Following the trend, NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

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its_B
its_B Posts: 491
in Chit-Chat
So I need some personal advice. I am in a long distance relationship with a guy now for almost 6 months, we met early int he summer, and didnt make things official until the fall. I live in MI, and he lives in FL. And I really like the guy, but since I have been working so hard on my future lately things have been really clicking for me. And one of those things is that Alex isn't the "one" for me. He is a great guy, I do love him, he has everything personality wise that I want. But he doesnt have a real future. He is okay with the life he has (which is poverty, not that there is anything wrong with that lifestyle, but it is CERTAINLY not the life style I want) he hates education, it is very doubtful that he will go onto college, and he considers being a "Carny" a "CAREER" and not a job. I guess I kind of knew this when I started dating him, since we met when we both worked on a carnival/fair circuit... Here is where I am having the most conflict tho... We are really good together, but I know that he isnt the one. Do I stay with him because I am enjoying it, and I am young? ORRRR (i am feeling the pressure to figure things out and grow up cuz of my 20th birthday on WED) Do i break his heart, and my own in some ways, and end things and try and find someone new?... Its becoming a huge conflict with in me.... I am moving to FL after all... but i dont want to hurt him, and I dont want to hurt myself and be alone... HELP!

Thanks,
B

Replies

  • SarahNicole317
    SarahNicole317 Posts: 302 Member
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    I have found in past relationships that it doesn't usually work when people come from or are heading towards different brackets in regards to wealth. Sad to say, I know. Of course, it can work.

    I dated a guy with more money and it ended because I was never quite good enough. I think if you stay with him you will end up feeling hostile towards his lack of motivation and drive to be more than mediocre.

    You need someone with similar goals even if you do work well together. If it weren't a long distance relationship you may have found that it just didn't work anyway.

    Move on and find someone who is as fabulous and driven as you are! You deserve it!
  • courtney_love2001
    courtney_love2001 Posts: 1,468 Member
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    Ditch him. Would you want him staying with you if the situation were reversed? Just think, you could meet "the one" at the grocery store TODAY, and then you might miss him because you are with this other guy. Sure he's great, and he will make another girl really happy some day. But you're just hurting both of you trying to make him "the one" when he just isn't. It will be hard, and it will hurt. You might even think you've made a mistake. But be strong, try some time without him and make sure that he isn't the one. That way, you will have no doubts and you can be certain in your choices. I wish you the best!! :flowerforyou:
  • Lisa0711
    Lisa0711 Posts: 1,405 Member
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    If you KNOW he isn't the one for you, then you'll both be better off going your seperate ways. You can't force youself to look at someone differently than you really feel about them. It just doesn't work. I know breakups hurt a lot, but time will heal you both. Just listen to your heart, you know what's best for you. I wish you good luck either way, just be strong! :flowerforyou:
  • WonderNoodle
    WonderNoodle Posts: 549
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    I think you have it figured out and are looking for confirmation. Nobody walks in your shoes but you and you know what is necessary in your life to be happy. What on Earth do I mean?

    Well, I think you have decided that you have direction in your life and are proud of that, you already sound as though you are disappointed in him for not being where you are, or willing to settle for less. I don't think two years from now those feelings you have will have changed, they will just have festered into resentment. I think you should make your decision before you move to be fair to the both of you.

    You are so young and life will still have so many turns, people that will come in and out, some stay some go. Some would say follow your heart, but I think the mind and heart are a team and have to be in agreement.

    My two cents. Right or wrong.

    Good luck kiddo!
  • stylistchik
    stylistchik Posts: 1,436 Member
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    ditch him. I understand how you feel and he's probably a great guy but having no motivation in life is very unattractive. Not everyone has goals to make money which is fine. But you need to work for SOMETHING - a promotion, an education, run a marathon, raise a family, travel - SOMETHING. It sounds very much like you have goals and he doesn't and over time it seems like you'd get frustrated because you want to move forward when he wants to stand still.
  • roylawrence87
    roylawrence87 Posts: 970 Member
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    If hes not the one, then move on. Its time to move along and find someone better. Sounds like your a real motivated individual. if hes out of the way, maybe the one will stumble into your life!! You know the one, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
  • bahamomma87
    bahamomma87 Posts: 164
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    B- you know i luv ya girl ... so im going to be honest... you are going places in your life ... in your new career.... you want to travel and see the world and scuba dive in places all over the earth ... and although your guy is "nice" ... you know already he isnt the "ONE" for you so why waste any more of each others time... i know it will be hard for both of you ... but i think its best if you maybe end it befORE you move to FL ! that way like one of the previous posters said ... you wont feel guilt if you do meet mr. DREAMY in florida .... you are getting your life in check healthwise ... and some guy out there is going to want to travel the world with you and live the better life ! Love ya girl ! im here for ya !
  • its_B
    its_B Posts: 491
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    OOOOO wow, what an overwhelming response! Thank you all, I guess I needed to know I was doing the right thing, and that I wasnt being judgmental and mean... :( I dont break up with people, so this is going to be SOOO hard for me.. I only have a little more than a month til I see him, I think I will do it in person, as I dont want to be "THAT" girl who does it over the phone... plus I really want to be able to explain it to him in person and show him that it is hurting me too....

    Thank you all so much!
    And it is true I have goals, and I am an extremely ambitious and motivated person.

    p.s.
    AMY THANK YOU! *hug*
  • mkisokay
    mkisokay Posts: 5
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    if yr only 20, i think it's totally alright for you to have fun and enjoy the relationship for what it is right now. no 20 year old should be focused on finding "the one" anyway. you should be worrying about yourself and having fun. its up to you where this current boy fits in, but don't feel pressure to pursue a life that you aren't ready for yet. most people DON'T end up with the person they dated when they were 20. that isn't a bad thing.
  • SarahNicole317
    SarahNicole317 Posts: 302 Member
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    Are you sure it is fair for him to spend the money to travel all that way for you to break up with him. I think you should just get it over with and move on.

    If you see him, you may make a decision without really thinking it over.
  • its_B
    its_B Posts: 491
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    I promised to visit him on my way down to my summer job in the florida keys, and I wont change my mind on doing it in person. We've been together long enough, and have had a wonderful relationship that I owe him that.

    mkisokay- He has stated MANY times that he think this is serious and has mentioned YEARS of relationships. And if I know he isnt going to be the one for me I dont want to hurt him more by staying with him long term... but I do enjoy our relationship... A LOT... he is a wonderful guy. just not the one. and I love him, I really do....

    Gosh now I am confused again... :/
  • bahamomma87
    bahamomma87 Posts: 164
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    B- -- its me again .... I am proof that it is possible to find your "one" at early age ! i got married when i was 18 and we are going to be celebrating our 5th anni this year.... he is older then me ... and we just FIT so perfectly... i had no questions or reservations about our relationship .... I am a firm believer in if its right .. its right... and if its not right then you usually do be filled with confusion and questions... DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST ! and i admire you for wanting to do it in person..... but do take his feelings in consideration.... i would at least give him a heads up ... its not fair to HIM to get you down there and be excited to see you and then it may make that so much harder for you to tell him .... if you are 100% on doing it in person... then at least give him a heads up that you need to have a serious talk .... because otherwise its going to blindside him !

    Others may not agree with me .... but its just my two cents girl ! xoxoo
    hugs to you !

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