Why are people so cruel ? :'(

2»

Replies

  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
    thanks guys..you guys are really sweet (that could get me started again)

    He can be "nice" (in his own way)

    It's hard because my mums job means she's never home, my sister is never home, which is why their relationships work (my sister recently moved up, so I plan on crashing at hers when I'm not in school) and during the term I "board" (private school) because it means I don't have to worry about it affecting me and I can just focus on me.
    I'm used to being independent and taking care of myself, I do literally EVERYTHING myself (excuse the fact I don't pay my school bills myself)

    I'm so glad I'm going to in a few days.

    (Please note School for me means 6th form)

    edited to add..I do normally eat about 1200cals give or take
  • bigfatbino
    bigfatbino Posts: 136 Member
    Often we'll find that when we try to change something about ourselves in a positive sense, those we associate with will often try to discourage or sabotage us. Perhaps intentionally, or perhaps not, but the effect is the same; it presents a stumbling block.

    I think that they do this because it makes them feel self-conscious about their state and so if they can discourage you and you give up and fail in your goals, then obviously it wouldn't have worked for them either. It's the old "crabs in a bucket" scenario. One crab tries to crawl out, and the others just drag it down.

    Happened to me too. I said "Hey I'm making a change for healthy living." My friends all had a "Oh that's good for you man, go for it!"
    Almost immediately, they started teasing and questioning me every time I ate something, or laughed when I said I was going out for a run. I made the decision that I would not let it bother me.

    55 lbs later, and they are still where they are, but now nobody is laughing. They STILL try to pressure me into eating unhealthy foods and drinking habits! Now I just rub my tummy, look at theirs and raise an eyebrow. They shut the hell up.

    Point is I guess, you'll have to just deal with a little bit of abuse from our stepdad. They guy sounds like an *kitten* anyway. Just stay focused, look forward, and in 6 months if he gives you crap about eating, you'll be able to just say "Yup, eating another X pounds away!" ...

    Good luck, you can do it.

    P.S. just a suggestion, those diet cokes are horrid. Get some of that awesome English Tea!
  • Christy175
    Christy175 Posts: 60 Member
    People can be real *kitten*. Never let anyones opinion determine how you feel about yourself. Your own is the only one that matters. Realizing that has saved me so much dissappointment and misery. As long as you are happy with yourself, that is all that is important for self esteem. If you are not happy with yourself only then it is ok to make the changes that help you become the person you want to be. My logic: Taking other peoples opinions to heart will only result in you becoming the person they want you to be and that will never make you happy.

    Fu*k his opinion. It is worthless, It is just thoughless hurtful words. Nothing more. Try not to be upset, you are working at your goals, it just takes time and patience. It sounds like your doing a good job, and that would be enough to make me proud of myself.
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
    Thank you so much guys :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: (for all you you)

    I've got 7hours left before I sleep (3am)....going to have a shower, get some frothy hot chocolate made and find something crazy high in calories so I end my food diary right and get back to revision.

    And if anyone is horrible to me about my weight...well they may end up black and blue all over :bigsmile: (kidding...possibly a middle finger and barred from my love !)
  • cwp2x555
    cwp2x555 Posts: 1
    Sign up for counseling and make that ugly SOB pay for it, sounds like he's partially responsible for your low self esteem.

    This guy is emotionally abusive! My stepdad used to say things like that to me all the time. Almost 30 years later I still tie my self esteem to my weight (not a good idea!). It's hard to make the choices we need to make every day to be healthy and lose and it becomes even harder if somebody is being mean to you.
    Talk to a counselor - your school probably has one or can refer you to somebody. A counselor can help you get past his comments. Also know that many, many people are behind you!!!!! {{{hugs}}}
  • fatjavotte
    fatjavotte Posts: 96 Member
    I'm so sorry. My Dad used to humiliate me in public ("this is not good for what you have" in front of guests and so on). It still hurts 15 years later.
    And don't go too low with the calories. You need good nutrition if you are revising. Good luck!
  • KHUDASGAL
    KHUDASGAL Posts: 17
    He's the one that's immature. Tell him how that makes you feel if you can,,,,,if that doesn't help I'd just think he's an *kitten* and can't wait to get a job and get out on my own. I think you are BEAUTIFUL! :)
  • KHUDASGAL
    KHUDASGAL Posts: 17
    BTW,,,isn't Diet Coke ZERO calories? (';' ) I drink Diet Pepsi and it is.
  • shanmackie
    shanmackie Posts: 194 Member
    I didn't look at how old you are, but I grew up with a very verbally abusive stepfather, and he really messed up my eating and self-esteem. I'm only just now getting over those things now that he's out of the picture.

