Friend In Bad Health
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I'm not exactly sure where would have been the best place to post this as it is not in relation to me. I work a desk job as an administrative assistant and recently one of my friends was hired. Now, my friend is semi lazy, she tends to not want to do much if it means she has to take five extra steps. Kind of like that person who would rather not get up and get the remote and watch a channel they hate on TV. Well, being that it's a desk job, it really makes it harder to keep in shape or get in shape for that matter if you're not doing anything extra in the effort.
Now, my friend does not drink coffee, or tea. She hates anything "natural" tasting. She's not a veggie kind of person, or a fruit kind. But she will daily drink 2-3 mountain dews (at work, no clue at home, but I know when she's at my house she will drink about 4 cans) She states she hates water, so she doesn't drink it. She also won't drink it if she has to put it in a cup etc... Then for breakfast she eats pop tarts or Wawa sizzli's. For lunch she has 2 hot pockets and for dinner she says her mom makes frozen meal things because she hates to cook.
Recently, a co-worker that knows her less than I do told her she has gained a few pounds. He also states he is just concerned about her health and well being and that she should try to eat a bit healthier. Bold move for a guy to do to a girl that he barely knows, but he really had a point. The food she eats is high in sugars, sodium, and non-essential fats. Her breathing is not so great, and she is just a lazy person. She will make a million and one excuses why she won't eat or drink or even work out. I am just worried because her lifestyle just from what I see is like she's basically killing herself with food. But when I try to talk to her and she makes excuses like "I can't eat that, it tastes like earth and I don't like it" or "there's too much work into that, I have to cook it and yeaaa" it makes me feel like she really just does not care. I try to avoid it because she's my friend, and now a co-worker. I don't want to make things difficult. It's just, with her being my friend I would hate to see her with diabetes, high blood pressure, or have a heart attack before she is even 25. Or just any disease for that matter! She isn't huge, certainly not as big as me, but I know that being a "normal" weight does not mean optimal health or body fat %. Not to mention as stated by our other co-worker, she has put on a few pounds in less than a month.
Is there even anything I can do at this point? Or has she already lost the battle because of her mentality into helping herself? Any serious advice is welcome.
Now, my friend does not drink coffee, or tea. She hates anything "natural" tasting. She's not a veggie kind of person, or a fruit kind. But she will daily drink 2-3 mountain dews (at work, no clue at home, but I know when she's at my house she will drink about 4 cans) She states she hates water, so she doesn't drink it. She also won't drink it if she has to put it in a cup etc... Then for breakfast she eats pop tarts or Wawa sizzli's. For lunch she has 2 hot pockets and for dinner she says her mom makes frozen meal things because she hates to cook.
Recently, a co-worker that knows her less than I do told her she has gained a few pounds. He also states he is just concerned about her health and well being and that she should try to eat a bit healthier. Bold move for a guy to do to a girl that he barely knows, but he really had a point. The food she eats is high in sugars, sodium, and non-essential fats. Her breathing is not so great, and she is just a lazy person. She will make a million and one excuses why she won't eat or drink or even work out. I am just worried because her lifestyle just from what I see is like she's basically killing herself with food. But when I try to talk to her and she makes excuses like "I can't eat that, it tastes like earth and I don't like it" or "there's too much work into that, I have to cook it and yeaaa" it makes me feel like she really just does not care. I try to avoid it because she's my friend, and now a co-worker. I don't want to make things difficult. It's just, with her being my friend I would hate to see her with diabetes, high blood pressure, or have a heart attack before she is even 25. Or just any disease for that matter! She isn't huge, certainly not as big as me, but I know that being a "normal" weight does not mean optimal health or body fat %. Not to mention as stated by our other co-worker, she has put on a few pounds in less than a month.
Is there even anything I can do at this point? Or has she already lost the battle because of her mentality into helping herself? Any serious advice is welcome.
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Replies
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I don't think there's going to be a whole lot you can do with her attitude. You can try inviting her to walk at lunch with you but I'm guessing it just ain't gonna happen. Maybe if you bring your lunch you can bring a little extra of something healthy and easy to make, and offer to share it with her. You're a good friend, good luck.0
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"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink." Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do other than be a good example and a source of inspiration. When it comes to lifestyle change, the individual has to want it for themselves, nobody can do it for them.
