Why are people so cruel ? :'(

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2

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  • beezipper
    beezipper Posts: 18 Member
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    I'm 33 and have lost almost a hundred pounds in the last year - my dad (who has had several heart attacks) has over a hundred pounds that *he* needs to lose, but guess who still constantly comments on what I eat when I visit? It's about them and their perception, it's not about you. If you can train your brain to not take it personally it does a world of good!
  • steelyreserve
    steelyreserve Posts: 1 Member
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    Sign up for counseling and make that ugly SOB pay for it, sounds like he's partially responsible for your low self esteem. It looks like, if that is your picture, you are a lovely girl and he should be quite proud to call you his daughter. I'd be proud to have a daughter as beautiful as you. I'd love to have a daughter! This man is obviously so miserable in his own existence that the only way he can feel good about himself is to make someone else feel bad about themsellves. Ignore him, get out of his house as soon as possible and show him how wonderful you really are by making something great of your life. You are a worthy person, worthy of love, worthy of great things, worthy of praise and respect. People who try to bring you down are jealous of your acomplishments. Remember that true beauty comes from within, it is what we do, not how we look. Don't stoop to his level, and don't let his ignorance destroy your happiness.
  • sixpackdream
    sixpackdream Posts: 55 Member
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    I'm normally really good at ignoring people but my entire family and friends know this is the WORST time of the year for me

    This is also the time to realize how strong you are, being able to get through the WORST time of year.
  • weestinger
    weestinger Posts: 10
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    Im sorry for what happens at your home. A very smart lady taught me to put compartments in my head... open it up and put that crap that bust you down to nothing and lock it back up...then find a positive anything around you right at that moment.. a song you love, a butterfly, a burst of sunshine... or do a little dance that will bring you back your inner joy.... people who crush us and our inner joy thrive on that and I have decided since Sept 2012...im not gonna let that happen any more..i do have a rough day once in awhile but mostly I put that crap in the compartment in which its named and find a thing that brings me inner joy... eliminates my feelings of worthlessness and has brought my self esteem right up outta the gutter.... this site is a great support system... just remeber....you are our sunshine....our only sunshine.....
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
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    Wow, that's terrible. I wish I had a magic pill or something to make things better, but I don't. It sucks that someone so close, is unsupportive, but you are going to have to be strong, and not let this derail your plans. I wouldn't tell him what I'm up to either (I wouldn't tell him I'm dieting). Dig deep inside you to find the strength you need to continue on your path. Good luck.
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,939 Member
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    i am so sorry to hear that.You don't deserve this :flowerforyou:
  • Reeny1_8
    Reeny1_8 Posts: 277
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    Let that be your motivation! Take something negative and turn it into a positive! Ignore him and worry about you. *hugs* I know how tough it is my mom did it to me and she was violent about it. Your not alone :)
  • sportybrewerschick
    sportybrewerschick Posts: 170 Member
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    I've spent the last few weeks doing nothing but revision. I'm sitting at home on my own revising when my stepdad gets back. I'd made myself lunch like a few hours ago. He gets in the house and is like ohh so you've eaten again ? what happened to being on a diet ?
    I ate salmon for breakfast (brunch type thing), I made a SALAD (no salad dressing) for lunch and even then I only ate half.
    He then start telling me how fat I am and how I'm not losing weight because I'm eating too much etc.
    I've added all my meals today and after dinner and all my diet cokes I'll only have are 982cals (I know..too low)

    the point is everyone around know this is the one of the 3times a year I'm at my worst emotionally and I'm trying really hard only to get called ****ing fat and being constantly reminded how much I weigh or what I used to weigh when I was ****ing 15 and even then or told how I'm doing it wrong to the point where I'm now up here crying my eyes, it's completely put me off dinner and off track and I just feel so ready to give up. It just feels like.

    You'd think being called fat and obese from someone "close" to you for over 5years you'd be over it, but todays just made me feel so ****.

    sorry for the long rant! I don't think I've cried so much in years but my boyfriends the other side of the country, my mums lord knows where today and my sister is at work...which kind of makes it worse now cos I'm on my own (sorry for typos

    i feel your pain sweetie.. <3
  • karendee4
    karendee4 Posts: 558 Member
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    I am so sorry!!! What a jerk.

    For some reason some people think calling someone fat makes them motivated to lose weight. In fact whenever a family member made a weight comment to me i wanted to eat more. Words do hurt!

    I hope you can get some time away from Step Dad. He sounds toxic to you. How would he feel if you called him fat when he ate? Heck he would be grossed out about my food diary. I eat a lot of veggies and other foods and I lose weight.

    Try to realize you are doing a good thing eating healthy and make sure you meet your calorie goals. Starving is not good for you.

