Do you ever get over that "guilty" feeling?

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  • Beckyloo80
    Beckyloo80 Posts: 1,088 Member
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    Disclaimer: I had sooo much trouble deciding whether to put this in motivation/support or diet/fitness...

    I've decided from the very beginning that I wasn't "dieting", I was making a "lifestyle change". Especially because I haven't had *that* much to lose. Because of this I haven't really cut things out, just lessened the amounts I eat and make healthier choices most of the time.

    But sometimes, I want and eat a piece of cake. Or something like that. And I feel guilty the whole time, during and after. But I also feel like I'm not normal because of feeling that way. I think it kind of bothers my boyfriend sometimes that I can't just eat like a normal person and have to complain every time I indulge. It definitely bothers me that I'm this way.

    How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?

    i finally got over the guilty feeling. I have realized that one treat isn't going to sabotage me. Of course I don't do it everyday! But you do get over it and you learn to enjoy the treats!
  • aldousmom
    aldousmom Posts: 382 Member
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    I don't know if GUILTY is the right word for the feeling * I* have when I eat something I would prefer not to.

    Truly it's more akin to disappointment. I attach the feeling of guilt to more moral issues than to health issues, but I can see where they are so closely related. I think I feel guilty when I do something to OTHER people, disappointment and remorse when I do something to myself.

    Because I changed my diet not only to lose weight, but to also avoid having any lifestyle disease (obesity, some cancer, some thyroid problems, some allergies, blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, other circulatory issues) that would cause a financial and emotional burden on my family and society, that may have colored my interpretation and understanding of the role of food in my life.

    I do feel remorse for having eaten something that doesn't contribute to my reaching that goal, but it's the same remorse that I feel if I don't contribute to a goal non-food related. Like, if I have a race I need to practice for and I skip training. Or I want to sew a new dress and I don't plan, shop and get ready. That kind of thing.

    I have to say though that since I changed my diet to include mostly nutrient dense whole (unprocessed) foods, I haven't had the cravings for foods that are detrimental to my goals. I never did get sad about the idea of never again having some foods I no longer eat.

    Good luck! Perhaps a session or two with a therapist would help you wrap your mind around the reasons for your feeling guilty for eating something you feel you shouldn't? Sometimes knowing the cause or the root of the habit can be a big step toward being able to thwart the negative emotions or self-talk.
  • bullisnn82
    bullisnn82 Posts: 110
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    Guilt is a TERRIBLE motivator, so ditch it. Sometime I have cupcakes for dinner, sometimes I go over my calorie goal for the day by a LOT, lot, lot. Sometime I'm slightly under my calorie goal because I just wasn't too hungry. I know exactly what you're saying about the guilt thing and not being able to eat like "normal" and all that, cuz I used to be there. I spent huge chunks of my life eating nothing but fruits and vegetables, beans, rice... and plain water. I WAS MISERABLE! You don't have to say no to that stuff all the time, just a lot of the time. You don't have to be perfect all the time, or even most of the time. Learn to have balance.
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
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    Disclaimer: I had sooo much trouble deciding whether to put this in motivation/support or diet/fitness...

    I've decided from the very beginning that I wasn't "dieting", I was making a "lifestyle change". Especially because I haven't had *that* much to lose. Because of this I haven't really cut things out, just lessened the amounts I eat and make healthier choices most of the time.

    But sometimes, I want and eat a piece of cake. Or something like that. And I feel guilty the whole time, during and after. But I also feel like I'm not normal because of feeling that way. I think it kind of bothers my boyfriend sometimes that I can't just eat like a normal person and have to complain every time I indulge. It definitely bothers me that I'm this way.

    How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?
    This is an unhealthy food relationship. You need to see a counsellor about changig your thought process. Feeling guilty for eating is never a healthy thing.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    I eat all kinds of unhealthy things and I don't feel guilty.

    Change your attitude towards food. Stop thinking of food as being "good" or "bad" - think more in terms of feeding your body properly and everything in moderation.

