Devastating break up hurting my progress. Help!

Melbot1000
Melbot1000 Posts: 16 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello:

I am going through a nightmare break up. My partner did something horrible behind my back and it came to light very suddenly and now my life (that I planned with him) is ruined. Also, my routine has been thrown out of wack. I have replaced exercise with crying. I have to work all day pretending that everything is okay, so when I come home all I wanted to do is rest and eat. I am now eating for two. Myself and my broken heart. I am so hungry all the time.

I don't want to mess up the progress I have made so far. Does anyone have any advice?

Replies

  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    First off, I'm sorry for your pain. Life sucks sometimes and so do some people that we love and trust.

    Now, I'm going to be straight up with you because I think you need it. You need to really examine why you're eating the way you are. Is this a fallback to an earlier time in your life when food was comfort? Does it make you happy to eat like that? Really? I highly doubt it. The only way you're going to be able to beat that kind of eating is to realize the source and make a conscious effort to stop it. When you get the urge to eat when you know you aren't hungry, recognize it for the self-sabotage that it is and do something else. This is a great time for exercise. It'll elevate your mood as well as keeping you from putting on the pounds.

    I might also suggest finding someone you can really talk to about the situation. Sometimes getting it all out is the best way to handle this type of situation. Best of luck to you!
  • Breeli0519
    Breeli0519 Posts: 63 Member
    I'm so sorry! A broken heart is just as painful (if not more so!) than a broken bone. Honor your feelings and grieve for the lost relationship and all the "what might have been's". But try to hang on to the fact that feelings are fickle and that you are an amazing resiliant person! Your ex's bad choices/behavior is NOT a reflection of you as a person or your self worth!! When you feel like over indulging, call a girlfriend for a distraction and support. Or do something to burn off the bad mojo...go for a walk or to the gym, beat on a pillow or scream into it!

    You are precious and beautiful and you deserve a person in your life who keeps their word and treats you like the treasure you are! Don't settle for second best! Treat your body well. Because when we take care of our bodies, they take care of us.

    Be sad, cry if you need to. Pitch a tent in the middle of your sorrow...for a LITTLE while...but don't build a house there. I've been in your shoes. Friend me if you want to. But above all, take good care of yourself! (((HUGS!)))
  • katrin25
    katrin25 Posts: 38
    So sorry for what happened to you. Looking great is the best revenge. Just because your partner wasn't a decent person, it doens't mean you should start abusing yourself too. Just keep the focus on the endresult, and take out all your frustration on a punching bag for example, etc. Who knows, one day, as you are walking down the street looking hot hot hot, hand-in-hand with a new gorgeous partner, you can just accidently walk by the place you know the ex might be hanging out, and you can just accidently run into him. Ah...life is good my brother, believe it! Been there, done that. And I got my revenge.
  • Melbot1000
    Melbot1000 Posts: 16 Member
    First off, I'm sorry for your pain. Life sucks sometimes and so do some people that we love and trust.

    Now, I'm going to be straight up with you because I think you need it. You need to really examine why you're eating the way you are. Is this a fallback to an earlier time in your life when food was comfort? Does it make you happy to eat like that? Really? I highly doubt it. The only way you're going to be able to beat that kind of eating is to realize the source and make a conscious effort to stop it. When you get the urge to eat when you know you aren't hungry, recognize it for the self-sabotage that it is and do something else. This is a great time for exercise. It'll elevate your mood as well as keeping you from putting on the pounds.

    I might also suggest finding someone you can really talk to about the situation. Sometimes getting it all out is the best way to handle this type of situation. Best of luck to you!

    Thanks to everyone for the kind words. Its nice to know that there are people who have gone through heart ache and have become all the better because of it.

    In response to this answer, yes I think it is a fall back to old habits. Eating used to make me feel good. Then I started getting healthier and exercising and that used to make me feel good. Then I went through this nightmare and didn't eat for three days so eating now makes me feel like I'm healing somehow (its a bit difficult to explain). Except now I've recovered all the weight I lost by not eating and am starting to gain more and more. I think talking to someone when I feel the urge to over eat is a good idea.
  • Yaya1976
    Yaya1976 Posts: 357 Member
    So sorry for what happened to you. Looking great is the best revenge.

