My Brick Wall Theory - emotional tool

ChristineS_51
ChristineS_51 Posts: 872 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi
I just posted about my BRICK WALL THEORY on someone's post and thought others might like to see it.

Rage against something out of our control I can understand. I developed what I call my "BRICK WALL THEORY" - it was to do with a particularly nasty socio-pathic person who was making my life, and my husband's life a misery and I have used the same idea ever since for other things or people who annoy me. Not sure if it works for a physical thing, but it's attitude of mind so it might help? (I wish I could bottle this theory and sell it on e-bay)!!

The relief when you stop focusing on this bad thing is incredible.

Basically the person (thing, event, issue) is THERE (like a brick wall)
This person (thing, event, issue) is a BRICK WALL - it doesn't have emotion; it can't bend; it can't (or won't) change; it can't care about you no matter how hard you try, no matter how nice, angry, caring you are
Because a BRICK WALL can't care about you - and this is the key - DON'T WASTE PRECIOUS EMOTIONAL ENERGY ON A BRICK WALL
You can walk alongside a brick wall; you can work beside a brick wall, you can echo to a brick wall - but it will never change.
Use your precious emotional energy on people you care about - because they will care back.

Hope this helps others :smile:

Replies

  • ValentineMomma
    ValentineMomma Posts: 51 Member
    That's an awesome analogy!I love it.I'm very visual...I know the next time I think of people on my life who give me trouble....I will visualize the brick wall...they are the hard headed bricks. Lol!
  • luvmydog2
    luvmydog2 Posts: 243 Member
    :wink: Well said ....Its your thoughts that make you feel ... So by changing the way you think will change the way you feel ! :happy:
  • DebraYvonne
    DebraYvonne Posts: 632 Member
    brilliant - I love it!
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
    Thanks for posting. Extremely interesting concept. :flowerforyou:
  • Betterdaily
    Betterdaily Posts: 11 Member
    Great advice,...your analogy is truly relatable for me when I think about some coworkers. It applies most to them ....at least for me because in our personal lives we can choose who we spend time with,....not so in our work environments.
  • pepeleo
    pepeleo Posts: 48 Member
    Very good!
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    I really like this, thank you :)
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,628 Member
    Thanks for sharing ........

    My hubby's cousin makes my life a living hell ....... she's dumber than a rock, makes horrible decisions, and constantly wants his help to "fix things" ...... right now she's in trouble for embezzling $$ ....... duhhhh .......

    I'd like to pop her right in the nose ....... it wouldn't change anything ........ but I'd certainly feel better :laugh:

    Happy New Year !
  • missysmission777
    missysmission777 Posts: 82 Member
    This is true.. We've all had people to hurt us and walls go up but what if God built walls against us everytime we hurt Him. I would have a long journey and climb to get to Him. Boy have I had my share of hurts but What about this.. What if we were all Christ-Like & forgive others.. See if this makes any sense.. ????????


    (Like the Great Wall of China), walls between people are constructed little by little; one brick at a time.  There is typically a pattern in how the bricks are laid.  Frequently, it begins with an offense.  The offender may or may not be aware.  The one who is offended often responds with an emotional reaction of fear, sadness, hurt, anger or disappointment.  At times, the one who was offended avoids or emotionally withdraws from the offender.  The offended also becomes an offender either unintentionally or intentionally. Thus, a brick is put in place.  The cycle continues and gradually the wall is built, brick by brick.  Since each one can only see their side of the wall, they blame the other for the strain in the relationship. It does not take long for an emotional wall to be built between two people that could rival the Great Wall of China.

    Once the wall has been built, the only way for it to be torn down is through forgiveness.  It is only by forgiving that true healing can begin.  The thought of forgiving can be a real stumbling block. The difficulty is due, in part, to misconceptions of what forgiveness really means.  Forgiveness means to pardon, to no longer blame, or be angry with someone who had offended you.  Forgiveness is not the same as agreeing with the offender.  It is not saying, "I agree with your actions that hurt me;" but rather forgiving is agreeing with God that we are all sinners and fall short of perfection. We all need a savior and all need forgiveness.  Forgiving is not the same as trusting the offender.  If one offends us greatly it does not necessarily mean that we will trust the offender immediately.  However, forgiving is trusting in God, that He will set everything right, in His time.  Forgiving is not the same as permitting the offender to continue doing you wrong. Forgiving is permitting God to heal the wounds.

    The saying "time heals all wounds" is inaccurate. Time alone does not heal any relationship.  It is forgiveness that heals.  Through God we can forgive others because He first forgave us.  God sits on His throne ready to forgive us and ready to help us forgive others.  We do not need to do it alone.  He is right there.  God's intention for us to forgive is best described in Paul's letter to the Colossians.  Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

    ~~LOVE & BELIEVE~~
    Missy ????????????
  • ChristineS_51
    ChristineS_51 Posts: 872 Member
    Hi Missy :smile:
    My theory is for those things or people that don't care - I am definitely not saying do it to everyone who hurts you, but it's a way of dealing with some people.

    You could "forgive" them but they wouldn't even know it, they have so little compassion for others that they don't even "see" you as a person - that sort of thing; they wouldn't care if you forgave them or not!
  • Anamika703
    Anamika703 Posts: 202 Member
    Beautifully put... makes sense too :)
  • missysmission777
    missysmission777 Posts: 82 Member
    Hi Christine,
    I "totally" understand & understood this theory but at lease you "forgiving" them FREES you whether or not they care or not if you forgave them. It frees you... I totally get the building walls, I've had my share of walls built but forgiving them is when I was truly set FREE... ????????????????????????
  • KettydeDios
    KettydeDios Posts: 125 Member
    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,038 Member
    Hi Missy :smile:
    My theory is for those things or people that don't care - I am definitely not saying do it to everyone who hurts you, but it's a way of dealing with some people.

    You could "forgive" them but they wouldn't even know it, they have so little compassion for others that they don't even "see" you as a person - that sort of thing; they wouldn't care if you forgave them or not!

    My husband and I have a brickwall in a family member. We forgave the brickwall, but now that brickwall is not part of our "inner circle". We acknowledge that brickwall, we forgive that brick wall, we pray for that brickwall. but we don't invite that brickwall to our home or send birthday or christmas presents. But we will not open ourselves up to be hurt emotionally, financially or physically by that brickwall again. period. Forgive, but see it for what it is.. great analogy by original poster. Thanks!
  • RVfrog
    RVfrog Posts: 213 Member
    good point Missy, It is hard but it is true.

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