Do you ever get over that "guilty" feeling?
butterflygurl89
Posts: 45
Disclaimer: I had sooo much trouble deciding whether to put this in motivation/support or diet/fitness...
I've decided from the very beginning that I wasn't "dieting", I was making a "lifestyle change". Especially because I haven't had *that* much to lose. Because of this I haven't really cut things out, just lessened the amounts I eat and make healthier choices most of the time.
But sometimes, I want and eat a piece of cake. Or something like that. And I feel guilty the whole time, during and after. But I also feel like I'm not normal because of feeling that way. I think it kind of bothers my boyfriend sometimes that I can't just eat like a normal person and have to complain every time I indulge. It definitely bothers me that I'm this way.
How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?
I've decided from the very beginning that I wasn't "dieting", I was making a "lifestyle change". Especially because I haven't had *that* much to lose. Because of this I haven't really cut things out, just lessened the amounts I eat and make healthier choices most of the time.
But sometimes, I want and eat a piece of cake. Or something like that. And I feel guilty the whole time, during and after. But I also feel like I'm not normal because of feeling that way. I think it kind of bothers my boyfriend sometimes that I can't just eat like a normal person and have to complain every time I indulge. It definitely bothers me that I'm this way.
How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?
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Replies
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I eat all kinds of unhealthy things and I don't feel guilty.
Change your attitude towards food. Stop thinking of food as being "good" or "bad" - think more in terms of feeding your body properly and everything in moderation.
Two rules that can help:
1. 90% rule (can be the 80% rule if you prefer, or to start with, etc) - so long as 90% of what you eat is good, healthy, clean (i.e. natural, relatively unprocessed) foods, the other 10% isn't going to do you any harm.
2. "if it fits your macros" - i.e. you aim to eat (say) 1600 cals*, and get these from 40% carb, 30% protein, 30% fat. Stay within the number of calories and try to hit your macro targets.
*this number is different for everyone, based on your current weight and activity levels
That way if you want to eat cake, the fact that most of what you ate that day was healthy means you can eat your cake, and if you've had enough protein and have enough calories left to fit it in, you can eat the cake free of any guilt.
Personally, I don't focus on what I can't eat. There's no food that I can't eat (other than a couple of things that I'm intolerant to and give me really bad digestive problems). My focus is on the fact that my body needs protein, healthy fat, healthy carbs, vitamins, minerals, fibre and water. I focus on what I need to eat to get that, without going over my calorie target for the day (I'm currently maintaining my weight while improving my body composition (i.e. lowering body fat % and increasing lean body mass) so I have deficit days and surplus days). So all my focus is on this, I spend no time or effort actively avoiding any particular food. I avoid eating anything after I meet my calorie goals for the day, or for example I avoid carbs if I'm over on carbs for the day (and my carb target is high, I'm not into low carb) but it's not like avoiding those foods forever, because I'm just waiting until the next day to eat them, rather than depriving myself long term.0 -
Oh, glad I am not the only one. I know I drive my husband nuts. I guess it is normal for those of us trying to lose weight.0
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As long as I'm not overeating where I feel sick from too much, eating out of an emotion and it fits in with the calories I'm all good.
If I went down the deprivation path I would feel guilty when I had it.
You will get over it when you realise one meal wont hurt you.
If it's making that big of an issue then give it a rest for a while or eat a smaller bit.0 -
i only feel guilty if it takes me over my allowances for the day. but i know the next day is a new day and i can get back on track again. we are allowed to indulge once in a while!0
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I gave up my biggest weakness (gluten). That means no cakes, unless I make them gluten free, no bread, no soy sauce unless it is gluten free, no pasta etc, etc. I have an intolerance to it and I am extremely addicted so I have learned to see it as poison and never touch it. I feel guilty when I have eaten too much and my body tells me by making my back hurt and giving me nightmares when I sleep. I try hard to fill my bad habits with good ones. A piece of cake (if you can stop at one, I can't lol) is nothing to feel guilty over and you can easily fit it into your calories for the day. Just don't complain about it afterwards cause that is annoying for everyone around you. Keep it to yourself or don't do anything to complain about.0
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yeah, my husband has been fed up, but since he can see the difference in me he has converted to being more supportive.
I agree that feeling guilty about food is not going to help you, if it fits into your macros or overall calories, then eat and ENJOY! It's wonderful that you don't HAVE to feel guilty about it.
I think before I companion ate with my husband - not a good road to go down. Let him eat what he wants - that means without you sometimes.
