Dealing With Others

ssitari
ssitari Posts: 13
edited September 20 in Health and Weight Loss
Hey Guys,

I've been dieting steadily for almost 8 years now (dropped a total of 115 pounds thus far) and I am within 9 pounds of having a healthy BMI for the first time in....honestly, I'd have to say EVER!

The one thing I've noticed a LOT recently, is how people react when I try to eat healthy. I consistently get told I am not "living" if I don't order a plate of disco fries at a diner (it's a NJ thing, look it up!). I am also busted when I substitute a salad for fries, or hold the mayo on a sandwich.

I honestly don't care because I am doing this for my health and no one elses, but I am curious how you (other people in my situation) deal with those who almost look down upon eating healthy.

Sure, I could preach about how much I've lost and how I am making the right decisions -- but it seems like I'm talking to a brick wall. Almost like I should feel ashamed for how I eat (which I certainly am NOT!)

Anyways, I would love to hear some of your stories in dealing with these situations...

Thanks!

Replies

  • durbanski
    durbanski Posts: 183 Member
    I say to each his or her own. For some sacrifice is relative. A donut missed or a cheese frie uneaten is the divot out of an extra chin I say.
  • simona1972
    simona1972 Posts: 355 Member
    Congrats on the HUGE weight loss! That's fantastic!

    I honestly just tell people I dont feel well if I eat that junk. They tend to leave me alone after a while. I find that people who comment all the time do so because they often feel guilty about how they eat and want everyone to eat the same garbage. Dont cave in. Just do your own thing. You dont owe anyone an explanation.

    I HAD to comment on the Disco fries thing....in Canada it's called Poutine! We love 'em here! I was floored the first time I heard them called Disco fries. I nearly fell off my seat laughing. Gotta love cultural differences :)
  • rosy54
    rosy54 Posts: 46
    Quite frankly, it's really nobody's business but your own! If you didn't ask their opinion, they shouldn't give it. It has happened to me many times and I think one of the best ways to deal with it is to just 'smile and nod' ~ good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • nsking83
    nsking83 Posts: 145
    Unfortunately, I used to be one of those people :embarassed:

    So, coming from the "other side" of that, I'll tell you why they do it. THEY want to go ahead and indulge in "disco fries" (never been to NJ, sounds like something I should try someday!), knowing how bad they are for them, but not wanting any reminder of what they "should" be eating. It's a lot more fun to eat with your friends knowing you're all consuming stupid amounts of calories together, rather than one person being the reminder of what the healthy route is.

    But hang in there! Eventually you'll rub off on one of them.........OR, in my case, you'll just outgrow those friends, since clearly they don't have your best interests at heart!
  • Yurippe
    Yurippe Posts: 850 Member
    I don't eat things I don't like. Everything that goes in my mouth is something I enjoy.

    When I make the choice not to eat something I do so for one of two reasons:
    1. I don't like it!
    2. It isn't worth it to me because I'd rather eat 8 more things throughout the day and still be within my goals.

    Anyone that gets in my face and tells me I'm wrong for making all the right choices is going to get an ear full about what's wrong with their choices. See how they like it. (wow I'm vindictive)
  • candicecumbie
    candicecumbie Posts: 39
    Misery loves company. Your friends are feeling guilty for what they are eating and want you to join them. It is also true that you tend to eat the way others around you eat. Keep eating healthy and maybe they will follow your example. I know I have a friend that overeats and when we get together I eat way more than I should because I feel if he is eating that much, the little bit extra I am eating is not really that bad. If you can go with them and continue to make healthy decisions you are a STRONG person and don't let anyone change that or make you feel guilty or pressured because of it.
  • LadyLawJHF
    LadyLawJHF Posts: 13
    Wow, honestly, congragulations on your weight loss so far. What an achievement!

    As for how I deal with the stigma of other people's ideals, I would say that I just talk about how it is a personal choice not to eat unhealthy and that we all have to follow the path that best fits our attitudes. My family sometimes looks at me weird when I ask for an extra salad, or an extra serving of broccoli instead of the high starch items that are standard in most resteraunts meals. My husband is very supportive of my choices and is always trying to figure out ways to work within my diet, but it is also very difficult. My best advice is to shrug your shoulders, and say 'To each their own'. Keep up the great attitude that you have about not carring what others think. Preaching does us no good, those who want eat the high calorie items will continue to do so until they are ready to make a change for the better.

    Good Luck and keep up the great work!
  • jcm214
    jcm214 Posts: 157
    My coworkers sorta do the same thing to me. I've only lost 8 pounds but I've just started and I'm really proud. This is hard work, we all know that, we all have cravings that we have to fight. They love to come tell me what they are ordering for lunch and "do you want to order something?" or " there is REALLY good cake in the kitchen." It isn't as bad as it was when I first started (I haven't had fast food in about 3 months) so they are learning not to ask.

