UPDATED....I don't want to see you anymore

AwesomeMoJo
AwesomeMoJo Posts: 1,145 Member
So, I told him last night.

My exact words were..."J, you and I are 2 different people. we seem to want different things. I don't want us to waste anymore time. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and you connect with. I deserve the same...we just are not meant to be together."

His words were:..."but I can change for you...I like you and want to be with you.."

I told him, I do not want a man who will change for me. I want a man that I accept the way he is and I accept him as he is...I never want to be a woman who tries to change her man. That is not me.

He has since texted me 3x and called me 2x this morning...

Did I use the right words??? Was I too harsh?

Replies

  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Quite obvious you were not harsh enough...& he is a creeper



    Just ignore the texts/calls. If they don't stop after a few days, block the number..
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    "I can change you"?! Oh man....what a doofus.. Um no.

    You used the right words..he's just a moron. I'd personally ignore the calls and texts. Eventually, he'll get it.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    NOW is the right time to ignore his calls and texts.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    NOW is the right time to ignore his calls and texts.

    ^^This.
  • classycouture
    classycouture Posts: 888 Member
    "I can change you"?! Oh man....what a doofus.. Um no.

    You used the right words..he's just a moron. I'd personally ignore the calls and texts. Eventually, he'll get it.

    "can change FOR you"



    Regardless, you did the right thing. You were very straight forward and honest (and it still didn't seem to get through to him). Just ignore the calls/texts.
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    So, I told him last night.

    My exact words were..."J, you and I are 2 different people. we seem to want different things. I don't want us to waste anymore time. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and you connect with. I deserve the same...we just are not meant to be together."

    His words were:..."but I can change for you...I like you and want to be with you.."

    I told him, I do not want a man who will change for me. I want a man that I accept the way he is and I accept him as he is...I never want to be a woman who tries to change her man. That is not me.

    He has since texted me 3x and called me 2x this morning...

    Did I use the right words??? Was I too harsh?

    good enough. don't leave the door open, not even the slightest. if you do, he'll cling to it and keep contacting you to try and change your mind. close the door and move on. in a couple of weeks, he'll move on too.

    straightforward and to the point is ALWAYS the way to talk to guys. if you dance around and not say exactly what you mean, and especially if you leave the door open in the slightest so as not to hurt his feelings, he will think there is a chance he can change your mind and he will continue to try to do exactly that.

    for example,

    the wrong way: "i think we should see other people. i'd like to still be friends. there's alot i like about you, but you just don't like to do the things i like to do and i want somebody who will do those things with me."

    in the above statement, you've given him the impression that all he needs to do is change and do the things you want to do and all will be happy again.

    the right way: "i think we should see other people. you'll find somebody who's perfect for you, but that's not me."

    in the above statement, the door is closed. he knows it's over. he might not like it, but you've made it clear that you're moving on.

    you pretty much have to ignore him now and give him time to get over it. maybe send him one last text letting him know that you're moving on and will no longer take his texts or calls or e-mails.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    "I can change you"?! Oh man....what a doofus.. Um no.

    You used the right words..he's just a moron. I'd personally ignore the calls and texts. Eventually, he'll get it.

    to be fair he said "i can change for you."

    ironically, the addition of that word takes him from an arrogant, stubborn douche to a wishy washy pip-squeak
  • AwesomeMoJo
    AwesomeMoJo Posts: 1,145 Member
    "I can change you"?! Oh man....what a doofus.. Um no.

    You used the right words..he's just a moron. I'd personally ignore the calls and texts. Eventually, he'll get it.

    to be fair he said "i can change for you."

    ironically, the addition of that word takes him from an arrogant, stubborn douche to a wishy washy pip-squeak

    That is exactly how I felt. I don't want a wishy-washy pipsqueak. I want a man with a backbone, who I will feel safe with. With a spinelss pushover..I feel like I would have to be the protector...soooo not happening...lol.
  • the_journeyman
    the_journeyman Posts: 1,877 Member
    We all know the "I can change for you" is a joke. Just hit the ignore button now.

    JM
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Now it's all about you and me.:love:

    PS
    Stick to it and ignore him.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Quite obvious you were not harsh enough...& he is a creeper

    Just ignore the texts/calls. If they don't stop after a few days, block the number..

    this, all day every day!!!!
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Nothing to do with not being harsh enough, he would have acted the same or worse. What a spinless puss.