But just know - I eat ice cream and chocolate regularly and am still losing weight!0 -
Food is food. What you're doing is not healthy. I took me 5 years to learn that.Disclaimer: I had sooo much trouble deciding whether to put this in motivation/support or diet/fitness...
I've decided from the very beginning that I wasn't "dieting", I was making a "lifestyle change". Especially because I haven't had *that* much to lose. Because of this I haven't really cut things out, just lessened the amounts I eat and make healthier choices most of the time.
But sometimes, I want and eat a piece of cake. Or something like that. And I feel guilty the whole time, during and after. But I also feel like I'm not normal because of feeling that way. I think it kind of bothers my boyfriend sometimes that I can't just eat like a normal person and have to complain every time I indulge. It definitely bothers me that I'm this way.
How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?0 -
I eat all kinds of unhealthy things and I don't feel guilty.
Change your attitude towards food. Stop thinking of food as being "good" or "bad" - think more in terms of feeding your body properly and everything in moderation.
Two rules that can help:
1. 90% rule (can be the 80% rule if you prefer, or to start with, etc) - so long as 90% of what you eat is good, healthy, clean (i.e. natural, relatively unprocessed) foods, the other 10% isn't going to do you any harm.
2. "if it fits your macros" - i.e. you aim to eat (say) 1600 cals*, and get these from 40% carb, 30% protein, 30% fat. Stay within the number of calories and try to hit your macro targets.
*this number is different for everyone, based on your current weight and activity levels
That way if you want to eat cake, the fact that most of what you ate that day was healthy means you can eat your cake, and if you've had enough protein and have enough calories left to fit it in, you can eat the cake free of any guilt.
Personally, I don't focus on what I can't eat. There's no food that I can't eat (other than a couple of things that I'm intolerant to and give me really bad digestive problems). My focus is on the fact that my body needs protein, healthy fat, healthy carbs, vitamins, minerals, fibre and water. I focus on what I need to eat to get that, without going over my calorie target for the day (I'm currently maintaining my weight while improving my body composition (i.e. lowering body fat % and increasing lean body mass) so I have deficit days and surplus days). So all my focus is on this, I spend no time or effort actively avoiding any particular food. I avoid eating anything after I meet my calorie goals for the day, or for example I avoid carbs if I'm over on carbs for the day (and my carb target is high, I'm not into low carb) but it's not like avoiding those foods forever, because I'm just waiting until the next day to eat them, rather than depriving myself long term.
BUMP on this thread and this post. Only thing I would add is if you know you have an "addiction" like I do to sugar, sometimes I have to do a "self-intervention" and say to myself, "wait... I've had 2 desserts, maybe it's time to stop now."
Much easier to focus on the healthier foods you are trying to have and if you are generally exercising and eating healthy, the cupcake, ice cream loses its loaded meaning....0 -
It's perfectly ok to eat stuff you like with two caveats:
1) - get your macro and micro nutrients first - enough protein and fat, good balance of fruits and veg for vitamins or use supplements.
2) - reasonable quantity so you are not going over your calorie needs.
No guilt needed if you do your body right by those two first rules.
Eat the cake. I do.
Unless you really cannot control quantity.0 -
Once I learned what I could eat to maintain weight I stopped getting that "guilty" feeling.
so....how much can you eat before you gain weight?
I'm sure its much more than you really know or understand.0 -
The only way I would feel guilty is if I binged or ate way too much of something bad. If I eat a small amount or a normal portion of chocolate cake or something and it fits into my calories then I don't feel bad. If I feel bloated or something I'll make up for it the next day with exercise.0
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I feel guilty at times too. I try to get all of my bad eating out of the way early in the day. That way I can give mysylf an idea of how long I need to go on my elliptical.
It's normal to feel guitly or bad when you've been doing really good for so long, but don't sweat it too much. Making a lifestyle change doesn't mean you can't eat delicious cake!
Also, Look at the recipes on this website! I have found some GREAT healthy versions of all my favorite desserts! If you want mostly guilt free sweats and snacks, that's a great resource for you!0 -
I don't feel guilty anymore! I ate a whole chicken and an entire pizza yesterday for lunch and had popcorn and M&M's for dinner! I regret nothing!!!0
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I want to feel MORE guilty for eating what I know got me fat in the first place. Please, pass your extra guilt my way!
0 -
I eat all kinds of unhealthy things and I don't feel guilty.
Change your attitude towards food. Stop thinking of food as being "good" or "bad" - think more in terms of feeding your body properly and everything in moderation.