    ^^^ THIS

    I'm so sorry for your broken heart. I've been there. It's a freaking nightmare, but I totally agree with the quote above. Looking great is the best revenge. Don't let him bring you down, don't let him stop your progress, don't let him defeat you. You can do this. Talk to a close friend. Cry. Move your *kitten*! Get up, go punch something, go sweat out the pain. Do jumping jacks, scream! Stay active. Don't lay down and give up on yourself.
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
    I'm sorry that your hurting. He has already hurt you, don't let it continue. Don't let him get the last word when he isn't even with you anymore. Grief is an incredibly exhausting emotion. Been there done that. You do need to take some time but as one of the other posters said, pitch a tent but don't build a house. Take is slowly. Try getting outside and going for a walk. The fresh air does wonders. When you feel like eating come on here and interact. Drink more water. Crying takes a lot out of your body and you need to replenish. By you breaking down you are letting him win. Don't do it even if you have to force yourself.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Oh honey, I am so sorry you're going through this! :hugs:

    I totally agree that finding something else to do is the key to starting to feel better. It sucks that he was a jerk and now you have to re-evaluate everything and start over but in all honesty, you just have to accept it for how your life is now. I know it's tough but you just have to leave those plans behind you, stop thinking about what could have been and start thinking about how to live your life now and in the next couple of years.

    Getting back to exercise will definitely help you physically and mentally. Busting your *kitten* in the gym is a great way to get rid of pent up anxiety, frustration, etc. If you're worried about losing it if your mind wanders while you're on the elliptical (or whatever) then just go outside and go for a walk or stay home and do a workout DVD. I would highly recommend doing something that relates to martial arts - kicking and punching an imaginary target can do wonders and burns a ton of calories! :)

    Eating right will also make you feel better Trust me, I know how easy it is to get caught up in the comfort food trap. Even after three years of developing healthy habits, this one always gets me at my weakest moments. Try to be more mindful of your triggers and come up with alternatives. Like someone else suggested, pick up the phone and call a friend (or text or email or FB). Find a good funny movie or book and get lost in the story. Take a nice luxurious bubble bath. Rediscover a craft or some other hobby you used to love - or discover a new one. Take some classes, meet new people, etc

    As the song says, you will survive! Take care of yourself!
  • iorahkwano
    iorahkwano Posts: 709 Member
    Join a kickboxing class where you get to partner up with someone who holds up targets as you punch & kick them! It is a good way to get out frustration & get that endorphin high. Kickboxing classes are pretty intense & you must pay attention, so it's a good distractor. It makes you forget about your sadness for a bit, and when you're done you feel powerful and strong! And you could probably make friends with some other girls in the class who I'm sure can relate to your situation as well :) Kickboxing is good cardio, but also very good for toning the upper AND lower body. Your progress in class & body tone results will also make you feel happy.

    That's just my suggestion. Kickboxing always helped me forget about something that was bringing me down, and if I was having a bad day, I enjoyed punching out my frustrations.

    If you're more into aerobics, dancing, crossfit, do whatever you like. As long as it's quick-paced and demands a lot of coordination/focus. Pedalling on a boring bike or walking won't distract you from thinking about your ex.

    Good luck!
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    So sorry for what happened to you. Looking great is the best revenge. Just because your partner wasn't a decent person, it doens't mean you should start abusing yourself too. Just keep the focus on the endresult, and take out all your frustration on a punching bag for example, etc. Who knows, one day, as you are walking down the street looking hot hot hot, hand-in-hand with a new gorgeous partner, you can just accidently walk by the place you know the ex might be hanging out, and you can just accidently run into him. Ah...life is good my brother, believe it! Been there, done that. And I got my revenge.

