A serious question...

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carryingon
carryingon Posts: 609 Member
in Chit-Chat
Two of my children have been diagnosed with PTSD and Adjustment disorder for more than a year and a half. We have gone through four therapists trying to find the right fit. A week ago the therapist came and seemed to be interrogating my child cia style.She kept asking the same question over and over and my child kept looking down saying in a quiet voice "I don't know". She would then say "yes you do" and repeat the process. It was uncomfortable and painful to watch. I had to step in and stop her. I helped get the answer she was looking for in a more gentle way, but then my childs heart seemed ripped open and she had given my child no coping skills to deal with the pain she had just forced up. I feel like I am making things worse. It feels like everything keeps getting dragged up, but with no positive end result.:brokenheart:

If you experienced an extreme traumatic event as a child.

1.Did your parents get you therapy?

2. If they did are you happy they did or do you wish they hadn't?
3. If they didn't are you happy they didn't or do you wish they had?


Thank you for your help.:flowerforyou:
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Replies

  • mgobluetx12
    mgobluetx12 Posts: 1,326 Member
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    As a child, I was in a car accident and both of my parents died. We were stuck inside the car for hours until someone found us (we were driving through the mountains and a boulder landed on our car. I don't want to go into details, but that accident made me a totally different person than I would have been (aside from not being raised by my parents). My grandparents raised me and I never received counseling until I was old enough to seek it out on my own. I never knew how to process what happened to me and had nightmares for years and years. My grandparents didn't even want to talk about the accident, so I was left to my own devices on how to make sense of it all. I've finally made some progress working with a therapist, but I still have nightmares and it's been 30 years.
  • noluckducky15
    noluckducky15 Posts: 54 Member
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    I recently did a huge research paper on Play Therapy with young kids. Its non-verbal and still helps them cope with and deal with stressful traumas that they have experienced. Look into it in your area, my mom is also an occupational therapist working with sensory issues, and usually a child-led therapy is more beneficial...and especially something NON-VERBAL!

    Just a thought :) I've got tons of sources and research on play therapy, shoot me a message if you want some articles.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    As a child, I was in a car accident and both of my parents died. We were stuck inside the car for hours until someone found us (we were driving through the mountains and a boulder landed on our car. I don't want to go into details, but that accident made me a totally different person than I would have been (aside from not being raised by my parents). My grandparents raised me and I never received counseling until I was old enough to seek it out on my own. I never knew how to process what happened to me and had nightmares for years and years. My grandparents didn't even want to talk about the accident, so I was left to my own devices on how to make sense of it all. I've finally made some progress working with a therapist, but I still have nightmares and it's been 30 years.

    I'm so sorry! I can't even imagine how terrifying that must have been for you. I really appreciate your answering for me. I guess I just want to make sure that I am not making things worse than they already are. I am currently diagnosed with PTSD for the same reason they are only on a different level. I have nightmares and trouble sleeping, so I stay up as late as I can to avoid sleep.
  • ncruso24
    ncruso24 Posts: 37 Member
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    I was traumatized but what a family member did. I was 14 so you'd think I was old enough to ask for help but I didn't. When I finally did my parents were sympathetic but it had been almost 5 years so the pain wasn't as immediate to them as it was still for me. They don't believe in therapy but I did go. Honestly, I think you're doing the right thing by seeking help for your kids. Therapy didn't help me but I believe it does help others. The problem is there are sooo many quacks out there! you have to shop around. Don't give up! you're obviously a good mother, just be there to support them and help them in anyway you can.
  • VictoriaWorksOut
    VictoriaWorksOut Posts: 195 Member
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    It does not seem right to inflict more stress and emotional/mental pain to children by this kind of integrations. They need a lot of love, positive encouragement and support emotionally, mentally. My heart goes out to your kids.

    Evaluate people they spend their day with - adults and kids alike. If there are people who do not provide encouraging, supportive environment remove your kids from that environment.

    Children yearn to be loved and encouraged, have a safe home and people around them who they can fully trust. Anything less then this will create all kinds of issues starting with shyness, withdrawal...etc.

    If they are ever wrong or make mistake never shame them or attach their character. Encourage them that next time they can try and do it again and try it different way.... this will build them up.

    Always build your kids up with what you say and what you do. Keep them away from that therapist, they will only shy away more and lock themselves in more.
  • GCAsMom
    GCAsMom Posts: 120 Member
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    I don't talk about the whys, but I was taken to a psychologist as a child. He pushed too hard and forever etched in my being an extreme distrust of men and any kind of councilor, therapist, etc.