Two rules that can help:
1. 90% rule (can be the 80% rule if you prefer, or to start with, etc) - so long as 90% of what you eat is good, healthy, clean (i.e. natural, relatively unprocessed) foods, the other 10% isn't going to do you any harm.
2. "if it fits your macros" - i.e. you aim to eat (say) 1600 cals*, and get these from 40% carb, 30% protein, 30% fat. Stay within the number of calories and try to hit your macro targets.
*this number is different for everyone, based on your current weight and activity levels
That way if you want to eat cake, the fact that most of what you ate that day was healthy means you can eat your cake, and if you've had enough protein and have enough calories left to fit it in, you can eat the cake free of any guilt.
Personally, I don't focus on what I can't eat. There's no food that I can't eat (other than a couple of things that I'm intolerant to and give me really bad digestive problems). My focus is on the fact that my body needs protein, healthy fat, healthy carbs, vitamins, minerals, fibre and water. I focus on what I need to eat to get that, without going over my calorie target for the day (I'm currently maintaining my weight while improving my body composition (i.e. lowering body fat % and increasing lean body mass) so I have deficit days and surplus days). So all my focus is on this, I spend no time or effort actively avoiding any particular food. I avoid eating anything after I meet my calorie goals for the day, or for example I avoid carbs if I'm over on carbs for the day (and my carb target is high, I'm not into low carb) but it's not like avoiding those foods forever, because I'm just waiting until the next day to eat them, rather than depriving myself long term.
love this!!!0 -
I think life's to short to feel guilty about something so trivial.0
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I don't feel guilty anymore. It is all about my healthy lifestyle and if I indulge, it has to be that - an indulgent isolated event rather than what I do everyday. One birthday cupcake a calendar quarter didn't make 45 pounds overweight, it was eating mindlessly all the time.
I like my healthy lifestyle and look forward to getting more fit every year! 2012 was a pinnacle year for me! The best is yet to be.0 -
Hi there
Never feel guilty of the food that you want to eat, enjoy and tell yourself that if you want that piece of cake, you will have it BUT you have to be able to account for it and that's fine.
I used to feel that way too, until , I join mfp and I have learn a lot from people at the forum and friends that I made.
So, go forth and enjoy, but don't forget to "burn" it off :happy:0 -
How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?
I always have a little pang of guilt when eating somthing I know I would be better off not eating. But if I can truthfully say that it's been a while since I did it, then I can still enjoy it. If I've been eating the not-so-good stuff too often (like, say, around Christmas time:laugh: ) , then I feel guilty. But I like that I feel guilty when I eat too much crap. I should feel guilty.
Though, honestly I struggle more with taking a day off exercise without feeling guilty.0 -
Feeling guilty after eating isn't a good relationship to have with food. Try to look at the diet as a whole, instead of just one individual item. If you've done well overall (hit your calories and macros, etc), that 'guilt' food you have eaten is nothing to be worried about, enjoy it! I try to get rid of the mentality that certains foods are bad, context is important.0
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Thankfully I don't have that guilty feeling. I eat food if I want it. However, I do it in moderation. I really enjoy food and am really excited about Christmas because of the tasty morsels that will be on offer. There have been times when I have over eaten and what I do when that happens is do a good workout the next day, which might either be a short burst of high intensity exercise or a 30-45 minute run. I do my best to do some sort of work out 5-6 times a week because it really works for my body.0
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Yes, I feel the same way. Sometimes I wonder if I'm 'obsessed' with counting my calories. Some days I just say screw it and have some cookies or a piece of cake. I try to eat healthier all day long, but reality is I'm not giong to give up sweets forever, so I can treat myself occasionally, just not daily. When I'm having a great day, I will try to exercise more or try a little harder at my weight lifting to make up the difference. I'd be a real bi*** without any sweets! 0
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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201207/why-you-cant-stick-diet-5-questions-ask-yourself
Read this, it helped me.
Rule number 5.
Be nice to yourself if you indulge, but be accountable.0 -
Yeah I definitely used to feel guilty at first but I don't feel that way anymore (I started losing weight about 6 months ago). I think the guilt kind of fades as you realize that this really is for life, and cmon, I can't go through the rest of my life and never have a slice of cake on my birthday or some pasta when I really want it, etc. When I binge on that stuff (and it's happened), then I feel guilty. However, when I just stick to my 1 slice of cake or go out to dinner and just eat half of my pasta dish and take the other half home, I feel empowered.0
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i feel no guilt anymore.0
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I still feel guilty, but he deserved every cut! Wait, this is about food? Oh...0
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Disclaimer: I had sooo much trouble deciding whether to put this in motivation/support or diet/fitness...
