Shower technique - Woman vs. Man
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How To Shower Like a Woman...
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man...
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOU ARE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man...
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOU ARE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE
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Replies
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:laugh: That certainly brighten up my day haha!0
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That certainly made me giggle ... especially the Woo-hoo bit!
Happy Days!0 -
roflmao!!! I have no idea if that's true but I certainly hope not!!! lol, the ways you've mentioned a woman showering is DEFINITELY not how I do it. :P0
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I'm glad I read this before heading off to work. It's always nice to start the day off with a good laugh. Thanks! :laugh:0
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Now i feel like a thing between man and woman *laughs* very funny though
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WOOO HOOO!0
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I think you've described a man's Monday shower. Wash face and hair? C'mon, you don't need to do that every day!
(jokes)
On the other hand, I think that explains why a woman's bedroom has a very obvious fragrance. All those herbal products must saturate the air!0 -
This is so true, it could be written about my boyfriend!!! :laugh:0
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OMG why do they do that? I have never known a woman to be turned on by this behavior. They're like 14 year old boys.0
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so truee0
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Sheez... women sure shower funny!!!! :laugh:0
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clearly I am not a proper woman...I get undressed where ever I am and wander about naked until I find my husband and wiggle my booty at him, he then says woo hoo...I then go run a bath,(don't like a shower) light the selection of candles, I put loads of vanilla moment bath creme in it and then when it's almost too hot to deal with I climb in making monkey bath noises...you know when it's a monkey bath? when you make oo oo ooo sounds as you climb in...then I slowly sink down a bit at a time into the foamy fabulouness, once I am adjusted to the heat, I add more hot water and then turn on the jacuzzi jets and lay back, covered in loads and loads of bubbles, my husband usually comes in and says 'I can see you naked' or 'ooo boobies' or something like that. I sometimes read, sometimes listen to music or radio 4 and sometimes just chill with a glass of champagne (I have a special holder for a candle, book and champagne glass on my bath) then I will submerge and wash my hair, then maybe pretend to be father christmas with a white bubbly beard, or maybe a mermaid or something, I then let out some of the water and top it up with more hot, I will wash with my fabby flannel and then give myself a general rub over with my loofah glove, then maybe shave legs and armspits, if I do I will drain the bath and refill it, then lay about for a while until my husband comes back and says you have been in there for four hours, are you getting out today? or sometimes its only two hours....I will then stand up dripping everywhere and wrap myself in my monster huge supima cotton bath 'sheet' and wrap my hair in a smaller towel, then wander about until I find my husband and flash him and maybe wiggle my bum at him, he will say 'woo hoo' or 'nice butt', I might sit on his lap for a bit and I will then go and put on my bathrobe and wander about for a while before drying my hair.
I have more than one bath a day on a good day and I TOTALLY love them!! :happy:
My Husband will then say 'are you going to pick up your clothes? Are these your knickers? or something boring :laugh:0 -
Thank you!!!! Needed the laugh to start my day. Feels like Monday all over again.0
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I think someones spying on me!!! haha0
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