    THIS ^^^ for sure. When I was 19 years old, I had a 3 year relationship end. I was crushed. Then I met a new guy. I wanted revenge on the ex. SO I told the new guy that I would buy his dinner, I would even buy his beer...all I wanted was to go to a certain restaurant and for him to look at me like he would DIE if I left him tomorrow. The ex DID see us, and you could tell that it was eating him up that I was with another man :D

    I have run into the ex 2 times in the last 20 years. The first time, I took great joy in telling him that I had married the guy he saw me with, and that we had 2 kids together. The second time I took great joy in seeing that he was balding, overweight, was divorced and had at least 2 baby mamas. His life sucks, mine does not....Next time I see him, I am going to be HOT.
  • rlmiller73190
    rlmiller73190 Posts: 342 Member
    This was me, three months ago, except I had the opposite problem; I did not eat enough. It's okay to cry and to be sad; it's natural. However, when you cry, make sure that you NEVER cry for that same reason again. If you're crying every day, make sure every day it's for a different reason. It'll help you move on. Looking FABULOUS will be great revenge on your ex. You deserve someone to cherish you and love you the way that I'm sure you loved your ex. Treat this as a learning experience. Be free. And as tough as it is now, try and include some exercise into your life. When my ex and I were in the process of breaking up, I did NOT want to run (and I LOVE to run). However, one morning I just woke up and said "I will go for a run," and I haven't stopped. You will get through this and will emerge a stronger person. if you need someone to vent to, let me know! I know how sometimes all you want is just someone to listen, and that can be the hardest person to find!
  • Julesoola
    Julesoola Posts: 51 Member
    My boyfriend of 4 years ended things with me 3 months ago, a month into my weight loss, and 3 months after I had rented out my home and moved in with him. He was/is a serial cheater and every aspect of the relationship and breakup, which in some ways is still ongoing, continue to devastate me everyday. Both of us are in therapy now as a result of this breakup. The one thing that has kept me from having a complete meltdown is being successful in my weight loss. It's the one thing I can use to ground myself and feel like I'm making progress towards SOMETHING. I don't really have advice, I've heard it all and myself haven't really found any of it useful yet. But if you want to vent/commiserate/whatever with me, please feel free to message anytime.
  • 4jamaica
    4jamaica Posts: 69 Member
    If exercise doesn't work for you, you may consider going to your nearest art store and getting some paint and a canvas, or grabbing your camera and finding beauty in the outdoors. It's really hard to eat when you're covered in paint or crawling around in bushes. I found that doing some form of art helps me mourn and regroup. I'm able to mope and cry, but I'm also getting in touch with my surroundings and seeing that the world hasn't ended. I'm not an artist--far from it--but there is something comforting about it. The last time I had a bad break-up, I spent a month off-and-on painting on the floor in my apartment in my spare time: I took a photo we had taken together of the ocean and began painting a version of it. I knew I was healing when I started to pay attention to the picture and less about the hurt I was feeling.

    Just an odd method of coping that helped me avoid over-eating or travel further into depression. The goal is get yourself together mentally and not do too much damage to yourself physically--treat yourself kindly.

    FYI--I'm happily married now--have been for 10 years. It does get better when you find the right person.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    {{{{Hugs}}}} for you.

    I've been through a horrible breakup and it just took a lot of time. If you want to get through it more easily, a doctor can rpescribe a temporary antidepressant for situational depression. Otherwise, you just have to feel what you're feeling.

    I have no good advice for getting the hunger under control. When I go through something that like that, the idea of food actually turns my stomach and I stop eating altogether.
  • NatashaB8
    NatashaB8 Posts: 202
    I am so sorry to hear this! Time does heal though. My boyfriend and I broke up last month after two and a half years together. Although it wasn't ended on bad terms it still affected me too. I confess I am a comfort eater and in the past through stress I put on a lot of weight. However after we broke up I found hitting the gym made me a lot happier. The endorphins I got through exercising really kept me going through the blue days. I still get down days but instead of eating I stick my gym gear on and head out for a run.

    I understand this won't work for everyone. I agree with finding someone to talk things over with. You are allowed to grieve, but do not bottle things up!
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    Try to keep perspective... physical health isn't the only thing to pay attention to... take care of yourself emotionally as well.

    Personally, I would do 2 things...

    1) is there exercise you genuinely enjoy? If so, try doing a bit of that. Make it about having fun, not about workout out. Exercise can be a great help to your mood.

    2) try to identify when you are actually hungry (physical hunger) and when it's just an emotional response. Eat when you are hungry, not when you are lacking some type of satisfaction.

Categories