Off Topic- My friend's fiancee sucks

uwhuskygirl
uwhuskygirl Posts: 320
edited September 18 in Health and Weight Loss
I'm so sorry for the word vomit that's about to come out, but this is all I can do at this point so that I don't go yell at him, while I'm still a guest in their house.

I'm in MN visiting my BFF (of 22 years) trying to help her find a wedding dress and us bridesmaid dresses. Because of the distance, this is the first time I've met her fiancee (I'll use FI for short) in the 2 years they've been dating. I don't like the guy.

Let me just tell you right now my BFF is laying in her room throwing up (well, she's sleeping right now, but has been sick for the last 3 hours) because of food poisoning. What's her FI doing? He's downstairs drinking and playing video games with his friends. About 2 hours ago he had the audacity to come up and tell her "Grow the F up and come hang out with everyone. You're being an F-ing baby." She's clearly sick. He wouldn't go to the store to get her medicine. Instead I had to drive her. Then, about 15 minutes ago he came into their room and was this close to jumping on their bed before I had to yell "No! She's been throwing up. Don't touch her." He rolls his eyes and says "stop being an f-ing baby." Other than these 2 encounters he hasn't been up here to check on her.

He's also lazy, controlling, racist, sexist, a pig, says mean things to her face, and other things that I'm just too mad to get out right now.

No one treats my friend like that. I wish I could say something to him right now, but I'm still a guest in their house (I leave early in the morning), but I just want to scream at him right now. I'm so mad right now my eyes are starting to tear up just thinking about it since I can't yell or say anything right now.

I'm sorry for my word vomit.

Replies

  • uwhuskygirl
    uwhuskygirl Posts: 320
    I'm so sorry for the word vomit that's about to come out, but this is all I can do at this point so that I don't go yell at him, while I'm still a guest in their house.

    I'm in MN visiting my BFF (of 22 years) trying to help her find a wedding dress and us bridesmaid dresses. Because of the distance, this is the first time I've met her fiancee (I'll use FI for short) in the 2 years they've been dating. I don't like the guy.

    Let me just tell you right now my BFF is laying in her room throwing up (well, she's sleeping right now, but has been sick for the last 3 hours) because of food poisoning. What's her FI doing? He's downstairs drinking and playing video games with his friends. About 2 hours ago he had the audacity to come up and tell her "Grow the F up and come hang out with everyone. You're being an F-ing baby." She's clearly sick. He wouldn't go to the store to get her medicine. Instead I had to drive her. Then, about 15 minutes ago he came into their room and was this close to jumping on their bed before I had to yell "No! She's been throwing up. Don't touch her." He rolls his eyes and says "stop being an f-ing baby." Other than these 2 encounters he hasn't been up here to check on her.

    He's also lazy, controlling, racist, sexist, a pig, says mean things to her face, and other things that I'm just too mad to get out right now.

    No one treats my friend like that. I wish I could say something to him right now, but I'm still a guest in their house (I leave early in the morning), but I just want to scream at him right now. I'm so mad right now my eyes are starting to tear up just thinking about it since I can't yell or say anything right now.

    I'm sorry for my word vomit.
  • Amanda4825
    Amanda4825 Posts: 113 Member
    Being her BFF i think you should REALLY talk to her about him before you leave. Thats horrible and no women diserves to be treated like that. I would definatly talk to her like they say love BLINDS you so maybe she dont see it. But maybe if you talk to her before she gets married she will be able to realize whats going on and call it off and you would save her from a REALLY big mistake. Good Luck with that i know if i saw that i would punch him right in the face and walk out. lol you got alot of self controll.
  • laureneva
    laureneva Posts: 372 Member
    Being her BFF i think you should REALLY talk to her about him before you leave. Thats horrible and no women diserves to be treated like that. I would definatly talk to her like they say love BLINDS you so maybe she dont see it. But maybe if you talk to her before she gets married she will be able to realize whats going on and call it off and you would save her from a REALLY big mistake. Good Luck with that i know if i saw that i would punch him right in the face and walk out. lol you got alot of self controll.

    agreed!!!
    i think i would have kicked him by now and told him off
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
    Ugh, for a minute there I wondered if I had wrote this post and just didn't remember it. I am not thrilled with my best friend fiance either.....while I have never heard him say such mean things as you heard, I still can't talk real nicely about him. Though perhaps the reason I have never heard such things is because he will not be in the same room with me. They've been together for over 2 years and are getting married this fall but I barely know the guy. I invite him to almost everything I invite her to (except strictly girl stuff) and he has never ever came. He doesn't seem to do anything that has to do with her likes, interests or important people in her life.

