New Low

luckyforalltime
luckyforalltime Posts: 11 Member
in Motivation and Support
So 3yrs ago I got married to my Husband (been together a total of 8yrs now). And like a lot of women I had a bachelorette party. At that party a friend wrote her own lyrics to a song and "sang" it to me as a part of the festivities. Now I am from south, Texas to be exact, and some of our humor can be pretty darn raunchy - this song was no exception. It was videoed for memories, funny as all get out (at least to us), and we all went about our way.

Fast forward to today - this friend of mine who wrote/sang the song moved to Boston so I hadn't seen her in years and she was in town so we were visiting today. Unbeknownst to me, the song has goes viral on the internet (maybe not "viral" in the since that news stations have been picking it up but viral enough that I can Google 3 words - 2 of which are generic type words - and its in the top 3 results and been re-posted many times on different sites).

So what's my point? The comments of anonymous strangers about the "fat girl" in the video - aka ME, and Ive spent over an hour reading it. That's my new low. Some of them are SO incredibly mean (and violent for that matter on occasion). Three years ago when I got married I was only about 15lbs lighter than I am now, the extra 15 coming from my pregnancy and my son who is only 9mos old. Now I have a Psychology degree - I intellectually understand about how being anonymous brings out the worst in people because they don't have to be tied to what they are saying - this type of thing is in the textbooks. Doesn't make it feel one teeny tiny bit less hurtful.

So that's my pity party, and in the last month of using the community portion on MFP I have only come in contact with some of the most motivating and positive people I've ever met, and if any group of people could relate and understand, it would be the users of MFP. Thanks for reading.

Replies

  • all4my3boyz
    all4my3boyz Posts: 94 Member
    Not sure that "friend" would be my friend much longer. Who does that?
  • spm2010
    spm2010 Posts: 197 Member
    People are getting meaner and nastier every year, they somehow believe that they are perfect and have the right to put others down, makes me sick. The person can make nasty comments on someones weight but they must remember that that person can turn around and make some comments about them as well, I would if someone said nasty things to me. Its hard to ignore them, but try, their really not worth it.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    So sorry for you! I would be upset if this happened to me, too! It's just internet strangers being jerks, but unfortunately rude losers can still have an impact on how we feel about ourselves. Guess we're just wired that way.

    My advice is use it as motivation but in a good way. And see if you can get youtube to take it down.
  • Bridget0927
    Bridget0927 Posts: 438 Member
    Thats terrible im soo sorry.

    I think disclosures should need to be signed before any big eventy that said actions should not be videoed and if the action calls for it they can never be shared with anyone outside of thne parties involved.

    that being said it should be in the general girl code.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    The false anonymity of the internet some how allows folks to believe they can be petty, rude and immature.

    Sorry you're having to go through this.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    A foolish and silly song....put on the internet.....with unfavorable results.
    A bummer to be sure. I think you should let it go, and move on.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    The good news is you are still married to your hubby, the bad news is this girl is still a waste of space.

    It`s a win/win.

    Some people are just mean, celebrate your life and forget about her :smile:
  • Wendysworld13
    Wendysworld13 Posts: 225 Member
    It is so totally sad the state that the world is in today - Please don't look outside your life to find ANYTHING from strangers. Hopefully, here and in your life you surround yourself with positive, happy and HEALTHY people. People who make comments about others size, color, gender, sexuality, etc are small minded and need a lesson in looking at who they are.
    Are you happy with you? If you are or are working on the things that would make you happier and healthier then GOOD FOR YOU. Stop listening to the voices in your head echoed by meaningless nobodies who only have the balls to make rude, nasty and disparaging comments in the world of anonyminity. (I know its a spelling error, but I can't figure it out and spell check was useless!)
    Take care of you, and in 2013, make a resolution to take constructive criticism and just leave the bs to the bs'ers!

    Happy New Year
  • wittyusername
    wittyusername Posts: 55
    So sorry you had to read those ****ty comments hun ((hugs)) but the type of people who write stuff like that do it deliberately to try & provoke a reaction & they are honestly not worth your energy or tears so try to put it behind you x
  • ChinniP
    ChinniP Posts: 166 Member
    Ok ... how many are trying to google the video. :(
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    I think people are misunderstanding.

