I feel lost.

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Biodemon
Biodemon Posts: 143 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, about two days ago, I went to go buy almost a whole new wardrobe (my goal wardrobe as I was calling it). Well, since times are hard I had to go shopping at thrift stores. Since my mother does not let me use the washing machine, she washes all my clothes. She washed them and when she took them out from the drier for me to take back to my room and fold, she told me, in Spanish: "That's little kids clothing. You wasted your money on clothes you'll never fit in. You'll never wear them, just watch." That made me feel so low. I've already lost 30 lbs and can fit into a size large, which, I've never fit into before. I'm working so hard to do this for myself, my health, my self-esteem and the only person I live with, the only person I've ever lived with, goes on and begins to tear me apart.

And while I was typing this, she went on to handing me fast food which I refused and she got mad. I feel so lost, I feel I'm losing myself. I do have some support but...mostly from my boyfriend. Sometimes its not enough. My mother has never supported me in anything really and it hurts to not have any supporting parents. I guess I just need some inspiration and motivation. Feel free to add me if you wish.

I'm not usually the type that reaches out for help or support. I'm a huge independent from what I've dealt with in life, always doing , things on my own but eventually, the independent wall wears down.

Replies

  • soccermom004
    soccermom004 Posts: 444 Member
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    How sad for you. It's too bad your mom can't be your biggest cheer leader. I think it's wonderful that you want to take caare of yourself. It's not just clothing size but health. I am proud of you for sticking to it. It's so easy to fall back to old ways when times are tough or depressing but good for you for sticking to what's GOOD for you. Sounds like your mother doesn't know any better, maybe your family comes from a long line of bad eaters? She might take it as an insult that her ways aren't good enough for you? Try not to take it personally, be respectful, and keep on doing what your doing. As a mom of four I'm proud of you!!
  • x_cinder_x
    x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
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    Biodemon, give yourself a mom hug from me right now.

    You are beautiful and fierce. You can do anything you set your mind to. You will come across a few who will try to bring you down, who will try to project their demons onto you. Their words will hurt and most likely you will not be able to ignore them. Just try to remember even though what they said was painful it does NOT give them power over you. It is your life, your body, your choices. Pick out your favorite outfit from today's shopping. I think very soon you will find yourself fitting into it. You will give yourself a happy and healthy
    ever-after! I am absolutely insisting you do.
  • Biodemon
    Biodemon Posts: 143 Member
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    @Soccermom: Thank you! I must say, your words truly warmed my heart. I never really had a mother, or a father (had to grow up on my own) and I can feel the motherly love from you. Thank you! Truly, thank you. I have tears in my eyes.

    @Cinder: Thank you for your kind words also. I'll definitely do that! I already know what I'll want to fit into. I want to prove her wrong.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
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    Mothers can sometimes become jealous of their daughters, especially if they see their daughters achieving things that they themselves never could, or cannot. Maybe seeing you reaching for your goals, reminds her of the fact that she did not, or that she failed to reach hers, and makes her bitter. Always remember that unkind words from others are a reflection only of themselves, and not of you.
  • mistimn
    mistimn Posts: 58 Member
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    Don't let anyone steal your happy. Even your mom. Sometimes you have to have thick skin in this world. Cudos to you for your progress and keep your head up!
  • farmwife3815
    farmwife3815 Posts: 326 Member
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    Hang in there girl! The ones closest too us can hurt us the worst. I suspect your mother is jealous of what your doing. You've changed your life and are getting healthy. She's not at that place and watching you do it makes her feel bad about herself I would bet. Well, that's her problem. You stay strong and stick to it. You can have all the support on this site that you want or need. Take care of YOU!! Stay strong!!!
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    We will cheer you on, Biodemon. I know what it is like to be lonely young person. You came to the right place to get loving support. Feel free to add me and we will go forward on our fat loss journey together. :smile:
  • louiselebeau
    louiselebeau Posts: 220 Member
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    Wear those clothes with pride. When she says "oh those are little kid clothes" tell her that you will always be her little kid. I had to learn the hard way with my mom. I usually respond to anything she has to do or say like that with a super acidic remark. It bothers her more if I am nice.
  • Rizabees
    Rizabees Posts: 80
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    Hang in there. Sometimes parents are the ones holding us back and getting us down. It's like that for plenty of us here on MFP. When she tries to get you down just remind yourself that you have already accomplished so much by losing the weight you've already lost and continuing to stick to it.
  • DeeNann
    DeeNann Posts: 8
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    You can and will reach your goals. I didn't have a supportive mother when I was growing up either. My granny tried to be as supportive as she could be, but my mom had hurt me emotionally enough that I shut up most of the other ppl that were trying to be nice to me. Difficult times for sure.

