Co-Sleeping Question/Rant

Options
rubixcyoob
rubixcyoob Posts: 395
in Chit-Chat
Just a quick question before I head to bed.

My son used to sleep through the night from a few weeks on until just after his first birthday (he is now 29 months old, almost). During the period just before and after his first birthday he needed a toddler bed, as he sleeps awkwardly and would get various limbs stuck out the sides of his cot. He has had a toddler bed ever since.

When he stayed at his paternal grandmothers house (me and his father are seperated, his involvement is little to none), he used to sleep in a travel cot, but because of her living arrangements, that soon became unfeasible and he now sleeps in the same double bed as his gran.

Around the time that happened, whenever I put my son back into his bed he would wake mere hours later, sometimes not even an hour, terrified, unable to sleep on his own. This has been constant over the last year and a bit.

I have had him in my bed for over a year, more times than not. I can count on my hands the amount of times, in over a year, he has either slept the full night through in his own bed, or I've managed to get him back to sleep in his bed (namely by me squeezing into his bed for hours on end). However, when he sleeps with me, he sleeps the whole night through.

I didn't mind much at first, and I really do not mind still, but in terms of praticality, he needs to go back into his bed. I'll be doing my dissertation soon, plus last year of university, and then going into the working world - so it's not ideal for me or him. Plus, when my fiancee stays over it's a bloody tight squash! me at one side, my son in the middle, and then a 6.5ft giant at the other side of my wee double bed!

I'm going to start after the New Year, because I'll be off university for a while, so broken sleep won't be too much of an issue.

However, regardless of him sleeping in his own bed here, whenever he visits his paternal grandmother, this will not be the case. He doesn't have a bed there and there is no room for one. To anyone that has tried to wean out of co-sleeping, both sucessfully and unsuccessfully, do you think this will be an issue? There really is no way to address this though, that's the main bummer. If I say he can't stay over until he gets an independant, his 'dad' will take me to court - not because he cares, but because he's just that vindictive. I'm at such a loss as to what to do, or how to approach this.

I don't want him to not stay at his other grans house, but at the same time I do not want this dependancy on other people being beside him in bed to escalate and have detrimental affects in the coming year - not just for me, but for him instead.

Replies

  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
    Options
    My daughter has always loved to have a "slumber party" in our room -- which means she sleeps in her special sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed. It's kind of a special treat, because we've never encouraged the whole co-sleeping thing.

    Maybe you could pick out a special sleeping bag for him and transition him to sleeping next to your bed (even on a crib mattress for comfort). Then, when he goes to his gran's house, he could take his special sleeping bag with him and do the same there.

    Eventually you could use the sleeping bag to transition him to his own bed at home, but he could keep using it at his gran's house.
  • GeorgieLove708
    GeorgieLove708 Posts: 442 Member
    Options
    I have no advice both of mine transitioned easily when they were ready (#1 6months #2 2years) but here's a BUMP for ya. good luck
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
    Options
    Make it a transition to "big boy" status. Pick a date a month or so away and get a calendar and stickers. Talk to him about the fact that big boys sleep in their own bed. That it's ok to let mom know if you have a bad dream or need her, but you have to go back to your own bed after. Every day, let him put a sticker on the calendar marking the day until he becomes a big boy. Maybe buy him a stuffed animal at the end. Let him know you'll take him shopping to buy a special stuffed animal that will sleep with him every night once he's a big boy, and that the stuffed animal can't sleep in mom's bed but the stuffy will take care of him.

    You can also explain that going to gran's house is a special exception where he gets to sleep in the big bed even though he's a big boy. We raised our kids with the understanding that whatever happens at grammie and grampa's house was fine, but their rules weren't ours and the same things might not happen at home. The kids get it if you repeat it.

    Then, once you hit the calendar mark, you have to be firm. If he wants to stay in your bed, take him to the calendar and remind him he's a big boy now. It may take a few nights where neither of you sleeps much, but it will work.

    Good luck!
  • TillyMomma
    TillyMomma Posts: 262
    Options
    My son was always a little difficult with this issue, but from the time he was a year old until this past August (he is three now), there was no issue with him sleeping in his bed. However, me and his father split temporarily around that time and a few days into the split he started sleeping in my room. I didn't mind; we both needed comforting at the time. His father and I got back together in October, and by that time my son had become extremely protective over me. He refused to sleep in his own bed. If he did, it would only be for an hour or so at a time. MyOwnSunshine has some good advice; this is basically what I had/have to do. I have an overstuffed couch in my room and he sleeps on that, with no problems, all through the night. After the new year, I'm going to start experimenting with putting him in his bed again, although I fear that might be a long process since he's so stubborn. :smile: Good luck to you!
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Options
    Our son was similar.
    In our old house his bedroom was on a different floor than our room.
    We moved and his new bedroom was right next to ours, but he still kept coming into our room.
    Then we bougth him a full size bed and suddenly he had no interest in coming into our bedroom and sharing our queen size bed.
  • Brunner26_2
    Brunner26_2 Posts: 1,152
    Options
    Separate beds ASAP, otherwise it will lead to this...

    time-magazine-breastfeeding-cover-time-mag.jpg
  • AckieJ
    AckieJ Posts: 199 Member
    Options
    Have this issue with my 3rd. He was in a rocking type chair for the 1st few months due to not being able to lay flat and sleep. Since then I have fought him to go into his own bed. I was working 45+hrs at work and going to night school. So when I went home I was dog tired so it was easier to put him in my bed. (Hubby works 3rd shift). Now he's 2.5 and will NOT go into his toddler bed. So I'm thinking I'll have to get a "big boy" bed and see about getting him to sleep the night there.

