Why are people so cruel ? :'(

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BamsieEkhaya
BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've spent the last few weeks doing nothing but revision. I'm sitting at home on my own revising when my stepdad gets back. I'd made myself lunch like a few hours ago. He gets in the house and is like ohh so you've eaten again ? what happened to being on a diet ?
I ate salmon for breakfast (brunch type thing), I made a SALAD (no salad dressing) for lunch and even then I only ate half.
He then start telling me how fat I am and how I'm not losing weight because I'm eating too much etc.
I've added all my meals today and after dinner and all my diet cokes I'll only have are 982cals (I know..too low)

the point is everyone around know this is the one of the 3times a year I'm at my worst emotionally and I'm trying really hard only to get called ****ing fat and being constantly reminded how much I weigh or what I used to weigh when I was ****ing 15 and even then or told how I'm doing it wrong to the point where I'm now up here crying my eyes, it's completely put me off dinner and off track and I just feel so ready to give up. It just feels like.

You'd think being called fat and obese from someone "close" to you for over 5years you'd be over it, but todays just made me feel so ****.

sorry for the long rant! I don't think I've cried so much in years but my boyfriends the other side of the country, my mums lord knows where today and my sister is at work...which kind of makes it worse now cos I'm on my own (sorry for typos
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Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,108 Member
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    I'm sorry, honey.

    I know you are really young, so I assume you are not able to move out? He's either a mean man - or he doesn't think before talking. Lots of people say stuff that they don't think about before it comes out. Only you know how he is.

    Try to forgive him. Tell him how it makes you feel. Can you do that in a calm way without yelling or insulting? If you can do it, it may help.
  • Angie1366
    Angie1366 Posts: 85
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    You're emotional. It comes from several places... age and confidence. Don't take it to heart... I reckon it is his stupid way of trying to encourage you.... Although a very thoughtless way as he should think before he opens his gob!

    Just keep doing it right, follow the advice from this website, and feel great!! You look good on your picture and don't appear to need to lose weight anyway... So just make sure you know your goal, that it is realistic and carry on with the good work!

    Revising is stressful and so is dieting... Make sure you eat the right stuff to keep your mental faculties working and concentration levels high.

    Good Luck.

    (Really what I mean is - ignore the stupid fool!!!)
  • TheDarlingOne
    TheDarlingOne Posts: 255 Member
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    I can relate. It's at home where you think you should be able to feel the most comfortable. Yet, it's also at home where the most people are saying, "don't eat that." or, "have you gained weight?" or "OMG what's wrong with your legs!?" (I have a bit of edema and mine swell a lot) - those type things can totally hurt coming from family members that's for sure!...

    ...I don't know the relationship with you and your stepdad, but, I can only assume he loves his step children. He doesn't know what you ate today, as you said you were waiting for him to get home. Some people speak before they think. One time I had put on some makeup and did my hair up real nice. I hadn't done so in such a long time. It made me feel really good, so I went to the living room to show my mom and my sister. My mom looks up at me from the recliner, and then looks at my sister and goes, "Man she'd be a knock out if she just lost the weight."...

    She thought nothing of it - because to her, she's implying "she's already so beautiful. a few pounds off would be awesome!" - but to my ears I hear, "Wow my child is f'ugly with all this weight." lol. So, like I say - it's important to remember that a lot of times people speak before they think....and it's not all intended to harm.

    Take the power back within you. If you think about it, people only hurt you IF YOU ALLOW IT. You have all the strength w/in you to ignore stepdad....and keep on truckin my friend. You've got it! Sounds like you did great for the day so far. Maybe a bit low, like you mentioned, but some clean nice food none the less.

    Don't give stepdad the power. ;)
  • piggydog
    piggydog Posts: 322
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    I'd drop the diet cokes and that would probably help you loose
  • Mollie007
    Mollie007 Posts: 73
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    Your stepdad sounds like an a-hole. What kind of guy says those kinds of things to his stepdaughter. Obviously he can tell that you are doing well and is trying to bring you down and make you fail. Him making you feel small makes him feel big. It's sad, really. Instead of crying, just realize how pathetic he is. You're a much better preson than him! Don't give up! Keep on going!
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
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    sorry..I'm like a complete wreck right now.
    His just a *kitten* and no I "move out" after my final exam in June.

    Honestly I've tried explaining it to him, my mums talked to him.

    I just feel really **** and I don't have time to feel like this or be breaking down right now.

    He now send me a message saying food is ready, straight after telling me I eat too much and I'm fat etc
  • Angie1366
    Angie1366 Posts: 85
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    PS Diet coke... is not a great thing to drink as artificial sweeteners are evil! Try water and squash.. cordial... DO NOT go under that much on your calories either.... as starving yourself will make you even more depressed.

    Come on! Cheer up and eat healthy xx
  • devynmariee
    devynmariee Posts: 67
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    Hes just jealous because you're actually taking charge! and he probably isnt! I can definitely relate big time though if you need to talk im here :heart:
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Awwwwww! (((hugs)))

    He's probably just like most people and thinks you have to eat very little to nothing in order to lose weight. Maybe tell him, Yes I am eating again, like everyone else I have to eat! Or explain how MFP works and invite him to look over the site. Please don't allow his ignorance to affect you!
  • sixpackdream
    sixpackdream Posts: 55 Member
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    No one deserves that, use it to make yourself stronger. Usually people put other people down because they are not happy with themselves. By putting someone else down they can feel there life isn't so horrible.

