any mom's feel this way??

Colombianchick29
Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
in Introduce Yourself
About Me:

I am 29 and a mother of 2 . I have been really unhappy with my weight for 10 years. As a mom, you put your children first for everything. Along the way, you loose your identity. You are known as "so and so's mom", rather than your first name. I love being a " so & so's mom, and just a mom in general , but I also need to find a balance to where I love myself too. To give more of yourself, you need to take care of your self. This journey is about me. bringing sexy back., Finding my path to myself. A better version of myself. A happier Woman, happier mom, and happier spouse. It all starts with me, and it has taken me a long LONG time to realize that!


*****my topic should really be " any PARENT'S feel this way"*****

Replies

  • AndyStanford
    AndyStanford Posts: 154 Member
    Not a mum but a dad, but I've been feeling the same way since my eldest was born. Only now starting to find something of myself again.
  • Colombianchick29
    Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
    Not a mum but a dad, but I've been feeling the same way since my eldest was born. Only now starting to find something of myself again.

    thi is true, I should re-name this to : ANY PARENTS FEEL THIS WAY! thanks for sharing.
  • Madelinew22
    Madelinew22 Posts: 289
    About Me:

    I am 29 and a mother of 2 . I have been really unhappy with my weight for 10 years. As a mom, you put your children first for everything. Along the way, you loose your identity. You are known as "so and so's mom", rather than your first name. I love being a " so & so's mom, and just a mom in general , but I also need to find a balance to where I love myself too. To give more of yourself, you need to take care of your self. This journey is about me. bringing sexy back., Finding my path to myself. A better version of myself. A happier Woman, happier mom, and happier spouse. It all starts with me, and it has taken me a long LONG time to realize that!

    i did after my first then i decided i needed to make myself happy in order for them to be happy and have a good life. i started working out in 2010 just i got prego again right away, baby born oct 2011, and now i run 5ks looking for 10k or longer, starting school soon, work and my fiance. we take a day a week for just us(its really only a couple hrs) but we are just us, not parents, mommys or daddys, just two ppl who love eachother and have fun, then after our date we go back to our life. i decided u need to take time for urself even if it means daycare or a babysitter. if u want around unhappy and feel u have no meaning in life besides just motherhood u will inevitably fail at that too. im sry if my words were offensive but they are just my opinion and my realization of what i went threw. i suggest find a few ppl to workout with, go to school, join a zumba/kickboxing/spinning whatever class, and take some time out for u and re-learn about urself. us moms are still cool:bigsmile:
  • Colombianchick29
    Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
    About Me:

    I am 29 and a mother of 2 . I have been really unhappy with my weight for 10 years. As a mom, you put your children first for everything. Along the way, you loose your identity. You are known as "so and so's mom", rather than your first name. I love being a " so & so's mom, and just a mom in general , but I also need to find a balance to where I love myself too. To give more of yourself, you need to take care of your self. This journey is about me. bringing sexy back., Finding my path to myself. A better version of myself. A happier Woman, happier mom, and happier spouse. It all starts with me, and it has taken me a long LONG time to realize that!

    i did after my first then i decided i needed to make myself happy in order for them to be happy and have a good life. i started working out in 2010 just i got prego again right away, baby born oct 2011, and now i run 5ks looking for 10k or longer, starting school soon, work and my fiance. we take a day a week for just us(its really only a couple hrs) but we are just us, not parents, mommys or daddys, just two ppl who love eachother and have fun, then after our date we go back to our life. i decided u need to take time for urself even if it means daycare or a babysitter. if u want around unhappy and feel u have no meaning in life besides just motherhood u will inevitably fail at that too. im sry if my words were offensive but they are just my opinion and my realization of what i went threw. i suggest find a few ppl to workout with, go to school, join a zumba/kickboxing/spinning whatever class, and take some time out for u and re-learn about urself. us moms are still cool:bigsmile:

    No not offensive at all! Very true, if you fail at yourself, you will fail at the # 1 job you love, being a mom ! I need to re- learn alot of things! thanks for your input!
  • cgraylyon
    cgraylyon Posts: 292 Member
    I think every good parent feels this way! I know that I do and now that I have been taking the time for myself everyone in my house is happier because I am! Thanks for sharing this it is a great reminder for why we need time for ourselves!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I never made my whole life about my child. It's a mistake to do that. Bad for you and bad for them.

    I always made sure she had what she needed and that she knew I loved her, but I am a person and I needed to care for myself, too, so I did. There's nothing wrong with that and you should do that, as well.