    I've learned to function thanks to my mom's unconditional love, but in the back of my mind, I'm always questioning everyone's motives until they've proven themselves trustworthy. I can't tell you how I might've been if I hadn't been taken... better or worse? Who knows?
  • FightingforFit82
    FightingforFit82 Posts: 179
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    I didn't but my son did. We talked to our Pastor. This helped. However, he is pretty open with me. He shares a lot of how he feels.
  • teryx123
    teryx123 Posts: 57 Member
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    The problem with therapists is that kids will not respond to anyone they don't trust. A kid that is injured is not likely to trust anyone aside from his parents. A better approach might be getting help yourself and learning how to help your child. It's also important to remember that kids don't intellectualize things in the same way adults do, but they are very resilient. A safe and loving environment probably has more power to heal than anything.
  • sagetracey
    sagetracey Posts: 607 Member
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    It's great that you are working so hard to help your children. The more help you can get them now, the better.

    I didn't get therapy for a traumatic event in my childhood until another event brought it up some 30 years later. I needed help much earlier but nobody could see the need for it.

    Keep on loving your kids.
  • mustang32699
    mustang32699 Posts: 1
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    for whatever cause this for your kids, i am so sorry. I went through some very traumatic events when I was a child. What I remember most about my mom was that she did not know how to cope AT ALL herself and so was useless to me and my siblings. I was grown and married before I figured it out. You wrote about how you to have PTSD and avoid sleep and I think you have to remember that you need to make yourself healthy and strong in the face of fear so that your kids see that they can do it too and have a mom that they can depend on.
    God bless
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
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    i used to stutter horribly as a child, due to traumatic events (abuse which led to hospitalization in the emergency room more than once). i have never been to therapy before as a child or adult. not gonna lie, i have my problems, but i think i get through half alright. i struggle with an eating disorder and mood disorder, but i work full time as a mental health/substance abuse counselor, have a stable relationship and manage my own life/finances. i think it varies for each person, maybe if i had gone to therapy i wouldn't have emotional issues, but who knows maybe i still would or they would even be worse. use your judgement. if you feel like it isn't working for your children, maybe find a new therapist or an alternative form of treatment, or go without for a while and see if there are any negative or positive changes with your children. hope everything turns out okay.
  • ncbill
    ncbill Posts: 76 Member
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    Get a new therapist

    Ask your child if they want to try to meet with someone to help

    I like the book promise of energy psychology (i think that's the name) if not email me and I'll find the details

    I assume your child cant articulate their feelings- defend them (if something makes you uncomfortable) your job is to defend your child, IMO

    Help your child articulate your thoughts- it is a needed skill for relationships
  • barbaramitchell101
    barbaramitchell101 Posts: 360 Member
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    I work in a behavioral health/substance abuse outpatient clinic...I do all their billing, so I am not a counselor...but our child psychologists use play therapy...they have toys and such and the child will play, while the therapist talks with them, or the parent....all the chldren love our therapists and eagerly come back time after time...

    we also have a program in the schools, this program does many things including having frequent overnights, sometimes camping out...sometimes for the weekend, sometimes for a week...they go all ove the state and sometimes to the neighboring states....I have seen a DECREASE in issues regarding children and suicide attempts, as well as they are getting early information on substance abuse and health issues related to this activity.since this program has been a part of our clinic..hopefully, all of this will help to decrease these issues in the community.....this is a VERY popular program, and the kids that are not enrolled are begging to be included....almost the entire school system enrollment are in this program..

    .however, when they start high school, we have found that those kids have decided they have other things that keep them busy such as ...boys, girls, looking for jobs, thinking of future etc.....we have found that when we offer various groups for them, that most have other things that they have to do....so we are looking at other ways to get them to participate....
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    Thank you:flowerforyou: . All of your posts are very helpful. Yes they are young. They are so young I had to fight with my insurance to get therapy covered for them to begin with. Sadly they like this therapist and seem to work with her more than the others. I hate to think that I am making decisions with a closed mind. I like t hear all of the perspectives. I know that this will not be the only therapy. I know they don't understand a lot now and will have many more painful questions later. Defending my children was the first thing I did and continue to do. They are the reason I breathe:heart:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I experienced extreme and ongoing trauma as a young child in my home and it was direct assault on me. It was life altering. And I have had PTSD as a result of it. I am so sorry your children have as well. And it will make a huge difference that they have your support, help and awareness.

    I did not get therapy, but it would have been good if I had. I did not have any support or help through it.

