It shouldn't matter, but it does
lrgarza82
Posts: 35 Member
I hate being fat. I feel like it steals so much from a person. Yesterday was my brother's engagement party, and leading up to it was the most awful thing. Since giving birth to my son, none of my clothes fit. I never really invested much money into maternity wear because I wrongly assumed when the baby was born, I would magically return to my pre-pregnant self by breastfeeding like all my other mom friends did. Apparently, my body is not like everyone else's, and the pounds are sticking to me.Shopping for the party was agony. I went to 7 different shops before finding something half-way decent to wear. I looked like an old, fat mom in it! The party itself was a blissfully happy disaster. I was surrounded by skinny, model like women, vying for the camera's attention. Then there I was, hiding behind my baby and shying away from the camera because I didn't want my extra rolls immortalized.
I feel like being fat has stolen so much from me. It shouldn't matter, because I have a great son, I was pregnant so its okay, and the event was not about me. But it does. All I can see are opportunities escaping me because I have cellulite on my legs and my arms are huge.
I'm so sad and depressed about it all. I try going to the gym and working out and I'm starting to get more diligent with my diet. I just feel its such a long road to go down and there hasn't been much encouragement to even take the first step.
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Take that energy and turn it into motivation. You see now what you don't want in your body - so work towards changing it. I know it seems like a long road, but set small goals for yourself. I was once in your shoes, and I set small goals. 10 pounds down, another 10 pounds...
You can do it if you set your mind to it. Have you ever tried Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred? It's free on YouTube, and a great workout. I lost a lot of inches doing it my first time.0 -
The first step is always the hardest. It's much easier when you have someone helping you. If your partner isn't helping then I would suggest workout out with a friend or doing something I think always works: Buy a home workout like P90X. Tony Horton (the trainer in the DVDs) is truly inspirational and highly motivating.
Good luck!0 -
Weight loss is a journey not a sprint. You can do it if you want it bad enough. I always thought the weight was sticking to me too until I started logging every single thing I ate and realized just how much I was actually consuming on a daily basis. If you need some motivation feel free to add me. I try to give encouragement as often as I can. Good luck and stay positive. Negativity will just pull you down.0
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I'm so sad and depressed about it all. I try going to the gym and working out and I'm starting to get more diligent with my diet. I just feel its such a long road to go down and there hasn't been much encouragement to even take the first step.
Bravo on taking the first steps even without the encouragement of others. I would encourage you to draw power from your wonderful role as a mother. Not only are you on a path to become fit and healthy and so enable you to live well and support you son as he grows up, but you will also be an example to him of what drawing on inner resources, setting goals and progressing them mean etc. etc.
When it comes to the gym, do you have any kind of program to follow? Good news is that exercise itself is proven to have positive benefits , to moderate sadness and depression. I've recently learned that exercise should be fun, and rewarding in itself. When it comes to running I think of these words:
“Think Easy, Light, Smooth, and Fast. You start with easy, because if that’s all you get, that’s not so bad. Then work on light. Make it effortless… When you’ve practiced that so long that you forget you’re practicing, you work on making it smooooooth. You won’t have to worry about the last one – you get those three, and you’ll be fast.”0 -
It seriously pains me to read how you are struggling with yourself Lrgarza. I don't know you but I can tell you beyond a doubt, you are a beautiful and worthy woman just as you are this very moment. Sadly, I imagine a majority of people suffer the same feelings as you and I too can certainly relate to not being satisfied with the current state of my body. However, YOU are just as worthy and awesome now as you were before you brought your baby into this world. I'd even venture to say you are more so. You are more than your body and you are awesome. I wish you total success on your quest to bring yourself to whatever place allows you to love you again because, again, you are worthy of no less. One day at a time. you got this!0
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Sorry you are having such a hard time. It can be a tough road. How new is the baby? Could you be experiencing some post pardom depression making it harder? You may want to discuss that possibility with your doc if it might be.0
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It seriously pains me to read how you are struggling with yourself Lrgarza. I don't know you but I can tell you beyond a doubt, you are a beautiful and worthy woman just as you are this very moment. Sadly, I imagine a majority of people suffer the same feelings as you and I too can certainly relate to not being satisfied with the current state of my body. However, YOU are just as worthy and awesome now as you were before you brought your baby into this world. I'd even venture to say you are more so. You are more than your body and you are awesome. I wish you total success on your quest to bring yourself to whatever place allows you to love you again because, again, you are worthy of no less. One day at a time. you got this!