    I was "E's Mom" to her friends and probably some of their parents I didn't know well. But I was always myself to everyone else.
  • Colombianchick29
    Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
    I think every good parent feels this way! I know that I do and now that I have been taking the time for myself everyone in my house is happier because I am! Thanks for sharing this it is a great reminder for why we need time for ourselves!

    so true , when you are happier, your whole family is too lol
  • Bunnehface
    Bunnehface Posts: 129 Member
    Definitely! My daughter is 14 months old now, and it's taken me this whole time to start feeling like 'myself' again. Before I was a mother I was confident, despite always being a bigger girl I had an hourglass figure and big boobs, I could put some nice clothes & makeup on, go to a club or bar with my man and feel good. After giving birth I tipped the scales at 258 and UK size 22 (US size 20) and felt horrific. I didn't take care of my hair or nails, I rarely wore makeup. I lived in stay-at-home clothes.

    9 months down the line, I'm currently a UK size 16 (US size 14) - one clothes size smaller than before I was pregnant and it feels fantastic. I'm also trying to be more adventurous when it comes to clothes; I've spent so long wearing baggy tops and jumpers and jeans, it's hard remembering how it feels to wear a dress again! The truth is, I felt like any time spent on ME was time that should've been devoted to my daughter. I'm overly critical when it comes to my own (and other people's) parenting, and I didn't want to admit that I needed to take care of myself. Now I know that a happy Mummy equals a happy baby!

    PS. A big reason why I wanted to lose weight was because I was terrified that my daughter would end up like me. She is beautiful and I don't want her to ever feel like she is fat or ugly. So I want her to learn from my (improved) eating habits and see certain foods like candy not as BAD, but as a once-in-a-while treat, rather than a necessity.
  • Colombianchick29
    Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
    Definitely! My daughter is 14 months old now, and it's taken me this whole time to start feeling like 'myself' again. Before I was a mother I was confident, despite always being a bigger girl I had an hourglass figure and big boobs, I could put some nice clothes & makeup on, go to a club or bar with my man and feel good. After giving birth I tipped the scales at 258 and UK size 22 (US size 20) and felt horrific. I didn't take care of my hair or nails, I rarely wore makeup. I lived in stay-at-home clothes.

    9 months down the line, I'm currently a UK size 16 (US size 14) - one clothes size smaller than before I was pregnant and it feels fantastic. I'm also trying to be more adventurous when it comes to clothes; I've spent so long wearing baggy tops and jumpers and jeans, it's hard remembering how it feels to wear a dress again! The truth is, I felt like any time spent on ME was time that should've been devoted to my daughter. I'm overly critical when it comes to my own (and other people's) parenting, and I didn't want to admit that I needed to take care of myself. Now I know that a happy Mummy equals a happy baby!

    PS. A big reason why I wanted to lose weight was because I was terrified that my daughter would end up like me. She is beautiful and I don't want her to ever feel like she is fat or ugly. So I want her to learn from my (improved) eating habits and see certain foods like candy not as BAD, but as a once-in-a-while treat, rather than a necessity.

    -OMG- stay at home clothes!! I have also lived very comfterbly in stay at home clothes in and out doors LOL
    thanks for sharing!!
  • MissyBenj
    MissyBenj Posts: 186 Member
    I believe it will be a life-long battle of making sure you're important to yourself. I can't seem to put myself before my children, but I do make sure that I have some time here and there. It's a struggle, it really is, but the fact that you acknowledged that you want to be 'you' again is a great step. Btw, you're gorgeous, keep smiling!
  • ndwyer0910
    ndwyer0910 Posts: 86 Member
    My daughter is 4 years old and I become a single mother when she was 8 months old when apparently she was too much for him. Yet it's only recently that I have decided I need to change my life and get myself into order this way she will grow up healthy. Also since I am her only rolemodal I am indefinitly the one she will grow up like and that was my strong motivation. During the warm time I try to bring her into my workouts and we got to the park and play with her pug or my boyfriend even. Yet in the mornings if I workout and shes not awake yet I dont feel guilty but it feels good to focus on my body and not "what is she doign now its quiet" lol. WISH YOU THE BEST!! I have been injured and sick and have been on medication until tomorrow but I am going to get back into my game again soon. Just cant push it especially since the injury was to my ribs. But best of luck and feel free to add me. I still give out motivation!! lol haha
  • VanessaHeartsMasr
    VanessaHeartsMasr Posts: 727
    I think every good parent feels this way! I know that I do and now that I have been taking the time for myself everyone in my house is happier because I am! Thanks for sharing this it is a great reminder for why we need time for ourselves!

    Totally agree with this statement!! I used to actually feel GUILTY for going to the gym because it was "taking away time from my kids." Yes, sitting on the couch watching TV using my rolls of fat as arm rests was "time with my kids." It's funny, now that I've been taking more "me time" to actually work out daily and do other small things for myself (like actually doing my nails and makeup), I've been spending WAY more quality time with my children because I actually have the energy to play with them!!
  • JessicaEsqueda
    JessicaEsqueda Posts: 25
    To an extent, yes! My daughter is turning 3 in January, and my son is 19 months. I am 100% devoted to them. Their needs above mine and all of that. I literally have not been away from either of them for more than an hour at a time in their entire lives, save for the hospital visit to deliver my son.