    However, not all therapists are good. Some can do more harm than good. So, having the right therapist is important, even if it means trying a few out. The way that therapist questioned your child is actually really not ok. You should never push or force a child to open up those painful wounds. The therapist is there to play with the child and through play the child gains trust and speaks when he or she is ready in the way that is right for them. I hope this is helpful to hear. You can ask me questions. :heart:
  • Ibelievenme2
    Ibelievenme2 Posts: 96 Member
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    I was traumatized but what a family member did. I was 14 so you'd think I was old enough to ask for help but I didn't. When I finally did my parents were sympathetic but it had been almost 5 years so the pain wasn't as immediate to them as it was still for me. They don't believe in therapy but I did go. Honestly, I think you're doing the right thing by seeking help for your kids. Therapy didn't help me but I believe it does help others. The problem is there are sooo many quacks out there! you have to shop around. Don't give up! you're obviously a good mother, just be there to support them and help them in anyway you can.
    Same here I agree with you. Therapist are great when you get the right one. My son went to one and he is doing great. He will talk things out more. I hope you can find one that has compassion and know how to talk to children. Ask to switch if possible. Ask for reference. Hang in there. Will be praying for you and your situation.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    If the death of a sibling counts, then I was traumatized as a child and had no therapy until high school and college when I went to the school counselors on my own. I kind of resented my parents for a long time because they didn't see earlier that I was a desperately unhappy child.

    My children have mental health issues and therapy was helpful in some ways, but unhelpful in others, depending on which kid you ask.

    There are many, many different approaches to therapy, so if one therapist doesn't seem to be a good fit, leave them behind and look for a better one.

    Virtual ~*~ hugs ~*~ to you and your kids.
  • ABetterLife92
    ABetterLife92 Posts: 8
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    Two of my children have been diagnosed with PTSD and Adjustment disorder for more than a year and a half. We have gone through four therapists trying to find the right fit. A week ago the therapist came and seemed to be interrogating my child cia style.She kept asking the same question over and over and my child kept looking down saying in a quiet voice "I don't know". She would then say "yes you do" and repeat the process. It was uncomfortable and painful to watch. I had to step in and stop her. I helped get the answer she was looking for in a more gentle way, but then my childs heart seemed ripped open and she had given my child no coping skills to deal with the pain she had just forced up. I feel like I am making things worse. It feels like everything keeps getting dragged up, but with no positive end result.:brokenheart:

    If you experienced an extreme traumatic event as a child.

    1.Did your parents get you therapy?

    2. If they did are you happy they did or do you wish they hadn't?
    3. If they didn't are you happy they didn't or do you wish they had?


    Thank you for your help.:flowerforyou:

    I have PTSD because of severe childhood physical abuse which I recieved via my brother. My parents never got me therapy, according to them the abuse was my fault. I am now 20 years old and have recurring nightmares about it. I have only started going to therapy myself about a month ago and although it is like ripping a bandaid off a wound hopefully it will help in the long run. I wish that they had got me therapy themselves and that I wasn't blamed for what happened.
  • Starla_
    Starla_ Posts: 349
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    1.Did your parents get you therapy?
    2. If they did are you happy they did or do you wish they hadn't?
    3. If they didn't are you happy they didn't or do you wish they had?

    Thank you for your help.:flowerforyou:

    No they didn't.

    They caused my PTSD and when I asked for help from them and the rest of my family I was denied help and treated worse for causing trouble.

    I wish that I had of decided to get proper treatment years ago instead of just now though. I feel like I have wasted too much of my life suffering from PTSD/anxiety/stress/depression.

    One word of advice, look for a psychologist/therapist who has lots of experience with PTSD in children and also one who has been trained with mindfulness. My psychologist is doing mindfulness with me now and it is by far the best therapy I have had in regards to my PTSD. I would have loved to have been exposed to it as a child, I think it would have made a world of difference.
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
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    Two of my children have been diagnosed with PTSD and Adjustment disorder for more than a year and a half. We have gone through four therapists trying to find the right fit. A week ago the therapist came and seemed to be interrogating my child cia style.She kept asking the same question over and over and my child kept looking down saying in a quiet voice "I don't know". She would then say "yes you do" and repeat the process. It was uncomfortable and painful to watch. I had to step in and stop her. I helped get the answer she was looking for in a more gentle way, but then my childs heart seemed ripped open and she had given my child no coping skills to deal with the pain she had just forced up. I feel like I am making things worse. It feels like everything keeps getting dragged up, but with no positive end result.:brokenheart:

    If you experienced an extreme traumatic event as a child.

    1.Did your parents get you therapy?

    2. If they did are you happy they did or do you wish they hadn't?
    3. If they didn't are you happy they didn't or do you wish they had?


    Thank you for your help.:flowerforyou:
    I'm sorry for your struggle. Sometimes the world graduates therapists who are just unskilled and can't connect. Once in a while, you can stumble upon a real gem. In my experience, referral sources from people you trust are very important to find those gems! Good luck and don't give up.

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