De-motivational Neighbor

kaia119
kaia119 Posts: 12 Member
edited January 6 in Fitness and Exercise
I seem to be having some issues with my neighbor, who has become a good friend of mine but is really killing my work-outs.

She wants to work out only when I say that's what I am about to go do, which is fine, she can work out with me, but she gives up after 10 mins and some heavy breathing!
I push myself until I am dripping sweat and my legs, arms, and abs feel like pudding. LOL
She isn't serious about fitness or nutrition at all and I am trying very hard to get myself into a routine with my workouts, and to stay under my MFP calorie goals. She eats a half a dozen cookies for breakfast!

I don't really know how to tell her that I don't want her working out with me - nor do I want to go to her house to use her equipment (she has a bo-flex in her basement) - b/c I know she will just talk me out of doing a proper 30 mins for my day, ya know? She also invites me over to eat A LOT and I don't know how to say no to that either, b/c when I tell her I am trying to watch my calories, etc - she just INSISTS even more that I come over.

I am at my wits end!

Replies

  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    i don't know, you could tell her the truth. problem solved.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,244 Member
    Sounds like your making excuses by not focusing on your workouts.

    It appears your neighbor enjoys your company so doing else with her when you have free time.


    I
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    If you are trying to avoid conflict...

    Don't tell her that you are about to go workout...If she wants to go, she can get her own ride, and come and go as she pleases.

    develop a health condition that requires a special diet--she wouldn't want to make you sick, would she?


    This year I have had so many workout partners bail on me....*sigh* At the beginning I thought about not going to the gym unless my workout partner went. But then I realized that if I did that, I was giving them the power to keep me fat and out of shape. So I went to the gym, and if they showed up, great.

    I have no issue developing a health concern or dramatizing a real illness to avoid hurting someone. My husband has decided that he no longer wants to attend his step-mother's family Christmas. Last year I had bronchitis for 4 months, and I DID have a case right before Christmas--so I told his family that my respiratory therapist told me that I should avoid crowds and family gatherings and wear a mask for church and grocery shopping ( not true). This year I am truly in a better place, but I am pretty sure I will have an asthma exacerbation the week before Christmas...
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,809 Member
    so imagine.....2 years from now you are even fatter and more out of shape and you tell us hey it's my neighbors fault....she wouldn't let me do my workouts and made me eat cookies

    really? would you buy that?

    if she goes with you, and she quits early, tell you her you are in a competition called life and need to be prepared

    if she wants to eat crap, tell her the same thing

    be nice but firm....grow a pair
  • xsmilexforxmex
    xsmilexforxmex Posts: 1,216 Member
    She probably insists because you cave. Just tell her no, she can't force you. As far as the work out's, I would tell her the truth... She doesn't seem as in to it as you and it kind of kills it for you.
  • kaia119
    kaia119 Posts: 12 Member
    Apparently, this post came across all kinds of wrong - she doesn't stop me for doing a thing - my eating is kept under control and my work outs are done, regardless! My excuses went out the window a while ago. NO ONE can control this lifestyle but me and I've choosen to be BETTER.

    I think what I was trying to say is that I don't understand why she seems so determined to....defeat me? maybe? When she does work out with me, she will stop, and then do her best to get me to quit as well.(Doesn't work) When I am eating a salad, she will tell me she baked a cake and offer me a piece. (still doesn't work.)

    It just gets to me that she can see what I'm doing and trying to continue to do every day, yet she doesn't seem to care, and is very quick to try and put a speed bump in my path, ya know? And yet, she always talks about wanting to be healthier!
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,809 Member
    just break up
  • earlyxer
    earlyxer Posts: 240 Member
    Ummmmm.... are you familiar with the etymology of the phrase "Misery loves company"? Or, "You reap what you sow"?

    Want to fail? Associate with failures.
  • Ayla70
    Ayla70 Posts: 284 Member
    I'm not sure if this will make any sense at all, but I have certainly discovered one thing since being on this journey. What I thought I knew about health, nutrition and fitness?? Reality is, I knew nothing. Nothing whatsoever. I thought I was being healthy be eating salads. I count those salads now and they have more calories than I'm allowed in one day.

