mother trouble

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kajaknowers
kajaknowers Posts: 113 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Well, I just returned to my flat now after a weekend at my parents and as some of you know I had an awesome easter day as I didn't overindulge and stayed at it. However, on the Monday, my mum surprised us by returning home from work early so I hadn't been expecting to see her....I thought oh brilliant, she'll be happy to see I'm doing well.....She did remark on the fact that I looked slimmer BUT she firstly said:

*Now you need to maintain this weight and not put it back on. (It pissed me off as she thought I was done even though only in September she had tried to send me to a hospital to see someone about my problem....so I was expecting her to give me the most support for doing it as she was the most concerned even though I had no health implications that were effecting my health just then.
* The worst thing however was when I my goal size was to fit into UK size 10 and she said "I god, I don't think you should go that small as you won't sustain it"....I literally wanted to blow my top off. She basically said she didn't think I could do it. I just wanted to go upstairs and cry.....if she was so concerned about my weight she should support me....the last time I was skinny, I literally didn't eat anything so of course it wasn't sustainable.....I felt so small even after the encouragement from my dad and sister the previous day....my morale is really low and I don't want her words ringing in my ear telling me don't bother carrying on....you'll only fail.


GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

sorry, rant over....I needed to get it off my chest

x

Replies

  • Yurippe
    Yurippe Posts: 850 Member
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    Prove her wrong. You can do this. When you have, and have maintained your goal weight maybe she will tell you how proud she is. If she doesn't, who cares. You aren't doing this for her. You are doing this for you.
  • pinkhockymom
    pinkhockymom Posts: 86 Member
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    Hang in there sister. I am sure she is just worried about you and it comesout in all the wrong ways. As a mother myself, we often times say all the wrong things. Keep your chin up, you are doing GREAT!!! I believe that you can do it AND sustain it. You are a strong and beautiful woman, do not let anyone tell you otherwise!!:flowerforyou:
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    Sweetie, don't worry about her! Moms are like that! My mom... sent me home with a whole effing cake because she didn't want it in her house - probably because it would ruin she & my dad's diet - but HELLO, I'm also trying to lose weight!! I just have to use 100% of my willpower every time I open the fridge because I LOVE cake. I just keep telling myself that in the last 3 months, I have lost 17 lbs. and I have kept it off. If I've kept it off this long and kept in my routine of eating right & working out, I'm less likely to fail. Normally I don't go this long so I know it'll stick this time.

    And girl, you're doing it the right way so just revel in that thought. You KNOW you're doing it the right way and you've already kept it off amazingly so don't let her get in your head. Remind yourself that this is YOUR success and you deserve every bit of credit & praise your dad and sister gave you!!!!
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
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    Parents say things that in their own head sounds like they are helping/protecting you from yourself.

    Let it go - A wise person once said: "People can't make you feel bad without your permission." Deny her that permission!!


    Take one step at a time, one day at a time (you know all the sayings :smile: ) You can do it, just look inside.
  • LongMom
    LongMom Posts: 408 Member
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    Getting it off your chest is processing it - now you have to move on :)

    Our relationship with our parents is so tough! You can do this though, with or without her support.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
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    Just my perspective:
    I noticed that I was always telling my son what NOT to do because I didn't want him to be disappointed... That is MY negative thinking, and I've been practicing not to do that. I think about what I'm going to say a little longer before I do.

    Maybe, you could send your mother a note and tell her how you felt when she stated those things... she probably doesn't even realize how it affected you.

    I can say that, anything I tell my child is done in Love and trying to prevent disappointment and sadness. :flowerforyou: I might not communicate it in the most positive way... Some of us are learning as we go. :flowerforyou:

    I
  • TanRobins
    TanRobins Posts: 44
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    Remember the slower the weigh loss, the more that your body will get used to it and be able to sustain it. Keep doing what you're doing, you are loosing weight. Do it for yourself!! You'll feel more confident and not let those remarks get to you so much. Often times parents mean well, they just don't come out and say it the right way. Hang it there!!
  • jbuffan218
    jbuffan218 Posts: 275 Member
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    When someone we love and count on says things like that is hurts. More than anything we need and want our parents approval or at the very least their support and understanding.
    When something like this happens to me it just makes me that much more determined to succeed. Just to prove them wrong but more to prove it to myself. To show myself that I know myself better than anyone, I know what I need ,I deserve this. I will never quit.
    So try as hard as you can to get her words of discouragement OUT of your head, and instead concentrate on the words of praise from you dear ole dad and sister. Focus on the positive encouragement and dismiss the negative, even if it came from mum. Especially since they came from your mum. I think it is human nature to only remember the negative words , but why? Why dont we focus on the positive ?
    At this point you have to soak in only good thoughts and dig your heals in and keep working hard, making good choices and remember why and who you are doing this for......YOU!

    I always say "Success is the best revenge"

    Good Luck.
  • marriola123
    marriola123 Posts: 11
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    Aww yes the torture we endure from our mothers. Yes like you I have a mother who does the same exact thing and it's horrible. I come home thinner and they say are you sick are you eating there's something wrong with you you look horrible. I come home chubby and they say how do you expect to keep your man looking like that? You are going to go on a diet right? Your fat no I mean your really fat! It can be hard and difficult to hear and yes it can be very discouraging. The only thing that helps is that I know that 1. She doesn't go home with me. 2. Her opinion is her opinion 3. I can prove her wrong.

    So don't let it bother you. Keep your head up and keep up the good work.
  • iamalexa
    iamalexa Posts: 53
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    Aww deary I'm sorry. Keep your head up!! My mom is sorta the same way, always trying to sabatoge my weight loss with all her sweets and she doesnt even act like she cares. Its really hard but get rid of the negatives and focus on the positive! You can do it and to proove her wrong will be the best thing ever. Just don't give up or give in! I'm sure she truely loves you and wouldnt want anything but the best for you. Some people just arent as good with words or motivation :)
  • cymills
    cymills Posts: 133 Member
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    You are NOT responsible for your mother's feeling , thoughts or actions. You ARE responsible , and only have to answer to YOU! Do what makes you happy. It did not sound as thought oyur mother lives with you , or near you (thank God) ...so take ocntrol of YOU , and disregard other's comments. At the end of each and every day you only have one person oyu have to answer to you....that is YOU!
    If you really want this - YOU will do it!
  • katielouhoo
    katielouhoo Posts: 676 Member
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    i understand your disappointment in her reaction.
    my mother came to visit at Christmas. i had lost 60 lbs since she had last seen me in the summer. i had not told her i was dieting. i was so looking forward to seeing her and getting some positive support. (because like you, my mother has also been my most vocal critic.)
    she said nothing. NOTHING!!!! And then even commented to my husband about why i was bothering with low calorie substitutes (low cal bread, fat free mayo, high carb, low fat or fat free everything) that it wasn't going to matter.

    i was crushed, and furious. but i'm not doing this for her (never was) i will see her again the end of May. i hope she is blown away, but i must admit i will not be waiting to hear what she has to say anymore. (that boat has sailed)

    good luck, you can do it. you will win. -katie
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
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    My mum is like that, too. You need to adjust your expectations and remember that she isn't going to change. I know how difficult it is, but try to stay positive and ignore her negativity.

    Well done, you!

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