    Keep doing what you've been doing, you are making progress and now you have some goal clothes to look forward to wearing!
  • glahlstedt
    glahlstedt Posts: 308 Member
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    The person that said that the people closest to us hurt us the most...well,that is soooooo freaking true! Keep it up! This weight loss journey is for u and your health!
  • rgrange
    rgrange Posts: 236 Member
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    I'm not Hispanic but my girlfriend is, and it seems as though this is just the way Hispanic mothers talk to their daughters. I don't think she was actively trying to be hurtful; She was probably just trying to be practical without regard for your feelings.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    Please forgive me if my post is way off the mark. Sometimes I project my own circumstances upon others.

    You sound exactly like I've felt for most of my life. I wish that someone had told me when I was 14, or 18 or 23 or even 30 that the problem wasn't me, and that I would never do enough in my life to satisfy my parents. I wish someone had just come out and said, "They are *kitten* and although they provide the basic food, shelter and clothing for you, they really aren't good parents."

    At 43, I am just coming to terms with that fact. I want to tell you that it's not you, it's her, and there is not much you can do to change the situation except to become the best person you can be.

    I'm reading a book right now called "The Emotionally Absent Mother," that really resonates with me. The things that you said in your post could have been said by me at any time in my life, except that I don't actually express my feelings to people because I don't trust anyone to not use my feelings against me to hurt or belittle me. It sucks to be so emotionally stunted at my age.

    If you have the resources through school, church or a job, I would suggest seeing a counselor to help you. I really wish I would have known how wrongly I was parented as a child instead of thinking there was something wrong with me.

    Having said all that, I do not hold a grudge or have hatred in my heart for my parents. They both came from far greater dysfunction than I, and I know they did the best they could. You can love someone and not accept the way they treat you.

    Best wishes.
  • TakinSexyBack
    TakinSexyBack Posts: 300 Member
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    Sorry she is being like that! That sucks BUT, if I had to guess I would say she may be a little jealous if youve already lost 30 lbs and are doing so well. I dont know her and dont know her weight or health status but there is something, whether she means to do it or not, making he feel bad about herself to down you. Try your best not to worry about it and keep doing YOU!!!! You can find SOOOO much support on here, keep losing and have FUN doing it! To me FUN is key!! Keep at it girl and add me if you want! Maybe one day you can show your mom how to use MFP and she will change how she thinks and do it with you!
  • TakinSexyBack
    TakinSexyBack Posts: 300 Member
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    I forgot to add how my mom, bless her heart, likes to tell me Ive been doing this way too long to have only lost 23 lbs! lol Its my own fault its been slow going and it pissed me off at first she said that but I just ignore her comments now! I KNOW I will get where I want to be and its MY journey, no one elses! :-)
  • arlenem1974
    arlenem1974 Posts: 437 Member
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    I know how you feel I have lost 26 lbs and I havent got one word of encouragement from my family. When I told my father I had lost 16 Lbs he looked shocked.
  • stlavoie
    stlavoie Posts: 2
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    Hi. Congrats for what you've accomplished! Its awful that youre lifeline (mom) isnt supportive. Im guessing her lack of support mightve been a big part in your being a bigger person! Maybe youre mom is unhappy herself? Its great you have your boyfriend for support. Hang in there! sometimes you cant wait for loved ones to be there or youll never reach your goals! I wish you the best.........Stacy

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