Anyone have ADHD kids?

TakinSexyBack
TakinSexyBack Posts: 300 Member
in Chit-Chat
Just wondering how many of you out there have ADHD kids besides myself! Mine isnt so much AD ad he is HD! Hes HYPER but has all of the tendencies of ADHD in the arguing over EVERYTHING and being disrespectful...........I am needing some support in how to handle him! Its a love love situation where I love him and cant see denying him anything at Christmas but at the same time he can be so hateful and disrespectful (hes 10).....Im wondering if I dont give his as much as usual this year and tell him why (I have been warning him for months).........maybe it will help his attitude? Any advice will be appreciated if you have one of these kids too!

Replies

  • VanessaHeartsMasr
    VanessaHeartsMasr Posts: 727
    My son has it. My daughter has it. I also have it. My personal opinion is that, no, denying him Christmas presents will definitely NOT adjust his attitude. It might make him have even more of an attitude. My guess is that some of his behavior is not intentionally done to be disrespectful. Kids with ADHD can be very sensitive to their plight and when they are called out on behaviors that sometimes they can't help, they will get very defensive and shut down to an extent, and come across as little a-holes when in all actuality, they are just defending themselves. My best advice to you: Don't even attempt to argue with him when he gets like that. You will just get frustrated and things will escalate and turn into a screaming match. Simply matter of factly make him leave your presence and go to another room and tell him he may return when he can talk to you with respect and/or after he's calmed down/unwound. If he's super hyper, make him go in the backyard and let him run off some of his steam. Find activities that he can do that will calm him down. Maybe have an area in your house that's all his; his "quiet corner" or something, where he can sit and think about his behavior; that is a HORRIBLE punishment for a kid with the "H", lol. My son would rather get a spanking than have to sit quietly in time out. Maybe make him write you a letter of apology as punishment or something. ADHD kids are tough man!
  • charelg
    charelg Posts: 599 Member
    My 6 yr old son has Adhd. I didn't want to believe he had this. I felt like it is over diagnosed. Finally gave in after constant bad school notes, disrespect. Not sitting still..and now he's on a medicine, and he has done a 180. Also helping him with doing well academically. I cried so many nights for him. I understand!
    Is your child on any meds?
  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    Sometimes we can over punish these kids that it can backfire.

    I recommend reading, "The Kazdin Method of Parenting the Defiant Child."
  • karen4ever
    karen4ever Posts: 46 Member
    My son has Autism and ADHD, he is on meds for the ADHD which helps him to focus better when at school, If we get to a point where it will turn out all war like, then with him it is best to leave him alone and not say another word to him untill he has calmed himself down.
    And if I find myself getting wound up slightly when trying to get him ready and he is off doing other things I just leave his things in a pile and tell him to get ready himself while I go to another room to calm down, with the occaisional, are you dressed yet (just to remind him what he's meant to be doing) :-)
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    My 10 year old has a lot of energy and difficulty with attention - she'd be labelled ADHD in a lot of places but also escapes it because she's very bright and learns quickly - when she doesn't lose concentration.
    It means everything needs to be made interesting and I repeat myself 50x to get her to do something. Knowing that it isn't her but a "mind condition" helps me not lose my calm.
    Learning to be calm and understanding that it isn't her but the way she is an ongoing process, even a struggle at times. But I love her energy. Sometimes I could throttle her but I wouldn't change a thing. Punishment/behavior cycles often don't work and need a lot of rethinking.

    Btw, I've made sure that none of these labels are used around her or at her, I think it is handicapping to have children have and use these labels for themselves.
  • TakinSexyBack
    TakinSexyBack Posts: 300 Member
    My son, in my opinon has NO AD...........hes very smart and bright and is first in his class right now but he def has the HD part of it. And as kids with this...........he LOVES TO ARGUE!!!!! He argues and is disrespectful me to me a lot!!!! He does have a sensitive side and that helps but if Im upset at him for being rude .........he is the same way back to me! He told me tonight that I was a bad mom..........I dont care about him b/c I dont spend a lot of money on him.............and he told me he means it all. I know really he doesnt but it still hurts when you give above and beyond what you HAVE to give and they dont see it. All they see is the ex and their wife blowing money on them for 2 months outta the year when he is there...........and thats cool with him...........
  • momof3kiddos34
    momof3kiddos34 Posts: 41
    Btw, I've made sure that none of these labels are used around her or at her, I think it is handicapping to have children have and use these labels for themselves.