    On new years eve a few years ago she got really drunk and was not feeling well just after midnight so I was in her room with her from then until 3 am and helped her to the bathroom when she was going to be sick. He did not come check on her one time....he was downstairs with his friends. For all he knew, I could have left and she could have been upstairs passed out or throwing up and he would have no idea. To this day she still talks about how bad she feels that she got so drunk while his friends were over.....I want to scream and tell her how he couldn't have cared less to see if she was ok the entire night.

    I am even willing to concede that I don't know the whole story, and the side of him that she knows is a good guy and deserving of her, but the very fact that he seems to refuse to get to know me or attend anything I invite him to leaves me with basically no choice but to dislike him so far.

    While others have given advice that seems to make sense, its a tough situation. Most people will not see a possibly bad situation they are in until they are ready to see it. So as hard as it is to see people we love being hurt, there is really nothing we can do or say to convince them....more often than not the loving warning we want to give would is seen as jealousy or bitterness......love isn't blind, it's just in denial. Our friends know deep down that they deserve better, but until they are ready and willing to see it, I think all we can do is be there for them when they one day come to their senses.
  • eastisrelative
    eastisrelative Posts: 2
    I'm just going to put this in here: I was in a crappy relationship with a guy who ended up cheating on me and just being all-around bad, and my friends didn't really like him. They told me they didn't like him and that I could do better. I didn't listen, but after the relationship ended, I remembered that my friends had said something. I wasn't mad at them when they said stuff, I just told them they didn't know him like I did. But the key is, they said something, and that showed me that they cared. So when the relationship ended, I knew I could go to them because they'd seen it before I did.

    Maybe that's just me, though. I'd rather have my friends say something, and whether I listened to them or not, I would know they cared enough to say something.
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
    ok so here is my deal -
    My sister is engaged - sort of - to a guy who is horrible to her. I can tell you I have said things but - it doesn't matter she won't see it until she wants to, if that day comes.
    I would talk to her so you can air the tension that is building in you and see if she is open to the things you are mentioning but understand she may not want to hear it. Then just be a friend:
    listen, don't judge and try to be supportive. If she feels like you're judging your relationship could go rocky. Its a tough call and it's easier said than done but your friend is there because she chooses to be and until she chooses to not it's best to not get on the FI's bad side as he will find a way to cut you out if he is manipulative and then your BFF has no where to turn when she sees.
    My two cents.
  • clareroberts
    clareroberts Posts: 1
    well it makes me feel really lucky, but id just talk to her thats all you can do, if she listens great if she doesnt then at least u tried, sometimes when ur in love u want to only see the good in that someone and sometimes they have to figure it out for themselves the hard way.
    i know its hard having to keep ur mouth shut but you want to be careful not to drive a wedge between u because it sounds like he could be controling too and it sounds like shes gonna really need u, just say are you sure you wanna be with this fella for the rest of her life if shes says yes then be there for her, but make sure she knows what shes getting into.
  • GinaB30
    GinaB30 Posts: 725 Member
    Yikes! What a JERK!
    I hope you can talk to her about him- no MAN would treat a woman this way- especially one he is supossed to love and want to marry. =o/
    My EX was a lot like that, and I was *blind* and in love...but thankfully before we got married we broke up...
    I hope she wakes up to it!
  • gabi_ele
    gabi_ele Posts: 460 Member
    Ok here are my 2 cent's worth. I would tell my friend why I didn't like her FI but I would respect her wishes. THen I would tell her, that it didn't matter what she does, or what he tells her ,you will always be there for her, if she needs you. I told my kids the same thing with another one addet .... You can always come home (you might have to live by my rules but you can come home:laugh: )
  • Annabel_Lee13
    Annabel_Lee13 Posts: 80
    He sounds like a real winner! I really feel what you are going through. My best friend's BF is an idiot. He lives off of her paycheck, does not pay bills and is just icky!!! I can not even go to her house because I can not stand the thought of being around him. You can try to talk to her, but you know what they say love is blind. I have tried to talk to mine, she does not see what everyone else in her life does. She is blinded by him.... your friend must be too.
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