I spent years smoking, eating, and drinking my life away. It's not that I didn't know that I was harming myself...it was always something that I just said, "meh...I'll deal with that when I have to." Now I have to and I'm dealing with it...and wondering why I didn't make these changes sooner. Fortunately for me, the damage I've done is reversible and I will be able to live a whole, healthy, and happy life for hopefully a very long time to come.0 -
I really see this going very poorly. If she isn't ready, it's just going to reinforce a negative self image and lead to her pushing you away. When she's ready... if she's ever ready, she'll come to you for support. I'm sure she knows she's unhealthy... just make sure she knows you're there for her if she ever needs you.0
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@Sheila- We sadly work somewhere where walking during lunch is out of the option otherwise I would. I have invited her to come to my place and go for a walk (I have a lot of trails) or just to come work out with me on the weekends, or even just some kind of active thing for me, her, and our boyfriends like bowling or going to the beach and walking the boardwalk! lol.
@cwolf- Yea... this is sadly her mentality. I didn't think there was much to do, but I guess you're right.
I might try making something healthy for her to try here and there. I normally drink a shakeology at lunch, I know she would snub her nose at that in a heart beat. Who knows... I just hope she is lucky and when she has to face it it's reversible and not too bad to deal with.0 -
Pretty much ditto what others are saying. A person has to motivate themselves to do it. This is something that unfortunately your friend will need to do on their own. They are going to have to determine for themselves why they need to lose weight if they are ever going to motivate themselves. once they do this, then it will give them the purpose to strive to do it and to get a clear picture of what they are doing.
The best thing you can do is to let her see you eating healthier and getting healthier. That may be motivation for her. You mentioned she drinks Mountain Dew at your house. Maybe hide it so she doesn't see it and have nothing but water available. If she gets thirsty enough, she will drink it.
I know it is tough. I have several of my family members who I have the same issues with. But, all we can do is to keep doing what we are doing and hope they realize what they are doing is hurting themselves.0 -
All you can do wait is for Reality to kick her in the teeth. Until that point, the bull**** excuses will continue.0
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I'm not sure why people feel the need to interfere in others' lives like this. Unless your friend is remarkably stupid, she knows her lifestyle is unhealthy, or is actively working on ignoring that her lifestyle is unhealthy. It is folly to judge the utility of someone else's choices. Unless they ask for help, don't offer it.0
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Pretty much ditto what others are saying. A person has to motivate themselves to do it. This is something that unfortunately your friend will need to do on their own. They are going to have to determine for themselves why they need to lose weight if they are ever going to motivate themselves. once they do this, then it will give them the purpose to strive to do it and to get a clear picture of what they are doing.
The best thing you can do is to let her see you eating healthier and getting healthier. That may be motivation for her. You mentioned she drinks Mountain Dew at your house. Maybe hide it so she doesn't see it and have nothing but water available. If she gets thirsty enough, she will drink it.
I know it is tough. I have several of my family members who I have the same issues with. But, all we can do is to keep doing what we are doing and hope they realize what they are doing is hurting themselves.
I actually do not buy soda's. Her and her boyfriend bring a whole case when they come over. It's ridiculous. I usually always have some tea, and occasionally a pitcher of crystal light. lol.I'm not sure why people feel the need to interfere in others' lives like this. Unless your friend is remarkably stupid, she knows her lifestyle is unhealthy, or is actively working on ignoring that her lifestyle is unhealthy. It is folly to judge the utility of someone else's choices. Unless they ask for help, don't offer it.
I do not just go up to my friend and say "Your life style sucks, stop doing this and do this" I don't give her advice. I do tell her when she starts trying to justify bad habbits that they are not healthy. I.E. She says it's fine for her to drink mt. dew, it's like me drinking coffee in the morning. It's not, I can drink coffee black, which is basically nothing. Or how hot pockets are healthy, some have veggies. I'm not "interfering" with her life, but I am taking concern as she is a long term friend of mine and I would like to enjoy her life longer than the age of 30 or when she is to a point she can not do anything. This is why I'm asking if there is even hope if I did try to talk to her about it. I offer healthy options for things to do, but I don't get upset AT her when she declines. I just feel like she would benefit from other things and let her do what she does.0 -
All you can do wait is for Reality to kick her in the teeth. Until that point, the bull**** excuses will continue.
I agree with the substance of this, but I object to the arrogance in assuming that her reasoning is "bull**** excuses". This woman's choices are her own, and she has every right to make whatever choices she wants. She also has the right to make any response she wants to deflect invasive and paternalistic "advice".0 -
it's not going to happen until she's confronted with hard facts from her doctor. you could maybe try to get her to get a medical checkup if you're worried about her, but i think that's about all you can do. when the doctor tells her she has dangerously high blood pressure or is pre-diabetic and explains to her what the next 5 years or 10 years hold for her if she doesn't make immediate changes, then maybe it'll "click" with her. right now she's in denial, so nothing you can say will make a difference.0
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I struggle with this with my own mother. She is not big by any means and never will be, but she is extremely unhealthy and is sick ALL the time. My sister and I have tried to bring her healthy options, but she won't eat them. We give her ideas and she won't take them. Sometimes I just want to scream that she's doing this to herself and it doesn't have to be this way (we do have a genetic disorder that causes health conditions, but I think she makes it worse by eating crap all the time).
