Everyone who's failed: what makes you get back up?

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haephestia
haephestia Posts: 11 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've gained and lost the same 40lb four times over the course of the last four years. Three have been due to changing medications (I have bipolar; all the meds required are known to cause weight gain) and one due to my parents divorcing. I consider these to be reasons beyond my control; that only makes all this more frustrating.

My wedding is July 28, and all I want to do is lose 25lb by then, what I feel is a very reasonable goal. Feel a little more svelte. Look good in my photos. Feel proud of my body.

I'm terrified, though, of it happening again. Gaining it all back again before July. Not losing anything. The fear of failing again is keeping me from even trying. All I hear in my head is 'well, maybe I'm just *meant* to be this fat now', etc etc.

Could really use some help. To all the people who've yo-yo'd before, what'd you do differently this time, and what made you get back on the horse?

Replies

  • thooks0614
    thooks0614 Posts: 68 Member
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    Ok, so I haven't yo-yoed before, but this is the first time I've have tried to loose weight and have succeeded after numerous attempts over the past 5 years. I have lost 35lbs and I fail on a weekly basis. The key for me is never giving up on myself, I am young I like to go out with my friends and eat or drink, I like having fun! But every passing second is another chance to turn it all around. Because I "fail" once don't mean you throw in the towel or continue to make bad choices. I am in this for the long haul. I am worth being healthy and eating healthy and exercising. That's what makes me get back on the horse everyday even when I don't want to. I value my health.
  • tdfarmer
    tdfarmer Posts: 176 Member
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    First take the word failed out of your vocabulary! Be positive. I know it gets hard, we all get discouraged. Make sure you have strong friends who log everyday. The past few months I've had my ups and downs seems like weekly. I actually just had a friend suggest I switch up my exercise. I've been on here 420 days.
  • barb_32
    barb_32 Posts: 73 Member
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    I realized that I feel better when I eat healthier and exercise. Also that I put in so much time into eating right and exercising that I didn't want it to be for nothing. The biggest help was doing exercise routines that weren't long in length, only 20-35min and having a commitment of 30 days or 90 days because when I did this I would feel so horrible about making it so far in the program and not exercising that I would exercise. I'm also half way to my goal and this time I want to make it, I don't want to start over and have to take off the whole thing again. I want to fit in those jeans and wear cute cloths without having my muffin top pop out over the top of my jeans or have rolls above the jeans under my chest that I feel self concious about.
  • SpleenThief
    SpleenThief Posts: 293 Member
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    What other option is there? Get back up, dust yourself off and move forward

    or quit, give in to the bad part of yourself and let that rule your life. As far as I can see those are the two options and it's as simple as making a choice between those two.

    I did it. I lost 100 pounds and said I'd never again let myself be out of shape, but I did. I gained half that back. I REFUSE to throw my hands up in surrender and let the worst parts of me run my life.

    Get up and move, or don't. Which would you rather do?
  • clareBrewster80
    clareBrewster80 Posts: 42 Member
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    I have yoyoed all my life, since a teenager. However, now, I don't go the big extremes that I used to. After I had my daugher i lost 90lb, that was 10 years ago. I did not like being that weight, for the first time in my life i was a 'normal' weight and as I have large bones even the doctor thought I had an eating disorder, until he weighed me. I put on 10lb and felt happy at that size. for the past 9.5 years I have fluctuated between about 30lb. When my baggy clothes get too tight, I get all healthy again. When I lose a bit, I get comfortable and it all goes out of the window. It is a constant battle and one day I may just change for good and make healthy eating a lifestyle not just something I have to do for a couple of months a couple of times a year. However, unless I won the lottery and didn't have to worry about working and the other of lifes pressures that take over, I expect this yo yo will just keep bobbing along.
  • dhakiyya
    dhakiyya Posts: 481 Member
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    If you're yo-yoing, don't just pick yourself up and do the same thing again, change what you do.

    1. eat more and try to lose the weight more slowly and sustainably. if you don't want to eat that way for the rest of your life, then don't eat that way to lose weight. When you go back to eating your old ways, you will put the weight back on again
    2. change your focus from trying to lose weight as fast as possible, to trying to lose it slowly and sustainably through permanent lifestyle changes, i.e. exercise that you enjoy, healthy food that you enjoy, better portion control, unhealthy food that you don't want to give up, eat it in moderation
    3. look up a thread "in place of a road map" - that tells you how many calories you need to lose weight slowly and sustainably, i.e. so you can eat as much as you can for your body and still lose weight. You lose weight more slowly but this method is also healthier and you're more likely to stick with it for life. It's not about how long it takes to lose the weight, it's about keeping it of for life. What would you rather have? fast weight loss then gaining it back, or slow weight loss but keeping it off forever?
    4. Understand that the goal is not to be a particular weight, it's to have healthy bones and muscles while reducing the amount of fat that your body is carrying. Too fast weight loss = weaker bones and muscles = looks like success as the scale weight goes down, but actually your body will still be carrying too much fat, but your bones and muscles will be less healthy. Slow and sustainable weight loss combined with exercise = bones and muscles stay healthy and the amount of fat you're carrying goes down. you end up a smaller size and looking fit.
    5. try to find out your body fat percentage and base your goal weight on that.