    I don't have any advice other than try not to listen to him. You're a beautiful person and you're doing just fine.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member


    I'm only drinking diet coke because of the caffeine or else it would be caffeine tablets (I do sleep 7-8hours daily)



    Just have coffee without the sugar. Same thing, but way way better for you & a heap less in crap.
  • miadhail
    miadhail Posts: 383 Member
    Not going to give you advice on your food intake, i have come to learn that it is all personal, and if it works for you, so be it.
    But I want to let you know that you are beautiful and never to let anyone belittle you without your consent!

    It's your life girl, if your step father chooses to be mean, then work harder and show him that his words are meaningless! Results will show eventually. Also, he seems ignorant, society has made many believe that losing weight requires you to eat like a bird. But now, your body is a machine, needs constant fuel! the right amount and type of fuel of course, so if you are someone that eats often but small meals, then i don't see anything wrong with that.

    Stay strong! :)
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
    If you can move out in June, just try to lay low and do your thing and don't mention your weight loss efforts or food intake to anyone until then. If they say something, just ignore them. 6 months might seem like a long time, but really, it's not. Just hang in there until you can get out on your own.

    *hugs*

    Don't give up on yourself just yet.
  • Gwen_B
    Gwen_B Posts: 1,018 Member
    You are beautiful and one day you will be the size you want to be. Stay strong, workout, and eat right he will see that you are capable of losing weight (without his abuse). Don't let him win or you never will!! Good luck!!!
  • orangelobster
    orangelobster Posts: 151
    Illegitimi non carborundum

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cod latin

    (not real Latin but still works)
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    Try to keep in mind that what comes out of his mouth is more about him than about you. I know it's hard, though; feelings happen. I've spent way too much time in my life crying over what other people said to me.
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
    I am in an emotionally abusive situation also. I have no real advice, just hugs. I am sorry you have to go thru this. Try to ignore him and do this the healthy way.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    I am sorry you have to listen to that crap.

    Just lose all the weight you want and then you can be the one everyone dreams of becoming. You can do this!! Don't let them bring you down (oh, and eat WAY nmore than 928 cal a day!)
  • AliciaStaton
    AliciaStaton Posts: 328 Member
    Please dont let this man put you off from reaching your goal. Sounds like he needs a good talking to and I suggest that you get your mum involved, dont let this tactless man put you down or your dreams:bigsmile:
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
    I am sorry you have to listen to that crap.

    Just lose all the weight you want and then you can be the one everyone dreams of becoming. You can do this!! Don't let them bring you down (oh, and eat WAY nmore than 928 cal a day!)

    I do normally eat a lot more than that....but today was just one of those days I had my head down revising upstairs and food wasn't something that popped in too much x thank you
  • BenderFitness
    BenderFitness Posts: 349
    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Just remember to stay on track, and do what makes you feel good, healthy and happy. I will pray that things get better, and you find a way to deal with negative people.
  • Hanfordrose
    Hanfordrose Posts: 688 Member
    Bamsie...You are on a trip to a wonderful, new life. Only God knows what is in store for you, but I am sure that it will bring some incredibly special things that you never dreamed would be 'just made for you'.

    Your stepdad can't come along on that trip. He will soon be a part of 'the past', and that could be a lot of what is causing his critical comments. What he can't have is lifetime control of you. Accept that you are IN CHARGE of your life, your food plan and NOT HIM. If he wants to control someone's 'diet', let be his own.

    Try the following...

    1. A simple reply to criticism..."Thanks for your concern, but I am doing just fine with MY FOOD PLAN." Don't use the word DIET, which seems to encourage others to think that they should have some say in what you eat or don't eat.

    2. If someone's words are hurting you, tell them..."That hurts." and walk away. Eventually, they might be able to see that they have a problem...not you.

    3. Know that you are loved. I am sure that you have friends and family who support you in all things. If not, then you have them here and will have many more in the future.
  • barbaramitchell101
    barbaramitchell101 Posts: 360 Member
    I agree with the rest here...he is a jerk...I had this same kind of thing when I was married, and it only made me eat more......I got away from that as soon as I could, but the pain is still there.after 30 years...I would sugggest for you to lay low, or find somewhere else to be during the day, maybe go for a walk or just anything to get away from him....you are 18 and can do whatever you want....if there are any Gov programs apply for them....all of us here will support you....:smile:
  • ErinLouiseBellamy
    ErinLouiseBellamy Posts: 18 Member
    everyone seems to have been giving some super advice.. all i can do is agree with everyone.

    i can relate- i have a stepmother.. it took me years to get to where i am in my head now. I wish i had pushed it aside back then but i kept letting it get me down and then i would eat more or not eat and the comments kept coming and so began a circle. it was only when i moved out that it changed.

    chin up girlie. you got this.

    Education is so important. Throw yourself into your studying.Maybe go to a local library if you can, to get out of the house and avoid him.