    Good Luck!!!
  • Superior111
    Superior111 Posts: 2
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    Just remember the only person you are losing weight for is YOU, not your family or friends - chin up and keep motivated!
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
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    thanks guys..you guys are really sweet (that could get me started again)

    He can be "nice" (in his own way)

    It's hard because my mums job means she's never home, my sister is never home, which is why their relationships work (my sister recently moved up, so I plan on crashing at hers when I'm not in school) and during the term I "board" (private school) because it means I don't have to worry about it affecting me and I can just focus on me.
    I'm used to being independent and taking care of myself, I do literally EVERYTHING myself (excuse the fact I don't pay my school bills myself)

    I'm so glad I'm going to in a few days.

    (Please note School for me means 6th form)

    edited to add..I do normally eat about 1200cals give or take
  • bigfatbino
    bigfatbino Posts: 136 Member
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    Often we'll find that when we try to change something about ourselves in a positive sense, those we associate with will often try to discourage or sabotage us. Perhaps intentionally, or perhaps not, but the effect is the same; it presents a stumbling block.

    I think that they do this because it makes them feel self-conscious about their state and so if they can discourage you and you give up and fail in your goals, then obviously it wouldn't have worked for them either. It's the old "crabs in a bucket" scenario. One crab tries to crawl out, and the others just drag it down.

    Happened to me too. I said "Hey I'm making a change for healthy living." My friends all had a "Oh that's good for you man, go for it!"
    Almost immediately, they started teasing and questioning me every time I ate something, or laughed when I said I was going out for a run. I made the decision that I would not let it bother me.

    55 lbs later, and they are still where they are, but now nobody is laughing. They STILL try to pressure me into eating unhealthy foods and drinking habits! Now I just rub my tummy, look at theirs and raise an eyebrow. They shut the hell up.

    Point is I guess, you'll have to just deal with a little bit of abuse from our stepdad. They guy sounds like an *kitten* anyway. Just stay focused, look forward, and in 6 months if he gives you crap about eating, you'll be able to just say "Yup, eating another X pounds away!" ...

    Good luck, you can do it.

    P.S. just a suggestion, those diet cokes are horrid. Get some of that awesome English Tea!
  • Christy175
    Christy175 Posts: 60 Member
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    People can be real *kitten*. Never let anyones opinion determine how you feel about yourself. Your own is the only one that matters. Realizing that has saved me so much dissappointment and misery. As long as you are happy with yourself, that is all that is important for self esteem. If you are not happy with yourself only then it is ok to make the changes that help you become the person you want to be. My logic: Taking other peoples opinions to heart will only result in you becoming the person they want you to be and that will never make you happy.

    Fu*k his opinion. It is worthless, It is just thoughless hurtful words. Nothing more. Try not to be upset, you are working at your goals, it just takes time and patience. It sounds like your doing a good job, and that would be enough to make me proud of myself.
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
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    Thank you so much guys :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: (for all you you)

    I've got 7hours left before I sleep (3am)....going to have a shower, get some frothy hot chocolate made and find something crazy high in calories so I end my food diary right and get back to revision.

    And if anyone is horrible to me about my weight...well they may end up black and blue all over :bigsmile: (kidding...possibly a middle finger and barred from my love !)
  • cwp2x555
    cwp2x555 Posts: 1
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    Sign up for counseling and make that ugly SOB pay for it, sounds like he's partially responsible for your low self esteem.

    This guy is emotionally abusive! My stepdad used to say things like that to me all the time. Almost 30 years later I still tie my self esteem to my weight (not a good idea!). It's hard to make the choices we need to make every day to be healthy and lose and it becomes even harder if somebody is being mean to you.
    Talk to a counselor - your school probably has one or can refer you to somebody. A counselor can help you get past his comments. Also know that many, many people are behind you!!!!! {{{hugs}}}
  • fatjavotte
    fatjavotte Posts: 96 Member
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    I'm so sorry. My Dad used to humiliate me in public ("this is not good for what you have" in front of guests and so on). It still hurts 15 years later.
    And don't go too low with the calories. You need good nutrition if you are revising. Good luck!
  • KHUDASGAL
    KHUDASGAL Posts: 17
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    He's the one that's immature. Tell him how that makes you feel if you can,,,,,if that doesn't help I'd just think he's an *kitten* and can't wait to get a job and get out on my own. I think you are BEAUTIFUL! :)
  • KHUDASGAL
    KHUDASGAL Posts: 17
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    BTW,,,isn't Diet Coke ZERO calories? (';' ) I drink Diet Pepsi and it is.
  • shanmackie
    shanmackie Posts: 194 Member
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    I didn't look at how old you are, but I grew up with a very verbally abusive stepfather, and he really messed up my eating and self-esteem. I'm only just now getting over those things now that he's out of the picture.

    I don't have any advice other than try not to listen to him. You're a beautiful person and you're doing just fine.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
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    I'm only drinking diet coke because of the caffeine or else it would be caffeine tablets (I do sleep 7-8hours daily)



    Just have coffee without the sugar. Same thing, but way way better for you & a heap less in crap.

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