Wow, those are such kind and motivating words from a stranger. You rock!0 -
Of course it matters and the good news is every day is a new chance to make a change. You've found a great place for information and support. You can do this! One day at a time. :-)0
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It took you 9 months to put the weight on, give yourself 9 months to take it off. I told myself I would do this for just a year. The year is going to pass, whether I did something or not so I said why not? What I was doing before wasn't making me magically skinny, so I figured i'd try something else. Its been 9 months and I'm almost 70 pounds lighter. Just doing it gets it done and before you know it, you've hit the finish line. I see you've already lost almost 20 pounds, it seems you're headed in the right direction.0
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I went through the same thing after I had my son. And trust me, the fact that you're taking the initiative like this, and actually doing something, despite the depression and sadness, is something to be commended. Just stick with it. It took me 2 years to lose the 80 lbs I gained after pregnancy, and I waited years to address it.
Make your health a priority and know that this is a temporary state of sadness and low self worth. Once you see changes in your body, it will feel so good, and make you want to do more.
Best of luck to you. :flowerforyou:0 -
I've had a lot of those feelings in the past and still really struggle with parties. Have ducked out of a few over Xmas.. As I have to be on the right frame of mind for it!
You are extremely pretty in your picture. Your weight doesn't change the fact that your a great person and deserve happiness. I, also. Wonder if you have some post natal depression. May be worth having a talk with your doctor.
Well done for taking the first step. This does get easier. You can't out train a bad diet... Starting to log your food will help a lot. Make sure you get enough in, if your breast feeding though.
Good luck on your journey... Log in every day... Log your food... And keep positive. Your baby needs a happy mummy. X0 -
I hate being fat. I feel like it steals so much from a person. Yesterday was my brother's engagement party, and leading up to it was the most awful thing. Since giving birth to my son, none of my clothes fit. I never really invested much money into maternity wear because I wrongly assumed when the baby was born, I would magically return to my pre-pregnant self by breastfeeding like all my other mom friends did. Apparently, my body is not like everyone else's, and the pounds are sticking to me.
Shopping for the party was agony. I went to 7 different shops before finding something half-way decent to wear. I looked like an old, fat mom in it! The party itself was a blissfully happy disaster. I was surrounded by skinny, model like women, vying for the camera's attention. Then there I was, hiding behind my baby and shying away from the camera because I didn't want my extra rolls immortalized.
I feel like being fat has stolen so much from me. It shouldn't matter, because I have a great son, I was pregnant so its okay, and the event was not about me. But it does. All I can see are opportunities escaping me because I have cellulite on my legs and my arms are huge.
I'm so sad and depressed about it all. I try going to the gym and working out and I'm starting to get more diligent with my diet. I just feel its such a long road to go down and there hasn't been much encouragement to even take the first step.
My baby is 7...and I still have 50lbs to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. At 5'2" tall, every roll shows.
Be consistent with the gym, and you WILL see results. I have only lost 33lbs in 11 months at the gym--the last 4 months I have only lost about a pound a month even though I am no where NEAR my goal, and nothing changed.
I've been posting this picture a lot recently, because to me it shows how far I have come without the scale moving much.
gray top pics by crochetmom2010, on Flickr
the picture on the left is 2009, and I weighed 188-199lbs. I wore a 42DD bra, and size 16/18 pants. Life happened, and I gained more weight, going up to my all time high of 228lbs in February.
The picture on the right is just last month. I weighed 196lbs. I am wearing the exact same grey tank, but a size 38C bra, and size 12/14 shorts. I still have a belly, but it doesn't look like a saggy behind anymore. I have arm and shoulder muscles, and much smaller legs. This journey is going to take me a second year, but that is OK.0 -
I know how that feels. I lost 10+ years of my life from exactly that. I agree though use it as motivation to make change. Take it day by day and eventually things will work themselves out!!0
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I didn't have a baby but gained 70 pounds through emotional eating - 8 years ago! Self-hatred is stealing more from you than the weight, I think. :flowerforyou: I've been there, and it's awful. Just know that your weight has nothing to do with the kind of person you are or how 'worthy' you are. Don't let your weight hold you back from doing things you love and enjoying every minute. Don't think for a second that you just can't enjoy yourself until you hit goal or else when you get there, you may find some other reason to feel self-conscious (this exact thing happened to me when I was younger).
On a more practical note, you have to start somewhere. And you can do this, you are surrounded on this website by people who have succeeded. I'm only halfway to goal and the cellulite on my thighs and butt is almost gone. When I started, I was also starting to see some on my stomach and upper arms and it's completely gone. If your weight is preventing you from engaging fully in some physical activity you enjoy, let that motivate you, as well as getting healthy, looking better, and being active with your child.
