To ditch friendship or no

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FitChicFab2013
FitChicFab2013 Posts: 80
in Chit-Chat
Sorry post cuts of ...am using my phone and it won't scroll...basically I can't decide whether to keep in contact with him our not as I still care even though I had the sense to step away romantically. I miss the friendship we had, but think I also can't move on from him...I don't trust easily and seem stuck keeping him when he's.not even friendly now.



In 2007 I briefly dated a guy who I decided was too confusing for me. He would be affectionate one moment and cold the next.He was anxious for me to like his friends and then acted all grumpy when all of us did get on. when his best friend got mugged he phoned to tell me and when I asked if his friend was ok he got annoyed as though I sounded too concerned.

When it was just the two of us he seemed less uptight, bu thinkt he was also a compulsive liar...about silly stuff.
I explained that I cared about him, loved him really , . ut given my move it was going long-distance and we'd be better of as friends. He said fine. We emailed for another two years- daily-and I figured we were close friends. Then he dropped out of contact and I thought maybe he was dating and didn't want to jeopardise things with his girl and wanted her to feel secure...that was just me guessing.

Last year he gets in touch. We mail half a year, and he asks me to visit and make a go of it again. I figured he was one of my best friends and maybe I was just intolerant. I say yes. He says great when. I ask how see these dates and he days no he wants to hang out with his friends then, so I ask when is best. He goes ' hi, am busy and stressed, would just prefer to hangout with my friend.. Then he goes silent for three months.

More than feeling hurt by him as a guy, I felt hurt as a friend. Forward to this year and he gets in touch as though nothing happened.
friends `...

Replies

  • reasnableblonde
    reasnableblonde Posts: 212 Member
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    My advice? Ditch him - don't call, don't text, don't reply to his emails. Don't answer his calls. He needs a therapist, not a girlfriend. Sounds like he's treating you like crap to make himself feel better. Do not want.
  • flying_inside
    flying_inside Posts: 67 Member
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    He has connection issues. Nothing to do w/you. However, since you're a lady and you have a history, I recommend you leave him be. This way, he can sort out his stuff & find his own comfort and you won't be someone to blame. Best of luck, know this stuff isn't easy.
  • flying_inside
    flying_inside Posts: 67 Member
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    My advice? Ditch him - don't call, don't text, don't reply to his emails. Don't answer his calls. He needs a therapist, not a girlfriend. Sounds like he's treating you like crap to make himself feel better. Do not want.

    Yes.
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,211 Member
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    Yea, dump him. Life is too short for that kind of grief!
  • rompers16
    rompers16 Posts: 5,404 Member
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    Don't settle. There is someone out there who will treat you much, much better.
  • libbymcbain
    libbymcbain Posts: 206 Member
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    Ditch him. He's picking you up and putting you down with no concern for your feelings. He is treating you badly. He does this repeatedly. Just gently forget about him, dont answer his calls or emails and don't make any of your own.
  • bettacheckyoself
    bettacheckyoself Posts: 570
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    I don't know if I understood everything....but I think this person might be immature and selfish? if so, unfriend them unless you like the drama. Friendship shouldn't be one sided.....
  • FitChicFab2013
    FitChicFab2013 Posts: 80
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    On my computer now - so hopefully my post will be a lot clearer.

    I did find his behaviour selfish and immature when we dated, when we were just friends it felt a lot less confusing and he was almost a different person, but now his behaviour is even more odd and initially I was really concerned about him, but now I think he just treats people poorly when he's in a strop, and then goes and hides away hoping they don't bring it up the next time.

    Think this has taken up a lot more of my headspace than it ought to have. My gut was telling me to move on.

    Thank you.
  • coffee_rocks
    coffee_rocks Posts: 275 Member
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    Life is too short to wait around for a sod like this. Find a guy that wants to spend time with you, treasures you, thinks you are the most important thing in the world, and makes you feel like you are truly wanted and appreciated. That's how I treat my wife and we've been married for over 21 years. Love her more each and every day.

    Being alone is better than being used like a yo-yo.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    uh huh....

    tumblr_m2ps2bAK221qexy85.gif
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
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    You know what to do...but here it is anyway.
    As so many have said, sever the relationship totally.
    This guy is pulling your string.
  • FitChicFab2013
    FitChicFab2013 Posts: 80
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    He has connection issues. Nothing to do w/you. However, since you're a lady and you have a history, I recommend you leave him be. This way, he can sort out his stuff & find his own comfort and you won't be someone to blame. Best of luck, know this stuff isn't easy.

    Thanks, I hadn't realised that I somehow managed to duplicate my thread. Responded on the other thread to the responses there.

    Totally, this is what I suspected. When he was hot and cold in our relationship I ended things because I was clear about what I did and didn't want. That we were friends for a couple of years after that is what made me start to forget what it was like being in that hot/cold place. It's interesting that you mention "you won't be someone to blame." because I decided to not respond when he contacted me and he sent an even longer e-mail which basically makes out that his father is to blame for why he was acting like an *kitten*...I mean this guy is in his thirties and the e-mail is a pretty immature rant. Thinking back I know he often blames his friends for stuff too.

    I was really knocked down by his behaviour, but I feel better. Have just accepted a dinner date with someone new for next week. Nervous, but kind of excited too!
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    sounds like he had emotional issues.

    i'd put him the ditch pile
  • Donica_Marie
    Donica_Marie Posts: 64 Member
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    Ditch him seems like he doesnt know what he wants and just going to keep hurting you by disappearing
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    JBU
  • housenoob
    housenoob Posts: 34 Member
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    this guy sounds like a piece of work. does not seem worth it. if he was moody then he'll probably be moody again. it seems like you have definite feelings and so does he which is why i would avoid any contact or friendship. i think it could be a relationship but a very messy terrible one to escape. my answer is ditch the friendship stay away from him

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