    I did all the above and I'm currently maintaining my weight without too much effort. yes I pay attention to portion control and limit junk food, but there's no food that's off limits and I eat a wide variety of delicious healthy foods. I do exercise that I enjoy and intend to keep doing because I enjoy it so much and it benefits my mental health. I eat foods that I enjoy, including junk in moderation. Deprivation and being too strict cutting calories too low and trying to lose the weight quickly is what leads to yo-yo dieting.
  • xginanax
    xginanax Posts: 333 Member
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    BUMP
  • dhakiyya
    dhakiyya Posts: 481 Member
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    First take the word failed out of your vocabulary! Be positive.

    This is important too. If you try something and it doesn't work, it's not failure, it's feedback. No-one learned how to do anything worthwhile without doing it wrong many times first. No-one ever learned to skate without falling over many times, and even experienced skaters fall over sometimes (even in the middle of the world championship events).

    If you fall, pick yourself up, carry on.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    I'm a yo-yo vet for more than a decade and tried different types of diets, starved, laxatives & all types diet pills (you name it & I had it).

    I may sound weird but I think the one thing that made all the difference thus leading me to where I am right now is to stop focusing on weight loss and concentrate on my health instead (I was diagnosed with hypertension plus type 2 diabetes & got rejected on my job bcoz of it and that lead me to start eating better and working out). Sure I wanted a more svelte physique but I treated that as the icing on the cake. Since my mindset was focused on my overall health so that time I didn't resort to any fad diets, starvation diets and diet pills and slowly but surely I began noticing the pounds and inches come off.

    I read an article on the good benefits heavy weight lifting does to women and so I started to embrace the big dumbbells and barbells and they are the responsible why as of this time I'm able to keep the weight off despite eating 1,700-2,300 cals a day (I'm a midget 5'2 btw).

    All of us and even the fittest people with stunning physiques have failed at one time. Nobody is perfect and remember that this journey isn't a sprint, it is a marathon and there are times that we fall, stand up and move forward. Its never too late to make a change. You can do it!
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    I lost 89 lbs in 2009 thanks to MFP. I strayed and gained back about 50. This past week I have been back great guns. I have goals set ( we are doing a lot of traveling and I want to be comfortable doing it)

    I have found when I cut out the ice cream at night and the wine and the chips and the chocolate, I actually feel so much better.

    Take things one day at a time. Don't focus on July...focus on today. Make good choices for one day. Then when you wake up tomorrow, make good choices again.

    I read an article that said our will power is stronger in the morning and then as we make choices and decisions all day, it gets weaker. I have made one large decision and the answer is always no. Should I skip my work out? NO! Should I have some ice cream? NO! Should I buy a chocolate bar? NO! So when a thought that does not lead to my goals crosses my mind, I can tell myself that I have already made that decision. So far it has worked.

    Brush yourself off girl... Just pick yourself up and brush yourself off and head into a new day with a new outlook. One day at a time.
  • graveflower316
    graveflower316 Posts: 169 Member
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    I definitely understand where you're coming from. It's so difficult to lose weight from the start, but to put it back on and to have to lose it again is a whole other challenge. I know for myself, I lost 80lbs and was feeling great about myself and went back into my old habits and gained half of it back. I know if I continue on the way I am, I will most certainly gain it ALL back, plus some.

    I think in order to motivate yourself, you should try something completely new, whether that be a new diet trend (juicing, gluten free, etc). Now, I know that sounds silly, but maybe the different diet concept will help you strive to take those 25lbs off before your wedding. It'll be something new and like something you haven't done before, so possibly you'll keep to it longer. After you lose that weight, you can always go back to a diet (lifestyle change) that you would have used in your other dieting situations. Gradually work it into your life again and go from there? I'm merely suggesting, because right now I'm trying to do the same ole' normal diet that I know works to help me lose weight, but I cannot stick with it this time around for the life of me.

    Either way, good luck and have a joyous wedding and marriage!
  • Kiereek
    Kiereek Posts: 2 Member
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    Hey!

    Cheer up friend, don't be down, remember a frown is just a smile turned upside down! I have been there and am still going through it. It happens. My mother told me something that helped me and I will share it with you. She said that if you have lost the weight before, then you know it can be done again, all you have to do is do it. What you did to lose the weight you can do again, just like what you did to gain the weight. Same process just reversed. Never give up! You are about to get married and whether you are 25lbs up or down you are still you. The same person your fiance fell in love with. Just keep at it!!! Be positive if you have faith in The Creator drop to your knees and ask Him for help. I wish you the best. Just keep on pushing!!!! One day at a time. Peace and blessing upon you.
  • lambchoplewis
    lambchoplewis Posts: 797
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    just remember "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"!!! I think of this everytime I put something in my mouth. Yes, at that moment, it tastes good but... guilt, lbs on scale etc. are not worth it.