    Sometimes it's overwhelming. I've never lost identity of myself. I am a strong person and I know who I am, both inside of and outside of being a mom. But what has been a big stressor on me is losing the TIME for myself. Time to exercise, time to shower, time to do my hair- time to care about my appearance. This has been made even harder with my son's medical status. But slowly, I'm beginning to find time to care about myself. It feels good.
  • d_Mode
    d_Mode Posts: 880 Member
    I'm a stay-at-home-dad...my son is 21-months-old. I'm not sure it's been long enough for me to feel the way you do, but I feel you. Just do what you can.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Well, apparently, I am not a good parent.

    *shrug*
  • Stacyplus5
    Stacyplus5 Posts: 493
    Im a sahm of 5 boys and just now decided I'm going to put myself on the list of things that matter. I never even made it on the list before. So small steps. this site is amazing with support it has been awesome for me on here.
  • Madelinew22
    Madelinew22 Posts: 289
    Well, apparently, I am not a good parent.

    *shrug*

    yes u are, u just figured out u could be a great mom and a great person before u ever felt lost, thats good, i was young and naive when my first was born. i wish i would have stayed strong.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Well, apparently, I am not a good parent.

    *shrug*

    yes u are, u just figured out u could be a great mom and a great person before u ever felt lost, thats good, i was young and naive when my first was born. i wish i would have stayed strong.

    I was young. I don't think I was ever naive. ;-)

    I was 17 and single, so I guess I had to be the way I was. I was still in high school and had to work and graduate and go to college and start a career, so in a lot of ways I had to put myself first so I could give my daughter a life. But I never had that feeling that I had to be 100% devoted to her with no room for a life of my own.

    She's 18 now and in college and I think whatever I did worked pretty well (though right now I'm about ready to strangle her).
  • chelsifina
    chelsifina Posts: 346 Member
    Not much time to make a thoughtful post here, but from my experience, anyone deeply involved in parenting feels this way! Its a long road to carve out a place for yourself, but keep at it! You are a better mother when you are yourself!
  • workout_junkee
    workout_junkee Posts: 473 Member
    I think a majority of agents feel this way and it is a very common struggle. I use to feel this way all the time. I have since learned to create my own time/identity past being mom.
  • MartialAngel
    MartialAngel Posts: 64 Member
    I definitely agree. And I'm tired of being unhappy and depressed and tired all the time. I joined this looking for help in losing weight, but also looking for new friends, Maybe even other young moms in the area that biggest to hangout. I have absolutely no friends. My husband's friends are "friends of the family", of course, but I'm notifying Call Colton and see if he wants to go out for coffee. I need friends of my own that bring me up. I definitely need that support system. And part of the reason I don't have any friends is because I don't have a vehicle to get out anywhere. We have one car, and my husband takes it to work. I'm hoping to find new friendsthat will help support me through this. I have found that new hobbies help some. I evenly started makingmyown perfume. It takes a few minutes out of the day, and it's really easy. But it's something I enjoy that I can find time to do for myself. Just a word of advice. Find a couple of quick hobbies. Take 10 minutes out of the day for yourself and read a book, or make some jewelry. :)
  • preslyann50
    preslyann50 Posts: 114 Member
    I feel the same. When I moved to where I am now I was only knows as "so/so mom, daughterinlaw or wife" that was it. No one knew me because my DH and his family are from here. It's hard. I was in nursing school and began to become "Shannon" again but then I injured my back and had to leave and now I am back in the SAHM routine and it gets sad sometimes lol. I love my kids but sometimes I just wish I had more "not being a mommy time."

    EDIT: I'ma young mom as well. I'm 26 and had my first son at 21 and second at 23. Plus side is both my kids will be out of the house by 42 and 40's in the new 30 right?! lol
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    I lost sight of who I was a LONG time ago. Working out and changing my perceptions about myself has helped me start to find myself again, and being here on MFP has been a great tool in that!

    Feel free to add me as a friend if you feel similar. I have two kids and I'm in this for the long haul. I want to be ME again, and not just a housewife and a mother. Because I know I'm awesome (somewhere under all that fat...)
  • Lizzy0509
    Lizzy0509 Posts: 3
    Wow! I know exacly how you feel!! I am a stay at home mom of a 6 yr old, a 3 yr old and my step daughter who is 10 and has mental illness. Its very hard to do anything for myself. I love being a mom more then anything, but you do forget who you are. I am trying also to focus on myself a little more. Good Luck on your journey! : )

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