Fun girl seeks advise

Hey everyone,
I'm a fun, morbidly overweight girl who has never dieted before. Since I was a small child, I was always bigger than the other students in class. I struggled with this for a long time, but in high school finally fell in love with my body and self. In highschool I was 160-170, but in my junior year, I went to Germany and came back weighing 140. I hated my host family and would walk all day, just to be out of the house. I didn't notice I was losing weight until I came back to the States and started gaining quickly. My senior year in high school and my first year in college saw me gain about 50lbs the first year and 30 the next. I realised at that point that I was lactose intolerant and once I stopped eating most dairy, I stopped gaining weight. At that point I was 225-230. I now weight 229.5.
I am having problems with most weight loss programs, because I already am following the rules. I don't drink soda, rarely (once a month or two) do I get fruit juice, I don't drink milk or other liquids with lots of fats/sugar. I usually drink an herbal tea and water. I don't make alchohol a habit(maybe 2-3 times a month), but when I do drink I usually have about 3-4 beers or margueritas. I have since stopped drinking alcohol.
I make every single meal from scratch in my house. Even my bread is homemade. I almost never use anything out of a box- no chips, crackers, or cereal. The only canned items I have are tomatoes and chipoltle peppers. My salt intake is pretty low since I don't use a lot of prebought items. I eat a lot out of my garden (which means more veggies in spring & summer, lots of squash & pumpkins in winter). 2-3 times a week either breakfast or lunch is 1 cup of oatmeal with 2 tablespoons oatbran with 1-2 tbs homemade jam or apple sauce. I eat grains like brown rice & farro. I do eat meat, but rarely red (maybe 2-3 times a month). I can rarely afford fish though and then only salmon or shrimp. I don't eat candies or sweets and when I do they are homemade. I'd say 1-2 times a week we have a dessert after dinner.
The places for improvement I see are: smaller portion sizes, more veggies but healthy carbs are fine.
I eat out maybe once every 2 weeks, but when I do it tends to be a high end restaurant with local food (probably more calories than at home though).
Excercise: Here is the hardest part for almost everyone. I was maintaining my weight really well (and lost 7 lbs for a grand canyon trip), but I have since moved into a job that is entirely stationary. I work at a computer desk and rarely move. I exercise eratically, averaging once or twice a week. Usually on an eliptical or bike. I did do upper body chip lifts & pull ups for a while, but my fiancee workout buddy isnt fond of that exercise. I know I need more exercise, specifically weights. I did eat oatmeal everyday for breakfast, swore off alcohol, and exercised for 1 hr everyday other for 3 months straight and lost only 5 lbs. I suspect I was gaining muscle mass almost as fast as I was losing weight. Very frusterating.
Any suggestions for things I might be missing? I'm open to suggestions on types of exercise too. Although I think I heard it perfectly put when it was said: The exercise that works for you in the one you won't get bored of and stop.
I've never dieted officially per se- just watched what I ate. One thing I don't want to do is feel bad about eating- I think that's a really negative approach and selfdepressing.
Thanks for any input,
Callista