    We are in the process of getting our 7 year old diagnosed. She is amazingly bright and gets straight A's. But her difficulty with focus, inability to organize and her lack of impulse control gets her in trouble a lot. A few months ago she asked me me why she is so bad and why she gets in so much trouble and why her sister never does. It made me realize this really is affecting her. So, I'm just curious as I have NO experience with this yet... is it possible to explain ADHD to them in a way that helps them understand they have it but they don't see it as a handicap? I want her to understand that there is a reason behind her behavior, that she isn't just "bad". I watched this documentary called "ADD and Loving it" and it talked a lot about two things of note: Learning as much as you can about your specific diagnosis, as the more you learn the more you can use that to help you fit into a world not made for you. And learning to use your specific diagnosis to your advantage. I'm totally not trying to argue, I'm really trying to figure out what to do with her and get as many opinions in the mix to process and see what works. I love this kid with my whole heart and she has AMAZING potential. I want to see her reach it.
  • DrBorkBork
    DrBorkBork Posts: 4,099 Member
    Just started using InTune by DoTerra, and it's made a huge improvement on my daughter's overall mood and focus (outbursts don't happen as often on days we use it). Maybe something to look into? It's expensive, but you only use a couple of drops a day.
  • hmuh
    hmuh Posts: 379 Member
    Here are a couple of good reads for parents/family members/teachers of all kids, problematic behaviors or not...

    http://www.loveandlogic.com/

    http://www.amazon.com/Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-Listen/dp/0743525086

    Hope it helps. Best wishes!
  • SusanMcAvoy
    SusanMcAvoy Posts: 445 Member
    My son who is 31 STILL has ADHD. It was very hard dealing with him as he grew up. He is finally a little better. He doesn't have any insurance so he doesn't have access to the wonderful ADHD drugs such as Adderall or Ritalin. While he was growing up he got into all kinds of trouble. Even ended up in jail for 3 months as a teenager. Also has substance abuse problems since he has to self medicate. Life was quite a journey with him. He's getting married to a woman who has 3 kids so that is a plus because he can use all his hyperactivity to play with the kids. I am happy to say my life is easier now that he is 31 but it took a lot of work and heartache to get here. I wouldn't deny your son Christmas. It's not his fault he has ADHD. I highly suggest you get treatment for him. Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
  • zombilishious
    zombilishious Posts: 1,250 Member
    I do, and it is extraordinarily difficult. I would never deny him the joy of Christmas. He's 7, and I'd take the hyperactivity any day if I could erase the aggression. He can't help it, though. He's a very loving boy and I try to make an extra effort for rewarding him for every little good thing he does. His hugs are the most special to me because it reinforces how much he really loves me despite the aggression and violence. I have him on Vyvance - a low dose so he will still eat and go to sleep - and on Sundays I give him a "free" day. No medicine, no chores, no demands. We had him in therapy, but weren't happy with the therapist, so we're shopping for a new program.

    The aggression is bad. I've had holes in my walls, broken furniture, a lot of broken toys, and he even threw a roller skate at my face. He doesn't hesitate to attack his older brother and sister. He perceives things people say and do the wrong way, and it easily angers him. I'm always a bad mom when I make him go to bed, or don't let him have soda, or something else that he wants.

    He is exceptionally bright - the brightest in his class. His teacher has him doing 2nd and 3rd grade work to challenge him. He's reading chapter books. He can do double-digit math in his head, and loves to make up math problems and figure them out. He shows alot of leadership qualities and is a very "dominant" male. But he likes to joke around with other kids. Bad kids gravitate toward him, and he's touchy. All things that are no-no's in the classroom.

    Because he's young, we don't want him to think he can use his ADHD as an excuse. We've simply explained little things to him, like he's "allergic" to sugar and certain dyes in foods. And since we can't get rid of all of it in his foods, the medicine helps with that so he can pay attention in school.

    We keep him extremely active in physical activities year round. Karate, football, basketball. They teach him focus, discipline, teamwork, social skills. In the winter, we're always playing Wii. He likes to play Farkle and Slapjack, so we play those together alot. I let him win all the time because it bolsters his self-esteem.

    Learn to pick your battles. The hyperactivity can't be stopped and that energy needs release somewhere. Isolation is the best thing to calm him quickly when he gets aggressive. But it needs to be in an area of your home where there is little to no stimulation (no TV, toys, etc.).

    And talk to your doctor. If left untreated, ADHD kids learn to self-medicate with street drugs.

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