    My take on this is that your neighbour simply has no idea. What she THINKS is 'making an effort', is nowhere near it, but she simply may not have that understanding yet. Or the motivation.

    Maybe education is the key. Gently does it. You obviously get along well, and you don't really want to lose that I'm sure. So either educate her, or if she flat out refuses to learn and/or listen, then set some very strict boundaries for yourself where she's concerned, and have no qualms in telling her what the boundaries are. Say that you value her friendship, but you are no longer going to allow her to 'this, this and this', as you are serious about your health and fitness.

    Hope you sort it out...
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    Apparently, this post came across all kinds of wrong - she doesn't stop me for doing a thing - my eating is kept under control and my work outs are done, regardless! My excuses went out the window a while ago. NO ONE can control this lifestyle but me and I've choosen to be BETTER.

    I think what I was trying to say is that I don't understand why she seems so determined to....defeat me? maybe? When she does work out with me, she will stop, and then do her best to get me to quit as well.(Doesn't work) When I am eating a salad, she will tell me she baked a cake and offer me a piece. (still doesn't work.)

    It just gets to me that she can see what I'm doing and trying to continue to do every day, yet she doesn't seem to care, and is very quick to try and put a speed bump in my path, ya know? And yet, she always talks about wanting to be healthier!

    Some people just don't seem to know ( or care) that they are bringing you down with their behavior.

    Just stay strong, and eventually she might have an epiphany and see that she needs to change HER behavior to get to a positive place in life.
  • acogg
    acogg Posts: 1,870 Member
    There will be people like this in your life forever. Be thankful that you aren't doing it to yourself. Work out first and then do whatever 10 minutes exercise at her house. You will get in a little extra and who knows? She may be inspired by your results.
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
    I can understand where you are coming from. For me, it used to be my husband who was holding me back. I don't think it was intentional at all. He just wanted to spend time with me, so he wanted to come along when I did my workouts. At the same time, he wasn't serious about working out--his motivation was simply that he wanted to spend time with me away from the kids. So he would stop when he got tired, ask me about 500 questions, want to play, etc. I eventually told him that I needed that time to WORK and that he was slowing me down. He could either stay home and let me work out, or he could come along but keep quiet when he got tired so that I could do what I needed to do.
    So fast forward a year or two...after seeing the results of my hard work, he became serious about wanting to work out himself and started pushing himself harder. Then he was actually a fun partner.

    Maybe something similar is going on with your neighbor? She wants to be good friends, and she wants to spend time with you, but she's just not "there" yet? Your results could be a great motivation for her to get "there" eventually. Or you may just have to wind up claiming your workout time for yourself.
  • CaptChad75
    CaptChad75 Posts: 115 Member
    Ask her to come over for a dinner and a movie night and when she gets there pop in brazilian buttlift and have a bunch of weight watcher snacks. When she flips out say "oh was this not what you had in mind?"
  • jstout365
    jstout365 Posts: 1,686 Member
    Misery loves company and her company is moving on....

    My guess: she knows you are working to improve yourself and she can't decide for herself to do the same so she may be trying to make herself feel better about being unmotivated by trying to bring you down.

    I've been on the receiving end of some interesting comments because I do go to the gym often and care what I eat. Most of it comes from a point of jealousy so I just laugh to myself and know that I'm doing the right thing for me.
  • macdiver
    macdiver Posts: 145 Member
    I'm not sure if this will make any sense at all, but I have certainly discovered one thing since being on this journey. What I thought I knew about health, nutrition and fitness?? Reality is, I knew nothing. Nothing whatsoever. I thought I was being healthy be eating salads. I count those salads now and they have more calories than I'm allowed in one day.

    What were you putting in those salads? Most vegetables are very low calorie.

