Feeling really alone in life.

Options
RotterdamNL
RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
in Motivation and Support
So i don't have contacts with any of my 3 families exept my grandfather(85) and grandmother(83) and although they are really sweet they are old and i try not to envolve them too much in my complicated life because they would worry too much.

I speak alot of people online but they are all over the world, i got no real friends left due too my past and because i am in a financial situation due too that past i rarely can go anywhere.

What sucks the most is that i was there for everyone always, helped people out, if someone had a problem or was sad or whatever they could always come too me, call me anytime.

Now i have been homeless for the past 12 years(feel free too read my profile), although i am trying too get my life back on track no one is left around :( I really never thought about it because i was always busy with surviving and in the shelters it was always hectic and stuff but now that i rent a room and am alone i have had more time too think about stuff and the past 12 years and for some reason it's getting harder to deal with.

Facing everything alone is really hard to keep focussed on training, too resolve my financial status, holidays etc i really wish i could be like, **** the past, ftw and lets do this but because of so many disappointments in life early on i have trouble too be like that.

I don't even know why i am typing this here, i guess i got a "lonely" moment or something :ohwell:

Anywayz, if you took the time too read this :flowerforyou:

Replies

  • lessofLisain13
    lessofLisain13 Posts: 15 Member
    Options
    Keep your chin up hun, life does get better i promise. I was a single mother of four children, living in a hotel with no clue how i was going to pay bills or anyway out of the situation i was in. "Friends" were no where to be found as " they didn't want to be around someone that couldn't afford to do things". But with faith things did turn around. We are all here for you.
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
    Options
    Thank you for your kind message.

    But i must say which you probably also understand, i have heared that life will get better many many times and than i think "well yeah, when??"
    I haven't been able too enjoy adult life so far, also people are so judgemental always, because it is probably my mistake ofcourse that that all happened to me and yes i admit i had my mistakes but alot has also been cause by rotten companies, people and family.

    I am always trying to keep my chin up but it gets harder everytime.
  • RANK1
    RANK1 Posts: 3
    Options
    I'm sorry you're having a lonely moment, but it sounds like you are on the right track to make things better. Change is hard, and knowing what you want to change and doing it can be two different things! Hang in there, tho, and keep moving forward. It's too easy to get caught up in the past...remember that if you get too caught up in the past you miss your future!
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
    Options
    Thanks that your first post is a reply to me :) i love your avatar also, looks like me sometimes haha but i know your right, but when i was homeless i always lived one day at the time for years, also the day that i slept outside in the winter i didn't even lived one day at a time, i thought if tomorrow never comes it is good. That is why i got alot of problems too look towards the future also my future isn't bright for the coming 3 years because i will be fixing my financial status which means i have too live of €50,- in the week for 3 years straight.
  • Luvmyveggies
    Luvmyveggies Posts: 5 Member
    Options
    I read your profile and it is so sad. I can honestly say I have never been thru anything close to what you have been thru. Although I have family members that have been thru similar situations...some have been addicted to very heavy drugs (some still are). So I cant speak from a personal experience with living n the streets...but I can tell you that God can turn anything around...I'm not gonna get preachy or anything, lol...but I will tell you that I have been thru a lot of personal issues (not comfortable sharing them) and the only thing that got me out of the pit was turning inwards stead of outwards...you obviously are a very strong person to have gone thru this for 12 years so my advice is to find something you can believe in (for me it's God) and hang on to that...every cloud has a silver lining, and you can get thru this and onto the silver lining part. Everything makes us stronger....and if you ever need to vent or find motivation just come in here (and look inwards as well) (((hugs)))
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    Options
    All you can do right now is live for today. If you can get through each passing moment, before you know it, the years will have passed. There is no point in thinking about your future. Just live in the moment, because that is all you have. Stop thinking about yesterday and before, and tomorrow doesn't matter. Live now. If you can master this, you will be free.
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
    Options
    Both thanks for the reply.

    I would love too not think about the past but for some reason it is very hard.

    Will get back at you all a bit more tomorrow, it is past 00:00am here so time for bed, will talk to you guys soon.
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry you feel alone. If you ever need to vent, please private message me.

    the pasts are always hard to move forward from, but as you start getting more on your own feet, things will slowly fall into place.