    Now's the time to block.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    Are you new in the dating world? Cause.. this is gonna happen alot.
  • fleur_de_lis19
    fleur_de_lis19 Posts: 926 Member
    My mother tried to teach me at a very young age that you cannot change a man. I of course did not listen and married my 1st husband... and he almost killed me. Dramatic i know, but true. You cannot change people.... Don't waste your time or effort. Ignore is calls and text and move on.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    So, I told him last night.

    My exact words were..."J, you and I are 2 different people. we seem to want different things. I don't want us to waste anymore time. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and you connect with. I deserve the same...we just are not meant to be together."

    His words were:..."but I can change for you...I like you and want to be with you.."

    I told him, I do not want a man who will change for me. I want a man that I accept the way he is and I accept him as he is...I never want to be a woman who tries to change her man. That is not me.

    He has since texted me 3x and called me 2x this morning...

    Did I use the right words??? Was I too harsh?

    Give him a few weeks/months. Once he finds a younger model he will leave you alone.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    Just hit the ignore button now.

    Now's the time to block.

    I find it funny that people use internet lingo for this.
  • fleur_de_lis19
    fleur_de_lis19 Posts: 926 Member
    So, I told him last night.

    My exact words were..."J, you and I are 2 different people. we seem to want different things. I don't want us to waste anymore time. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and you connect with. I deserve the same...we just are not meant to be together."

    His words were:..."but I can change for you...I like you and want to be with you.."

    I told him, I do not want a man who will change for me. I want a man that I accept the way he is and I accept him as he is...I never want to be a woman who tries to change her man. That is not me.

    He has since texted me 3x and called me 2x this morning...

    Did I use the right words??? Was I too harsh?

    Give him a few weeks/months. Once he finds a younger model he will leave you alone.

    Your my hero!!! LOL
  • AwesomeMoJo
    AwesomeMoJo Posts: 1,145 Member
    Are you new in the dating world? Cause.. this is gonna happen alot.

    My dear, I am not new to the dating world. I have had creepers and pervs....though he is a nice guy. It just pains meto hurt somone who is nice and kind...that's all. The TRUE creepers..I have no problem giving a piece of my mind...lol
  • tinak33
    tinak33 Posts: 9,883 Member
    NOW is the right time to ignore his calls and texts.

    ^^This.
  • the_journeyman
    the_journeyman Posts: 1,877 Member
    My dear, I am not new to the dating world. I have had creepers and pervs....though he is a nice guy. It just pains meto hurt somone who is nice and kind...that's all. The TRUE creepers..I have no problem giving a piece of my mind...lol

    You did it tight. You didn't lie, you weren't mean you just pointed out the facts and moved on. He'll live.

    JM
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    I find it funny that people use internet lingo for this.

    My phone has a "block caller" function.
    My dear, I am not new to the dating world. I have had creepers and pervs....though he is a nice guy. It just pains meto hurt somone who is nice and kind...that's all. The TRUE creepers..I have no problem giving a piece of my mind...lol

    This is why I like you. So many people are starting to throw around the word "creeper" to describe people who merely aren't confident. Keep labeling naive people creepers, and eventually they will turn into REAL *kitten*.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    My wife had this conversation with me once. I took the hint and bailed and lived with a friend and partied until she asked me to come back.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    You did great! If he didn't get the message, then just ignore him. He will eventually.
  • just stop responding cuz that makes him think he still has a chance
  • Sweetpea472
    Sweetpea472 Posts: 229 Member
    It is really hard to let a nice guy go. I went through that with the guy I was dating my freshman year of college, and it broke my heart to break his heart. I was the wishy-washy one... he asked to remain friends, and I agreed. I finally had to end the friendship because it was clear that he wasn't moving on, even though I was already in another relationship. Stand your ground so he gets the time he needs to heal. :flowerforyou:

    *edited to correct spelling
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
    You've told him what you needed to. If you feel so inclined if he keeps bothering you, send him a very clear "I thought I made myself clear the other day" text, and then just stop responding to him. Block out his number if you have to. If he can't accept it, it's now his own problem. Eventually, he'll give up :-)
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Don't respond.