    But the problem I have is not only will he not sleep in his bed. He never sleeps the full night. He goes down at 8pm and is up at 11pm for a few hours. Or if he falls asleep early due to no nap (kills me that his dad let's him fall asleep early) he's back up at 9 or 10pm.
  • Softrbreeze
    Softrbreeze Posts: 156 Member
    Options
    My daughter used to have no trouble sleeping in her room until about 3-4 years ago. We had went on vacation and when we returned, we found someone had evidently tried to break into our house through her window. There was glass all over her floor from where someone had thrown a rock through the glass. Apparently, they never actually made it inside but she was scared for a long time and my husband and I let her sleep in our room in a sleeping bag on the floor. We transitioned her back with much difficulty after several weeks but every now and then she gets scared all over again, usually from something she saw on TV that reminds her of it. I actually enjoy it from time to time but sometimes you just have to be left alone. I've also stayed in her room until she fell asleep- just took a book in with me so I wouldn't be too bored. If he is not too heavy and sleeps well, you can just carry him to his room after he has fallen asleep in yours. Transitioning him to his bed in the sleeping bag also sounds like a good idea.
  • TillyMomma
    TillyMomma Posts: 262
    Options
    Have this issue with my 3rd. He was in a rocking type chair for the 1st few months due to not being able to lay flat and sleep. Since then I have fought him to go into his own bed. I was working 45+hrs at work and going to night school. So when I went home I was dog tired so it was easier to put him in my bed. (Hubby works 3rd shift). Now he's 2.5 and will NOT go into his toddler bed. So I'm thinking I'll have to get a "big boy" bed and see about getting him to sleep the night there.

    But the problem I have is not only will he not sleep in his bed. He never sleeps the full night. He goes down at 8pm and is up at 11pm for a few hours. Or if he falls asleep early due to no nap (kills me that his dad let's him fall asleep early) he's back up at 9 or 10pm.

    My son does this as well. I try to keep him up til around ten, and after that he sleeps the night. Occasionally he'll get up around 4, but go right back to sleep.
  • plynn54
    plynn54 Posts: 912 Member
    Options
    I would keep putting him back in his own bed everytime he comes into your bed, as for at the grand parents you can get fairly cheep inflatable beds that have legs on them, they are toddler size and don't take up much room, my daughter is 8 and still wants to sleep in my bed. But you got to put your foot down if you don't want a 12 year old coming into sleep with you lol
  • AckieJ
    AckieJ Posts: 199 Member
    Options
    I've done the wait until he falls asleep and put him in his bed... but not even 20mins later he's crying and next to my bed. This can go on all night. I've tried to keep him up super late too.. and it seems like he just can't get that deep sleep. I'm talked to his Ped about it... but that went no where.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    Options
    I'd think every time he slept in the same bed as granny it would reinforce the habit. Could you buy a small bed for him to put somewhere at his gran's?
  • lady_jessi
    lady_jessi Posts: 77 Member
    Options
    You should do what works for you. Could you possibly lay with him in your bed until he falls asleep and sneak away to work on your schooling then just come back later when you're ready to go to sleep. I do something similar with my son in his bed. I mean he comes back in my bed at like 6 or 7 AM, but I'm not going to do anything about that. A few extra hours of sleep is nice. :) To me sleep is worth any sacrifice. lol
  • penith113
    penith113 Posts: 113 Member
    Options
    We skipped the toddler bed and went straight to a full size bed for my son. If he falls asleep on the couch I move him to his bed. If i put him to bed sometimes he asks me to stay with him so I do until he falls asleep. Either way its a 50/50 shot if he crawls into my bed between 1-5 am.
    I honestly dont mind when he does. there is something so peaceful about a sleeping child. He always slept in his crib prior to this. I guess he only gets in my bed now because he can.

    Ive known some people whos children slept with them until they were 12 yrs old. Not gonna happen in this house. lol

    But for now, hes just to adorable to kick out.
  • rubixcyoob
    rubixcyoob Posts: 395
    Options
    Thanks everyone, definitely going to give all these suggestions a try!

    And as for his other grans house (I still stay with my parents, so it's not an issue here), she has a two bed apartment and her youngest son (my babys uncle) still stays - so he has to sleep in with one of them. Yet because of the size of the rooms, there isn't enough space for a seperate bed for him. When his uncle moves out (within the next few years I think), then he will have a whole room, but until then it just isn't possible.

    And it's not as if I can stop him staying with her for not ebing able to afford a bigger place, that would be so disgustingly wrong. Once he's a bit older I'm hoping he'll understand that sleeping there is one of the special exceptions.

Categories