    But I agree with the others who say that they don't want to eat their junk food by themselves because they know it is crap food. They also see how great we are all doing and how great we feel and I think, honestly, they might not know it but they sometimes want to sabotage that. Misery loves company.

    Stay strong, you are doing great!!!
  • arfletcher
    arfletcher Posts: 143
    I know exactly what you mean! I think that for alot of people it makes them uncomfortable... they know that they shouldnt have the fries drowning in gravy and cheese, but they just dont want to think about it! Its kind of like a smoker who knows that they need to quit but just doesnt think about it so they never have to...

    I have had people actually apologize to me because of what they have ordered for dinner when we've been out! I have also had people try to point out that "cutting" foods out of your diet isnt healthy - If they make me sick then not eating them is the healthiest thing I can do!

    I like to think of it as a study in human behavior! :laugh:

    Dont let them bug you!! What you are doing is best for YOU!

    And congrats on the loss!! :drinker:
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 22,247 Member
    Sometimes well-meaning people think they're doing you a favor by encouraging you to "live a little" and don't worry about what you're eating "just this once." I thank them sincerely and tell them this is something that's very important to me.
  • mlv333
    mlv333 Posts: 86 Member
    I know exactly what you mean. Really??? Eating lard is living??? Hon, you have no idea what living is then :0) I can only imagine what you are going through. I only lost 50 lbs. People kept telling me (while I was still overweight) it's not healthy to lose weight. The BMI is just unreasonable. I'm thinking WHAT? I attribute it to jealousy and fear, b/c they would never put in the effort. Good for you, and keep skipping the mayo. Living healthy and active, now that is living.
  • coniconstance
    coniconstance Posts: 321 Member
    First, way to go on the weight loss and commitment. That is just amazing and I'm super proud of you, really. Second.. disco fries.. did I need to learn another way to add fat to my already fatty starch choice, maybe could of kept that secret in NJ, JK. And lastly.. it is hard to say just don't listen to them because you are proving every day you are making all the right choices.. but you are. Just think back to all those, "Just say No" campaigns when you were a kid. There is good and bad peer pressure.. obviously the good you are reading here.. and the bad you are hearing. You know which one you should be listening to. So keep on rockin off those pounds!
  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
    I get alot of this from my dad and my husband (who is VERY overweight) and I've gotten pissy about it lately. So now when I order a salad and someone make a comment I typically respond with something to the effect of, "well, as soon as I feel like killing myself with a cheeseburger and french fries, I'll let you order for me."

    People don't get it.
  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
    I admire your dedication. My husband and son eat pizzas about every night. My husband lately keeps asking if I want a bite. I know he likes the new smaller and healthier me but I think it makes him feel bad that he's eating that stuff when I don't. He keeps telling me not to go crazy with diet and fitness. I think that maybe as I get healthier, he's not feeling so good about his own fitness. Keep it up. I'm sure your friends aren't looking down on you. They probably just wish they had your willpower.
  • ssitari
    ssitari Posts: 13
    Wow! Thanks a lot guys! I am glad that we are all in the same boat here. I apologize too, for those that don't know "Disco Fries" are french fries covered in melted cheese and brown gravy.

    Now when people tell me I need to "live a little" -- one of my recent responses was "I lived a LOT, and that's what got me to 315 pounds, now I am living healthy." It usually gets laughed at or shrugged off, but I feel proud to say those things, and hope that a few of my larger friends may take my advice and run with it for themselves.

    I also tried some mind games with them. When I first started my diet, I was 23 years old (I am 32 now). I would ALWAYS raise my hand to be the designated driver. I figured, I could still go out, but then I had an obligation not to drink -- and little did everyone else know -- they were supporting my diet by "letting" me be the DD.

    Then I injected some humor into it. We'd goto the diner late at night -- everyone would order bacon cheeseburgers and disco fries, and I would order a cold cereal with banana (hold the cold cereal). Usually made the waitress laugh, and was a GREAT conversation piece, everyone eating their fried foods, and mr. DD eating his banana (or fruit cup or something like that). But it was all good - they were drunk, so I never paid. :) haha!

    Seriously though -- thank you for responses -- it's great to see that others struggle with something that should be embraced. I never understood why our mentality as a society is to blast those that are eating healthy...It's sad that people can't just live and let live (esp your closest friends and family!)
  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
    I do have cheats every now and then. I must admit. I must also admit that eating bad food now makes me feel lousy. I realize that I was feeling lousy a lot before I started taking care of myself. I feel like I'm really just now living. I can have the bad stuff every now and then, but doing it on a daily basis just really isn't worth it. I feel younger, stronger, and better than I have in years.
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