How do you.....

FightingforFit82
FightingforFit82 Posts: 179 Member
edited January 6 in Chit-Chat
Handle it when someone (most important person in your life) tells you, you're packing on the pounds :( I've gained 3lbs in the last 2 mths. Seriously, not much. Truthfully I have slacked a bit going to the gym. I'm in a rut, I know I am. Having someone be kind and supportive rather than basically tell me my body is disgusting but my face is still ok HURTS. I don't want to be hateful to that person but they think its ridiculous that it hurt my feelings. This person NEVER works out and ALWAYS eats crap. I NEVER say anything hurtful. I always try to use positive encouragement. This is the one person I want to think I'm gorgeous. To look at me without thinking I'm not attractive. How do you handle that (in a positive way)? How do you not let that affect you? After awhile, it makes you feel that way. Just not want to try or look nice. When you do, it is pointless. I also feel like this person is maybe embarrassed of me in a way :( Not even being told about a work party....I can tell this person wants to go alone. Sorry to put this out there. Just want outside (positive) views. Everyone I know will be biase.

Replies

  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    Do what any sane, well adjusted woman would do. You pee in his coffee.

    Seriously. He deserves it.
  • FightingforFit82
    FightingforFit82 Posts: 179 Member
    Oh my Gosh....this made me laugh. So mean, would never BUT FUNNY. Thx
    Do what any sane, well adjusted woman would do. You pee in his coffee.

    Seriously. He deserves it.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    A kick in the nuts is deserved..
  • ShmoozyQ
    ShmoozyQ Posts: 390 Member
    I'm sorry you're feeling bad. It sounds like this person is kind of a jerk, though. Not necessarily because of telling you that they have noticed you've gained a few pounds. Everything else sounds bad.

    I've been told my weight gain was noticed by someone who cares, and it was a positive motivation for me.
  • FightingforFit82
    FightingforFit82 Posts: 179 Member
    I can see that if it was in a kind way. I wish this person had some compassion. I know I've not been on top of things lately. I've said it myself. Honestly these last few mths have been some of the hardest in my life. Having this person say it in a kind way and not like I'm gross would go over a lot better. Just the way its said or how I'm looked at stinks.
    I'm sorry you're feeling bad. It sounds like this person is kind of a jerk, though. Not necessarily because of telling you that they have noticed you've gained a few pounds. Everything else sounds bad.

    I've been told my weight gain was noticed by someone who cares, and it was a positive motivation for me.
  • ShmoozyQ
    ShmoozyQ Posts: 390 Member
    I can see that if it was in a kind way. I wish this person had some compassion. I know I've not been on top of things lately. I've said it myself. Honestly these last few mths have been some of the hardest in my life. Having this person say it in a kind way and not like I'm gross would go over a lot better. Just the way its said or how I'm looked at stinks.
    I'm sorry you're feeling bad. It sounds like this person is kind of a jerk, though. Not necessarily because of telling you that they have noticed you've gained a few pounds. Everything else sounds bad.

    I've been told my weight gain was noticed by someone who cares, and it was a positive motivation for me.

    Sounds like it's time to kick this person to the curb!
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    I handled it by finally admitting that he was right. I hate it when I'm wrong and my husband is right. But when it happens, I'm woman enough to admit it. Now I thank him, and harp on him to lift weights with me.
  • AuntieMC
    AuntieMC Posts: 346 Member
    The problem isn't how to manage your feelings. The problem is him being so insensitive. If he loves you, he will care enough about you to not hurt your feelings deliberately. You told him this hurts you. Instead of apologizing and mending his ways, he insults you again by saying it is ridiculous you are upset. You deserve to be treated kindly. If he can't do that, perhaps you should consider if loving him is healthy for you.

    P.S. to the MEN who responded (REAL men!) that his behavior is unacceptable! This young woman really needed to hear that from some men, I think! Thank you!
  • Simone_King
    Simone_King Posts: 467 Member
    Really? He can tell you gaiened three pounds in two (or was it three? ) months?

    Girl, tell him off. Three pounds isn't something to worry about. That might be water waight too.

    Now, if you tained 13 pounds in a month, yes, he can say something BUT THREE!

    How dear he!

    That being said, put him on the couch until he shapes up.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,603 Member
    I think it's time to calmly sit him down and gently explain that he is a teeny weenie terrible lover and that you have been cheating on him with his best friend.

    That should do it.
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
    Are you married to him? If not, kick him to the curb. If you are, take everything in the divorce.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    I just don't get partners who think they need to tell their SO they are gaining weight. Have any of us here NOT been aware that we are gaining weight? I don't ever need anyone to tell me. I'm always the first to know!

    And I don't buy that this person is just doing it because they're "concerned about your health" like some would claim. If they don't also remind you to take your allergy pills and get super concerned about too many headaches, I'm disinclined to believe that they are concerned about a minor weight gain for health reasons.

    In short, I think you should just say, in exactly the words you just used, how these comments make you feel. If there isn't a positive outcome after that you may need to move on. I don't understand why you'd stay in a situation that makes you feel so bad about yourself.
  • utahgirl247
    utahgirl247 Posts: 370 Member
    if 3 pounds is packing it on....help him pack up and send him on his way.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    A guy noticed a 3 pounds gain?? I don't even notice a 3 pounds gain\loss on myself unless i weigh in.
  • just4nessa
    just4nessa Posts: 459 Member
    If this person is giving you the impression that they want to go to their work party alone, they probably do (among other places). And telling you that 3 pounds is packing it on is just a childish way to let you know this. Sorry you're with someone who makes you feel this way and I hope you move forward and find happiness in you future.
  • lisadiane41
    lisadiane41 Posts: 141 Member
    I just read your post and I feel so bad for you. This person does not deserve you. He must have low self-esteem issues. The only way he could feel better about himself is to put you down. Get ride of the guy. You deserve so much better. Tell him to look in the minor at himself. I bet he could lose some pounds. :flowerforyou:
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    wow 3lbs? I cant believe you did this to him. What kind of woman are you? (Sarcasm mode)
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    How does someone even notice three pounds? Yeeks. Sorry you had to deal with someone saying that - I don't think it's fair for someone to say that at 3 pounds. Especially if said someone is a total slacker concerning their own body. That's petty and cruel.
  • LetsMakeupXtina
    LetsMakeupXtina Posts: 627 Member
    he sounds very insensitive... maybe does not understand how such a comment can affect you. My husband has never said anything directly about my weight.. but he does sometimes make comments while watching tv about other peoples weights.. and sometimes those people are smaller than I am.. and that upsets me to hear him say stuff like that. makes me feel like, WOW what do you think of me then?
  • vice350z
    vice350z Posts: 1,066 Member
    hilarious King of Queens episode and how Doug handles it

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4H60yOWetc
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,965 Member
    you've gained 3 pounds.. oh the horror...
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    I don't think it's about the weight. If you think hard on it, is he compassionate, thoughtful, supportive in other areas? I've had men in my life (and women for that matter) that made me feel less than. I'll bet it's about him and not you. Form of control or to make himself feel big. The nerve.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    the most important people in my life wouldn't be the type to care about a few pounds on my body

    only my health and happiness would be important to them

    something to consider
  • LetsTryThisAgain54
    LetsTryThisAgain54 Posts: 381 Member
    Honestly, either I'm insensitive or just a D-bag, but I really don't see what the big deal is. Shrug it off and take it as constructive criticism. This would push me even harder to lose it now. Just today at work, a girl looked at me and said, wow, you put some weight back on. I looked at her and said, "yeah, I know, but thanks for being honest with me and letting me know. I just can't keep away from the goodies!" Turn the negative into a positive!
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