    Hang in there!
  • artickb22
    artickb22 Posts: 411 Member
    Options
    LIfe is just *kitten* sometimes. Sometimes for a long *kitten* period of time. A good friend once told me you gotta know sadness to be happy. At first I thought that was bullsh*t, now, I get it. Truth is, no matter if your going it alone or with friends, you gotta pull up the ole bootstraps and make it happen. (whatever "it" is for you). After my fiasco with cocaine addiction and homelessness for over two years I had noone left to be there for me. It took a very long time to heal those relationships. So sorry your having to go through this, it's no cake walk by any means but focus on where you are now vs where you have been. Try to keep your mind on what you've accomplished so far and focus on your next short term goal. You got this!!!!! You are better than your fear, sadness, loneliness, and worry. You are a warrior....a survivor!!!!
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
    Options
    It can be hard not to drift into bad memories around the holidays, especially. The thing is, those times have passed, and you have tomorrow stretched out before you. What you can do now is try your best to make better memories, with the possibilities in your life today. You have plans, and positive, constructive people who are in your life now, even if they're not family. Reach out to them.

    You *are* a survivor. You took the opportunities that were available to you to make a change, more than once. You have it in you to do it again. You have talent and love to give. With openness and persistence, more opportunities will come.

    All the best to you.

    (And, maybe it's an idea to see your grandparents. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you :)
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
    Options
    Thanks for the replies.

    I can't skype because my motherboard is kinda screwed up for a microfoon.

    Ofcourse it is nice too have the people here but everyone is so far and a hug in real life every now and then would be nice too.

    But it's good to read messages from people who had similair experiences because alot of people don't understand why someone can talk like this.

    Ow and upget, i do see my grandparents i just havent told them the full amount of my problems past year because that aint good for their heart at their age :)
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
    Options
    15 min and its 2013 here thank God, this is probably the worst eve ever, alone and sober, 2013 you are more than welcome ;)
  • ValentineMomma
    ValentineMomma Posts: 51 Member
    Options
    Hi there,
    Happy new year! It's 2013! :)

    I read your profile, your posts. You've been through alot in life. Luckily you can prevail, but you are the only one who can decide your fate....your future. With everything you've gone through, I'm not surprised to hear that you slipped into a depression when your girl friend cheated.the good thing is that you now really know what kind of woman she is...and you need positivity, not drama. Yes, it's very hard to let go of someone, when you have no one....but you are better off. You need to find the strength that you know you have, and use that to fuel your work outs. I understand because I've also found that exercise gives me a time and place to release all the negative things that have happened to me while growing up. On my runs,I cry, and I have never told anyone about my crying. I cried for almost 6 months, on my runs. I didn't cry every time I ran, but I know that I felt a hell of a lot better as the days and weeks past.I really began looking forward to the emotional release that I got out of exercise. For me, exercise helps me settle my mind, all the things that have bothered me. But I always looked up. I am someone who has battled depression, and you need to talk to someone in charge at one of the shelters you stayed at. You really need to talk it out or think it out during exercise. But mental illness can not be taken lightly. You really need to see a doctor.

    Get focused! If you have a room rented, you're doing good.when you aren't working,exercise.the healthier you get, the better you'll feel. I have to give you a bit of tough love now...but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I have 2 little boys and I would want someone to tell them these same words if I weren't there to tell them.

    .... You have had a hard life. You have made mistakes, and that's okay. We all have problems in our lives, maybe some not as drastic as yours, or yours as drastic as somebody else, but you will overcome. If you want to. The best way to get better is to start working towards taking care of your mental health. Try your best to find a social worker who can give you resources...a life line of strategies to work through when life gets difficult. Drinking and drugs will get you no where. If you have money for booze, you have money to save for your health.

    Remember, your mental health comes first. I wish you much luck. If you are a believer of God, find the nearest church and open yourself up to them...they can and should be able to offer some kind of help. If you don't believe in God, consider Him. This is going to be a long road ahead of you, but the first step is talking to your social worker and ask her how you can get mental health support. You are a beautiful person, and you don't deserve to be alone or unhealthy. Only you can get yourself through this. You can do it. It's your time. Don't let other peoples failures or poor choices dictate how you live your life. You are better than that.you deserve more. You know you deserve more...otherwise you wouldn't be here on MFP, trying to get help. ;) Take care of yourself.Find positive people. Be safe, big hugs
  • flying_inside
    flying_inside Posts: 67 Member
    Options
    Thanks for sharing your story. Would love to be friends. Sent you a request.

Categories