New motivational gadget better than Fitbit or HRM

secretlobster
secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
in Motivation and Support
It's 6:00 on Monday morning. Your alarm has just violently woken you from a sound sleep. "Crap on a stick," you think. "Time to go for a run. I wish there was a device that would allow me to just stay in bed eating Cheetos until I hate myself enough to stop."

Well, now there is!

Introducing: F-itBit(tm)

F-itBit(tm) is a revolutionary new demotivational tool that loves you just the way you are, unlike your so-called "supportive" mom, and skinny boyfriend who can eat whatever he wants without gaining weight. Trying to lose weight before the holidays? Why bother? Who are you kidding? Christmas is in four days and you're going to have to sample the cookies you're spitefully baking for people who are thinner than you. Why not get a device that inspires you to do what you really want to do?

F-itBit(tm) features include:
-Social Connector makes it easy complain about societal standards of thinness!
-Pedometer counts how many steps you've taken and then forgets, because who cares!
-Flower display grows or wilts based on how many MFP forum posts you've made about that lifting regime you actually perform once every few weeks!
-Useless altimeter indicates how close you are to sea level at all times!
-Calculates your TDEE and subtracts all the negative calorie foods you've eaten, because math is hard!
-Choose your own messages or select a preset greeting: "The gym is where people judge you" "Pizza technically has protein in it" "Take it easy, you've earned it!"

You can even earn awards based on activity level!
-Walk less than three steps a day (walking is overrated!)
-Take the elevator instead of the stairs (way to go!)
-Thought about going to the gym but Five Guys was right there (eat it right in your car where no one can see you!)
-Second cupcake (why else would Crumbs have a two-cupcake container!)

Don't feel like getting out of bed for that early morning workout? F-itBit(tm) can be configured to subtly inject you with horse tranquilizer so you can say "go to hell" to the early morning sunshine!

Order yours today!

Replies

  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    claps.gif
    bravo, bravo....you really are on a roll
    so.....where can I get one? \m/
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    Put this in suggestions; you'll make millions.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Put this in suggestions; you'll make millions.

    too lazy
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    None of this will matter when we're all burning the in the eternal flames.


    THE DAY OF RECKONING IS AT HAND, PEOPLE!
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    None of this will matter when we're all burning the in the eternal flames.


    THE DAY OF RECKONING IS AT HAND, PEOPLE!
    that's not nice....coming from the queen of inspiration.....give us hope oh gracious one.....\m/
  • CharliesInCharge
    CharliesInCharge Posts: 278 Member
    wow its like you have an endless well of this material :) (applause)
  • ElleM0
    ElleM0 Posts: 105 Member
    I literally hollered at this post!!

    HA!! :drinker:
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    :laugh:

    Pretty sure I have one of these gadgets built-in already, though!
  • capnrus789
    capnrus789 Posts: 2,736 Member
    I got one of these. It's my beer fridge.
  • Mama_Jag
    Mama_Jag Posts: 474 Member
    You're my favorite.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    Put this in suggestions; you'll make millions.

    too lazy

    Testimony to your product!!
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    $99 OBO
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    Will the horse tranqs work on others? Thinking of getting some for my kids.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Will the horse tranqs work on others? Thinking of getting some for my kids.

    They work even BETTER on children!
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
    BUMP for later
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    that is an amazing product.

    if you are having cash flow problems you should take it on Shark Tank.
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
    I don't get it.
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    All Aboard! The F-it Bit train is leaving motivation station! Hop on and sit down and lean back for a relaxing fitness ride!
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    All Aboard! The F-it Bit train is leaving motivation station! Hop on and sit down and lean back for a relaxing fitness ride!

    FINALLY THE TOOL TO HELP ME MEET ALL MY FITNESS GOALS
  • tageekly
    tageekly Posts: 3,755 Member
    $99 OBO

    I'll offer $999 just to be the only person who has one of these amazing devices. As long as it also tells me that I can log my beer as water.
  • derekj222
    derekj222 Posts: 370 Member
    I want this, put there's no price! Shipping and handling? Can you deliver by Christmas Day?!?!?
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I want this, put there's no price!

    The price it comes with is "never losing weight"!
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    It's really a shame that 80% of MFP can't be bothered to read anything other than the subject of a topic because I've re-read it a few times and this post is funny as hell from front to back.

    My current favorite part is the jealous coworker *spitefully* baking cookies.

    "Yes, Nancy, you'll love these, you skinny *****. Eight sticks of butter in EVERY COOKIE! HAHAHAH! You'll never guess that I dyed the flour and put sawdust in to make it seem like whole wheat. Mwahahhaha!"
  • vnovit
    vnovit Posts: 101
    I love it!!!!!!!! Thats what I think every morning before I snap out of it
  • ladytxn
    ladytxn Posts: 97 Member
    . As long as it also tells me that I can log my beer as water.

    You mean you can't???? :noway: awwww crap!! There goes my streak......:sad:

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