    You're a beautiful girl and his opinion should mean nothing to you. I usually dismiss these types of people from my life and surround myself with good people. You may not be in a position to do that now but one day you will be.

    Feel sorry for him, that he feels that bad about himself that he has to try and bring others down.

    You have nothing to prove to him. Keep moving forward and getting stronger!
  • CraigAtter
    CraigAtter Posts: 94
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    I know its hard but when people used to call me i just used to try and let it go in one ear and out the other.

    It is hard though so stay strong.
  • julietcrooks
    julietcrooks Posts: 14
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    Easier said that done honey but try to take no notice and don't let it knock your progress or let it make you start eating too little! Been there done that....doesn't work!

    If it helps any we all think you are doing an amazing job! x
  • sandradev1
    sandradev1 Posts: 786 Member
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    As the other poster said, if he is usually approachable then tell him how you feel.

    It is important that whatever, you stay the calm one. Anything else will only make the situation worse.

    If he is a horrible man and unapproachable, then he really is not worth you getting upset over. As you have to stay in that situation a while longer, then if he cannot be the adult, you show him how its done.

    Stay calm and just don't rise to it. Just put it to the back of your mind and get on with your revision, do not let him ruin your future. Then stay strong and just continue with your new healthy lifestyle and slowly but surely you will show him and everybody that you can do this.

    Do not let this upset you and stop you eating, if you undereat for a length of time, it will make you tired and make revision difficult. Stay out of his way, revise and go and eat the remainder of your calories for the day.

    When you get the chance, speak to your boyfriend and your Mum about your feelings.

    You are young yes, but you can stay strong and deal with this. It will help in later life as there are many many 'not nice' people out there in the world.
  • tamiesue2
    tamiesue2 Posts: 149 Member
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    So sorry. But you have lots of people here for you to vent too, MFP is a great support system. As for home support, that is a hard one. Sometimes we need to educate those around us so they understand what we are doing. Show him your daily calorie goals and explain how you plan on getting there. People sometimes don't realize how hard they make it on us and the pain they cause. Good luck in your journey and know that for every bad word out there, there is a hundred good ones here :)
  • bd48427
    bd48427 Posts: 1
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    I have learned to try and let negative and/or hurtful comments roll off my back. As in, don't others bring you down.

    I've noticed thar people either

    1) don't realize their comments are hurtful or

    2) they are trying to be hurtful because they are unhappy and have nothing nice to say. they are the ones with the issues. Not you.

    Keep it up girl! Good for you for starting to make changes by eating healthy. Let the comments roll off :)
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I'm sorry. He is wrong. you do need to eat the right amount. He is just attacking you when you eat anything. He doesn't understand the full amount of calories and the way weight loss works. He seems to be just putting you down anytime you eat. And that is not ok. Stay strong, hang in there. Get as much support as you need from others. If it's something you can talk about with your mom (or with him) then do that as well. But, I know some people are unwilling to change or look at their own behavior. It's not easy, but try not to let his ignorance impact your self worth. I understand. :heart:
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
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    PS Diet coke... is not a great thing to drink as artificial sweeteners are evil! Try water and squash.. cordial... DO NOT go under that much on your calories either.... as starving yourself will make you even more depressed.

    Come on! Cheer up and eat healthy xx


    I'm only drinking diet coke because of the caffeine or else it would be caffeine tablets (I do sleep 7-8hours daily)
    I know its hard but when people used to call me i just used to try and let it go in one ear and out the other.

    It is hard though so stay strong.

    I'm normally really good at ignoring people but my entire family and friends know this is the WORST time of the year for me
  • tumblyweed
    tumblyweed Posts: 416 Member
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    No advice. I don't know you or your family. Just wanted to tell you that my very first thought when I saw your picture on your post was, "what a pretty girl...".
    You cannot change others, so I wouldn't bother to try. When someone is mean or nasty to me, I simply say, "thank you". I know it sounds odd, but it's an all encompassing thank you, as in "thank you for letting me know how you feel", "thank you for letting me know where I stand", thank you for showing me who I'm in a relationship with (father, sister, brother, mother, lover, whoever)".

    Such a pretty girl...:flowerforyou:
  • krbuza
    krbuza Posts: 4
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    If he talks to and about you that way, how does he treat your sister? Your mother? The family pet? Maybe he is the one who should leave after your exams in June? Talk with your mother; be honest with her, but not cruel... Just honest. Not condemning... Just truthful and open. Not suggesting an action, just relating a true story about family life.

    Drop the diet soda, as others said. Eat above the starvation level.
  • ShrinkingChelle
    ShrinkingChelle Posts: 187
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    He sounds like a jerk, try to ignore him (I know easier said then done). Look for your support here, most of the people understand what it is like to try to lose weight and some of us dont have the support around us that we really should so we are all here to help each other.

    Hopefully your day starts to look up, just remember one day at a time. If weight loss was easy we would all be skinny.

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