or have cancer and I'm glad I don't because it's kind of weird asking someone that. It's like asking a woman if she's pregnant.

    Just don't do that :/
  • momofJandA
    momofJandA Posts: 1,038 Member
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    People have their own ideas about what "ideal" is. I get comments like this all the time but the thing is I know what I want my body composition to be and how I want to look and feel when I look in the mirror naked. Take it with a grain of salt and then go do what you got to do ;)
  • lgreen37
    lgreen37 Posts: 196 Member
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    Good for you! Keep up the great work!
  • DaveMurphy6
    DaveMurphy6 Posts: 129 Member
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    You got it under control..I;m the same size as you 6'2 and I looked up my ideal weight and it said between 180-185..YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME...I'm down from 214 to 196 and have stalled some. 180 just doesn't seem right. My goal would be to get to 190 and then re-evaluate at that point. Right now getting below 195 is going to take some serious effort after the holidays to shoot for.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Yes! I totally understand. My goal weight is 130 pounds, and I will not stop until I reach it. People question me on this all the time, telling me I will look too skinny, too thin, too emaciated, or even that I'll look sick!! People have told me this who met me and knew me when I WAS 130 pounds oh so long ago. I tell them, Oh really so did I look 'sick' back in 1996? Hmmmmm? They look all confused and of course say no. They are just used to me being fat and can't visualize or remember how I looked before. They will soon find out, because I won't be fat for too much longer!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    I think you did the right thing - when someone says this they have the best of intentions and have no idea where you're coming from. Best to just say thanks and leave it at that. If I'm in a setting with other folks who I know care about diet/fitness I'll go further and explain things like BMI and body fat % but for most people I leave the explanation alone.

    My history is similar where just about everyone in my life is used to seeing me as obese because I was for nearly half of my 38 years. Eventhough I'm 12 pounds from my primary goal and 25 from my possible ultimate goal, I've had quite a few people tell me that I'm so skinny and I don't need to lose any more.

    Not sure but I have an idea that there are two other factors at play. 1) we hear so much about EDs that people go worst case scenario and worry that you're starving yourself. 2) the obesity problem has skewed our view of what a healthy body/weight should be.

    Anyway, just keep saying thanks and then let it go. No need to let someone else's well meaning words stress you out!
  • Yaya1976
    Yaya1976 Posts: 357 Member
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    I think it's a trip when people tell you when you should stop. What gives them the right? I'll stop when I've hit my goal dang it!!!
  • Feed_the_Bears
    Feed_the_Bears Posts: 275 Member
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    Follow the body fat %. It's a good healthy guide. You can't always go with what people say because it's all preference with appearance. In the end you have to make yourself happy. It doesn't sound like you're wasting away, so stick to your guns :)
  • StaceyJ2008
    StaceyJ2008 Posts: 411 Member
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    As a female you shouldn't drop below 18% but that is for reproductive reasons. If you want to get to 15% by all means go for it. It probably felt good though hearing that you look great especially from a guy at the gym.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    I usually don't mind, because it means people are noticing :tongue:
  • HypersonicFitNess
    HypersonicFitNess Posts: 1,219 Member
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    This is very common; the current perception is that fat, overweight, even obese is normal and healthy is abnormal....you must be ill. Just take what they say with a grain of salt and continue doing what you're doing. Strive to get to that healthy body fat %.

    Awesome job, BTW!! :smile:
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    I wish I could remember the name of this article I read when I was researching weight loss and what a healthy weight would be for me. It had a few paragraphs about healthy waist size, weight (BMI), etc from a medical standpoint and then another few paragraphs on "people's choice" as perception of "healthy" weight. The "people's choice had me about 10 Lbs over the medical recommendation which put me "overweight" on the BMI scale. The only way that weight would be considered healthy for me is if I was doing some seriously heavy lifting and bulking muscle...but just a fit and healthy average, it would be overweight.

    It's interesting how perception is most often NOT reality...but it is weighted much heavier in people's minds.
  • geekpryncess
    geekpryncess Posts: 118 Member
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    I think often when people say this, it's with good intentions, but the effects of that comment can be far reaching. When I previously tried to lose weight, I had gotten from 210 down to 165. (I'm 5'2"). At that point I started getting those comments. It really affected my psyche, because I started questioning whether I really needed to keep working at my goal (125) or not any more. Eventually I thought "well if everyone thinks I look good and skinny now, then I can relax". So I did. And I got fat again.

    I can't blame anyone but myself though. We have to learn to push through the emotions comments like that cause, and keep focused on the goal, like the OP said. This time, I am not stopping at 165. I am not giving up despite what any one thinks about how I look. I want to be in the right weight range for my height. 165 is still technically "obese" for a 5'2" woman. I don't just want to be smaller, I want to be thin!
  • Dark_amethyst
    Dark_amethyst Posts: 20 Member
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    Just ignore them or tell them you are just wanting to get as healthy as you can. Nothing wrong with that. If they have issues with that then it's their problem, not yours! :D congrats on the good work!
  • bgelliott
    bgelliott Posts: 610 Member
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    Good for you! You have a goal, stick with it!

    If I had a nickle for ever time someone tells me I'm too thin or I don't have enough meat on my bones, I'd be a rich woman. I too have goals and others who are not in that same arena will never understand why my goals are what they are.

    Keep at it myfriend!
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    That's weird. I'm roughly your size (6'3" 218lbs) and if someone said I was too skinny or needed to stop losing weight or whatever, I would laugh in their face. I'm still a bowl of jello, just a smaller bowl. My goal is to be 10% bodyfat which puts my goal weight in the 190-195lb range most likely. Lonnngg way away.
  • paxbfl
    paxbfl Posts: 391 Member
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    You got it under control..I;m the same size as you 6'2 and I looked up my ideal weight and it said between 180-185..YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME...I'm down from 214 to 196 and have stalled some. 180 just doesn't seem right. My goal would be to get to 190 and then re-evaluate at that point. Right now getting below 195 is going to take some serious effort after the holidays to shoot for.

    I think that's why you have to go by body fat %, since most ideal weight charts based on height don't take into consideration muscle mass. About 12 years ago I was 195 pounds, but I have a lot more muscle now. I think 195 now might be a little low for me - I think I'll probably find that 205-210 is about right. But we'll see - I'm going to let the body fat % numbers tell me what to do next.
  • paxbfl
    paxbfl Posts: 391 Member
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    That's weird. I'm roughly your size (6'3" 218lbs) and if someone said I was too skinny or needed to stop losing weight or whatever, I would laugh in their face. I'm still a bowl of jello, just a smaller bowl. My goal is to be 10% bodyfat which puts my goal weight in the 190-195lb range most likely. Lonnngg way away.

    This made me chuckle. Again, I think it's perception. I think I look AWESOME compared to how I looked just a few months ago. (Not bragging... it's more because I looked like CRAP a few months ago. :) )

    10% is ambitious. You'll be RIPPED with abs! At 45 years old I think I'll be quite content with 15-20%.

    Check out this link if you haven't seen it before - photos of people at different body fat %s.

    http://www.builtlean.com/2012/09/24/body-fat-percentage-men-women/

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