The hard part is that these are grown ups and we can't force our views on them or make them see what we see as no one ever makes a lasting change if they are pushed or guilted in to it. It's sad, but reality.0 -
All you can do wait is for Reality to kick her in the teeth. Until that point, the bull**** excuses will continue.
I agree with the substance of this, but I object to the arrogance in assuming that her reasoning is "bull**** excuses". This woman's choices are her own, and she has every right to make whatever choices she wants. She also has the right to make any response she wants to deflect invasive and paternalistic "advice".
You are overly enjoying the whole "invasive" thought aren't you? Invasive is like me jumping into her life and saying "no you can't do this" I don't. She's my friend, not my daughter, significant other, or any other family like member. I don't have control over her life, but I do treasure her friendship like she was my sister as we have been friends for about 5 years now. All I do is just tell her the truth when she gives an excuse, and I am honest with her. Not "invasive". Half the time I approach her soda addiction as a joke and poke at my coffee addiction. If she was JUST a co-worker that I was not close to, then you can maybe take what I'm saying as invasive. So please, jump off the kick of this word just because I am concerned about a close friends health. As much soda as she consumes and with her current lack of physical exercise she is at a high risk of diabetes. She is a very close friend as I stated, someone I see often and enjoy her company, she is closer to my signifcant other like a sister, and we have the rights to be concerned. Please note, concern does not mean I force her, preach to her, and harrass her at any given moment on her choices. If I did... I am sure at this moment my post would say something more like "my friend is no longer my friend because I told her she should change her diet"
**Edit** I want to add in I think invasive would also include that being the ONLY topic I can discuss with her. It rarely pops up unless as stated before, she says "hot pockets are healthy" or picking fun at my coffee addiction. Even then, it doesn't go on into some lonnng drawn out conversation I know she doesn't want to hear. I respect her and her choices, but I know A LOT of people struggle with this when a loved one or someone close has bad habbits and you want to approach them. I am trying to see if anyone else has ideas or if it's a lost cause.0 -
Saying she hates water and can't spend time cooking are bull**** excuses.All you can do wait is for Reality to kick her in the teeth. Until that point, the bull**** excuses will continue.
I agree with the substance of this, but I object to the arrogance in assuming that her reasoning is "bull**** excuses". This woman's choices are her own, and she has every right to make whatever choices she wants. She also has the right to make any response she wants to deflect invasive and paternalistic "advice".0 -
Your friend sounds just like my best friends except my best friend wants to lose weight but is not willing to change her diet or exercise. She is just looking for the magic pill. Even did the surgery and still is gaining weight because she will not follow the doctors orders.
As a friend all you can do is keep encouraging her to make a change. When we go out I will suggest restaurant with healthier food options or I invite her to events were she will need to walk or exercise in some form.
Other then that, she needs to learn for herself that she will need to make a change if she wants a change, but it is all up to her.
Good luck.0 -
Your friend sounds just like my best friends except my best friend wants to lose weight but is not willing to change her diet or exercise. She is just looking for the magic pill. Even did the surgery and still is gaining weight because she will not follow the doctors orders.
As a friend all you can do is keep encouraging her to make a change. When we go out I will suggest restaurant with healthier food options or I invite her to events were she will need to walk or exercise in some form.
Other then that, she needs to learn for herself that she will need to make a change if she wants a change, but it is all up to her.
Good luck.
Ouch, that sounds like my friend too. She wants to lose weight because she used to be very skinny in high school then gained. She wants the magic pill too.
Wish people knew that didn't exist.
I do hope your friend is ok! I know that if you still eat how you want after that surgery there are some major complications and risks!
Good luck to you too, and I think I will try that with inviting her to events where she HAS to walk. I got them to pick sushi over pizza this past weekend though she still opted for tempura rolls, but it's better than eating half a pizza! lol0 -
I hate healthy foods, too. But I can eat mostly garbage and not gain any weight since I don't eat that much of it. Maybe try to convince her to just eat a little less without making any other changes? It won't fix things, but it will reduce the amount of calories, sodium, and processed foods she takes in.0
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