The "Fat Friend"

meaghan2008
meaghan2008 Posts: 401 Member
in Motivation and Support
This post is all about being , the "fat friend" , you know that girl/guy in the picture that is plumper than everyone else, that stands in the back in a large group picture so your handles of love wont be the eye focus of the picture. All my life I have been that "fat friend" that I just mentioned. I don't understand it, my friends who are nice and thin can eat till they can't eat anymore and not gain one pound, but me on the other hand, i can eat a donut and that just like me sticking that donut right to my hips or abdominal area.

I have been losing weight (look at the picture below from left to right - July/october/december (now) - but when Im with my friends I still get that "fat friend" feeling. My friends they try and offer me support, and they do! But I also feel as though they don't know where I am coming from because they have never been fat.

Maybe some of you here can help me out and we show support and motivation to each other so heading into 2013 we wont be called the "Fat Friend" anymore! :smooched: :flowerforyou:

Feel free to add me as a friend! :heart:

update_zps8ea981a9.jpg

Replies

  • nikkijade13
    nikkijade13 Posts: 27 Member
    I know EXACTLY how that feels. I'm tired of being "the fat friend" thats why I decided its time to take action. It's just really hard to lose the weight and keep it off. Feel free to add me.

    P.s. great job on the weight loss so far!
  • Lacey_Cakes
    Lacey_Cakes Posts: 223 Member
    Ive been the 'fat friend' or DUFF (designated ugly fat friend) since the 4th grade. My best friend is skinny and gorgeous. I know your pain
  • torrini
    torrini Posts: 78 Member
    This is the reason why I finally got dedicated to losing weight. My friends are gorgeous and skinny and I just got sick of being the "ugly one" just because of my weight. Now I've lost almost 10 kilos! This is kind of silly but yesterday me and my friend were wishing happy holidays to a guy friend of ours and when he hugged us he lifted us both up in the air and that has like... never happened to me before. Very motivational :D He happens to be a blacksmith... but still!
  • glitteredgrave
    glitteredgrave Posts: 194 Member
    Story of my life :-/
  • one15ts
    one15ts Posts: 91
    aw, there is someone who could be referred to as the "fat friend" in our group, but none of us calls her that or sees her that way. she is my favorite, because we like the same things and for some other reasons as well. i'm actually curious to see if her personality will change in any way should she lose weight.
  • StrawberryThief
    StrawberryThief Posts: 115
    I feel your pain. I'm the fat friend and it sucks. My three closest female friends are slim and beautiful.
  • Shas2228
    Shas2228 Posts: 187
    I understand completely. For once I want to be the skinny friend... :( One day. I'll add you.
  • livinbb
    livinbb Posts: 84 Member
    I hate being the fat friend too! Trying to lose all the extra fluff so I can feel good about myself. I'll add you.
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    A lot of my friends are slimmer than I am. Probably not so much now, but when I was younger, so I know how you feel.
  • scinamon1
    scinamon1 Posts: 158 Member
    I know the feeling! I realised I wasn't the fat friend any more in 2 stages:
    a) i've always been the 'chunky cousin' of the 4 similar-age girls, but one of them visited our gran at the same time as me. we went hiking and she asked me to slow down; my uncle said i ran up the mountain! (I've never had that before, I've always been the one hanging behind panitng for breath)
    b) my housemate, who is i've always thought was incredibly thin, was talking about how much weight she'd put on and then lost over summer. I said 'i've lost quite a lot now, i'm 58kg' and she looked at me and said 'i can really tell! i wish i weighed that amount!'

    but then my other (guy) housemate was really ill and said he'd lost a lot of weight and thought he weighed less than me, he was 65kg.. :/ he is very short for a guy though!
  • WDEvy
    WDEvy Posts: 814 Member
    I don't think it matters as much when you get older but yeah that was my feeling all through High School.. That I was the fat ugly one.
  • KlaMorgan
    KlaMorgan Posts: 72 Member
    ugh! i totally know what you mean! i was/am still the "fat friend"... my friends dont see me as that, but i totally do.. heres to changing all that in 2013!! :)
  • Tinytaru
    Tinytaru Posts: 185 Member
    I know that feeling :( and I hate to be the fat friend! working on being the skinny friend again ;)
  • Rosytakesoff
    Rosytakesoff Posts: 321
    I think the problem is only if your friends are friends with you just to prop up their self esteem. "Look, she's bigger than me, so I look better in comparison standing next to her" I had a 'friend' like that and dumped her like a hot potato once I caught on to her BS.

    Real friends love us no matter what we look like. It hurts though to think we are the one that doesn't fit with the rest.