    Two rules that can help:

    1. 90% rule (can be the 80% rule if you prefer, or to start with, etc) - so long as 90% of what you eat is good, healthy, clean (i.e. natural, relatively unprocessed) foods, the other 10% isn't going to do you any harm.

    2. "if it fits your macros" - i.e. you aim to eat (say) 1600 cals*, and get these from 40% carb, 30% protein, 30% fat. Stay within the number of calories and try to hit your macro targets.

    *this number is different for everyone, based on your current weight and activity levels

    That way if you want to eat cake, the fact that most of what you ate that day was healthy means you can eat your cake, and if you've had enough protein and have enough calories left to fit it in, you can eat the cake free of any guilt.

    Personally, I don't focus on what I can't eat. There's no food that I can't eat (other than a couple of things that I'm intolerant to and give me really bad digestive problems). My focus is on the fact that my body needs protein, healthy fat, healthy carbs, vitamins, minerals, fibre and water. I focus on what I need to eat to get that, without going over my calorie target for the day (I'm currently maintaining my weight while improving my body composition (i.e. lowering body fat % and increasing lean body mass) so I have deficit days and surplus days). So all my focus is on this, I spend no time or effort actively avoiding any particular food. I avoid eating anything after I meet my calorie goals for the day, or for example I avoid carbs if I'm over on carbs for the day (and my carb target is high, I'm not into low carb) but it's not like avoiding those foods forever, because I'm just waiting until the next day to eat them, rather than depriving myself long term.

    All of this.
  • jroselive2012
    jroselive2012 Posts: 129
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    Guilt is pretty ingrained into how I think about food, and it's unhealthy. It drives my partner nuts, too. I have gotten better about it, and usually just feel guilty when I know what I'm doing is unhealthy and putting me over on calories. Most of the time it's with alcohol. But that's a whole other issue.... So. You are right - your mindset with guilt isn't too healthy. I hope you are able to find your way to getting past the guilt and thinking more in terms of overall health. I'm trying to do that as well.
  • MemphisKitten
    MemphisKitten Posts: 878 Member
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    I eat things I'm not supposed to. . . and no, I haven't found a way to get over the guilt. And moderation doesn't get along with me. :wink:
  • Chris0h9
    Chris0h9 Posts: 24 Member
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    It's hard. Today, at school, we had a little party, and I felt so guilty after eating that cake and stuff. I'm still in my calorie goal so it's ok, plus, 400 calories from junk isn't gonna kill me.
  • Angie_Fritts
    Angie_Fritts Posts: 263 Member
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    If I eat crap I just work out harder to compensate for it. You're human. It's not reasonable to think that you are never ever going to have pizza or pasta or cake or whatever again. Just everything in moderation and work your *kitten* off in the gym.
  • hollyk57
    hollyk57 Posts: 520 Member
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    This falls under needing to form a healthy relationship with food - even if the food is unhealthy. I hate the term lifestyle change because it's overused, but the logic behind it is true. Are you going to avoid that cake forever, or are you going to work on finding the right ways to include fun things in your regular diet and still come out ok? Lose the guilt and enjoy it in moderation.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
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    How do you guys deal with the "guilty - oh I wish I hadn't eaten that" feeling? Do you really just cut that stuff out Entirely, Forever? Or do you find a state of acceptance? If you got over it, how?

    I never get that feeling. If I want a piece of pie, I have a piece of pie, if I want a cookie, I have a friggin' cookie. I fit it into my calory goal and my macros...EZPZ. Even if I'm occasionally over on my calories and macros, I don't beat myself up about it. Actually, I was slightly over my calories every single day this week and still lost 2 Lbs. If I'm wanting to have an extra beer or a high calorie treat or something, I just make sure I at least get a good 30 minute walk in to burn about 230 calories.