I've decided from the very beginning that I wasn't "dieting", I was making a "lifestyle change". Especially because I haven't had *that* much to lose. Because of this I haven't really cut things out, just lessened the amounts I eat and make healthier choices most of the time.
But sometimes, I want and eat a piece of cake. Or something like that. And I feel guilty the whole time, during and after. But I also feel like I'm not normal because of feeling that way. I think it kind of bothers my boyfriend sometimes that I can't just eat like a normal person and have to complain every time I indulge. It definitely bothers me that I'm this way.
How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?
If I feel guilty about what I ate, I'll do my pennance at the gym or go for a run. I don't eat cake all day long so if I go over my numbers that's what exercise is for.
That being said, I have a cookie or icecream or something every night. I don't eat the whole bag of cookies and I'm not eating an entire pint of Cherry Garcia. I have a cookie and some milk or a reasonable serving of ice cream. I'm not dieting, I'm getting my health and fitness back and I'm gonna have a damned cookie, I put my time in at the gym for a reason and it's health and cookies.0 -
Feeling guilty about eating anything isn't good. I eat crap all the time. Sometimes I eat a giant piece of cake, sometimes I just eat something unhealthy that I didn't want but ate anyway. If it's a lifestyle change, then treat it as one. At some point in your life, you're just going to want some Cheetos or a big damn piece of chocolate cake.
If you can't change your mindset and these guilty feelings continue, you should probably talk to a therapist or something. That's fairly disordered eating.0 -
- if you know you will feel guilty after eating a particular thing, don't eat it. Save you and your spouse the headache.
- if you do decide to indulge, then shut up and enjoy it :-)
*disclaimer - I don't say that to be mean, it's half joking. I'm the same way (and I tell myself the same above) so know you are not alone.0 -
But sometimes, I want and eat a piece of cake. Or something like that. And I feel guilty the whole time, during and after. But I also feel like I'm not normal because of feeling that way. I think it kind of bothers my boyfriend sometimes that I can't just eat like a normal person and have to complain every time I indulge. It definitely bothers me that I'm this way.
How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?
I think you've already gotten a lot of good advice that I won't repeat, but I want to add some more specific advice because maybe it will help others too. The level of guilt that you feel is something that you need to pay attention to. It sounds like from your post that your guilt goes beyond the "I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling and that sometimes having eaten something really upsets you.
If you finish dessert, log your food and say "oops, I shouldn't have had that/I could have make a better choice/maybe the extra snack earlier wasn't a good idea since we had such a nice dinner/etc." then you are nothing but human and you shouldn't worry about it. But I know when I say something like that to myself, I say it and move on. There's no emotional after effects and I don't feel guilty per se, I just recognize that I might have made a different choice with a little more forethought.
If you truly feel guilt or remorse the whole time and well after, then that's not right. Not over something like a piece of cake. You should go back through your diary and try to remember when foods made you feel bad and when, if ever, you've eaten similar foods without the guilt. If there is a situational trigger, you can decide now how you want to handle it the next time the situation comes up (and write it down and put it in your purse so when you start to anticipate that guilt you can pull it out and remind yourself). If it occurs every time you see a piece of cake (for example), then you need to reexamine your relationship with that class of foods. Maybe you need to cut them out, but ideally you can find a way to coexist with them happily.
Besides, it isn't an "indulgence" if it makes you feel bad! Try to decide ahead of time whether it's okay to indulge that day/at that meal and then stick to whatever you decide. If you decide to go for it, make sure you know why you're giving yourself permission to indulge. For me, if it turned out to be a momentary loss of willpower or an emotional decision to eat, I'll revoke my permission to eat after the fact and then I do feel bad about it. When I feel good about the decision to indulge, I *never* feel bad about what I ate afterwards (and it's usually in a situation that makes me feel good overall anyway).
That's sort of long, but I hope it helps -- you and everyone else who is wondering if their guilt is acceptable. Lots of us eat guilt-free, and lots of us have bad days, and lots of us have some level of guilt about what we've eaten from time to time. But I think we all use the word "guilt" (and even "regret") a little differently when describing those times, so it's important to identify for yourself whether or not it's the healthy response that helps us make better decisions in the future or the type of response that suggests there might be more to the story than just your calorie total for the day.0
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