    The OP has no problem with the friend.

    OP is upset reading the hateful comments anonymous people made about her when they saw her in the video.

    And hey, any of us would be. Sorry you had to see that, OP. People who suck will never change, but at least our bodies are something we can do something about. :flowerforyou:
  • auddii
    auddii Posts: 15,357 Member
    The internet is an interesting place. You can "know" people and find support, but you can also be anonymous and pass judgement on everyone else. It's amazing how cruel people can be because it's just posted to a page and not speaking to someone's face. That said, it seems like humanity is a judgmental species, whether we're looking at others or ourselves in the mirror. We're hard on ourselves, and we're hard on others. It's amazing how many times I hear someone say to me (and not to the person) "oh, there's so much woman in that sweater" or "she's so skinny, she needs to eat something!" It's funny that it goes both ways too; I think it's because people aren't happy with themselves, and they somehow feel better by thinking less of someone else.

    I was looking up some of Adele's music on youtube because I love her music, and I'd say the majority of comments were not about the music at all, but about her weight and how she is a horrible role model for young women.

    At some point, you have to stop caring what everyone else thinks, and learn to love yourself. If you feel you need to be healthier, then take steps to make that happen, but then love yourself for wanting and working to improve yourself. Everyone else can suck it.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    One question....what are YOU going to do about your "New Low"?
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    You can internalize it or you can stop looking it up and reading about it. You're just one of many random targets for a bunch of lonely people hiding behind keyboards, trying to make themselves feel better about themselves and their own muffin tops. I am sure these are not supermodels themselves writing the comments, so think of that.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    I can promise you that everyone who commented is at least 40lbs heavier than you.
  • JingleMuffin
    JingleMuffin Posts: 543 Member
    As soon as something is on the internet it can never be taken off.. so thats kinda scary. people are wild on the internet. people who say mean things like the anonymously really are messed. up inside or for other reasons. sorry love
  • rompers16
    rompers16 Posts: 5,404 Member
    You can ask your friend to make it private..although I understand that doesn't help you now. I'm going to give you a positive comment to negate the ones you read. I think you have a very pretty smile :)
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    I think people are misunderstanding.

    The OP has no problem with the friend.

    OP is upset reading the hateful comments anonymous people made about her when they saw her in the video.

    And hey, any of us would be. Sorry you had to see that, OP. People who suck will never change, but at least our bodies are something we can do something about. :flowerforyou:

    Thank you, I thought I had missed something.

    OP, sorry you are going through this right now. I would be willing to bet that 99% of the people commenting weight more than you or are just about the same size.

    Use it as your motivation but realize it is not about you but about them not being satisfied with their own life and having to put someone else down to make themselves feel better. :flowerforyou:
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    YouTube is one of the worst places for comments on the entire internet. Reading it may actually lower your IQ. Step away from the YouTube.
  • luckyforalltime
    luckyforalltime Posts: 11 Member
    I think people are misunderstanding.

    The OP has no problem with the friend.

    OP is upset reading the hateful comments anonymous people made about her when they saw her in the video.

    And hey, any of us would be. Sorry you had to see that, OP. People who suck will never change, but at least our bodies are something we can do something about. :flowerforyou:

    Exactly. I have no problem with the friend who sang it. It's actually a friend of hers that posted it and it obviously took off from there.
  • luckyforalltime
    luckyforalltime Posts: 11 Member
    Thanks for the encouraging words everyone! I've stopped reading all the comments now but havent stopped thinking about it. I'm definitely going to use this as motivation (or as much as I can anyway) and really start trying to focus. Ive been half way doing MFP for almost a month - its time to be serious.
  • JosieJo2000
    JosieJo2000 Posts: 162 Member
    YouTube is one of the worst places for comments on the entire internet. Reading it may actually lower your IQ. Step away from the YouTube.

    Completely agree!!

    Sometimes I'll come across a cute vid with a kid doing something lovely and then along come the hate posts....just small people who make themselves feel better by being nasty behind the veil of internet anonymity.

    And I'm from Australia - our humour is completely inappropriate and "raw" lol. My internet friends in the Bible belt laugh...but blush at the same time!

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