    Either way, he is looking for some sort of reaction, whether it be his way of encouraging you or if its his way of putting you down.

    register it,,, and then push it away.

    you know what youre doing.

    study hard,,
    eat healthy (you know where your calories should be)
    exercise
    and communicate with the people you love, boyfriend/sister/ mother etc

    focus on the good and keep pushing on..

    you can do it!

    here if you want to chat x
  • jetlag
    jetlag Posts: 800 Member
    Sign up for counseling and make that ugly SOB pay for it, sounds like he's partially responsible for your low self esteem. It looks like, if that is your picture, you are a lovely girl and he should be quite proud to call you his daughter. I'd be proud to have a daughter as beautiful as you. I'd love to have a daughter! This man is obviously so miserable in his own existence that the only way he can feel good about himself is to make someone else feel bad about themsellves. Ignore him, get out of his house as soon as possible and show him how wonderful you really are by making something great of your life. You are a worthy person, worthy of love, worthy of great things, worthy of praise and respect. People who try to bring you down are jealous of your acomplishments. Remember that true beauty comes from within, it is what we do, not how we look. Don't stoop to his level, and don't let his ignorance destroy your happiness.

    This!
  • Stefanny91
    Stefanny91 Posts: 223 Member
    You know some people can just be ****s!! But to be honest with you what better motivation is there than proving him wrong?! .. You WILL loose weight! Keep up teh good work hun you are in charge of your food intake not him.. maybe next time you see him eat something say "ohh eating again are you? your gunna get fatter"

    This is just a tip if you dont already keep a diary, I've kept one for years and I always find it helps me get out my anger and sadness whenever something upsets me, also its great for keeping track of your weight loss and goals, I write down my weight and my measurements so I can look back and see how well I've done!

    I hope you feel better soon *hug* xx
  • Falenea
    Falenea Posts: 263 Member
    Don't listen to the naysayers, You are doing awesome!
  • duckdani
    duckdani Posts: 30 Member
    Would he have a couple of pounds to lose himself? Jealousy can completely change a person and maybe he doesn't want you to succeed subconciously.
    It may not mean he's a bad person - but perhaps he isn't strong enough to do what you are doing right now.
    Keep doing what you are doing and when you have hit your target you can just smile back at him!
  • suiteblooms
    suiteblooms Posts: 100
    Your story makes me want to cry for you, and then as I read the comments that people have posted, I want to cry some more. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Being a teenager is SO DIFFICULT! There are so many pressures and stresses. Other people can sympathise, but no one can know exactly what you are feeling.

    I find that when I need to release my feelings and talk, often the listener doesn't know that they are the listener. They think that you need them to tell you how to solve the problem. What I think you might need is NOT people to criticize your choices, or offer "solutions" because I'm sure you would agree that the way you are feeling can't just be 'fixed'. What I need when I feel this way is someone that truly cares to just listen, and then to build me up with reassurance.

    I don't know your situation, but what you are going through with your stepdad sounds to me like mental abuse. But most people that are mentally abusing others don't even realize what they are doing. Maybe he thinks he is 'helping'. Whatever the case, it is inexcusable. It is his job to show you support, and he is doing anything but.

    There are so many people out there that have a similar story, but that have handled the pressure and the abuse by making choices that have devastated the rest of their lives. You seem to be trying to make choices that will positively impact your body and your life, and that is amazing. I'm so glad that you have set goals for yourself. You are STRONG because you are working to reach your goals. I hope that the replies to your situation have helped you to cope with it. Please try to focus on how you feel about how far you've come. Having lost 8 pounds is a spectacular start! That is WONDERFUL! Think about the positives. Are your jeans a bit looser? Have you noticed that climbing a flight of stairs is a bit easier? Celebrating the little accomplishments will make you feel good from the inside, which will make the words that others say just a bit easier to brush off. You could even pick up an 8 lb weight and carry it around for a few minutes just to have it sink in that you don't have to carry it around everywhere anymore. Keep up the hard work. Remember that you are stronger than those nasty words.
  • suiteblooms
    suiteblooms Posts: 100
    I'd drop the diet cokes and that would probably help you loose

    FYI: this type of unsolicited advice is not helpful. This young woman is trying to find someone to hear her and help her cope. She didn't ask for your opinions on specific items that she is eating.
  • anna_1991
    anna_1991 Posts: 6
    Hey please don't cry. You can only let him put you down if you are not confident. You need to be confident and not have to give anyone excuses.

    You will lose weight and show them what you are made of. The best way to lose weight is through good nutrition and exercise. Don't let him tell you that you need to starve yourself to be thin, that's just very stupid of him to say !! :noway:
    I say forgive him and move and and be happy and that will make him shut up. Big hugs to you !!

Categories