When I joined MFP, I gave it one month to see if I could actually see results. I lost 9 pounds that first month, stuck with it, and then another 10 the month after. Each small win has been further motivation. My workouts at the beginning were bodyweight resistance training and a step aerobics dvd. I could do something like 10 squats, 5 pushups (on my knees), plank for 10 seconds. I could only do about 20 minutes of the dvd and had to take several breaks to catch my breath. Now I'm running 3+ miles at a time, squatting with weights at the gym, I can plank for 1 minute, I can do the whole 40 minutes of the step aerobics dvd with no breaks, etc. It's amazing to me how quick my progress has been.
It's tempting to set time goals but I have chosen not to do this. I'll get to goal when I get there - I have to do this my way and if going slower (especially since I've passed the halfway point) helps me KEEP the weight off, that's cool.0 -
Wow....I loved your story.You had me in tears.I respect your honesty so much. Based on your profile picture, you have a beautiful face. Even though I have never had a significant amount of weight to lose I think a lot of women can relate to your story. I'm sure the women at the party could obviously see that you just had a baby and were probably not even thinking about your appearance. We are our own worse critics. People telling you to go easy on yourself because you just had a baby or to give yourself some time does little to make a new mom feel any better. My kids are all in their 20's but I still remember how I felt after having them. Husbands do little to make you feel better because in their defense, they just don't get it. You are absolutely right when you say it shouldn't matter and it shouldn't. BUT our society and every women's clothing store says it does. Though it's perfectly normal to feel the way you feel "post baby" just don't stay there. You have to change the way you think. I have seen beautiful women in all shapes and sizes walk into a room and "own" it because they had confidence written all over them. They think they're beautiful and have a way of demanding everyone else to think they are as well. And it works. It's all in how you feel about yourself. When you feel bad about yourself that shows too. Trust me.....I can say this with true experience....."skinny ' girls go through the same thing. I can guarantee you that some of those girls felt the same way you did. Why do you think you always hear skinny girls say "I'm fat". As annoying as it is to hear them say that, they honestly feel that way. So yes they can "appear" like they got it all together but they are also comparing themselves with other women at the party to see how they measure up. It isn't fair that some women lose all their baby weight just by nursing. It isn't fair that some woman only gain 25lbs or less during pregnancy. It REALLY isn't fair that my best friend can literally eat whatever she wants and still have the most beautiful stomach ever and I just want to slap her because I have to watch what I eat and will probably never have a stomach like hers. But my dear friend.....it is what it is. We can't focus on what we aren't. It may seem like a long road ahead for you to reach your goal but so many others have done it and you can too. Take one day at a time. It's too overwhelming to look too far ahead. Keep going to the gym and eating healthy. The weight will come off. Set some small goals like adding more minutes to your cardio or trying a new vegetable that you never had before or increasing your water intake. Anything that will bring you closer to your goal and takes you out of your comfort zone.Promise yourself that you won't give up. Remember...your'e not doing this just for you. Some one else out there needs to hear your success story and you will be the perfect person to inspire and help them. One of my favorite quotes..."She thought she could. So she did". Just do it girl!0
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It seriously pains me to read how you are struggling with yourself Lrgarza. I don't know you but I can tell you beyond a doubt, you are a beautiful and worthy woman just as you are this very moment. Sadly, I imagine a majority of people suffer the same feelings as you and I too can certainly relate to not being satisfied with the current state of my body. However, YOU are just as worthy and awesome now as you were before you brought your baby into this world. I'd even venture to say you are more so. You are more than your body and you are awesome. I wish you total success on your quest to bring yourself to whatever place allows you to love you again because, again, you are worthy of no less. One day at a time. you got this!
^^^^ THIS. I completely agree. You can totally do this and MFP is a great support spot. One thing I learned that is very important to me is that I can forgive myself for missteps along the way - this will not happen overnight so I have to be patient. Best of luck to you!!!0 -
*hugs*0
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It wont be quick, but if you keep at it, you will succeed.0
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Babe I was in the same boat but it took me 11 long years before I did something about it. This site is wonderful and you can very quickly surround yourself with motivated and supportive people who will celebrate EVERY step towards your goal. Have sent you a friend request
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Some good advice here. Making new friends, especially moms losing baby weight is a great way to gain support. Then be active on the site often, even if you don't feel like you're progressing.
