South Beach Diet Take 2

The last time I was seriously on the South Beach Diet I lost a massive amount of weight. I decided to stay on phase 1 the no carbs rule for what turned out to be so long I cant tell you. I remember the first time my mother said have a little brown rice about 3 months into my diet (and she is supportive and my rock so this isnt her fault or mine) brown carbs are good brown rice low carb whole wheat wraps. I know this now but then I didnt. It took me about 20 minutes staring at those 2 teaspoons of brown rice on my plate, but like someone with an eating disorder (and I say this cause I worked 13 months interning at an eating disorder unit in a hospital with the patients 3 meals a day) I could not get myself to put even a kernel in my mouth. Maybe its because I had a feeling, something I know now as my gut. If I put a little carbs in my mouth at some point I will cave crash and burn and will fall off the wagon. Well I dont remember when exactly it happended I believe it was on a trip to the Middle East where I treated myself to a taste ot the local foods, but eventually I crashed not as bad as before but if I didnt do something I would get to a place I never want to go. Last January 7, 2009 I started on here. I did a modified south beach cause I knew I couldnt give up those carbs for fear of recrashing. I decided I would allow myself brown rice and those low carb tortillas and wraps. I also did something diferent then the last South Beach diet I did - I exercised. I mean consistently I walked 5 days a week for at least 30 minutes. I was able to get over 1 hour of walking in eventually and lost about 13 pounds. However as many of us do I hit a plateu. A big fat plaeu that never ended no matter what I did. That occured in April. i did not give up. I did however think if I tricked my body into thinking I was eating crap again it would motivate my body to lose the weight. HA that didnt happen, but at least i was consistent with my exercise. And then during the summer ironically because of the treadmill I fracture two toes and could not walk for weeks. CRAP!!! And that was it bye bye exercise hello gaining weight back. (Not all, not even close. but enough to know I need to seriously think things over)
Yesterday I had lets call it an epiphany it was the exact same time I had started the first try of the South Beach Diet. And with all this knowledge and now it documented on here for me to come back to. And with summer and my birthday right around the corner I am doing this, I am doing this for me for my healthy for my future and for what I know. I am 26 years old not obese not close but heavy enough that I feel like crap about myself and it doesnt help I have a sister who looks like Twiggy works in a bakery and can eat the all the contents of that bakery and still look gorgeous in a bikini. But I am doing this for me cause I think my self esteem and my life can change if I feel good about myself and I know this will happen once I can look in the mirror and be happy with myself. I am also graduating from graduate school in june in hopes to be a social worker, I live in New York City and intern and am in school full time (this year my hours are crazy but thankfully the weather is getting nicer and the sun is out later so I can walk after work if need be)

So yesterday I started phase 1 of the South Beach Diet all over again. No carbs and I will continue to do the no carb thing as long as it takes I dont know for how many weeks I was thinking until June but Im a realist. If I feel the need for carbs I now know that 2 teaspoons or even two tablespoons of brown rice (real spoons not my old version of them) wont kill me. That a whole wheat wrap wont sabotage my diet as long as its filled with healthy measure items. I will get back outside or on the treadmill and walk for at least 30 minutes at least 3 days a week. And hopefully with the support from all of you wonderful people I can finally at last reach my goal (there is no actual number but they make you put it on here, personally when my stomache is flat and tones when my fact isnt so round and ther rest of me is toned when my clothes fit me without me checking to see if I look ok in what im wearing) then I will be ok. But when that happends I know it is only the begining because this is a lifestyle change not a diet and I must continue doing this forever.


Thank you for listening to my rant i know it was long but it helped to get it all out there.


XOXO

Turtle (cause slow and steady I hope to win this race)


ps Im on here everyday if anyone needs support, but last two support groups I joined on here everyone disappeared and Im cautious of rejoining one)