    Keep your chin up. Your true friends value you no matter your appearance, and the rest will hopefully fall by the wayside.
    I spent years cultivating my sense of humor and people skills in an attempt to make amends for my fatness. One I hit my 30s, I just decided to be myself, warts and all. I like myself a lot more than I did in my teens and 20s, too.
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
    I'm the FFF (Fat Funny Friend). I don't really get bothered by it for the most part- unless we want to go shopping for clothes- THAT's where I see the major difference - and considering I'm broke and have 2 kids, I never have time to do that anymore- but anyway.... I think the one time it really hurt my feelings was when I wasn't even considered to be a part of a wedding part- because the dresses wouldn't come in my size, or she only wanted "cute" small people in the pictures. Mind you, I'm WELL into plus sizes and she's probably a size 3 - and that was years ago, but still hurt my feelings. For the most part- I just go with the flow- but I do get the "looks" especially if I want to buy something for them as a gift- birthday clothing item- I get strange looks in the stores- yes, I know it's not going to fit ME, and I'm not buying it for myself.
  • Subowski
    Subowski Posts: 71
    Ha, yeah I'm a Fat Funny Friend too......luckily there are 3 of us, our super slim tall friend is the minority!! My biggest friend is uber fit though......she plays rugby and hockey, is a coach and referee in both, runs after-school rugby clubs for kids, and swimming a mile is nothing to her. She weighs a good 30lb more than me but she looks miles better in a bikini, I can tell you.....
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
    I have a "fat friend" and she always defers to her "shining personality" but really I think she is beautiful and puts herself down way too much. She goes to the gym all the time and can run more than me without stopping- just not as fast. I think her self esteem is thru the floor so it's very hard for me to know what to do or say to make her feel better. I tell her she is beautiful, she is deserving of good relationships with guys, and that she is doing well with her weight and workouts. She's at what I'd call a midpoint where she's on the verge of noticeably shrinking her belly and if she saw how many inches she lost as opposed to judging by her shape shed be happy. She's well in her way and I guess I'm looking for advice on what to say that's helpful.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    First off, your progress is fantastic!! Keep it up.

    I have been the 'fat friend' alot in my life too. Even now losing 87lbs and considering myself 'average' I still have the feeling of being a 'fat friend' becuase my mind hasn't caught up to my body. I think alot of it is mental, not physical. My self esteem has come along way, but I still have apprehensions about my body.

    Just remember you are a beauty no matter what, you are beautiful inside and outside, and try not to compare yourself to others!!!!

    ETA: I remember saying recently to my friend 'god you are beautiful I wish I looked like you' She said 'YOU DO'
    We are our own worst critics. Just believe in yourself and work on your goals, and remember you are perfect the way you are.
  • txbelle01
    txbelle01 Posts: 35 Member
    Just remember that when you do lose all your weight. Others may judge you for being too skinny. That is what happened to me. I have lost 43lbs and I am not even done yet. (another 40lbs) I have friends that are so supportive, kind and motivational. Then I have work associates that are just plain out jealous b/c I'm losing weight. I was tolerable when I was fat, but when I surpassed the 40lbs mark They all began to notice and well. I became a threat to them, and some have made it personal. At least one woman has said to a male co-worker that I was bragging about myself. I wasn't and I later found out that anything I say she considers me bragging. It's envy, plain and simple. You can't please anyone. As my sister says, Haters gonna Hate. lol Keep up the good work and your going to be the GORGEOUS friend amongst the other Gorgeous friends! :)
  • PipBnz
    PipBnz Posts: 49 Member
    Hi, Congrats on your progress!
    I completely understand....the reason im on here is because i saw pics of myself at my friends wedding in Jan '12 and i looked terrible next to my fit and slim friends, the next wedding is end of Jan '13 and i want to feel better about how i look in the pics, after all, i dont want to be looking back at my memories thinking oh im always the biggest, nobody else seems to notice ( or say anything) but its horrible to not want to look at some of your friends happiest moments because u feel like u ruined the photo....
    I love my body but its definitely time for some renovations!!
    Feel free to add if you want to join me on my mission :)
  • ChaleGirl
    ChaleGirl Posts: 270 Member
    I am bigger than most of my friends and I'm not even big so that tells you how slim they must be.
    I'm looking forward to that day when I am not the chubbiest person in our pictures!!!!
  • kitjos
    kitjos Posts: 158 Member
    Im with ya :(. Been the 'fat friend' through my teenage years and hated it, was very shy around boys because I knew they saw what I saw. Quite different now im an adult but I remember it well. All the best on your journey, ill be there with you x
  • QueenElka
    QueenElka Posts: 10 Member
    I've also always been the fatfriend fir as log as I can remember. The thing that saved me was thy I was also intelligent so most of the time, people overlpoked it. In highschool I evened out a little because of puberty and stuff but I've put on a whole lot more! I know how that feels. Makes me dislike taking pictures with my friends because most of them are so tiny! I look like an elephant next to them! Lol. Its something that I really want to change. I have a slim friend who thinks I'm fine and is always complaining that she's too skinny. I'm like look lady, u are perfect. Being the fat friend sometimes prevents me from going out especially when we have to meet new people especially males. Because most of them gravitate to the smaller girls. Dotn get me wrong I do have male buddies. But I'm always just that to them, a buddy and nothing more. Never girlfriend material. It sucks sometimes. Okay now I'm rambling!
    Here's to changing all that in 2013!!!!!
  • gem25984
    gem25984 Posts: 20
    great going on your weight loss!