    To the OP, I say keep doing what you are doing. Maybe she will see your success and be motivated to change.
  • kmorganlfc
    kmorganlfc Posts: 115 Member
    She wants to work out only when I say that's what I am about to go do,

    Don't tell her what you're about to go do. :smile:
  • kaia119
    kaia119 Posts: 12 Member
    Ask her to come over for a dinner and a movie night and when she gets there pop in brazilian buttlift and have a bunch of weight watcher snacks. When she flips out say "oh was this not what you had in mind?"

    BWAHAHAHA!
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Could you not train with her then train again on your own later that day?
  • Solar07
    Solar07 Posts: 83 Member
    I have a co-worker that is kind of the same way. We'll sit down for lunch and next thing I know I'm getting critized for eating a salad. Then she offers me cookies, candy and all kinds of other junk food that I politely refuse. I'm not even sure she realizes she's doing it. My plan is to tell her how she makes me feel and that this is a life change for me. Maybe your neighbor just doesn't get it either!
  • Shayztar
    Shayztar Posts: 415 Member
    Sounds like she sucks and you are awesome. High five for being better at diet and exercise than she is. You will be successful where she will fail. She's just trying to sabotage your efforts because she is jealous of your desire and drive for change and all that jazz.

    ^ I think that about covers it all. /end thread
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    She wants to work out only when I say that's what I am about to go do,

    Don't tell her what you're about to go do. :smile:

    ^^^^^This.

    I work out alone. You can still be friends and watch her eat her cookies while you chit chat, but don't tell her when you're working out. If she asks, just tell her that you push yourself harder when you work out alone. Smile, then move on.
  • acogg
    acogg Posts: 1,870 Member

    What were you putting in those salads? Most vegetables are very low calorie.

    Probably shredded cheese, hard boiled egg, bacon bits, diced ham, croutons and dressing. Ranch salad dressing is a whopping 140 cals per tablespoon! When I started logging my food on MFP, I quickly ditched the Ranch dressing.
  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
    Misery loves company and her company is moving on....

    My guess: she knows you are working to improve yourself and she can't decide for herself to do the same so she may be trying to make herself feel better about being unmotivated by trying to bring you down.

    I've been on the receiving end of some interesting comments because I do go to the gym often and care what I eat. Most of it comes from a point of jealousy so I just laugh to myself and know that I'm doing the right thing for me.

    This.

    It sounds like she's trying a little sabotage, whether or not she's doing it intentionally. Probably most of us have someone like this in our life right now, whether a partner, coworker, or parent. I really don't think most of these people sit up at night plotting how to mess us up LOL. But knowing someone else is trying makes you take a hard look at yourself and if you don't like what you see, well, it would be nice if that person changing their lifestyle would just STOP.
  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member

    What were you putting in those salads? Most vegetables are very low calorie.
    Oriental chicken salad at Applebees, 1310 calories.
  • RosieNYC
    RosieNYC Posts: 1 Member
    Perhaps you can offer to do a 2nd workout with her (knowing that she will quit 10 minutes in). Best case, you get an extra 10 minutes. Worst case, she will be the one pushing you to continue. I see it as win-win.

    As for her inviting you over, you can suggest activities that don't involve food, or are even physical. Since it's the winter, ice skating comes to mind; even if you don't know how, it's fun to try! Go see an art exhibit or have a board game night. Summertime is begging for a run on the beach as well.
  • 1258936
    1258936 Posts: 115 Member
    isn't it unreal how ppl do that? I doubt that many are doing it on purpose, but not eating typical American food is somehow offensive to others.
  • FallingInLoveWithMe
    FallingInLoveWithMe Posts: 92 Member
    stop working out with her

    u dont have to tell her why just stop or say its not working for me im gonna try something else

    or if you really like her spend time working out elsewhere like walking at the mall
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    WWTCD - What would Terry Crews do?

    owned-by-terry-crews-o.gif

    Seriously, there's plenty of ways to lose your tail. Sign up for a class at the gym where she's not a member...Do P90x at home. Can she swim? If no, then go for a swim! Maybe join a volleyball league on a team with only one spot open. Can she ride bike? If no, then go for a bike ride. If yes, then chuck a branch into her spokes. Same logic works for rollerblading.
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