    I also pre-log daily...if I really need to, I can always delete something from the days plan to make room for cake or whatever; no biggie. I eat healthy most of the time...I get my carbs primarily from fruits, veg, and whole grains...protein is primarily lean and my good fats come primarily from those lean sources of protein as well as nuts, avacado, olive oil, etc. I occasionally "splurge" and have a piece of pie instead of my orange...or some potato chips instead of my whole grain/whole seed crackers...or fried chicken instead of a grilled chicken breast...it's not really a big deal. Yes, it's a lifestyle change...which is why you want to make healthy decisions the majority of the time...but a little fun never hurt anyone.
  • BCSMama
    BCSMama Posts: 348
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    I get what you're saying and struggle with the guilty feeling at times too. I think for me, I am afraid that if I start thinking "oh, it's just one piece of cake, no big deal" that will turn into "well, it just puts me over my calories a little, no big deal" to "well, I just won't log it because I keep going over my calories because I keep eating cake", etc. So, I guess I'm afraid with certain foods that if I give myself permission to have them, I won't be able to stop again. I am in the process of learning to trust myself with not letting the occasional indulgence turn into falling off the wagon and going back to my old ways of doing things. Each time I do indulge and log it, stay within calories and don't begin to overindulge, I feel a little better about my ability to sustain this new lifestyle.

    I would suggest that you try not to be so vocal about your guilty feelings to your boyfriend especially since he finds it annoying. I have found with my husband, when I vocalize guilty feelings surrounding food too much, his response always is "oh, it won't hurt you", or "you've lost so much weight, you can have it now" and it becomes a situation where he is giving me permission to indulge or overindulge rather than me making a choice on my own that I am owning and feel comfortable with.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    by exercising
  • butterflygurl89
    butterflygurl89 Posts: 45
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    Wow! I definitely did not expect this many replies!
    Thanks everyone. You all really gave me a lot of insight and help and I really appreciate it. :)
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    Don't feel bad about treats! As long as the majority of what you eat is healthy why worry about the bit of bad?

    The problem is viewing your nutrition in terms of black and white. Add a little grey to your nutritional world and you'll start feeling better. :)
  • MrsMJZ
    MrsMJZ Posts: 9 Member
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    Yeah I definitely used to feel guilty at first but I don't feel that way anymore (I started losing weight about 6 months ago). I think the guilt kind of fades as you realize that this really is for life, and cmon, I can't go through the rest of my life and never have a slice of cake on my birthday or some pasta when I really want it, etc. When I binge on that stuff (and it's happened), then I feel guilty. However, when I just stick to my 1 slice of cake or go out to dinner and just eat half of my pasta dish and take the other half home, I feel empowered.



    Well said...This is exactly how I feel. Eating healthy is a choice for life, not a temporary diet. Eat in moderation and if you over indulge, forgive yourself. You will get back on track. Enjoy your food...It's delicious, afterall!
  • lorcart
    lorcart Posts: 406 Member
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    Screw guilt!
  • ajoakland83
    ajoakland83 Posts: 5
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    I felt guilty in the beginning, but I decided to shed the guilt. I'm an emotional eater, and guilt makes me want to eat more. If it's a holiday or special occassion I enjoy in moderation, and if it takes me over my daily go, oh well. A day here or there isn't going to sabbotage all my hard work. Skinny people still enjoy cakes, candies, chinese food, whatever it may be. They just eat smaller portions of it, and they don't do it consistently. I've just reduced any of my candy consumption to half the candy bar if I really feel the need for it, or I limit everything to one serving. It's helped me a lot. That way I don't feel like I'm being deprived, and it's help me make a nice transition in portion control. Good luck - I know it's difficult but we'll get there if we put our mind to it!!

    Happy Holidays!!
  • celenacountdown
    celenacountdown Posts: 53
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    I don't feel guilty anymore. It is all about my healthy lifestyle and if I indulge, it has to be that - an indulgent isolated event rather than what I do everyday. One birthday cupcake a calendar quarter didn't make 45 pounds overweight, it was eating mindlessly all the time.

    I like my healthy lifestyle and look forward to getting more fit every year! 2012 was a pinnacle year for me! The best is yet to be.



    That makes good sense makes me feel a little better that I've ate healthy all day and tonight is my Christmas dinner feel real bad cause my boss got a caterer to do our dinner n we always turn down the food he brings in he said we better not be on a diet tonight lol but like u said one meal is not gonna make me gain so many pounds I can get bak on track tomarrow

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