But the main motivator has to be you. I know it's cliched, but it's true. You have to get up, look in the mirror, say this is what I have to work with today, now I'm going out to spend some energy on me to make me better for tomorrow, and a week from now, and a month from now, and next year.
Set short term goals and mid-range goals and long term goals and be ready to adjust your timetable if you need to without being angry at yourself.
Most of all, don't let slip-ups, bad days, the blues, or anything else stop you. You probably are going to mess up. You probably are going to skip workouts and eat too much and then be mad at yourself for it. That's fine, just don't let it stop you from getting back to working on and for yourself.0 -
I can totally relate. feel free to add me. i'm still working on losing the baby weight and my daughter is 4 1/2. I also thought i'd get back into my clothes within 6 months after she was born. I had no idea how tired i would be.0
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Of course it matters. You have every right to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, baby or no.
Try establishing a reward for doing the work you have to do to change your body. Here is what I am doing: I get $10.00 for new clothing for every hour that I put into exercise, and that's good, solid exercise, not going through the motions. I get $5.00 for every day that I complete logging of exercise and diet. (I've got a notebook for keeping track.)
If your budget isn't as generous as mine, choose smaller amounts, but be sure to reward yourself for doing the work. Arriving at your goal, will, of course be the ultimate reward, but you need pay-offs along the way. Like you said, it's a long road.0 -
I"m so sorry you're feeling down in the dumps about yourself and how you look. I can honestly say I've been there done that etc. It hurts to not want to go to someones house, party, etc because you don't feel good about how you look and you're worried people are looking at you and thinking OMG what did she do to herself? I've even heard people say that behind my back. I would use the excuse that it was due to my MS and my husband would even defend me and say to them well if you had to do the steroid treatments and harsh meds she's had to do etc etc. Well I finally said enoughs enough this is gone on too long. I didn't like myself and didn't think I was worth being loved. Coming here is the first step. I only wish I would have done it long ago. I keep telling myself now what on earth took me so long!!
Keep telling yourself your worth it, your a beautiful person inside AND out!! So do this for you!! When you reach your goal weight celebrate! Set small goals and reward yourself. I set 10lb goals and will buy new clothes or get my hair done or go to see a movie. But don't reward with food. Do something for YOU!! This is the first for YOU thing and keep it going. Us moms are the last ones we take care of. You need to be healthy for yourself so that you can take care of your baby. You're going to want to get down on the floor and play with your baby AND be able to get back up again. You're going to want to go down that slide with your child and not get stuck!! Think of all the things you'll be able to do once you take off that weight and that will keep you going. Do this for YOU!!!0 -
When I had my first baby, I hated going anywhere without him, because if I had a newborn along, I could justify my fatter body by going, "See?! This is why I'm bigger, I just had a baby!" Not that anyone ever commented, but it was my mental argument against perceived judgment. So self-conscious! Now I'm just about down to pre-preg weight, and I have to take care of the damage I did without any help.
:sad:
But take a look at your ticker. 17lb. lost tells me you know how to do this, you've got it in the bag. That's a big accomplishment already! Chin up, girl. Enjoy healthy food, enjoy the workouts, and enjoy that precious little one, and try to get as much rest as you can. You'll need it. ((Hug)) :flowerforyou:0 -
Wow! Thank you all for the positive support and strong motivation Last night my husband hosted an MMA party, and there was temptation everywhere! 6 boxes of pizza (all looking stunningly delicious), two types of bufffalo wings, 4 different kinds of fries, and chips galore! All I could think about was "This HAD to happen right when I decided to go on a diet." I thought about delaying it for just 'one more day,' but guess how much I had? ZERO! I kept logging in and reading everyone's replies and instead of indulging, I left my son with my husband and went out for a long workout. When I got back, I was starving Instead of reaching for a slice of pizza, I grilled up some chicken and made a simple salade, then ate a pomegranate for desert. It was hard not to give in, and while I could totally have justified "just one bite," I felt like all of you were with me and didn't want to let ya'll down.
This issue I have with food is an addiction, just as deadly and just as tempting as other addictions I'm sure. Thanks for being there for me last night and for the encouraging words. I've started logging my food as ya'll suggested, and I do feel more in control of things by doing that. I thought I had an idea of how much I was intaking daily, but I can tell I was WAY off! It's crazy how those calories can add up and how simple foods (like saltine crackers) can be deceptively high in calories. I thought each cracker was only 1 or 2 calories. Boy was I wrong!
I guess all I have to say is, thank you!0
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