    i am also the fat friend, you say your friends are supportive, thats great mine on the other hand are not so which is why i decided to go at this alone. keep up your good work :-)
  • threeonethree
    threeonethree Posts: 182 Member
    Ugh. I've been the "fat friend" since high school. The past couple years it got to my head and I even stopped dating. Since i've been on MFP it's made me feel better knowing others out there have the same struggles. (and how they dealt with them positively)

    I lost 70lbs last year and honestly I barely tried. Lately I have been pushing SO hard for many different reasons. I'm a good person and deserve to be happy. I am happy now. "Fat friend" will be gone in 2013. Forever.

    Good luck to everyone. You're not alone and YOU CAN do it.
  • FitBeto
    FitBeto Posts: 2,121 Member
    I disagree with 100% of you people. If any of you showed up at my doorstep with a giant trench coat on I would still invite you into my love dungeon.

    You're never the fat friend, just the skinny-*****es-cool friend who gets overlooked because shes/he's to busy being AWESOME.
  • threeonethree
    threeonethree Posts: 182 Member
    If any of you showed up at my doorstep with a giant trench coat on I would still invite you into my love dungeon.

    Hey man we just met.... lol jk

    Thanks for the support
  • AshleyLo_44
    AshleyLo_44 Posts: 206 Member
    This post is all about being , the "fat friend" , you know that girl/guy in the picture that is plumper than everyone else, that stands in the back in a large group picture so your handles of love wont be the eye focus of the picture. All my life I have been that "fat friend" that I just mentioned. I don't understand it, my friends who are nice and thin can eat till they can't eat anymore and not gain one pound, but me on the other hand, i can eat a donut and that just like me sticking that donut right to my hips or abdominal area.

    I have been losing weight (look at the picture below from left to right - July/october/december (now) - but when Im with my friends I still get that "fat friend" feeling. My friends they try and offer me support, and they do! But I also feel as though they don't know where I am coming from because they have never been fat.

    Maybe some of you here can help me out and we show support and motivation to each other so heading into 2013 we wont be called the "Fat Friend" anymore! :smooched: :flowerforyou:

    Feel free to add me as a friend! :heart:

    update_zps8ea981a9.jpg

    I totally understand this feeling and love your transformation so far :).
  • kesiarosanna
    kesiarosanna Posts: 13
    I totally understand how you feel!
    I'm also the big one in my family, I really noticed it this Christmas with my siblings and cousins, they're all tall and skinny and I'm the short fat one! My figure was closer to my mother and aunt's rather than my brother, sister and cousins who are all around my age!
    I don't think I can keep blaming my 'curvy' figure on genetics when the rest of my family don't look like this!
    I think I was in denial about being the fat friend too. I always knew I was, but I thought that I just wasn't that fat, but rather that my friends were super skinny which is obviously ridiculous!
    anyway, I'm on a mission to change this, and would love support from anyone (: feel free to add me!
  • ilovemybabu
    ilovemybabu Posts: 6 Member
    I completely understand how you feel. I love the way you put it out in words because I have always felt that was but didn't know how to get it across to other people. My family is an obese one, so it's definitely something that's difficult to get away from. I really tend to notice the weight I've gained when I look at pictures of myself. I have ALWAYS been the "fat friend", all throughout middle school, high school, and even now. My skinny friends just don't understand where I'm coming from because they've never been fat. Regardless of all that, I've decided I'm going to put a stop to it and make a change in my life so that I'm no longer considered the "fat friend". I would love it if anyone else who has been in my similar situation (or anyone at all!) would add me so that we can support each other. =]. Feel free to do so! =].

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