    You can do it.
  • haephestia
    haephestia Posts: 11 Member
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    I definitely understand where you're coming from. It's so difficult to lose weight from the start, but to put it back on and to have to lose it again is a whole other challenge. I know for myself, I lost 80lbs and was feeling great about myself and went back into my old habits and gained half of it back. I know if I continue on the way I am, I will most certainly gain it ALL back, plus some.

    I think in order to motivate yourself, you should try something completely new, whether that be a new diet trend (juicing, gluten free, etc). Now, I know that sounds silly, but maybe the different diet concept will help you strive to take those 25lbs off before your wedding. It'll be something new and like something you haven't done before, so possibly you'll keep to it longer. After you lose that weight, you can always go back to a diet (lifestyle change) that you would have used in your other dieting situations. Gradually work it into your life again and go from there? I'm merely suggesting, because right now I'm trying to do the same ole' normal diet that I know works to help me lose weight, but I cannot stick with it this time around for the life of me.

    Either way, good luck and have a joyous wedding and marriage!


    This is great advice, as is everything else I've read here. Thank you to you all for taking the time!

    Do you have any suggestions on what I could try? I'm already gluten-free, I have celiac, and I have done keto in the past but I haven't been tolerating fat well lately so I don't want to try that. Maybe I'll give paleo a shot, level out my blood sugar a bit?
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
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    I simply got to the point where I would not and could not tolerate being heavy and eating a bunch of crap. I'll be 36 next week, and I don't want to die from a heart attack or stroke when I'm 45. It was easy to shrug it off during my twenties and early thirties, but now that I'm staring down the barrel of 40, I don't have time for excuses and whining anymore. I want to live a long, healthy, happy life with my boyfriend, and that means being physically fit enough to travel and have new experiences.

    Plus, I really miss roller coasters.
  • merzback
    merzback Posts: 453 Member
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    I wouldn't use the word FAILED. I would say maybe slip ups. FAIL sounds awful. You aren't a failure. You have to figure out what caused you to get off the train. There's usually stressors or something that is going on in your life.
  • aliciagetshealthy
    aliciagetshealthy Posts: 946 Member
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    If you're yo-yoing, don't just pick yourself up and do the same thing again, change what you do.

    1. eat more and try to lose the weight more slowly and sustainably. if you don't want to eat that way for the rest of your life, then don't eat that way to lose weight. When you go back to eating your old ways, you will put the weight back on again
    2. change your focus from trying to lose weight as fast as possible, to trying to lose it slowly and sustainably through permanent lifestyle changes, i.e. exercise that you enjoy, healthy food that you enjoy, better portion control, unhealthy food that you don't want to give up, eat it in moderation
    3. look up a thread "in place of a road map" - that tells you how many calories you need to lose weight slowly and sustainably, i.e. so you can eat as much as you can for your body and still lose weight. You lose weight more slowly but this method is also healthier and you're more likely to stick with it for life. It's not about how long it takes to lose the weight, it's about keeping it of for life. What would you rather have? fast weight loss then gaining it back, or slow weight loss but keeping it off forever?
    4. Understand that the goal is not to be a particular weight, it's to have healthy bones and muscles while reducing the amount of fat that your body is carrying. Too fast weight loss = weaker bones and muscles = looks like success as the scale weight goes down, but actually your body will still be carrying too much fat, but your bones and muscles will be less healthy. Slow and sustainable weight loss combined with exercise = bones and muscles stay healthy and the amount of fat you're carrying goes down. you end up a smaller size and looking fit.
    5. try to find out your body fat percentage and base your goal weight on that.

    I did all the above and I'm currently maintaining my weight without too much effort. yes I pay attention to portion control and limit junk food, but there's no food that's off limits and I eat a wide variety of delicious healthy foods. I do exercise that I enjoy and intend to keep doing because I enjoy it so much and it benefits my mental health. I eat foods that I enjoy, including junk in moderation. Deprivation and being too strict cutting calories too low and trying to lose the weight quickly is what leads to yo-yo dieting.

    ^^^this

    If you try to do this with temporary practices, your results will also be temporary.
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,039 Member
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    Tell yourself- i can lose an average of one pound a week by logging my calories and just walking more each day. Every time you turned down desert or cake remember you will get cake at your wedding! Trust me, any food you dont eat before your wedding will be there after your wedding!

    To be honest , i had given up until last year.. And then it cllicked for me and it all got easier..
  • Juashmom
    Juashmom Posts: 55
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    I've never yo yo'd to that extreeme,, honestly I've never lost more than 10-12 lbs on any diet then I've give up...it starts inocently enough...I've done well so I decide I need deserve a reward or I'm not honest. I actually gave up for several years and tried the whole body acceptance thing....then I saw a picture and said ewww..i've been on MFP now for 75 day I've only lost 12 lbs...i log everything every day wheather or not its a good day, I've had a lot of bad days between Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I'm making small changes over time and really have only worked on my worst habits to date (drinking diet soda all day, never drinking water and frequent fast food trips). I have to remind myself that one or two bad days doesn't mean I throw in the towel .

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